Fuggiasco
by kdc2239
Summary: Edward, homeless since age twelve is used to the gritty, hard life. Now twenty, his main goal is to make it in the world, and off the streets. What happens when a girl who seems to be broken beyond repair becomes his new shadow?
1. Chapter 1 Ain't no Rest for the Wicked

**Hey! This is my new story, Fuggiasco, I hope you all love it! **

**I have to say a big thank you to Whatobsession17 for helping me make this story grow. She also has made an awesome banner and it's posted in my profile!  
Kimmcarr and Jessypt, you two ladies are grammar queens and I bow down! I met these ladies through Project Team Beta and am so grateful that I did.  
I owe you three ladies such big thanks for taking your time and helping me make this story one that I am proud to post!**

**_WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes. _**

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_**"There ain't no rest for the wicked,**_

_**Money don't grow on trees.**_

_**I got bills to pay,**_

_**I got mouths to feed,**_

_**There ain't nothing in this world for free.**_

_**I know I can't slow down,**_

_**I can't hold back,**_

_**Though you know, I wish I could.**_

_**No there ain't no rest for the wicked,**_

_**Until we close our eyes for good".**_

_**-Cage the Elephant**_

EPOV

I'm pissed. It's two in the morning, and I'm sitting in the drizzle on the cold, hard, dirty pavement in an alley. Or should I say my current residence? I stand and kick the side of the building. There's no one else to take my anger out on, so the side of the building is taking one for the team. I smell a terrible stench, but I can't tell where it's coming from. Is it me, or all the other shit in the alley? My clothes are damp, the denim sticking to my body and rubbing me wrong, and I feel dirty. I run my hand through my hair out of habit, cringing at the grime I feel in it. My stomach is making horrific noises. I'm so hungry; I haven't eaten for two days.

I take in my familiar setting. I'm sitting behind Henry's. It's where the rich people go to drink, three stories of swanky bar. Most of the homeless avoid this area because the cops usually clear it out pretty fast. See rich people don't like the homeless; we make them uncomfortable. That's why I like to come here though. I don't have to deal with too many people and when the cops tell me to go, I go. Tonight, my strategy isn't working. Tonight I have neighbors.

My "next door" neighbor on the right, the dumpster, is housing a drunk and druggie who still has a needle in his arm. The neighbor on the left, I'm not so sure what's wrong with him, but he is currently puking all over the other poor unsuspecting bum who's sleeping under a pile of cardboard. Yes, I am homeless, but I am no bum; there's a big difference. Bums are content with their lot in life. I try to do everything I can to get out of this mess. I don't do drugs, and I didn't do shit to end up out here with the whores and druggies on the street.

A month ago, I had a job and was sharing an apartment with six other guys downtown. That only lasted for two months before I was laid off. I've been on the streets since I was twelve; not having a stable home, and being on and off the streets has been the story of my life. Now at twenty, I am still playing the same fucking game. Why did I end up on the street at twelve? Well I don't fucking talk about that. It is what it is, and I am doing everything I can to make it in this world. With no high school education, and no address or phone number, it's next to impossible.

I was working for a guy that does maintenance on all the big condo buildings around here. He's a real nice guy; his name is Mike. He doesn't judge us just because we're out here, and he tries to get to know us. He gave me and five of the other guys that were clean a chance. He set us up with an apartment; it was shitty, but I was just happy to have a place to go. I slept on the floor, and I was thrilled to do so. I was dry, clean, and full every night. Out of the six of us that he hired, two of us were honest - the rest burned him. He lost so much money from the others that ripped him off that he couldn't afford to keep me and Jake on. It was shitty and pissed me off. This is why I can't get a job, because of those fuckers that give us all a bad name. I have shitty opinions about them.

Jake, the other guy that got fucked over, is one of the only people I trust out here. I met him when I was sixteen. Tall dude, like six foot four, he's dark, must have Native American in him. He's about twenty-four, I guess, and nuttier than squirrel turd, but a decent guy nonetheless. I'm not even sure what's wrong with him; some days he's completely normal, we just hang out and bull shit. We watch out for each other and help each other get jobs, but then other times, well, like I said, he's nuts. He sometimes refers to himself as Sam, says he is the leader of the pack. Pack of what, I have no clue. On occasion when he is "Sam," I have heard him growl at people, although he hasn't done it to me yet. I just go along with it; it can be a good laugh. I feel bad for the guy though. He can't keep a job acting like that. Over the years I have learned that his family, instead of helping him, just let him live on the streets. I would think that, all he would need is a little medicine and he could lead a normal life, but I'm no fucking doctor. What do I know?

I lean my head back, feeling sick from the hunger and the horrible stench of the alley. Right when I am about to doze off. I hear pukey bum and cardboard bum fighting.

"Mother fucker, you puked all over me!" the bum under the cardboard screams. The other one is so fucked up that he doesn't even scream back. He just starts swinging blindly. With one push from cardboard bum, pukey is flat on his back, out. I stand up not wanting to listen to them anymore. I walk out of the alley and onto Burnside. It's an unusually dry night for Portland, just a drizzle. Normally it's non-stop rain here. I walk to the waterfront and turn to face the city: Portland, Oregon. It's beautiful to most that visit or live here, but if you're homeless, it's just a cage.

I turn back to face the water, the river sparkling from all of the city lights. There is a breeze making the water choppy, the boats anchored rocking from the force. The Burnside Bridge looms overhead, leading to the expanse of highway that people use to travel in and out of the city. Even though it's two in the morning, the highway is still busy. Not like at five o'clock when there is guaranteed gridlock traffic, but people are constantly traveling, coming back or forth. It is strangely silent for Portland, usually it gets pretty loud about this time when the bars close. I pause and listen to the soft noise of the waves hitting the rocks from the river, and the cars on the highway. Laughing and screaming breaks the serene silence. I look over to my right at the River Place hotel - yachts all park out in front of it. People are walking up and down the dock, leaving and entering the fancy yachts. I can see a woman in a large white dress, a wedding, I assume; the hotel is famous for their waterfront, grade-A, weddings. Their celebration will go on into the night.

As I watch, I wonder if the tux-clad men and the women in their elegant dresses have any idea of the need around them. The general consensus around here is that if you're homeless, it's because you want to be - it's bullshit really. The eight-year-old with his single mom that I gave my dinner to last night does not want this; I can promise that. Yeah, there are some out here who would rather do drugs and not work. Some have no desire to lead a productive life, but that's not the majority. There are plenty of us that want to contribute and be successful in life. Things happen and people get knocked down. Hell, some never had a chance to be knocked down; they started there.

Like I said, I've been out here, on my own since twelve. What the fuck is a twelve-year-old supposed to do? My story isn't unique as there are plenty of young kids on the street, and they're not all drunks. Sadly, most turn to crime. They see it as the only way to, not only make money, but also as a way to have protection. I'm not perfect, and I have done many things that I am ashamed of, but I learned quickly that getting involved in crime does nothing but keep you on the streets.

People say, "There are so many shelters, so many people that want to help you." Once again, bullshit. There is the Portland Mission here on Burnside. It's the most helpful shelter around here. Besides my being in school until sixth grade I also, through them, I have somewhat of an extended education, an informal one, but still. One pastor felt bad for me and tried his hardest to keep me up to speed. I'm no fucking genius, but I can write, read and do basic math; that's a lot more than most people out here. Most kids stay away though, because when you're underage, their answer is to put you into a foster home. People that have been in foster homes view them as hell on earth and would rather be on the street. For those of us who are over eighteen, you can get a hot meal once in a while and, if you're lucky, a bed. There is only so much they can do, and I don't expect anyone to carry my ass. My life is no one's responsibility but my own.

I sit on a bench just watching the water ripple on the rocks below and listening to the cheers from the wedding party. I sit thinking about tomorrow. I have to find a job by tomorrow. Someone that will hire me with no driver's license, home address, or phone number - yeah, that'll be easy. The first thing I need to do is get to the Rescue Mission early and see if I can get a shower and maybe get my clothes cleaned, while actively avoiding all the religious bullshit they try to cram down my throat every time I step in the door. I appreciate their help, and I'm glad that their God has been so kind to them, but he hasn't done shit for me.

I decide to try to get at least a couple of hours of sleep. I know that it won't be long before a cop tells me to leave. I lie down on the bench using my arm as a pillow. My mind is still reeling over tomorrow, and I am facing the fact that there is a good chance I will be on this bench again tomorrow night. I focus on the water, trying to clear my mind to get just a couple hours of sleep.

"Oh my god! Did she really go home with him?!"

"Seriously, when did she turn into such a slut?" I sit up on my bench and turn to see a group of scantily dressed girls, obviously leaving the bar after last call. They are standing right behind me and notice my presence when I sit up. All heads turn my way.

"Oh my gawd, ewww," says the one with her top on inside out, so drunk that she can barely walk. I just roll my eyes, lying back down, hoping that they will find the slut friend they're looking for so that they'll leave. I hear taping of high heels and feel a presence looming over me. I open my eyes to see bimbo number two hovering over me.

"Oh my god, I'm like, sorry about my friend, she is like, super drunk," her friend says in the most annoying valley girl lingo as possible. She's still leaning over the bench getting way too close to me.

"Super, duper drunk!" I say, in a high-pitched voice, making fun of the way she's talking. She must think she sounds cute; doesn't she know how stupid she sounds?

"Whatever, fuck you," she spits, losing her fake cutesy talk.

I don't even bother responding; I just close my eyes. Pissed off, she walks away. Soon I hear many clicks on the ground from their heels as they all walk away. I can hear them as they leave calling for their friend. No they are not calling, they are _screeching_, probably disturbing anyone in apartments nearby.

Finally, I get to a point where I am just about to sleep when I hear fucking sniffling not two feet away from me. Can no one fucking see me here, trying to sleep? I sit up again, planning to leave my bench by the river for a quieter location. As I sit up, I rub my hands over my face trying to shake the sleep off. I look to my right and see a girl sitting on the bench next to mine, crying. Fuck my life, stupid fucking drunk girls, leaving the bar and getting lost. I see it every night. I pay her no attention and walk up to the rail getting as close to the water as I can. I pull out the last cigarette that I have and try to light it up. The wind off the water is making it an almost impossible task, but I persevere and get it lit. After only my third drag on my cigarette, I hear voices behind me.

"What do we have here?" I turn to see Felix and Demetri, or Tweedledee and Tweedledum as I call them, approaching the girl on the bench. She squeezes the fancy bag she has closer to her, but it won't work; they'll get it. This is what they do: mug unsuspecting, lost partiers or tourists. They are a part of a much larger ring of thieves, if they want something they'll get it. They will also get away with it. That group knows the city better than any cop.

"Look, I think she's scared," Demetri coos in a creepy voice, running a hand through her hair. She shudders and seems to try to find conviction. She finally says, "Fuck off, leave me alone." Now it seems that she is trying to sound tough, but it comes out in a weak sob. She flashes a look to me obviously asking for help. Sorry, no can do princess. I see for the first time that she's all beat up, her face a mess of blue and purple marks, her long dark hair a mess. I can tell from here that her clothes are nice, but they're dirty. I find myself wondering what happened to her, but I stop that train of thought. Caring never works out; I have to watch out for number one. I decide that I will stick with my first theory of drunk, lost, skank; it's easier to walk away with that assumption. You don't fuck with people on the street, especially if they have a group to back them up. I've seen this a thousand times. For some reason, they get off on fucking with young girls before they mug them. I decide that I am done watching the show and start to walk away.

I only make it a couple of steps before I hear her begging. "God, please no! Take the bag, here take it, just leave me alone." I turn to see her struggling. Felix, a big motherfucker, has a hold on her, her back to his chest, and he is holding her arms behind her. Demetri, who looks like a fucking hobbit, is in front of her trying to get her shirt open.

"Fuck, please help me!" Her voice comes out in a strangled plea. She makes direct eye contact with me as she kicks her legs like a maniac at Demetri. I groan inwardly. Yeah, I'm an ass and look out for number one first, but I will never just sit and watch a woman get sexually assaulted - robbed, sure - but not this. I'm only a couple steps away, both guys are too preoccupied with their new toy to notice my advance. I think about trying to talk to them but laugh at my own stupidity. During all of my years on the street, I have never seen anyone talk it out.

So I decide to speak the language that everyone recognizes on the street, violence. I pull Demetri back by his shoulders with as much force as I can and throw him to the ground. He goes down easy because he isn't expecting the attack. Felix lets go of the drunk princess and comes at me. I lunge out of the way. He growls and comes back at me, Demetri right behind him. I turn to the girl right before Felix makes contact with me, "Run!" I yell. She does, no hesitation, and like a bat out of hell, she's gone. I spend too long watching her, as she runs away she trips and falls. I get slammed to the ground by one of the two idiots. I'm now left alone to deal with them.

I try to fight them off, but it's two against one, and one of them is much larger than I. I'm on my back, defenseless. I start swinging blindly, and I get a couple good shots in and feel my fist connect with someone's face, I'm not sure whose. For every one hit I get in, they get three. By the time a cop sees what's going on, which sends them running with her bag in hand, I'm in bad shape. Fucking drunk bitch, so much for job hunting.

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**I hope you like it!! **

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you think!! **


	2. Chapter 2 Boogie Man

**Wow! The response from last chapter blew me away! Thank you so much to everyone that read, reviewed or added me to their alert list! Huge thank you Jessypt for recommending this story and to her readers for giving it a chance. Thanks to my readers of A New Normal for giving Fuggiasco a try!**

**My Beta's**

**I have to say thank you to Whatobsession17 for holding my hand through all of this and giving me awesome tips along the way!  
Kimmcarr for trying to cure me of my comma allergy and "that" obsession ;)  
Jessypt for her awesome ideas on how to expand each part of this story.**

**I would be lost without you awesome ladies, thank you so much for your time, support and for catching all of my grammar flubs! 3**

The Portland Rescue Mission is a real place in Portland that does awesome outreach to the local people in need. I am somewhat familiar with the Mission, but have made my own policies and what not to fit this work of fiction.

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**Warning!**  
**This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.**

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_**This whole world is cold and ugly**_

_**What we are is low and lovely**_

_**I am the most beautiful boogie man**_

_**The most beautiful boogie man**_

_**Let me be your favorite nightmare**_

_**Close your eyes and i'll be right there**_

_**-Mos Def**_

EPOV

"Man, what the fuck happened to your face?" Jake asks as I walk up to the mission. I'm hoping to at least get breakfast.

"Nothing. Not compared to what'll happen when they all gang up on me," I reply.

"Eric?" he asks.

I laugh at him. "No, you think that douche could do this to me?" Eric's just another kid out here. He's about seventeen, I would guess. He hasn't been in Portland long, and thinks he can fight his way through anything.

"No, uh... I got into it with Demetri and Felix," I say quietly.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Those guys have a whole gang that's gonna come after our asses now!" Out of everything he said, all I heard was "our asses," not "your ass". See like I said, Jake's a good friend; there aren't many of those out here. Still though, his screaming isn't helping the jackhammer going off in my head.

"Seriously Edward, what could have been important enough to get involved with them?"

He's pissed, and I don't blame him. You don't want to piss off the wrong people out here. Jake and I usually try to fly under the radar. People know who we are, but we keep to ourselves. If you're not a threat to anyone, people leave you alone for the most part. I kept Demetri and Felix from getting what they wanted last night, so they will now perceive me as a threat to them.

"I know," I sigh in frustration, grabbing a handful of my still nasty hair. "I was just trying to get some sleep last night," I pause. "Where have you been anyway?" Not that Jake and I hang out every night, but he's been MIA for over a week now. He shrugs, making it clear to me that he doesn't know where he's been, which means _Sam_ has been out to play. I let it go, not wanting him to feel bad over what he can't control.

"Anyway, I was trying to sleep, and they were stealing this girl's bag-"

"So what! What do you care!" he cuts me off.

"Well fucker, you didn't let me finish. They were stealing her bag, and I was walking away 'cause I didn't care," I say pointedly. "But then they tried to... rape her." I don't need to say anymore. Jake goes stiff. We share very little of our personal stories, but one thing I do know is that the only person that ever loved Jake and tried to help him was his sister, Rachel. She was raped and murdered when Jake was fifteen.

"They didn't do it, did they?" he asks. I shake my head and let him know that I stopped it before it could get that far.

"Ok, well good then." That's all he says then he walks toward the entry of the mission. I feel like shit for bringing up a sore subject and follow him in.

The mission is packed with bodies. They separate the men from the women and children here, for good reason. Women aren't safe on the street from attacks that happen, like last night. If women are out here long enough they learn to start charging for what will be taken from them anyway. If you ask me, it's the sickest part of life on the street.

"Edward, you haven't been in here in days." When I turn to face the person saying my name she stops in her tracks. Her breath catches in her throat. "Oh poor dear, what in heaven's name happened to you?"

It's Miss Elizabeth. She's an older woman who has volunteered here forever; I've known her since I was twelve. She has the smallest frame, not even shoulder height to me, and looks very weak, "Mother Teresa like", but don't let that fool you. I've seen her put the roughest men on the street in their place.

"Uh, you know," I shrug. She doesn't expect an answer; she never gets one.

"C'mon, you are a filthy mess," she says, grabbing my arm in one hand, holding her nose with the other dramatically. I chuckle at her antics, but wince at the pain that shoots through my arm; it's bruised from the fight. She drags me to the back, to the employee only section. When the rest of the volunteers start shouting at her that I can't be back there she turns and flips them the bird. See, Miss Elizabeth does what she wants. She takes me back to the food prep area; it looks like a bomb hit it.

"Sit," she commands, pointing to a stool, and I do. "You missed breakfast by an hour, we had a rush this morning and were out like that," she says with a snap of her fingers. She reaches into the fridge and pulls out a little lunch bag and hands it to me. I shake my head. She knows I won't take her personal food. Since I have been homeless, I have never begged; my pride won't let me.

"The hell you won't! You go missing for days, worry a lil' old lady to death, and then refuse her request? I don't think so mister." I suppress a grin, and shyly take the bag. She's one hard old bird to turn down. In the bag there's a huge sandwich, an apple and chips. My stomach growls at the sight of it.

"Thank you," I say softly. She just nods and makes herself busy, knowing I don't want to be watched while I eat. I inhale the food, barely tasting it I'm so hungry. Miss Elizabeth walks back up to me, throwing an apron at me. It's yellow, with red and green apples on it. Next she tosses a pair of blue doctor scrub pants my way. I look at her, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh knock that off; you are in no position to be picky young man. Put those on. I'll clean your clothes, even though they should be burned." I laugh a real laugh. Miss Elizabeth is the grandma that everyone wants but no one is lucky enough to get. She turns away, and I strip down and put the ridiculous outfit on. I feel like a cheap porn star with my nipples sticking out of the sides of the apron.

"Ok, done," I say, letting her know she can turn around.

"My heavens boy, hide those little peckers," she says with a laugh, trying to stretch the apron to cover my exposed nipples. I can feel myself blushing.

"I will just be down the hall doing the wash; you get busy on this room," she says, handing me a broom that has definitely seen better days. I grab the broom and get to work immediately, grateful for her help.

She leaves the room and I get busy. The space is trashed. It's a narrow, long room with sinks on one side, a long counter on the other. After sweeping the floor, I get to work on the counters. My whole body aches as I work. I have yet to look at the damage done from the fight, but my ribs scream in protest with every move I make. Without the barrier of my clothing I can smell the stench coming off of me. This is when I feel my lowest, when I can't even bathe. You can hide being hungry and poor, but you can't hide being dirty. I need an ego boost wherever I can get it, so I work extra hard on the room wanting to impress Miss E. I don't even know why, but I just wanted her to know that I'm not a fuck up and can do a good job.

About twenty minutes later Miss Elizabeth comes back in and gasps. I turn quickly thinking something is wrong.

"Oh my, you work fast! You saved these old bones from hours of clean up," she says with a big smile. I get a surge of pride from my job well done.

"Your clothes are in the dryer. Go jump in the showers and clean up; they should be ready when you're out."

"Thanks," I say. She nods giving me a warm smile, squeezing my arm as I walk out. I know she knows that I am thanking her for more than lunch and the clean clothes. It's not often that someone shows a person like me true kindness, and I truly appreciate her.

I go into the community bathroom. I ignore the few lingerers in there from the night before; we'll all be kicked out soon. The Mission is for emergency needs, not a hang out. I look in the mirror, it being the first one I've seen in days. I'm appalled by my own reflection. I look like I've been living with farm animals. Dirt and dried blood caked everywhere, even in my ears. My face looks like shit. Tweedledee and Tweedledum sure as hell did a number on me. My right eye is half swollen shut, my lip is split and the whole right side of my face is bruised. I untie the apron and see that my chest and back match my face with black and blue marks all over. I fold and put my snazzy outfit on the counter and climb in the stall. The water isn't hot, but it's warm. Fuck, I feel so gross; at this point I would take a shower in ice water if I had to.

The warm water feels so nice on my aching body. I milk the shower as long as I can, not knowing when I'll get another. Hearing no more voices in the room I decide to take care of another need that hasn't been attended to in a while. I grab my shaft thinking of anything I can for inspiration. Every time I get the perfect tits in my mind's eye, they disappear, and I see the drunk bitch from last night, causing me to lose my hard on immediately. I have to be honest with myself. I lose it because for one, I really don't think she was drunk at all. I think she was in need of help that no one was willing to offer. Two, the situation is nothing to be turned on by. Anyone who wants to violate a woman is a sick fuck; that's one thing I learned in my first twelve years of civilization. After five attempts, I give up. I'm grateful to be clean and climb out. I choose not to take one of the old towels knowing that Miss Elizabeth will be the one to have to clean it. I don't want her to have to do more work on my account.

I shake off like a fucking dog the best I can before using the apron to dry me fully. I slip the scrub pants on and walk out to find Miss Elizabeth, not bothering with the apron. It hides nothing anyway. When I round the corner I come in contact with something that slams against my chest.

"Mother fucker!" I scream, pain radiating through my whole body.

"Oh my god, I wasn't looking where I was going. I'm so sorry, are you ok?"

I know that voice. I look down and see none other than the drunk- ok I guess not drunk- princess, still in the same outfit from last night, still beat up.

"You," I seethe. My anger is irrational. It's not her fault she was attacked, but I'm pissed that my face is too beat to shit for anyone to want to hire me. Her big brown eyes are pleading for me to understand, to not be angry with her. I take a good look at her. She's too thin, dirty and bruised. Most will assume she's homeless, but I know better. Her clothes are dirty, but still very high quality, as was the bag she was carrying last night. Her hair is a mess, but I can still tell that it's been well taken care of until recently. She's so pale, and her hair is almost black it's so dark. She has a beauty about her. I push all of this aside, when I remember the beating I went through because of her.

"Oh my god, it's you. Oh no, you got hurt," she says softly. I lift my arm to lean against the wall, and she recoils, bringing a hand up to protect her face. She blushes red through her bruises when she realizes what she just did. A rush of anger flows through me when I think of the possibilities of how those bruises could have gotten there. Once again I convince myself that I don't care how they got there.

"Well thank god you're here to point out the obvious," I say rudely.

"I understand that you're mad, but thank you... for what you did." She doesn't deserve my hostility, but I can't help it.

"Yeah, a lot of good it did me." I decide that I don't give a fuck what her story is. I just want my damn clothes so I can get away. I don't want to worry about someone other than myself, and I haven't in years.

Right when I go to step around her one of the male shelter workers comes around the corner. "I told you, you can't be here; you missed the food. This is the men's side anyway. Leave. Come back tomorrow and try again."

She shrinks and just nods. Tears spring in her eyes. She wraps her arms around her chest. She looks like she is holding herself together, like she may crumble at any moment. I see her exit the building, the light from outside bursting in the room when the door is opened and disappearing when it closes.

"You, get dressed and head out too." I just nod. I know I'm here past morning hours. I find Miss Elizabeth in the prep room neatly folding my clothing for me. I feel guilt speed through my veins. Someone is showing me kindness even when I chose not to show it to someone who so obviously could have used some.

"My goodness, Edward," she gasps when she sees the extent of the injuries on my chest and back. Embarrassed I quickly put my shirt on and then my jacket, they smell like fucking heaven and sunshine. I will never take clean clothes for granted. I notice that she also sewed the holes that were in the seams of my shirt. I head back to the bathroom with the little pack of deodorant, shaver, toothbrush and toothpaste that she gave me to finish getting ready. When I go back to thank her one last time, she's holding another paper bag out to me.

"No Miss E, you've done more than enough." I refuse to take advantage of her kindness.

"Take it, and if you don't want it, give it to someone who does," she insists. Once again the guilt of not being kind flows freely. I can't argue with her, I take the bag.

When I make it a block down the street heading back to the river, I feel someone following me. I turn and see "the princess" behind me. She thinks I don't see her, so I continue on my way with her not far behind. I go to the same bench I was laying on last night and can just feel her hovering in the background.

"You can't just fucking follow me around like a goddamn lost puppy," I say, not even turning to face her. I hear her sharp intake of breath; she knows she's been caught. I remember then how shitty I felt when she left the shelter. I turn to face her.

"Do you love the view of the back of my head, or would you like to come have a seat?" I don't wait for her to answer. I turn my attention back to the river, but from the corner of my eye, I can see her slowly creeping my way; inch by inch like a scared kitten. After what seems like a century, she sits as far away from me as she can, half of her ass off the bench.

We sit in silence just watching the boats pass by. I decide to break the silence after a while.

"You're not from here," I state. I see her whole body stiffen. I turn to face her completely, and she's nervously looking over her shoulder.

"Yes, I am," she says barely above a whisper. There's no conviction in her voice.

"You're a terrible liar. No, you're not from here." She lets out a sigh but doesn't argue.

"So what's your deal?" I ask leaning forward on my knees, the quick movement causing her to jump and almost fall off the damn bench.

"Jumpy much?" I say. She just lets out a nervous laugh. Once again I feel the anger rising when I wonder why the fuck she is so jumpy. Silence ensues. She makes no effort to converse, just keeps looking over her shoulder. I just sit with her, actually enjoying the silent company.

"Are you hungry?" At the word hungry her head snaps up. She doesn't answer.

"Here," I say pushing the bag towards her, slowly, not wanting to scare her again.

"No, I can't, you've done so much already," she says while wringing her hands in her lap. Her stomach growls, loudly, giving her away. I look at her and we both laugh.

"Listen, when's the last time you ate?" I ask softly trying to take a different approach.

"Uh Sunday." Fuck, its Tuesday.

"Eat. I just ate at the shelter." She eyes me and there are questions dancing in her expression.

"Please." I add softly and give her my best smile. She hesitantly reaches for the bag, and smiles as she pulls the sandwich out. I give her the same respect that Miss Elizabeth gave me, and keep my eyes on the water. I let her eat in peace.

"Thank you, again," she says with a nervous laugh. She's done with her meal. I just smile at her, refusing to let myself say anything else nasty to her. For the next few hours she says nothing, nor do I. We sit gazing at the water, and every once in a while she looks over her shoulder. I decide sitting there that she really is beautiful; her features are soft, and she has kind eyes when they're not wild and scared. I force myself to turn away from her. I don't want to be caught staring, even though she's doing the same thing in my direction. When the sun starts to set and the rain starts up, I decide to find shelter not wanting my clean clothes to get soaked.

"Well good luck," I say standing up. She's startled.

"Oh... uh... you too... Thanks again." There's so much sadness in her voice. I hesitate for a moment then walk away, deciding she isn't my responsibility, and she'll be fine on her own. I walk away not even knowing her name; trying to convince myself that I don't care.

I go about a mile from the river to where I commonly sleep when it rains. It's two old buildings so close together that their roofs are almost touching, and it keeps the rainfall out. I am surprised it isn't crowded. The cops must have done a recent raid. I get comfortable placing my new deodorant and toothbrush in my front pocket with my hand on them; so I'll feel if anyone tries to take them while I'm sleeping. I doze off quickly, exhausted from the night before. I'm not asleep for more than five minutes when I hear soft crying.

"This is not happening," I moan to myself, gently pounding my head on the wall that I am leaning against.

I stand, not able to ignore it, and look for the owner of the tears. Big shock, Princes- fuck, I need to find a new name for her. After spending the afternoon with her, whoever she is, I can't call her that anymore. She's sitting outside of the ally, her knees curled up to her chest; she's soaked and softly crying into them. I touch her shoulder softly, and she screams at the top of her mother fucking lungs.

"Jesus Christ! Do you want the cops to think I'm doing something to you! Fuck!"

"Oh god! I'm sorry! You scared me," she says standing up, wiping her face, and looking like a drowned, skittish kitten.

"Yeah, well it's not fucking hard to do." She doesn't disagree with me, just hangs her head. I'm getting wet so I step back into my dry haven.

"C'mon!" I shout in her direction. Later, rather than sooner, she shyly turns the corner and comes dripping in. She slides down the wall and resumes her position of hugging her knees; she's shivering. Shit. She's gonna be so fucking sick if she sleeps in wet clothes in this northwest weather. I was raised as a gentleman, until I was twelve, so I can't help what I do next.

"Take your shirt off," I say walking towards her. Her eyes go wide, she starts to whimper crawling up the wall backwards, I replay my words back to myself, and realize the mistake I made. I quickly step away from her.

"For fuck's sake, I didn't mean it like that. You can't sleep in wet clothing. Calm down; I'm not gonna hurt you. Fuck, I'm not even gonna come near you. I'll toss you my coat, and turn around, change into it, and let me know when it's safe to turn back." She doesn't respond, but sits her ass back down on the pavement. I slowly take my coat off and toss it to her. She sits like a wet noodle and lets it hit her in the face. I chuckle and she shoots me a playful scowl. _Wow maybe she does have a personality_. I turn to face the wall. I can hear her rustling behind me; after a few minutes, I hear her softly tell me that it's safe to turn around.

I turn and see something that I'm not expecting to. She's wearing nothing but my fucking coat; instant boner. She's squirming under my gaze so I quickly look away. The coat goes to her mid thigh so it's not like she's showing much, it's just a surprising sight. Her creamy long legs- fuck, I have to stop thinking like this about her. She's obviously the last girl that is looking for that kind of attention. I walk towards her, and she instantly panics again. I decide that it's best to tell her everything I do before I do it.

"Calm down. I'm gonna walk over, get your clothes, and hang them on the stairs to dry," I say pointing to the fire escape on one of the buildings. She nods, and I move forward. I get her clothing all gathered up and go to hang them. They are fucking sopping wet and will probably not be all the way dry by the morning. I turn and she's still standing by the entrance of the alley. She's holding her middle again as if she may fall apart.

"I'm gonna sit down right here to sleep." I point to a spot toward the back of the alley. "It would be best for you to sit on this side of me." I say pointing to the back wall where she would be between me and the wall; not giving her an easy escape. "That way if someone comes in, they won't mess with you, I'll hear them. Plus the wind isn't as bad back here." She eyes me for a long while. I assume she is trying to decide if I am tricking her or not. I decide to just sit down and let her take as long as she wants to choose where she wants to sleep. Not too long after she walks over in my direction. She keeps her back pressed against the opposite wall to stay far away from me. Her sneakers making a sloshing sound with every step she takes. She makes it on the opposite side of me, and slides down the wall keeping as much space between us as she can. She tucks her legs up into my coat; stretching it the fuck out I'm sure. I let out a breath, I'm holding, glad to be able to settle down for the night.

After a while, I think she's asleep, that is until I hear her voice barely a whisper above the rain pounding overhead.

"Thank you... for everything. You didn't have to help me, but you have." I turn my head to her. I see silent tears stream down her face. _What the fuck happened to this broken girl?_

"What's your name?" I ask. She looks shocked by my simple question. I decide to go first. "My name is Edward, Edward Masen."

"Uh I'm Jes... Jessica." She looks around nervously. She zeroes in on an old "Swans Food" delivery box abandoned in the alley. "Jessica Swan."

"Well, Jessica Swan, you are one shitty liar," I say with a laugh. Her lie is so absurd that she laughs with me. I like the sound of her laugh, and she looks beautiful having that scared mask she wears gone for a moment; so I try again.

"Jessica Swan," I say appraisingly. "You're not related to a Jessica Rabbit by chance are you?"

She laughs, loud this time; the sound warms my now coatless body.

I start to fall asleep after our short conversation. Right before I pass out for the night, I hear her say, "Bella." I open my eyes and look at her. We make direct eye contact for the first time since she was begging me to save her.

"My name, it's Bella... still Swan for now though," she adds with a shy giggle. She closes her eyes, and I do the same. Right before I'm gone into a dreamless bliss I say groggily, "I won't hurt you Bella."

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**I hope you all like it! Edward's and Bella's past will come out, but it will take some time :)  
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**See you next Monday :)**


	3. Chapter 3 Careful Where You Stand

**Thank you to everyone that reads this story and adds it to their alerts! A special thank you to those that take the time to review, it means so much! **

**Whatobsession17, Kimmcarr, and Jessypt, thank you so so much for all the time you've put into this story! Couldn't do it without you ladies!  
**

**SM owns all the characters of Twilight... I just took their homes away **

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I am safe, when I am with you **_

_**And I feel warm, If you want me too **_

_**I am cured, when I'm by your side **_

_**I'm alright **_

_**Careful where you stand, My love **_

_**Careful where you lay your head **_

_**It's true we're always looking out for one another**_

_**- Coldplay**_

EPOV

It's been three weeks since I acquired my new shadow, three very long weeks. She seems so alone and scared. I can't bring myself to tell her to leave me alone, even though some days I want to. The past three weeks, the days and nights, have gone just like the first day that I met her. Bella is skittish and scared. Every move I make in her direction causes her to flinch and cower. Every minute that she's not preoccupied she's looking over her shoulder. It's like she's just waiting for someone to come get her. She has become attached to me, not willing to even talk to anyone else, not that she talks to me much.

For the first two weeks she barely said anything to me. Just this week she's starting to speak up if she needs something, or if she has a question. It's progress. In her sleep though, the girl won't shut up. It's annoying at times because she keeps me up. I just keep hoping that she will give away some clues as to what's going on with her during her sleep-talk. She has done everything from cry, plead, beg for help and have full conversations in a different language in her sleep. Most nights, she speaks this other language. I'm not sure, but if I were to guess, I'd say it's Italian. I haven't brought this up to her, but plan to soon.

I finally convinced her to talk to Miss Elizabeth two weeks ago. Since talking to Miss Elizabeth, she'll go to the Mission to shower and have her clothes washed, as long as I stay and wait for her. She seems terrified to be alone. That's where she is right now, showering. I'm outside sitting on the curb waiting for her to finish.

I keep questioning Bella, trying to figure out how she ended up out here. I know she wasn't homeless before this. She knows nothing of street life, that much is obvious. My curiosity has been killing me though, so I keep asking questions. She just clams up, not willing to talk at all. After the first week I stopped asking. Even though I can't get her to open up, it seems that she feels safe with me. A few people have tried to bug her since she has been with me; I've stepped in every time. Like I said before, women aren't safe out here. Even though no one has tried to force her again, men have propositioned her for sex or come to me like I'm her pimp. That shit doesn't fly with me, and my fists hitting their faces let them know that.

Demetri, Felix and their gang tried to give us shit a few times. Jake and I even got into a pretty big fight with them last week, but as of now they have let us be. As I sit here and think, I realize that I have put my neck out there more times for her in the past three weeks than I have for anyone else in my whole life. I'm not sure why I feel the need to protect her, but I do. It bothers me that I've managed to grow somewhat attached to her in these past three weeks. I'm not used to these feelings, and I'm not so sure what my next move should be. I just know that I need to get her to talk to me. She's scared and untrusting of other people; she can't even hide her reactions.

When Bella met Jake the first time, I thought she was going to piss her pants. He's a big motherfucker, but harmless as far as she is concerned. Jake hung out with us at lest five times before I could get her to understand that he will not hurt her. Still every time he comes around, she hides herself behind me. He really hasn't been around much anyway, so mostly it's just me and my shadow, Bella.

During the day, I feel like I'm talking to myself. Mostly we sit by the waterfront and I talk. Talk about music, people that I know out here, the job that I so desperately want to get, Miss Elizabeth, anything to fill up the silence really. She adds a little more to the conversation each day but mostly, she listens. I find myself trying to make her laugh, trying to keep her from looking over her shoulder for the bogey man that seems to be after her. I've fought everyone that has tried to hurt her, but I can't fight something that I know nothing about. I let my head rest on my knees; I'm tired of thinking about this.

I feel like I have been waiting for her forever when I feel her presence next to me and lift my head. I can't help but notice how pretty she looks. Her face and hair freshly washed, her clothes smell clean. She has a soft smile on her face that makes her look innocent and sweet. Her bruises have pretty much healed, leaving her pale skin unmarked, except for a few scars that seem like they will be permanent fixtures on her otherwise flawless face.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Hey, you feel better?" I ask.

"Yeah, a lot better; feels good to get cleaned up." I just nod in agreement.

"River?" I ask. She nods, and we stand to make the mile walk to the waterfront that has quickly become _our_ place. We sit on the bench that has become familiar to us over the past three weeks. I notice that she sits on the bench fully, unlike last week when she had half of her ass hanging off to keep space between us.

It's a grey, overcast, cold day. Bella is wearing a sweatshirt that the mission gave her when her shirt was too ripped to be sewn up. She pulls at the sleeves and she crosses her arms. She brings her feet up on the bench and hugs her knees. She intently watches the water as a rowing team practices; they glide gracefully by. Every few minutes, she looks over her shoulder.

"Do you like the water?" I ask, not able to stand the silence anymore. She shrugs; I look at her, willing her to talk. Finally, she does.

"I...uh haven't really swam before, but I do like looking at the water. It's peaceful."

"It is," I agree. I don't ask her about her history and the lack of swimming. I have learned if I get personal at all she clams up. I want to save those questions for something more important than swimming.

"Do...you...you know," she says motioning toward the river. I wait; she needs to start talking more. A few seconds later, she finally finishes her sentence.

"Do you like the water?" It was quiet but, once again, progress.

"I do. I used to swim a lot. Sometimes in the summer it gets warm enough to swim here; maybe you'll have a chance to learn." I don't offer to teach her, because I plan to be far away from the streets by then.

We spend a while in silence. I want to try to get her to open up about her past. I decide that now is as good as a time as any. I turn my body to face her; she looks at me questioningly. I pick out one of her scars on her face; the one above her left eyebrow looks like it was the most brutal so I start there. I lift my hand slowly, bringing it to her face. As usual, she flinches as if I am going to backhand her. I pause so that she can see that I mean her no harm. Once she relaxes a little I move my hand forward and gently trace the scar with my finger. She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, obviously nervous to have me this close.

"How did you get that?" I ask.

She just stares at me, never answering. I move to a scar by her ear, and again trace it with my finger.

"How about this one?" I ask.

She responds so quietly that I can barely hear her. "The shower."

"The shower?" I question.

"Yes, I am...really klutzy." She lets out a nervous laugh and shakes her head. "I'm sure you've noticed." I have; she falls over thin air.

"I slipped in the shower when I was, I dunno, probably ten and landed on the shelf in the shower," she says, pointing to the scar. I am a little shocked at her answer, how easy it comes out. It's the most information she has given about herself. I stop, realizing that everything I have asked in these past weeks has been about her current situation, it seems that she doesn't seem to mind talking about the past as much. I decide to test my theory and try again. There is a scar on the right side of her top lip; again, I slowly trace it.

"This one? How did this one happen?" I ask. Her eyes fill with tears, and she shakes her head unwilling to speak. I feel bad; I don't like to see her cry.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what has happened to you, but I am so sorry that it did." It's true, and it's the most honest thing I have ever said. I hate whoever has broken this girl. She looks up and a tear escapes her eye; she quickly brushes it away.

"Thank you," she says. I just nod. I assume the conversation is over and return my attention back to the water. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her hand coming across the bench. I feel her finger on my cheek. She touches a scar that I have had for years.

"This one?" she asks. This is the first time she's touched me, and it is doing crazy things to me. Her fingers are so soft against my skin. I fight the feelings, not wanting to get any deeper in this complicated mess. I clear my throat and attempt to clear my head then answer her.

"When I was fifteen, this older kid, he...uh...was trying to steal my shoes. I wouldn't give them up without a fight, and he pulled a knife on me." She gasps. When things like this happen it proves to me that she is't homeless. Stolen shoes and knife fights are nothing out here; if that makes her gasp, then I'd better keep the other stories to myself.

"Did he?" she asks.

"Did he what?"

"Steal them... your shoes?" I laugh; I tell her about a knife fight that I was in and she asks about the damn shoes.

"Yeah, he did." I decide I don't want to talk about it anymore, so I ask her the question that I have wanted to ask all this time.

"Bella." She looks my direction. "What are you running from?" She tenses and turns away, but I continue on. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad. I'm sure your parents are worried." She laughs bitterly but doesn't face me. I say nothing, giving her space and time. After a while she turns to me.

"What about you, what are you running from?" She asks demandingly. I am instantly on the defensive. This is a new side to her that she hasn't shown yet. I don't talk about my past. Jake knows the most and that's not very much.

"I'm not running from anything Bella," I say sternly, so that she knows the subject is closed.

"So is that what you think? I'm a spoiled brat that ran away from my parents?" She's pissed; I've never heard her sound so forceful. I'm not sure why she is so upset.

"You don't know anything, Edward. Nothing," she says, crossing her arms, her body language shutting me out completely.

"So tell me," I plead. "You have been following me for weeks, and you've given me nothing. You're right; I know nothing," I say feeling frustrated and exasperated.

"Do you want me to leave? I understand if you do Edward. I appreciate everything you have done, but I can't... not now. Maybe someday, maybe I will be able to tell you, but not now. If you want me to go though... I understand." Her voice has softened; the anger has passed. Do I want her to go? I know I should say yes; my life would be so much less complicated. The truth is though, no, I don't want her to go.

"No, I don't want you to go. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to understand." It's the truth.

"I know, but I just... I can't," she says, unwilling to look at me. I don't push her again. I'm

glad I asked though. She was forceful and said more than two words. I hope that from this point on she comes out of her shell around me.

It's getting dark and starts to rain. We go by the Mission to see if there are any beds left. They say they can take Bella, but not me. That's fine, I don't mind; I would rather her have the bed.

"I'll meet you back here tomorrow morning," I say as I turn to leave.

"No!" She all but shouts. I turn to see what's wrong.

"I'm not staying if you aren't. I want to stay with you." I'm not surprised, and honestly, I wasn't looking forward to spending the night alone. I hate to admit it, but I have gotten used to her company. I walk away, knowing she will follow me. I decide to go to back to the place we stayed the first night. When I get there, I'm disappointed to see that there are three other people already in the alley. It's raining too hard to go somewhere else at this point, so we're just going to have to deal with neighbors.

I step into the alley, and Bella is right behind me. When she sees the three men, she stiffens. The reasons I can think of as to why men would frighten her so much make me see red. I push those thoughts aside, deciding that we need to be settled for the night. I step in and don't feel her presence behind me. I turn to see her frozen at the mouth of the alley. She's scared shitless to be around these men, but we can't get soaked tonight; this will have to do. I wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her close to me. I'm unsure as to how she'll react. I expect the worst, but hope that she will find some comfort in my protection. She gasps and stiffens, looking at me shocked. Quickly though, she relaxes and leans into me. We make our way to the back of the alley, and one of the assholes makes a fucking catcall at her. She stiffens and leans into me more.

"Shut the fuck up," I spit at him. He mutters a "whatever" but doesn't bother us.

The only open space is between two of the men; I don't like it. I always try to give myself an out in case I need one. Having Bella with me is making me more paranoid than usual. I eye the men warily. I recognize two of them as harmless bums who have been on the streets of Portland for as long as I can remember. The third, the fucker that made the catcall at Bella, I've never seen him before. His presence makes me nervous.

We slide down the wall, and Bella quickly scoots away from me. I don't expect her to dive into my arms, but I was hoping that some ice was broken. We don't talk, both of us nervous about our company. I hide it from her though, wanting her to sleep. I lean over and whisper to her.

"I know them; it's fine. Sleep." She looks at me, I see trust in her eyes, she nods closing her eyes. It was a lie though. I don't know the jerk sitting across from me, and he's making me nervous. His eyes are glued on Bella; I don't fucking like it. I decide at that moment that I will not be sleeping tonight. I can't take the chance of anyone hurting her.

It must be hours later that I am slapping my face, trying to stay awake. The fucker across from me is waking up every so often and immediately looking to see if I am awake. Every time I am, and am staring the motherfucker in the eye.

About an hour later Bella starts to stir. She has had nightmares often; sometimes, she screams and cries. I usually just ignore her, or wake her up. I pray that she doesn't have one tonight, we don't need any attention on us. She's starting to shake and mumble; the talking will start soon. If she wakes these bums up they will be pissed, and I am not trying to fight tonight. I reach my hand over and smooth her hair, nervous, not knowing how she will react to my touch. She calms a little, leaning into my hand. Not too long later she starts in again, this time louder, she sounds like she is pleading.

"No, please, no! Mi dispiace! Si prega di lasciarmi andare!" Fuck she is speaking the other language again. What the hell am I supposed to do if I can't even fucking understand her? I look over, and the man to my right is stirring. I decide that I have to do something to calm her down, keep her quiet. I reach over and smooth her hair again.

"Shhhh it's ok, I'm here. Bella, calm down." I continue to stroke her hair and her face softly. She not only calms but also shifts and lays her head on my chest wrapping one arm around my waist. I'm in shock and hope that she doesn't freak out when she wakes up like this. After a few minutes she starts in again.

"Shhhh, it's ok," I say, running my hand up and down her back.

"Mmm, Edward," she sighs in her sleep. Fuck. What am I getting myself into? I'm in way too deep with this girl. I sit against the wall gently pounding my head against it.

For the next hour or so, the nightmares seem to stop. She mumbles nonsense once in a while and keeps repeating the word "Aiutatemi". I decide that I have to know what she is saying.

When the sun just barely starts to rise, the man that I don't know, the one that has been staring at Bella, gets up and leaves. As he leaves, he shoots me a dirty look and flips me off. I decide that since he's gone, and Bella is safe in my arms, I will try to get a couple hours of sleep. I repeat what Bella says in her sleep over and over, the words sounding so desperate, so sad. "Aiutatemi".

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**The Italian phrases might give you tiny clues... ;) **

**See you next Monday! **

**Please review and let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4 Voices of Violence

**Thanks so much to everyone who reads and puts this story on alerts! A special thank you to those that take a second to review, it means so much. Also to those who have pimped this story out, you guys rock! **

**Big thanks to Whatobsession, Kimmcarr and Jessypt for all their hard work on this chapter and this story! I would be seriously lost without these awesome ladies. **

**Salix caprea made a twilighted forum, jump over and check it out! The link is on my profile!**

**SM owns Twilight... I just took their houses away**

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

**Violence in this chapter... continue with caution.**

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_Don't wait for a knight in shining armor_

_Your savior's reflected in the mirror_

_These flowers have grown from blood stains on the ground_

_Go rake the leaves off your grass and my grave_

_The fact is everyone bleeds when they shave_

_Theres no use, so don't deny we're just the same_

_We'll take it back..._

_Broken dagger, southern swagger_

_Voices of violence, Voices of violence_

_-Billy Talent _

**EPOV**

"Well, what now?" she asks, her soft voice breaking the silence. We're, once again, sitting by the waterfront. It's a stormy day, and the angry looking dark clouds are threatening to open and soak us at any given moment. We spent last night soaking wet; our clothes are still not dry today. The Mission fills up fast when the weather is shitty, and we were unable to secure any beds for the past three nights. I'm used to living in the elements, but it's obvious that Bella is not. Even though I'm uncomfortable and being in wet clothing all day is unpleasant, I can tell that Bella can hardly bear it anymore.

"What do you mean 'what now?' What do you expect me to do?" I ask, a little irritated. She recoils from the harshness of my voice and silence ensues. Although she's never implied that I am, I feel responsible for her. I feel that I'm failing her every minute she sits in her freezing-wet clothing. My feelings of failure are turning into anger, although I don't mean to take it out on her when I do. The longer we sit without saying anything, the guiltier I feel. I feel bad for snapping at her, but say nothing to correct my behavior.

It's been a week since our night in the alley, the night she clung to me, speaking Italian in her sleep. I have yet to ask her what she was saying, but plan to, soon. I just think she may be more open to talking when she's not wet and miserable. She woke up shocked in the position she was in, laying on my chest. She almost jumped up and ran from the alley, that is, until she saw the other men. When she registered their presence, she tightened her grip around my waist. I won't lie and say I didn't like it, because I did. The fact that I like her company and that she looks to me to take care of her, scares the shit out of me.

The douche bag that was catcalling Bella in the alley that night has continued to hang around. The asshole calls himself James, and seems to end up around us wherever we go; I don't like it. He approaches Bella every chance he gets - while I'm showering in the Mission, or if I step away to take a piss. Whenever I leave her alone for a second, he's there. He gets in her space and tries to get her to go with him. He never speaks a word to me, just stares at her non-stop. He's skeevy and freaks Bella the fuck out. I've told him to fuck off every time he's come around, but the shit head can't seem to get a clue. A couple of days ago, I tried to start a fight with him when he actually tried to touch Bella. I would've gone through with it, I only stopped because Bella was pleading for me to not fight him. I don't know if he's mental or just a creep, but as long as I'm around he isn't getting close to her.

I look over at her. She's in her normal position, her knees tucked up, arms hugging them; she's shaking.

"You're cold," I state. She turns her head to face me but says nothing as her bottom lip quivers. Conversation has gotten better between us, but she still seems more comfortable in silence. She also hasn't given up any information on how she ended up out here.

As we sit in silence, I try to think of a place I can take her so she can get and stay dry. There is a big camp under the bridges that's covered, but it's well known for its drug dealing and crime. Without Jake around, I have no chance of keeping Bella safe on my own.

Jake has been missing for two weeks now. It's not that unusual, but 'Sam' has been known to get him into trouble. It would be nice to have him around as an extra set of eyes. I seem to be getting hardly any sleep since Bella has been following me around, staying awake to make sure that no one fucks with her.

There's another shelter about five miles away. It's much smaller than the Mission, and I doubt they have any space left. It's getting dark quickly and drops of water start to fall from the sky; before I can even make a decision on what to do, the fucking heavens open up and poor down on us.

"Fuck!" I shout, grabbing a fist full of my hair. I'm beyond frustrated and really don't want to spend another night out here in the rain. I start pacing in front of the bench that Bella is sitting on. Her body language tells me that my shouting is scaring the fuck out of her. Her brows are knitted together and she looks as though she is trying to melt into the bench. Water is getting in her eyes and dripping off of her nose.

"C'mon," I say as I head toward an awning on one of the buildings across from the river. She scrambles after me. Always doing what I do, always following my lead. I would never admit it, but I like it; I like that she needs me. It's two-sided though, I like that she needs me, but I feel like shit when I can't provide... like tonight. We sit under the awning. I'm freezing, so I know she is too. At least we're somewhat covered at the moment.

"Hey, you two, you gotta get outta here!" Fuck, so much for being covered. A big security guard with a thick Boston accent comes from inside the building, yelling at us to leave. Bella stands to leave. I grab her arm, cringing when I feel how wet her sweatshirt is.

"No, stay, he might leave," I say. Half of the time the rent-a-cops don't want to get wet, so they move on. We're not so lucky tonight; howdy-fucking-doodie is marching over this way. Sitting there, I'm holding my breath. I have no more patience. I'm wet, hungry, annoyed and fucking cold; I'm in no mood to take some asshole's shit. We aren't causing trouble, just trying to stay dry.

"Heya, ya deaf or somthin'? I said move on!" The fucker is raising his voice, and I don't like it.

"Fuck, buddy, we're just trying to stay out of the rain; cut us a break. It's not even business hours," I plead.

"Nah-uh, you gotta move it. Now," he demands. My anger is rising. I want nothing more than to punch this loser in his fucking face and let him sit in the goddamn rain. I stand to my full height and step aggressively toward him.

"What the fuck is your problem, asshole?" I roar. "We aren't bugging shit. We're just waiting for the rain to pass! Take your fucking accent and fake badge, and_ you_ move the fuck on!" I want to hit him so bad, and it's taking all the control I have not to. The guard towers above my six-foot-one frame. I can tell he's also trying to control his anger. I take a quick look at Bella, and see that she's curled into a ball shaking, repeating "please no." She does some version of this whenever I fight; she seems to hate the violence. It usually takes me hours to calm her after. If she plans to stay out here, she's going to have to get used to it.

"That's it, you little punk, I'm callin' the cops." He pulls his cell out and starts to dial. This is my cue to grab Bella and get the fuck out of here, if I end up in a jail cell for the night, who knows if she will make it alone. If she weren't with me, I would gladly spend the night in a warm jail cell. I pull on her arm, but she is stiff, unmovable.

"Bella, get the fuck up! We gotta go!" I don't even have time feel bad for screaming at her. If we don't move it, she'll be much more upset while she's being attacked, because I'm in a jail cell, unable to protect her. She scrambles to her feet and lets me drag her away from the building. Once she snaps out of her freak out, we're both running full speed away from the building.

I've never run from the cops before, not for something like this, I always welcomed their humble abode for the night. I usually don't stay for more than a night; for me it's a room and a bathroom to myself, with three meals. Is jail a shit hole? Yes, but it's better than a soaking wet night out here.

I end up running her to the one place I don't want to, the camp under the bridges. I'm out of breath, and she's breathing heavily next to me. There are a bunch of people taking cover from the rain. Groups all sticking together - it's the only way to make it in a place like this. Hookers huddle in one corner, druggies in another. There's no one I want Bella to be around here. I bring her in just far enough to shield us from the rain, but close enough to leave us a quick exit if need be - hopefully. She's clinging to the back of my sweatshirt, obviously scared by the people around us, as she should be. I turn to face her, and she shocks me by wrapping her arms around my waist and burying her face into my coat. I have put an arm around her waist before or grabbed her hand, but she has _never _initiated this kind of contact before. She must be really scared. She's shivering and surely terrified. I rub my hands up and down her arms, trying to offer some comfort to her.

"Masen!" I turn and face a group that I try hard to avoid and usually do a damn good job of it. It's a group of about six guys that steal shit from stores and sell it on the streets. Shit from stores and... drugs. I fell in with them when I was a little younger and naive. I thought that through them I could have protection and make money; I was wrong. I learned quickly that dealing and stealing would only keep me out here permanently. When I broke off from them, they adopted the theory if you are not with them, you are against them. They've been on my ass ever since. As I scan their faces in the darkness, I recognized all of them, plus a few new faces, and the fucker that had been following us around, James.

They're approaching us; I turn my body and place Bella behind me. I don't even want these fuckers to know that she exists.

"What brings you here, Masen?" Roy asks, a fake tone of friendliness in his voice. He's the leader of their lame little group.

"Fuck off," I hiss at him.

"Oh Edward, is that any way to greet an old friend? And who is this little one you have with you?" He asks, trying to move closer to Bella. I feel her dig her fucking fingernails into my back. I position myself so that I'm between them once again.

"I said, _fuck off," _my voice sounding low and deadly even to my own ears.

"I'm afraid I can't do that Eddie, you see, you came into my territory." What-the-fuck-ever. This area is homeless-land in Portland; Roy doesn't have a fucking _territory, _though he wishes he did. He makes a step again in Bella's direction and a sob tears from her throat, and the noise makes me see red. I won't let him make her fucking cry. His hyenas laugh behind him. He advances toward her, again making her cry out. Sick fucks get off of on scaring a defenseless girl.

"James here has been talking about your new little friend. I didn't believe him, because I know you're a loner, but here you are with a new little kitten. I'm surprised; she must be _special_ for you to keep her," he says with a sick smile. I can feel Bella crying behind me. I want to comfort her but cannot afford to turn my back on the group in front of me. I don't say anything, just stare at Roy and James, down. I'm out-numbered but will not go down without a fight.

"Here's the deal, Ed, hand over your little pet, and you can go," he offers, staring me in the eye, challenging me. "She looks like she could make me some good money; you're a tiger in bed aren't you, kitten?" he says to Bella. I feel her whole body shake as she starts to plead into the back of my coat.

"I'll kill you first." I mean it. There's no way I'm going to hand her over to them. He laughs along with his crew. I know the drill; he'll keep one or two guys with him and put the rest on lookout. Cops clean this area out often, and he doesn't want to deal with them. The other people that have found shelter here pay us no attention; this is nothing new to them.

Just like I thought he would, he sends most of the men to look out, keeping James and another guy I don't recognize with him. The kid looks to be about fourteen, and completely wrapped around Roy's finger. One guy, Ben, who I used to be somewhat close to, is still with Roy. He seemed like he was better than this, but apparently he's not. He gives me a sad look and walks away to his post to keep a look out so that Roy can kick my ass.

I change up my stance. I think about telling Bella to run, but I know that one of the guys will out-run her and get her anyway. The only way I see us getting out of here is for me to not only beat Roy, but his buddies as well. I don't have a good chance. I get myself ready for Roy's fists to start swinging, but that doesn't happen. He casually takes a step back and pulls a large hunting knife out of his boot. James giggles like a fucking chick beside him.

"You couldn't just play nice, huh Masen?" I don't answer; my mind is focusing only on getting out of here. He steps forward; I step back. We play this game for a while then he lunges at me, I jerk out of the way and throw Bella to the ground. He lunges again and this time I feel the knife slice through my arm. I hear a scream; I'm not sure if it comes from Bella or from me. Without thinking, instinct takes over and I kick out my leg, hitting Roy's legs, knocking him on his ass. I jump on top of him, but his two asshole friends keep me from getting to him, pulling me back. Fists start flying, and I can hear Bella screaming in the background. The two hold finally over power me, and hold me back by my arms as Roy slowly approaches. He keeps the knife in front of him.

"You're really going to regret coming in here tonight Masen," he says. The two holding me laugh. I struggle to get out of their grip but they just tighten their hold. I know that Roy would have no issue slicing me open and start to panic at the situation I'm in. He's so close now that I can feel his hot nasty breath on my face. Right when I expect to feel a slice from Roy's knife, everything seems to stop, and all eyes turn to Bella.

She's running in our direction, screaming my name, her fists flying blindly, not connecting with anyone, not even close. If the situation weren't so dire, I would be laughing my ass off at her. She looks like a spastic animal on crack. Roy and his two buddies head her way, but before they can get to her, or I can get to them, I hear someone scream, "Cops!" It's the same thing as screaming "fire" in a building. Everyone able to flee, does. Some are passed out from one substance or another; the hookers hang around as well. I know Roy has drugs on him, he always does - so he has no choice but to run. He doesn't even have time to threaten me.

I grab Bella and we book it the hell out of there. I feel someone behind us and I turn ready to fight. It's Ben.

"Stay the fuck away from Roy, Masen, I won't be able to help you again, man!" he says as he runs off.

Fuck me, so there were no cops; he cried wolf so that I could escape. I'm really not all that surprised; it seems like something the Ben I knew would've done. I don't even have time to thank him before he disappears. Knowing there are no cops on their way, I take a minute to catch my breath. I look over at Bella and can tell that she's on the verge of hysterics.

"Oh Bella," I say and wrap my arms around her.

"I was so scared," I hear her say into my chest. I pull back and look into her eyes.

"No one will touch you, I won't let it happen," I swear to her. We're standing in the pouring rain. I decide that I'm going to take her to the shelter and force them to take her in; I'll do whatever I have to. I grab her hand and start to walk towards the shelter. She walks with me, asking no questions. Out of nowhere I hear her gasp, I turn to see what's wrong and see her staring at our hands that are locked together. From the lights on the street I can see that they are coated in blood, and now that I see the damage my arm starts to throb from where Roy cut me.

"It's fine, Bella, c'mon," I say wanting to get her to the shelter.

"Where are we going?"

"_You, _are going into the Mission. I don't care what I have to do; they will take you in for the night," I say, continuing to walk.

"No," she says and refuses to move, standing in the street letting the rain pour over her.

"Yes, let's go, Bella," I say in a tone that should let her know that it is not up for a fucking vote. I've never seen anyone more scared in my entire life, and she needs a night where she can feel safe.

"No," she says with more defiance. "You're hurt," she adds.

"So? It's not the first time Bella - fuck, I'm not having this argument. You will be in a place with a fucking roof tonight; now let's go." I sound like a dick. I know it, but I have no energy to deal with her stubbornness after what I just went through with Roy.

"Deal," she says. I am in shock that she gives in so quickly. Since our first night, she has been unwilling to spend one night without me.

"Not at the Mission though," she says.

"Oh I'm sorry, you're right, let's go to my house, we can sit by the fire; snuggle maybe." I'm in pain and not in the mood for whatever she's trying to pull. I can see the hurt in her eyes though and instantly feel bad. She's standing there biting her bottom lip. She opens her mouth to speak then shuts it again. She does this a few times, and I feel like shit that I've made her think she can't talk to me.

I walk over, grab her hand, and lead her under another awning.

"You can tell me, Bella, what is it?" I ask in the calmest voice I can muster.

"There is something I haven't told you, Edward," she states, unwilling to look me in the eye.

"Bella, other than letting me know that you are prone to falling in the shower, I know nothing about you." She ignores my statement and continues.

"Don't be mad, I didn't know if I could trust you. I... fuck... I should have told you a long time ago... I just..." I stay quiet, just letting her work the words out.

"If I would have told you earlier, we could've avoided all of this, I'm so sorry. I was trying to save it. I figured you would be tired of me soon and that I would need it when I was on my own completely, but... please don't get mad, I just..."

I can see that her rambling isn't going to end and she's starting to panic again so I cut her off. "Bella, you can tell me."

"Ihavesomemoney," she spits out in one word. That is so not what I was expecting to hear.

"You have money?" I ask slowly.

"Just a little, I uh... thought you were going to make me leave... I was saving it... I'm so sorry." Her eyes are pooling with tears. It breaks my heart, and I reach my hand up to move wet hair out of her face. Her hands fly to cover her face, and she cowers like an abused animal. "I'm sorry!" she screams.

I can't handle thinking of reasons why she would react this way. I lean down to do what I tried to do a second ago and move her hair from her face. She looks up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Bella, I will _never _hit you," I say slowly, looking directly into her eyes. I don't add that when I find out who did hit her, I will kill them.

"Your money is just that, yours. I'm upset just because you could have been more comfortable this whole time, but you owe nothing to me." I mean every word.

"I think I have enough for a motel for a few nights. We can get clean and we need to fix that cut," she says softly.

"Where is the money, Bella?" Her bag was stolen on the first night, I'm glad that she was smart enough to not keep it in there. She blushes bright red.

"Uh, in my... underwear." She can barely get the words out. "It's probably all wet, but should be safe. I think I have five hundred left. turn around." I do as I'm told.

"Ok." I turn back, and she is handing a wad of money to me.

"No, that's yours, put it back... wherever... you had it." I try to keep my mental image out of Bella's underwear; she's making it hard though.

"No, I know that you can keep it safer than I can, please. You know what to do, you can make it last longer." I take the money and we start to walk to a motel. I will not be staying with her or keeping the money, I only agree to get her to move and not fight with me in the pouring rain anymore. I'm starting to care about her too much and need to stop before I'm in deeper than I already am. I can't remember the last person I cared for, and it scares me shitless to care about this girl and to have her need me. I don't know anything about Bella, but I do know that she's good. Too good to be on the street, too good to deal with whatever was done to her, and too good for me. Bella will be safe and warm in a room tonight, and I will sleep soundly on the streets, in the rain, knowing this.

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**See you next Monday!**


	5. Chapter 5 Spies

**I am so blown away by the response to this story! Thank you so much to everyone that reads and a special thank you to those that take the time to review! Your reviews make my whole week :)  
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**Whatobsession17, Kimmcarr, and Jessypt, thank you so so much for all the time you've put into this story! Couldn't do it without you ladies!**

**Remember to check out the forum over at Twilighted, those ladies have some great theories on Edward and Bella's histories **

**SM owns all the characters of Twilight... I just took their homes away**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I awake to find no peace of mind.**_

_**I said how do you live**_

_**As a fugitive?**_

_**Down here, where I cannot sleep from fear**_

_**I said what do I know?**_

_**Show me the right way to go.**_

_**- Coldplay**_

**EPOV**

We continue on our way. I'm rolling over ideas of where to leave her. I don't want to leave her in a bad area, but I know that the motels will be cheaper and she could stay much longer. I decide that the longer she has shelter, the better. If I take her on the nicer side of town, then she'll only be able to stay three maybe four, nights. In a shit-hole I'm hoping she can stretch it out for at least a week, maybe more. I look back to make sure she's still behind me. She's soaking wet, and shivering, but smiling.

"What are you smiling about?" I ask amused.

"I'm just thinking about the hot shower that I'm gonna take as soon as we get there," she says, her smile growing. "Aren't you excited to be dry and warm?"

"Uh, yeah," I say, still not wanting her to know that I plan on leaving her at the door and parting ways for good. I walk with her in the downpour until we reach the street I've been heading for. It's not far from the industrial area of town. It's a shitty part of town, no doubt, but it'll have to do. If she wants to go somewhere else she can, but at least this will set her up for now. When we make it to the street, she quickly catches up to me and grips the arm of my coat. There are men under the awning to our right smoking and shouting. Because of the high concentration of cheap motels in this area, there are whores littered up and down the street. It isn't a pleasant sight.

I see the motel I had in mind - _Uncle Mac's,_ it's most definitely a shit-hole, but the nicer of its neighbors. It's well known amongst the hookers, but not known for a high volume of violence.

"_This_ is where we're gonna stay?" she asks in a quiet, mousy voice when we make it to the door; the door that's lined with bars.

"I'm not sure what your used to, but with the amount of mon-" She cuts me off.

"I'm not used to _anything._ I haven't been to a hotel or... motel in over five years, this is fine," she says, brushing past me, going in.

I follow behind her. A distinct smell of vomit and piss hits us like a fucking ton of bricks. The tiny... lobby, if that's what I should call it, is barely lit and disgusting. There's just a window along the far wall and one door, absolutely nothing else in the room. I see no one behind the window, so we both stand in the doorway, not sure what our next move should be.

It's dead silent until the door flies open and a woman in a hot pink bra-top and cut-off jean shorts comes walking in. She's short but has on huge red shoes that seem to lift her feet off the ground. Her look screams ridden hard and put away wet. She should not be in that outfit with her body type. From my place across the room, I can see old track marks up and down her bare arms. Not too far behind her, a man comes in still zipping up his pants, _fucking disgusting_. He looks like he was forgotten in a tanning bed and came out an unnatural shade of orange when someone found him. His hair - well what's left of it - is matted to his forehead from the perspiration that's still there from their..._activities_.

The hooker walks out the door without another glance back. Bella turns her back to the man, and tries to get closer to me. I hook an arm around her, shielding her from the Sleaze Ball behind her. He walks up to the window and starts slamming on the ledge in front of it.

"You want your money or not? Huh?" he shouts through the window, trying to get someone's attention. An equally sleazy man walks up to the window. He's large, no - fucking huge. He's hairy and greasy looking. His shirt is half open, revealing a large tattoo of the American flag that's plastered across his nasty, hairy chest. They finish their business, and Mr. Orange leaves. I grab Bella by the hand and drag her up to the counter.

"I need a room," I say.

"I see that," he responds, his eyes roaming up and down Bella's body. Instinctively, I move her behind me away from his prying eyes. Fuck, how the hell am I going to leave her here? I just have to do it. I already have resolved in my head that I would be walking out of here, alone, tonight. But I can feel, as every second passes, my resolve weakening.

"Got a room or not?" I say, my tone laced with pure hatred towards the sleaze.

"How many hours?" he says, backing off, picking up on my display of protectiveness. I hear Bella behind me, "Hours?"_ Fuck, she really knows nothing._

"No, uh... how much is a week?" I ask. He actually makes eye contact with me.

"You want to stay here for a week?" he asks, incredulously.

"You gonna tell me how much or what?" I'm wet, cold, uncomfortable, and fucking sick of this douche bag's games.

"Yeah, three-twenty," he says spitting on the floor.

"Yeah, fuck you. I ain't got three-twenty, and I know that's not your price." If he thinks he's going to fuck me over, he has another thing coming. Bella tugs on my shirt and starts to whisper fucking loudly, _" _Edward, it's ok I have enough." Fuck! She knows _nothing! _I turn and shoot her a shitty look that I hope says, "Shut the fuck up and let me handle this," and from the look in her eyes, she gets the point. If she couldn't even book a room alone, how the hell can she survive on her own?

"Kid, the price is three-twenty, three-seventy five for a room with a microwave and cable."

"Listen, two-fifty, or I'm getting the fuck outta here," I say, raising an eyebrow. No one rents these shit-holes weekly. I can't imagine him turning down the cash.

"Fine, cash up front," he demands.

"Do I look fucking stupid? Half or nothing." _Yeah ok, I'll give him all the money so he can lock her out or some shit._ I don't think so. I need to give him a reason to keep his end of the deal. There is no way that she'll stand up to him if he tries to screw her over.

"Do you want the half, or not? Last chance," I say. He nods, giving me a shitty look. I pull the bills out and they're sopping wet. I separate one hundred twenty-five and slide it across the counter. He passes me a key. I don't need to grab Bella, because I can feel her attached to my arm.I walk with her, still attached, and go through the door that takes us out of the back of the lobby. Behind is a separated building, two stories with twelve doors. The rain hasn't let up at all, and I just want to get her into her dry room.

I look at the key and see that she's in room seven - top right room. Good she will only have a neighbor on one side. The whole way up the stairs, I'm thinking about what to say to her. My whole body is fighting me, not wanting to leave her. My resolve is all but gone. We make it to the door, and I hand her the key and money.

"No, you keep them," she says, trying to hand them back. When she sees the look in my eyes, she understands what I'm doing.

"No, Edward. No, please." Her voice is so quiet, but she is shaking her head repeating the same thing.

"Bella, you're fine now. Stay here until you figure out how to get back home or wherever you came from." She stiffens at my comment.

"No, you don't understand I can't... there is nowhere to go... I can't." She's starting to panic, so I pull her to me, trying to calm her.

"Shh, calm down; you have a week here." I bend down and look her in the eyes. "Can't you call anyone? Whatever happened, I'm sure it can be fixed?"

"Edward, no. There is _no one_ for me to call. You don't have to take care of me... I'm so sorry, I won't ask for help anymore, just, _please_ don't leave me." Her begging is breaking me; I can't stand to see her like this. I say nothing, just stand in front of the door while she clings to me as if her life depends on it.

"Your arm... come in, and at least let me bandage it... _please." _My arm is still throbbing and bleeding. I decide that I'll go in and take care of my arm. I do want to see the inside, to make sure it's ok. I feel like I have to break this off before I get any deeper. I can admit to myself that I have feelings for this girl, but I can't allow myself to trust her; I can't let anyone in. People let you down, they can't help it, but I can't take one more person fucking me over. I closed myself off a long time ago, and I need to do whatever I can to keep it that way. It's so hard to keep this line of thought with her body pressed up against me, begging me to stay.

I move away from her, opening the door and step inside with her behind me. The room isn't as bad as I was expecting. There's a queen size bed, a small round table with two chairs, a shitty TV, and a little side table with a small microwave on it. The ceiling and walls are covered in water stains and the room has a musty smell, but it could be so much worse. I walk around the corner to what I assume is the bathroom, and once again, it's no five star place, but it's not terrible. It has a stand up shower, sink and a toilet. All of which are surprisingly clean; they are old and a nasty green color, but clean enough.

I come out of the bathroom and Bella is looking around the room.

"Not too bad, huh?" I ask.

"No, it's really not," she says, and then walks towards me.

"Let me see your arm," she says. I shrug my sopping wet coat off. I look at my long sleeve shirt and realize to get to the cut, I will have to take my shirt off. The cut is right below my left armpit. I have no idea how she will react to this. I open my mouth to tell her but she cuts me off. "It's ok; it needs to dry anyway." I slip the shirt over my head and I hear her gasp. I have many scars on me from my past and assume that she's disgusted by me.

"Yeah, sorry," I say, suddenly embarrassed of myself, for the first time. I have never cared before, but I want her to be attracted to me.

"No, Edward, that's not what I... that's not..." She trails off, shaking her head. I sit on a chair at the little table, waiting to see what she will do with no supplies and wanting to keep her from seeing my back. She goes into the bathroom and comes back with a washcloth, it's black so I have no idea if it's clean or not.

"I ran it under the hottest water that I could, this might sting," she says as she presses the cloth to my cut. _Motherfucker,_ it does hurt, bad. I bite my lip in effort not to scream out.

"I'm _sorry_," she says as she continues to press the cloth against my skin.

"It's fine, s'not so bad," I lie.

"I think you need stitches, it's really deep," she says.

"Not gonna happen. It'll be fine."

"Well, I'm at least going to go get you bandages for it," she insists.

After a lengthy conversation, I talk her in to staying here, taking a shower and getting warmed up, while I run out to get us some food, a change of clothes and shit for my arm. She's scared to be alone and wants to go with me, but really, it will be much faster if I just run to the store and back. There's no reason for her to get wet again by following me there.

"Ok, I'll be right back; make sure you lock the door, ok?" I say as I throw my shirt back on. She doesn't respond but she looks like she's about to cry. I turn to leave when I hear her very quietly, "Promise?"

"Promise what?" I ask.

"That you'll come back." Fuck, that's why she's freaking out. She thinks I'm taking her money and going to disappear, leaving her stranded. I stop my path towards the door and turn back to face her.

"Bella, do you really think after everything, that I would take your money and leave you here?" I ask. I try not to show my offense to what she is insinuating.

"No, not the money thing, but you already said that you were going to leave me," she says, tears gathering in her eyes. I guess I did tell her that was the plan. I'm just realizing that, even with a place to stay now, she will never survive on her own. I'm not sure what to do, and plan to think about it when I have some space away from her while I run to the store.

"Bella, I promise that I'll be right back; then, we can talk about what to do next, ok?" She eyes me skeptically.

"Don't you trust me at all yet?" I ask somewhat exasperated. It's obvious that something very traumatic happened to her, but she has to trust me on some level to be following me around.

"Yes, I do. Just, _please_ come back," she says again.

"Lock the door behind me, I'll be right back." I leave and run to the closest store. It's a Rite Aid, and it's open late. I go up and down the aisles, grabbing things that we may need. Bags of snack food and a couple things we can microwave. I get a few things to help my arm. They have a only a couple items in the way of clothes, some t-shirts and sweat pants. I grab a set for me and take a guess on what size she is. I leave the store with twenty-three dollars less than I came in with, but have everything I need.

When I make it back to the room, the idea of a hot shower and dry clothes is more appealing to me than anything else in this world. I pound on the door but she doesn't answer. I keep knocking until I finally hear movement on the other side.

"Edward?" Her voice is muffled by the door.

"Yeah, let me in." It's cold as fuck out here. I hear the lock release, but she barely opens the door.

"Close your eyes until I get back to the bathroom, ok?" She asks through the crack in the door. I agree and step inside keeping my eyes trained on the dirty carpet. I look up too soon, thinking she's gone, and catch a glimpse of her retreating form in nothing but a small towel. Fuck. I try so hard to not think about her that way, but it's damn near impossible. I can't deny my attraction to her, and now I know she's just on the other side of that door naked. I take the bag of stuff that I bought and walk to the bathroom door and knock.

"Bella, I got you something dry to sleep in, I'll just leave it by the door," I say, setting the bag with the pink and black stripped pajama pants and black t-shirt by the door. As soon as I turn my back, I hear the door open and Bella's voice thanking me. Not five minutes later, she comes out looking refreshed, warm and clean. The pants are a little large on her, leaving me a glimpse of pale skin between the pants and shirt. Her skin is a little pink from the heat of the shower, her hair is wet and curls at the end. I can feel my pants tightening and try to bash down my sexual thoughts directed towards her.

"Feel better?" I ask.

"So much, you have no idea," she says with a smile. "You should go take one, the water is actually really hot." I know that I should say no and stick with my original plan of leaving her here, but the thought of a hot shower is so damn tempting. When I don't answer she goes on.

"Please, just get warm before we talk. Go shower, then we can get your cut taken care of." I can't argue with her, even if I do leave tonight it would be nice to be clean and in dry clothes. I show her the food I bought at the store, and she digs in. I grab the clothing that I bought for myself, thanking her, and promising to pay her back. She waves me off and tells me to enjoy my shower.

She's right, the water is hot, and it feels so good. My cut burns under the water but it's worth it. After I'm all cleaned up, I just stand under the spray, loving the feeling. I decide to quickly take care of the _hard_ problem I received after, once again, thinking about Bella standing in the same spot naked only minutes before. I feel stress leaving my body as I have my release. I stand under the spray a while longer, trying to get my thoughts together. After I shut the water off and step out, I dry off with a towel that is the size of a large hand towel. I grab the black sweats and t-shirt that I bought and put them on. Getting the wet denim that I was wearing off and putting dry sweats on is the best feeling ever.

I come out of the bathroom with a pile of both our wet clothing. She's sitting at the table watching something on TV. I notice that she made me a plate of food and has all the supplies out for my arm. I walk over to the metal heater that's under the window and turn it on, happy to feel warm air coming out. I lay our clothes across it in hopes that it will help them dry; I do the same with our shoes.

"Thanks," I say, motioning to the paper plate of snacks that she has laid out for me.

"Of course," she says with a soft smile. "Do you want to eat first, or should I fix your arm really fast?"

"Uh, if you don't mind I'd like to get it wrapped before it starts to bleed again." She smiles and walks over to where I'm sitting. I'm happy to see that she doesn't flinch as much as she used to and is more comfortable being close to me.

She sits very close to me and opens the sterilizer that I bought. She takes some gauze and sprays it, soaking the material. The shirt I'm wearing now is short sleeved, so I just roll it up.

"This is going to burn, sorry," she says as she presses the gauze to my arm.

"Shit," I hiss from the burn. She looks into my eyes, sympathy radiating off of her. As soon as she feels that it's clean enough, she takes out the butterfly style bandages that work well to hold the cut together. It hurts like hell as she squeezes the cut together. She gets them on, then finishes by wrapping an Ace bandage around my arm.

"There, that should keep it from getting infected, so it can heal," she says, pulling my t-shirt sleeve down.

"Thank you," I say, starting to shove food in my mouth. She has tied the bandage with the perfect amount of pressure, and the pain has already lessened a little. I think about the first time I saw her and how beat up she was, and the scars on her face, I shudder when I realize that she's probably nursed her own injuries. I decide in that moment there is no way I can leave her. I would walk out of this room and do nothing but worry and come back to find her. Whatever attachment we have to each other is strong; it scares the shit out of me. I do need some information from her though and decide to try to ask her again. I stand and turn the TV off and come to sit back down.

"Bella - " Before I can continue, she cuts me off.

"Listen, I know I have been a pain... but I promise... if you stay... if you'll just stay-"

"I'm not going anywhere right now, ok," I say, cutting her off before she starts to really panic. She visibly relaxes and sits back in her chair.

"We do need to talk though. You are always... and I mean, _always, _looking over your shoulder, or acting like I'm gonna hit you. Give me something here, Bella. What, or who are you hiding from?" She sits there and stares at me, not willing to speak. My frustration is growing at a rapid rate. I think back to our first night, when she wouldn't tell me her name until I gave mine up first. I decide to take the same approach with this, to see if it will work. I never talk about my past, and it's hard for me to get the words to leave my mouth.

"When I was twelve... that's when I ran. I ran away and never looked back." Her head pops up and she stares at me, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath and go on.

"I was in foster care, and it was bad... _really_ bad." I refuse to go into detail; I can't imagine reliving the experience.

"One day, when it was the worst, I decided to get out. Like I said, I was twelve and knew nothing. I had nothing - no money, no clothing, no family - nothing. It didn't matter to me, though; I knew I had to get out of there. I would have never survived if I had stayed." You could hear a pin drop, she just sits quietly absorbing all the information I'm giving her.

"I made it here to Portland and got in with the wrong crowd. I got into drugs and stealing, doing whatever I could to survive. I had been arrested multiple times, and was sent back to foster care every time. Each time, I would steal, lie, cheat, run, or do whatever I had to do to get away. It didn't matter who I hurt; I put survival first and made sure I got away. It took a long while before I finally realized that what I was doing was accomplishing nothing but keeping me out there. I didn't want to be homeless; I wanted to make it off the streets, but everything I was doing was holding me there. I figured out that I would never make it if I kept doing all the shady shit I was doing." I looked up and saw a thousand questions dancing in her eyes but knew she wasn't brave enough to ask them.

"So, when you asked me what I was running from before, that day by the waterfront, the answer is everything. I'm running from everything, and I have been for eight years. Running from foster care, running from the cops, running from all the things I am ashamed of doing... running from the street." I see her eyes fill with tears. "I get so tired of _fucking r_unning." I say through gritted teeth, surprising myself at how hearing the words out loud is affecting me.

We sit in silence for a while, then I hear her say, "Fuggiasco."

"What?" I ask, having no idea what she just said. She brings her knees up to her chest and hugs them tightly, resting her chin on them. She looks into my eyes and repeats it, "fuggiasco."

"Italian?" I ask. She looks surprised but nods.

"You speak it in your sleep, _a lot,_" I say, as a way of explanation; she blushes bright red. I decide not to ask her about that just yet, wanting to get more important information. I repeat the word back to her.

"Fuggiasco... it means... a runaway, someone escaping, a fugitive," she explains.

"You're not the only one Edward," she adds quietly. I hold my breath and pray that she will continue.

"You were right... that day by the waterfront. I'm... running, as far away as I can." She pauses and takes a deep breath; a tear escapes her eye and rolls down her cheek. I want so badly to wipe it away but resist the urge.

"I took the first train that was leaving for the northwest and ended up here," she says.

"From where?" I ask. She eyes me, and I can tell she isn't sure if she wants to give that much away.

"Phoenix."

"Arizona?" I ask. She nods. I can't believe she came all this way by herself and actually made it.

"Someone hurt you," I say as a statement. Her breath catches and she nods.

"Who are you running from, Bella? Who hurt you?" I ask, she shakes her head hard and tears are now streaming down her face.

"I won't let them hurt you," I say. I can tell that she's starting to panic, and I stop asking questions for the night, not wanting to push her over the edge. I suggest sleep, knowing that no more talking will be done. I'm exhausted myself.

"You're staying?" Her whole face lights up.

"Yeah, I'll sleep on the floor; you can take the bed," I say, throwing a pillow on the dirty floor.

"It's ok. I trust you," she says, her voice still muffled by emotion from our conversation. "I know you won't hurt me; please just sleep in the bed."

I look at the nasty floor, and nod gratefully; she doesn't have to ask me twice. If she's ok with me being in bed with her, then I won't argue. She crawls under the comforter and I decide to just sleep on top of it, to make her more comfortable. We've slept next to one another now for over a month, but being in an actual bed with her is driving me crazy. Her warm body is right next to mine. I lay as still as possible, trying to think of anything except the beautiful girl beside me. I look over at her and can see that she is instantly out, but I can't sleep. After a couple hours of laying in the dark, I hear her start to talk. It's the normal - her pleading for help, or begging for someone to stop hurting her. I don't even think twice before I pull her to me, resting her head on my chest, and she calms almost instantly.

My head is spinning trying to figure out what could have happened to her. The possibilities are making me sick. There's no fighting it; I have become attached, and there's no way I will leave this broken girl. I don't want to anymore. There is a fire raging inside me now that my suspicions have been confirmed. She is running from some fucker that hurt her, badly, and I will kill whomever it is when I find out.

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**So next week my hubby is taking me to the coast, and I'll have no internet... so there will be no update. The good news is, I plan to write a ton while I'm there!  
To make up for the lake of update I'll send a teaser to everyone that reviews!**

**Have a great two weeks!**

**Leave me some love and I'll shoot ya a teaser :) **


	6. Chapter 6 Animal I've Become

**Hey guys! *waves* Glad to be back!**  
Came back to some big surprises! Huge thank you to those that rec'd this story! Mamma4ever, Edwards Blood Type, Vampires Have Laws, Angry Badger Girl and anyone else that has told their friends to read this story. Thank you so so much! And hello to all the new readers!  
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Everyone that has taken a moment to review, they mean so much and make my week! I tried to reply to everyone, I'm sorry if I missed you or if you disabled your PM and I could not respond to you, but thank you!

My awesome, amazing, perfect beta's Whatobsession, Jessypt and Kimmcarr. This story would never be posted if it weren't for all of your hard work! Love you ladies!

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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**I can't escape this hell**

**So many times i've tried**

**But i'm still caged inside**

**Somebody get me through this nightmare**

**I can't control myself**

**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**

**No one will ever change this animal I have become**

**Help me believe it's not the real me**

**Somebody help me tame this animal**

_**-Three Days Grace**_

EPOV

Its been three weeks since we went to Uncle Mac's motel. A lot has changed and things have been going really good. I was able to get back in touch with Mike and started working again, five days after being in the motel. A new set of condos were built in the Pearl District, and Mike has had me working on those. I've been able to work pretty steady and support us enough to move to a nicer motel. This motel is so much better; it even has a kitchenette in it. We were finally able go buy some groceries for the little fridge we have, and clothing to put in the closet. It boosted both of our morales to be able to have these basic items.

It's in a safer area, and I feel better about Bella being there alone in the afternoons while I work. It was hard for her at first; she's still scared to be alone. I often wake up to see her peeking out the window, looking terrified, as if she expects someone to come around the corner and get her; and she still looks over her shoulder constantly.

I set it up so two times per week she goes to help Miss Elizabeth down at the Mission. I let Miss Elizabeth know how terrified of men Bella is and she has made sure that Bella only works with the woman and children, mostly the children though; Bella's really good with them. Whenever it's a day she volunteers down there, she has a smile on her face. She says that it makes her feel good to help other women like her. The days she volunteers at the shelter, I walk her there before work and walk her back after I get off work. She hasn't asked me to, but I can't handle the thought of her walking around on her own. The protective feelings I have over her have done nothing but grow stronger in these few weeks.

I haven't asked her any more questions. In fact, I've been trying to keep my distance from her as much as possible. Now that I've accepted my feelings for her, I'm constantly trying to control myself around her. I can feel her presence whenever she's around. I've become completely attuned to her. Bella is a beautiful girl, and hiding my attraction for her is becoming increasingly difficult. For the past nine weeks, I've been her protector and friend. She seems to trust me fully now, and I don't want to lose her trust by doing something stupid like trying to kiss her. I've had to come up with an excuse to leave the room; she's become a temptation that I can't give in to. Just being around her drives me crazy. Sleeping in the same bed doesn't help the situation at all.

Every night, at some point she ends up on my side of the bed, her body wrapped around me. It seems to be the only thing that keeps her nightmares away. I lay awake, trying to hide my boner and not think of her warm body pressed against mine. She wakes in the morning and quickly scoots away from me, shooting me an apologetic look.

Not even knowing her full history, I know she's very broken. Even though I can tell that she trusts me, I have no idea if she will ever be able to have a normal relationship. The thought is stupid really; there's no way, with how fucked up I am, that I could be in a relationship.

I have no idea what we _are_ though. We're basically living together; we have dinner every night that she makes, we do our laundry together, when she cries and is scared, I hold her. On the other hand, I have no idea who she really is or what her story is, except that she's running from some motherfucker in Phoenix that broke her. What does all that make us, besides dysfunctional? I have no fucking clue.

"Masen, the window is sticking on 68C; take care of that, and then you can call it a day," Mike says as he's heading out the door. He's really started to trust me, even giving me keys for the building we've been working in. Earning Mike's trust and bringing home a paycheck that takes care of, not only, myself but Bella as well, is a major fucking boost to my damaged pride.

"Ok, thanks Mike. Tomorrow at seven?" I ask, wanting to know what time he expects me at work tomorrow.

"Nah, not much to do tomorrow, probably just a ten to six," he says as he leaves. I look at my watch and realize that it's already six, the time I'm supposed to pick Bella up at the Mission. I'm not usually late but the one time I was, Miss Elizabeth stayed with her until I got there.

I fixed the window as quickly as I could, but by the time I get to the Mission it's after seven. I practically ran there, but I'm still over an hour late. I feel bad and hope that I didn't put Miss E out if she waited with Bella. I look through all the rooms and don't see her anywhere. I see a guy I recognize as a volunteer here.

"Hey, is Miss Elizabeth still around?" I ask.

"Nope, she left about..." he looks at his watch then looks back at me, "about two hours ago."

"Thanks man," I say as I brush past him, wanting to find Bella even more now that I know she's alone. I've gone through the building three times and around the outside as well, but I can't find Bella anywhere. I have a rock in the pit of my stomach, and I'm scared as fuck that whoever she has been hiding from has found her. I stand outside the Mission, cursing myself for working late.

I don't know what to do. I feel sick. If something has happened... or some fucker has taken her - I don't even fucking know her real last name to start to look for her. I'm pacing back and forth in front of the Mission, and the sun has set. I don't fucking know what to do. I decide to go back to the motel room to get the money I have stashed and do whatever I can to find her.

I sprint the two miles back to our room, and when I make it to the door I hear voices on the other side. I feel my body tense, ready to fight, and swing the door open only to find Bella and... Jake, on the other side. I stand in the doorway in shock; then I feel a body pressed up against me. Bella is squeezing my waist so hard. I'm still standing in the doorway confused.

"Edward where were you? I was so worried," Bella says, releasing her death grip on me. When I don't say anything she continues.

"I thought you were off at six and when you-" I'm irrationally pissed and cut her off.

"I had to work late. Why the fuck didn't you wait for me?" I don't shout, but she still recoils from the harshness in my voice. I feel like shit instantly. I never want to be the reason why she cowers. Before I can apologize to her Jake speaks up.

"Fuck, Masen, chill the hell out. Miss E had to leave for a meeting tonight at five o'clock. Bella was waiting outside for you after six, but Roy and his butt buddies showed up and were trying to fuck with her. I offered to walk her home to make sure they didn't follow her. She's been worried-fucking-sick about you; we were just about to go look for you." _Wow, and I thought I felt like an asshole before._

"Bella I'm so sorry." She's looking in her lap. I can tell that I scared the shit out of her.

"Please look at me," I plead, walking over to her. She looks up, and I can see the fear in her eyes. I notice that she does this whenever an angry man is around her; she becomes like this... robot, a completely different person. The very few times my anger has been directed towards her, she goes into this complete haze. She starts asking for permission to do basic shit. and won't speak most of the night. She becomes a shell, like the girl that I met on the streets the first night, before I even knew her name.

"I'm sorry. I was just so scared that something happened. I didn't mean to lose my temper." I hope she snaps out of this subservient behavior soon.

"It's fine," she says with a weak smile. "Can I just, uh... go to the bathroom?" Guess snapping out of it isn't gonna happen. I let out a big sigh and just nod my head, not having the energy to have the, you don't have to ask permission to do basic shit stands and goes into the bathroom, and I hang my head feeling like complete shit.

"Man, Edward, you're hooked on this girl," Jake says, walking to sit down in a chair next to me. I say nothing because there is no point in denying it. I lower myself into the chair next to him, trying to think of ways to fix what I had just broken.

"Thanks for walking her home," I say. I trust Jake with Bella, I know that he would never hurt her. I don't, however, trust _Sam,_ at all. _Sam_ does shady shit, and he has been coming out _a lot_ lately. _Sam _is unpredictable at best and has landed himself in a cell more than once. I feel bad for thinking this way about Jake since he has had my back more than once, but he knows as well that when _Sam_ comes out to play, he isn't the safest company.

"You want to stay for dinner?" I ask. Jakes face lights up. "You can stay the night too, take a shower," I offer. He quickly agrees.

I haven't seen him much in the past three weeks. Two weeks ago, I offered the floor in our room for him to sleep on anytime he needed to, but he hasn't been around. Since I've known him, his disorder... or whatever it is, has just gotten worse; it seems to be completely out of control now.

Bella comes out of the bathroom, her head hanging down, and I know that she won't make eye contact for the rest of the night. I decide I can't let that happen; I can't let my shitty actions affect her all night.

"Jake, there's food in the fridge; help yourself." I motion to the fridge.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second?" I ask. She nods but doesn't look me in the eyes. I walk into the bathroom with her; the only other place for us to have privacy.

"Can I shut the door?" I ask, not wanting her to think that she's forced to be in here with me. She nods again, her eyes still focused on the ground. She sits on top of the closed toilet seat. I squat down in front of her so that we are eye level. Slowly, she looks up into my eyes.

"Bella, I fucked up. I was late to pick you up, and when I got there and you... weren't, I panicked. I assumed the worst and thought that whoever the fuck you're running from had gotten you." I saw a visible shudder go through her body.

"Please don't let my shitty freak-out ruin your night... I... I can't stand to see you like this." It's the most I have ever verbally given her to let her know how much I care about her. Her face softens, and I can tell that she sees _me_ again, not whoever molded her to be this submissive shell.

She says nothing for a minute, and I find myself staring at her lips that she keeps fucking licking. I can feel her body heat she's so close to me. Without fucking thinking, I lean in and brush my lips against hers; I feel sparks run through me. I get more turned on from brushing her lips with my own than from any skank I've fucked. I notice quickly that her whole entire body goes stiff, but she doesn't pull away. I get a fucking grip on my fifteen-year-old boy hormones and pull back quickly. I am scared of what I will see when I look into her eyes.

She looks shocked, but she isn't freaking out like I thought she would be. She lifts her hand up and tentatively brushes the hair off my forehead.

"I'm sorry I worried you," she whispers.

Fucking progress! I want to fist pump and do a fucking jive. I was expecting her to go fetal and hide inside herself for weeks. I'll be careful though; I know she can't handle too much.

"Did Roy do anything to you?" I ask. I'll fucking kill him with my own hands if he did.

"No, Jake didn't even give him a chance."

"Was everything ok with Jake?" She nods. "He didn't act... _weird_ at all?" I ask. I've told her a brief version of Jake's history but haven't gone into too much detail.

"No, he was nice... talks a lot... but nice." I laugh; it's true Jake never knows when to shut up.

"Are we ok then?" I ask, not knowing if she might still freak out from the sort-of kiss.

"Yeah," she says softly. We walk out of the bathroom to see Jake right at home watching TV.

"Fuck, is the lovers spat over?" he asks, laughing. I flip him the bird, and Bella looks between us, not sure if were fighting or playing. I give her a smile to let her know we're just screwing around. She climbs onto our bed and curls up, watching the TV. I pull out some food for myself, fucking starving from working all day. I sit next to Jake at the table, wanting to give Bella a little bit of space.

All three of us zone out to whatever shit is on the screen, all tired after the long day. Out of nowhere, Jake stands and starts shouting for Quil and Embry to help him. He's shouting and looking around the room, his eyes wild and unfocused. He turns to Bella.

"Leah! Leah, have you seen Quil or Embry?" She looks fucking terrified, and I can't say that I'm ok with how close he is to her. I slowly make my way over to the bed, not wanting to startle him. Before I can get there, he climbs on the edge of the bed, grabbing her foot, shaking it hard, dragging her to the end of the bed. She screams and starts to shake out of pure fucking fear.

"Leah! Now isn't the time. I know you're mad, baby, but the pack needs them! Have you seen them?" I grab his arm behind him and he turns quickly, his face turning into anger. He pushes me - hard, sending me into the table behind me. Bella screams again and climbs up the headboard.

"Paul, I don't have time for this shit with you! I'm Alpha and that's it! Now go find them!" he screams at me. I decide that playing along is probably the safest bet. He's getting increasingly violent, more than I have ever seen him before.

"You're right...you're right. I'm sorry, Sam."

"Leah..." Bella's looks at me. I give her a look, begging her to catch on and play along.

"Leah, why don't you go and look for them," I say, motioning towards the bathroom.

"Make sure you lock the door so they can't escape," I say, hoping she catches on. She stares at me; I can tell she doesn't want to leave me out here alone. I jerk my head once more in the direction of the bathroom, and she scrambles off the bed. Once I think she is safely locked in the bathroom, I turn to face _Sam_ again.

"Paul!" he shouts at me. "Goddammit! You're always trying to take my title; I'm the leader of this pack!" He's advancing towards me again, and I speak fast, hoping to stop his advance.

"Sam, I am so sorry! Sam, listen!" I'm shouting and backing up fast, but I can't help it; I need to stop him. Jake is a big motherfucker and could easily take me.

"I saw Quaal-" I really have no idea what name he said.

"Quil? You saw him?" He cuts me off. Shit, where the hell did he come up with these names?

"Yeah, I saw him. He was over on... Morrison and 5th," I say, trying to sound convincing.

"When?" he asks, I can see the distrust in his eyes. I decide to go along with the time line that we had tonight, not knowing how much he remembers, if anything, from today.

"Uh, right before I got home tonight, he was saying something about questioning your leadership." I was rambling, but he was buying it.

"That little..." he trailed off.

"Ok, Paul, I'm going to Morrison to find them; if they come back here, hold them until I can get back. Don't let Leah leave either; watch her for me?"

"No problem, Sam. You'd better hurry," I say, opening the door. He rushes out and runs down the stairs. I watch him run down the street until I can't see him anymore. I hope that he finds himself in a jail cell for disorderly conduct and not something worse. I let out a big breath and go back into the room. I lock the door and hope that _Sam_ won't come back.

I go to the bathroom and knock on the door.

"Bella, he's gone." The door flies open, and Bella throws herself into my arms sobbing.

"Shh, it's ok." I try and soothe her. I pick her up, walk to the bed, and pull the covers back before laying her down. Her grip tightens on my neck, and she won't let go. I awkwardly crawl over her, trying to get to my side of the bed. Once I make it, she molds herself to me. I can tell she is having a complete panic attack. I don't blame her; my heart is racing from the encounter I just had with my best friend. I take a few deep breaths and stroke Bella's hair and back, trying to calm her.

"Is your foot hurt?" I ask. She shakes her head no. She seems to have calmed down, her breathing returning to normal.

After many promises that Sam won't come back, she falls asleep, exhausted. I lay awake, staring at the door hoping that my promise sticks and that we won't be seeing _Sam_ again.

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See you next Monday!**

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	7. Chapter 7 Let It Be Me

**Hey guys!**

** This is 15 minutes early if you live on the west coast! LOL  
Once again, thank you so much to everyone that reads and a special thanks to those that review and pimp this like crazy! You all are awesome!  
I try so so hard to reply to each review, but if I missed you, thank you! **

**Whatobsession17, Kimmcarr and Jessypt, have I told you ladies that I love you lately? Because I do! Thanks so much for your hard work!**

**SM owns the Twilight Characters, I just make them homeless **

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**Now I remember all to well**_

_**just how it feels to be all alone**_

_**You feel like you'd give anything**_

_**for just a little place you can call your own**_

_**Thats when you need someone, someone that you can call**_

_**and when all your faith is gone**_

_**feels like you cant go on**_

_**let it be me**_

_**let it be me**_

_**if its a friend you need**_

_**let it be me**_

_**-Ray LaMontagne**_

EPOV

"Alright, later," I say, walking out the door. It's still light out when I leave work. I have the next two days off and want to take Bella somewhere. I've been working my ass off and haven't spent any money, except on basic necessities. I don't know what she likes, but I've heard that Portland has an awesome zoo. I was thinking about surprising her and taking her there. I have no idea what her childhood was like but assume that everyone has good memories of a zoo. Walking out of the condo parking lot, I scan the roads for Jake.

It's been two weeks since Jake's major freak out, and two weeks since we've seen him again. I heard, from asking around, that he landed himself in a cell that night he left our room, assaulting some poor guy who was out walking his dog and crossed _Sam's_ path. I've asked around and tried to find him but have had no luck. People say they've seen him under the bridges or at the Mission, but I can't find him. He usually doesn't remember exactly what Sam did, but waking up in a jail cell lets him know that it was nothing good. He's always been a good friend to me, and I don't want to turn my back on him just because whatever disorder he has has gotten worse. I really want to find a way to get him help.

Bella recovered from what happened with Jake that night fairly well. She was somewhat traumatized, and it took her two days to become her normal self again - well, as normal as she gets. After the incident with Jake, I thought she was getting better, but she's recently retreated back within herself. When I asked her about the change in her behavior, she told me that she was scared. She said that it was just a matter of time before whomever she was running from found her. She was talking nonsense about leaving me and going on her own. She insisted I would get hurt if I was with her when she was found. To say I was pissed off at her declarations, was an understatement.

She still wouldn't give me any details, but I had convinced her by the end of the night that it didn't matter who was after her; I would never let anything happen to her. It took a while to get her to understand that I wasn't in danger and that I would keep her safe. To be honest, I had no idea what kind of danger we were in or what she was running from, but I would do anything to keep her safe.

My job has been going great. Mike's been giving me all the hours I want. I've been working a ton of overtime, and I currently have a bigger savings than I've ever had in my life. I keep encouraging Bella to buy herself something or go do her nails or some other girly shit, but she just keeps saying that she's fine, that she has everything she needs.

It has become near impossible to be around her without almost jumping her. She's so incredibly sexy without even knowing it. After our semi-kiss before, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to do more with her. It goes beyond that though. Bella is the first girl I've ever had emotional feelings for, and because of that, I haven't pushed the physical. It's getting harder each day though. Little brushes of our hands, long days alone together, sharing a bathroom which leads to catching glimpses of her in a towel. When she has nightmares in her sleep and clings to me, her body molds to mine like it was made just for me. It's become a common thing for me to be constantly hiding my hard ons that I get from just being around her.

Thinking about her as I walk home from work is making me anxious to get there; home, well the motel, but I'm happy to call it home. I'm proud that my hard work is keeping us in a dry, warm place with food every night. I walk up the stairs and put my key into the door and walk in. Bella is at the counter mixing something together that looks like a salad.

"Hey, how was work?" she asks.

"Good, thanks," I say, with a smile as I take my shoes off. It's a weird thing to come home to a woman that makes you dinner most nights, goes to bed and wakes up with you, has breakfast with you and then sends you off to work. This girl isn't my wife, hell, she isn't even my girlfriend. It scares me that I want her to be.

We are just two fucked up people trying to make it. While trying to make it, we've found each other, and there has to be a reason for that. I've been alone for so long and then this broken girl comes in and makes me want things I've never wanted before. She makes me want her to be there when I come home, to not want to have dinner alone, to cuddle. I have never wanted to fucking cuddle in my whole life until she came along.

"You hungry?" she asks, just barely turning her head, her attention still on whatever she is mixing up.

"Starving," I say.

"Sit down; this should be ready in just a minute. I got the recipe from Miss Elizabeth."

Red flags go up for me. Miss E has cooked for me a few times and it's usually great, but when she has brought in a _new_ recipe in the past, it's been known to be disastrous. I sit and we talk. As I watch her finish dinner, I realize how much she has changed from when we first met. She wouldn't even speak, and now we sit and have full conversations. I try my hardest to make her laugh and smile every day, and most days she does. As she finishes the dinner she's making, I watch how she moves. She has the most beautiful body I have ever seen, the perfect proportions, and since she has gained a little weight, I can see her curves, and I love them. She walks over with a smile, and I smile back. She sets a plate in front of me; it's some sort of fancy... salad?

"This looks good," I say not sure if I believe the words coming out of my own mouth. I think it's supposed to be a salad, a chicken one of some sorts, but it just doesn't look right.

"She said it's something new; I thought I'd try it," she says, a blush creeping up her cheeks. I make up my mind to take a bite before deciding I don't like it, because I've loved everything else Bella has cooked. She's an awesome cook and has kept me full so far. I take a bite and know instantly there's a first for everything, because this shit is terrible. I hold it in my mouth, not sure what to do. I don't want her to know how horrible I think it is. Finally, I swallow it like a man. When I look up at her, she's trying not to laugh.

"This," I say, waving my hand around the god-awful food, "is great!" I hope that I sound convincing.

"Liar!" She shouts, laughing and throwing a napkin at me. I break out laughing with her because really, the shit is awful. She tries a bit of her own, only to spit it out on the plate. We both start laughing so hard at the ridiculousness of the situation. She picks up a piece of lettuce from the salad and throws it at me. It hits me in right in the forehead and sticks there, causing her to laugh even louder.

Playfully, I spring across the table, she jumps up and runs from me. I freeze, scolding myself for how stupid it was to chase her like that. I should have known it would scare her badly. I turn to apologize and before I can open my mouth, I get another piece of lettuce right in the face. I pause, shocked; she has never been this playful before and I love this side of her. She stares at me, biting her lip, trying to hold back a laugh.

"Proud of yourself?" I ask in mock seriousness, the lettuce still sticking to my chin. She can't hold it back as wild giggle burst from her. She bends over clutching her stomach. I've never seen her so carefree and happy, and I would do anything to keep her this way.

"I'm... so... so sorr-" She can't get the words out, she's laughing too hard. I stand there with an amused look on my face, waiting for her to finish. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head a little. Her cheeks are flushed pink, and she looks so fucking cute.

"OK. I'm ok now," she says, still giggling. Taking another deep breath, she continues in a mock serious tone.

"Edward, I'm sorry for hitting you in the face with that rancid salad that I made." We stand and stare at each other for a second, and then I lunge at her and start to tickle her.

"You're gonna be!" I shout as continue my tickle torture on her. She's screaming playfully and thrashing around. I listen close for her sounds of playfulness to turn to fear; I want to stop before it gets close to that point. I love that she trusts me enough to let go and have some fun.

"Oh God!" she shouts, I don't let up and her face is turning bright red.

"Nope, not God," I say.

"Uncle!" she tries. We are rolling on the floor and even though she is the one being tickled, I am laughing just as hard.

"I'm not your Uncle."

"Aunt, dog, pony!" I stop.

"Did you just shout, 'Aunt, dog, pony'?" I ask.

"I was just going to keep trying to see what would make you stop," she laughs and tries to catch her breath. Because of our play and rolling around on the ground she has ended up on my lap; we both stiffen at this realization. I'm not sure what to do in this uncharted territory; we're both frozen. Feeling her warm body resting right on my dick is about to make me go crazy. Just when I am about to move her, I feel her warm lips pressed against mine. I jump back in shock.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," she says, scrambling off my lap.

"No, no. It's ok, I was just surprised is all," I say softly, grabbing her hand and bringing her back to me. Slowly I bring my lips to hers and ever so gently kiss her, wanting her to lead. After a while of our lips just basically pressed together, she does. She slowly moves her lips, and I follow her lead. I feel her hands go into my hair and it feels so fucking good.

I know that I should stop us before it gets too far; I know that she isn't ready for this, but I can't stop. Her lips on mine, her hands on me, it's making me lose all sense of control. I bring my hands up and wrap them in her long hair; she moans in my mouth, and I about fucking lose it. I pick her up and walk her to the bed. I want to get off the floor. I know that it isn't a good idea to take her to the bed, but I can't help it. I do it anyway. My brain can't stop my body, and I lay her on her back and continue to kiss her.

Her hands continue to roam in my hair and her lips move against mine. She is squirming underneath me. I take it as a sign of pleasure and continue to explore her mouth. In an instant, her mouth freezes, and I hear her whimper. I fly back so fast it's as if there is a cable attached to my back me pulling me off of her.

She's lying on her back, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. She's whimpering and saying "no, no, no" repeatedly. Slowly, she curls herself into a fetal position and starts crying for her mom. My heart breaks as the realization hits me, _I did this to her_. I grab a fist full of my hair, a frustrated groan escapes my lips. My chest is constricting from the panic that I'm feeling; I don't know what to do.

I pace in front of the bed. I'm sure the worst possible thing at this point would be to touch her, but it's taking every fiber of my being not to. I just want to hold her, love her and promise that I would never hurt her. I want to take her pain and carry it for her.

I bend down by her head on the bed and look at her, softly repeating her name. It's obvious that she's miles away, her eyes darting around, unfocused. She's reliving something very bad that happened to her, that much is obvious. She's going back and forth between Italian and English. I can't really make out much; she just pleads for someone to help her, and she calls for her mom. She begs her mom not to leave her. I sit by her head, pulling out my hair, having no idea what to do.

She's still crying and pleading, then out of nowhere, I hear her call for "fuggiasco." She pleads for "her fuggiasco."

My heart swells, in our last and only conversation about her past, she called me that, _fuggiasco. _She had said that it meant a runaway, a fugitive. I guess she's right; after what I told her about my past, she would think that. I didn't even tell her everything. If she really knew about my past, she would definitely think of me as a runaway.

She cries out for _her fuggiasco_ again, and then she actually says my name.

"Edward, help!" In no time I leap forward, bringing her into my arms, pleading for forgiveness for how stupid I am. I never should've encouraged anything physical with her; I knew better. She wraps her body around me and clings to my neck. I feel her hot tears soak my shoulder. I sit on the bed and rock her back and forth until she calms. I tell her over and over again that I'm here and won't let anyone hurt her.

She gasps for air and is still whimpering a little but has calmed down a lot. I'm still whispering apologies into her ear, hoping that she will be able to forgive me and not run. What the fuck was I thinking? I let my dick make the decisions, and this is where it got us.

I have no idea for how long, but I sit and hold her, shocked that she even wants me to. The only thing I can think of is she got lost in what we were doing and didn't see me on top of her anymore. She saw the motherfucker that hurt her and still is hurting her. My grip tightens on her protectively. No one will ever hurt her again. If it's my only mission in life that's fine, but she will be happy and safe. In order for me to keep her safe, I decide I need to know what happened, what's going on. Once she calms completely we will be having a heart to heart, and she will tell me.

She falls asleep on my chest, her legs straddling me. I lean back to look at her face. She would look so peaceful in her sleep, except, her hair is sticking to her face where her tears have dried. Her skin is still an angry shade of red from her tortured memories. I move her hair aside and kiss her forehead. I let out a big sigh, I feel so helpless. I don't know what the next step is for us, but I do know that she needs more help than I can give her. I rest my head on top of hers and pass out, emotionally exhausted from our evening.

~E*B~

Sometime later, I wake and feel cold. There's no warm body on me, and I go into an instant panic. _She must be gone. _I'm about to bolt out of bed, ready to go find her, when I see her form in the dark corner. I don't move, not wanting to scare the shit out of her again. I look at the clock and see it's after three in the morning.

She's sitting in the corner, hugging her knees to her chest, staring out the open window into the darkness. The expression on her face is one of pain. She looks completely defeated by whatever monsters have been chasing her, and the ghosts that haunt her seem to have won this round.

I sit against the headboard and watch her, her stillness is frightening. I know she's awake, her eyes are open, but she's like a statue, as she stares out the window. Slowly I stand, my neck is so stiff from leaning against the headboard. I move it around, and it cracks loudly. When I look at her again, she's staring right back at me.

"Hey," I say, my voice thick with sleep. She says nothing, just gives me a weak smile. No, we are _not_ starting this over. I won't be able to stand the constant silence like when we first met. I stand and slowly walk over to her. I sit in a chair a good distance away from her.

"Bella, I'm _so_ sorry," I say, the words come out as a plea.

"Edward," she says, so softly. My name coming from her breath washes over me.

"You have no reason to be sorry, at all." I'm about to argue with her that it was my fault. If I hadn't jumped her like a horny motherfucker none of this would ever have happened.

"No, I know what you're going to say and just... no." Her voice sounds so weak; it matches how she looks - defeated. She looks as if she wants to continue but can't. I stay quiet in hopes that she will go on. We stare out the window together. Time seems to have stopped. Outside looks still and dead, and I feel bitter. In my mind, everyone is sleeping peacefully while we are sitting up, being tortured by our pasts. I know it's irrational, but it feels so true. Slowly, she turns to face me, a tear escapes her eye.

"Edward, I think... I think there are some things that I need to tell you."

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**Dun, Dun Dun! *Insert dramatic music*  
Ok, next chapter is what most of you have been waiting for! Bella's history! Until then, I would love to hear your theories over at the forum... some of you ladies have great ones!**

**Please take a minute and let me know what you think, it makes my week! **

**See you all next Monday! **


	8. Chapter 8 Secrets

**Was it just me or did this week go by incredibly slow?  
**

**People have been asking for alternant POV's. Fuggiasco is written in all EPOV, but I'd be happy to do a couple of outtakes. There's a poll up on my profile so you can vote for the outtake you want and I'll write them as I have time! **

**This chapter was a hard one for me to write. HUGE thank you to Whatobsession17, Kimmcarr and Jessypt for listening to me second guess myself, over analyze and for going over this chapter multiple times. I love you ladies!**

**Thanks to everyone that reads, reviews, and pimps this story! I appreciate it more than you know! **

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**WARNING!**  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

*****!IMPORTANT!*****

**THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC DETAILS THAT MAY BE DISTURBING FOR SOME READERS!  
Discussion of abuse, physical and sexual. Drug use and other Adult content ahead.  
PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION!**

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**_Something that I can confess_**

**_Til' all my sleeves are stained red_**

**_From all the truth that I've said_**

**_Come by it honestly I swear_**

**_Thought you saw wink, no_**

**_I've been on the brink, so_**

**_Tell me what you want from here_**

**_Something that were like those years_**

**_Sick of all the insincere_**

**_So I'm gonna give all my secrets away_**

**_This time, don't need another perfect line_**

**_Don't care if critics never jump in line_**

**_I'm gonna give all my secrets away_**

**- One Republic**

**EPOV**

"Are we... gonna, you know stay - do you want me to stay here, with you?" she asks.

"Absolutely," I say, not missing a beat.

"It's only fair that you know then," she says, pretty much talking to herself, looking down at her lap. She's gone quiet, not continuing when I expected her to.

"Bella, there is nothing,_ nothing_ you can say that will make me think badly of you or be angry with you. You can tell me anything," I say, hoping she will hear the sincerity of my words and in my voice. She takes a deep breath and pulls her chair a little closer to mine - not too close though; she still keeps her distance. She crosses her legs underneath her and leans on the table.

"I have never, _never_ told anyone any of this. Promise you'll just let me finish. If I stop, I know I won't be able to finish." I agree even though I know I will have a hard time keeping the promise.

"My name is Isabella Mazzagatti," she says, the name rolls off her tongue with a perfect accent. I repeat the name back to her, making sure I say it right. When she says her name, it's beautiful. I just sound... challenged. She laughs at me and continues.

"I was raised by my mom. We were... best friends," she says, with a smile. It's obvious that she thinks fondly of her mother.

"She was uh, born in Italy. She moved here when she was little with just her mom. Her mom - my grandmother, died when my mom, Renee, was sixteen. The rest of the family was in Italy and she had no one here; she was alone. She met my dad and got pregnant at seventeen. She said that she wasn't in love and couldn't stay with him. She left him before I was born. When I was old enough to understand, she told me that he wasn't ready to be a father and that it was just me and her in this world. She always said, 'Solo tu uno a me,' _It's just you and me_. She did the best she could with me... she really did," she says with a soft smile.

"Is that how you know Italian? Your mom?" I ask, knowing that I'm already breaking the no interrupting rule, but she doesn't call me out on it.

"Yes, but for a long time, I had no idea that I was speaking Italian. She spoke both Italian and English to me, and her mom did the same thing with her. She told me when I was little that it was our own _special_ language, just for us," she says with a laugh.

"I believed her too; I really thought she had her own language." I laugh with her. So far it sounds like she had a decent childhood. Her mom was a young mother but seemed to do the best she could.

"The day I learned we weren't speaking our own language, but that we were speaking Italian is when I found out about my dad and everything else. We were in New York, and there were so many people speaking our_ private _language; she had to spill then, and she told me about everything."

"Where are you from?" I ask, hoping she won't be upset at me for once again, breaking the no interruption rule.

"Well, I was born in Forks, Washington, but we moved from there when I was really young. We were never in the same place for very long, always less than a year. My mom liked to move around. She said it gave us the opportunity to meet new people and experience knew things. We lived in New York for a while then in the Midwest - you get the idea, we moved _a lot." _She doesn't seem upset about her childhood; she just accepted it for what it was.

"When I was eleven, my mom... she... uh - well, she got really sick." I could see tears gathering in her eyes.

"She was diagnosed with cancer and was dealing with it all on her own. We moved back to Forks, because she had made some close friends when she lived there while pregnant with me." She pauses and takes a couple deep breaths. I can tell this is where things started to get ugly.

"Her doctor was an old friend; he had a really nice family, and he personally took on her care. We had a nice little house there. I loved my school, and I made some really great friends. About a year passed, and Mom seemed to be healthy. She told me the cancer was gone, and I thought my mom had beaten it. She would go in to the doctor once in a while, but I was under the impression that she was all better. I thought they were just checkups..." She looks out the window, taking a minute before continuing. When she turns back she looks exhausted, like it's taking everything in her to just get the words out. I want to help her but know there's nothing I can do.

"I became best friends with her doctor's kids, Alice and Emmett. We went to school together, and they became like a second family to me. By the time I was thirteen, we had been in Washington for two years, longer than we had ever been in any other location, and I was thriving. I loved the stability of a permanent home, friends and school. I was doing so well in school. I had straight A's for the first time and was so excited to start high school the next year with my best friend." She looks happy for a moment but the smile she had on her face disappears, and I had a feeling it wouldn't return for the rest of her story.

"The night before I started my first day of high school, my best friend - Alice, was her name - we were going through my mom's drawers looking for this pair of earrings I needed; they matched the outfit I wanted to wear perfectly. What we found though, was bottle after bottle of prescriptions. I assumed that they were old." She looks straight at me, "because I thought she was all better," she says, bitterly, shaking her head.

"I looked at the date on the pills and saw they were new; she had just picked them up the day before. When Alice left, I asked my mom about them, and she broke down. She admitted that she was still sick. I felt so... betrayed - tricked." I see a flash of anger in her eyes. Her jaw is locked and she grinds her teeth together. After a minute her features soften again... back into a look of despair.

"We would have talks about it; she started being more open about it. She had been going to the doctor while I was at school; she was wearing a wig to cover her bald head - I didn't even know, Edward - what kind of daughter doesn't even notice?" she asks, a tear escapes her eye. She tears angrily at a piece of paper that sits in front of her. I'm not sure how, but in the same expression she pulls off hurt and anger, the two emotions molding into one.

"If she hid it from you, Bella, there was no way for you to know; you were just a kid." She shakes her head, not believing me.

"After I found out, I tried to take care of her. I stopped hanging out with Alice, and my grades started slipping. Since I knew she was sick, I could see it. I don't know how I missed it before." Her voice starts shaking, her hands ball into fists. I feel so bad for her. I have no idea how I would've reacted in her situation, but I can tell her anger is directed at herself, and I don't like it. It wasn't her fault that her mom lied to her.

"She didn't tell me everything though; she was dying - and fast. She knew but left that out of all our little talks, our bonding time as she always called it. It was about half way through my freshman year, and she was so sick; it was to the point where she couldn't even get out of bed. A nurse would come by everyday and help her. I was suspicious, obviously. She said she was getting better, but I didn't believe her this time. Her doctor was Alice's dad; he was a father to me. I asked him all the time for the truth. He would just look at me sadly and say I had to ask my mom those questions." My heart is breaking for her having to relieve these memories.

"I woke up one morning to go to school and went into her room to say goodbye, like I did every morning. She was... stiff and fucking cold. She was dead; there was no doubt. She died all alone at some point in the night." Tears were flowing out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

It kills me to hear that she went through all of that. I want to lean forward and pull her into my arms, tell her to stop talking. I can see how painful every word is for her to remember, and I want to stop anything that causes her pain. I can't keep myself glued to my chair any longer and I lean forward to reach for her. She leans back a little making it clear that she doesn't want to be touched. It hurts, but I understand. This is something that I can't help her with, that she needs to get off her chest.

"I climbed into bed with her... I uh, cried, begged her to come back, to not leave me." Tears are streaming down her face, and through the tears I can see anger. She was left behind with no warning when there could have been one. I would be angry, too. Fuck, I'm angry just listening to it.

"I went downstairs and sat in the corner behind the front door. I have no idea why I went to that spot, I just did. The nurse came and knocked on the door, but I didn't answer. After about an hour of knocking, she left. The phone rang the rest of the day, but I didn't answer it. I knew it was the nurse or Alice; people were worried that there was no answer at the door. I couldn't move though," she says, looking into my eyes. I see pain so strong in them. Tears continue to escape from her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." I have no idea what else to say. I lean forward in my chair resting my elbows on my knees. Once again I want to reach for her, but resist. She has both her feet resting on the edge of her chair; she faces me, looking directly into my eyes. I wouldn't be able to look away even if I wanted to. I say I'm sorry again, because I am. She looks away, breaking our eye contact.

"By nightfall, there was another knock at the door, but this time it was the police. They had to actually take the door down 'cause I refused to even acknowledge their presence. They... uh, found my mom before they found me. Carlisle - that's Alice's dad, Mom's doctor - found me behind the door. I lost it, Edward; I knew at that moment that he had known all along.

At fourteen, I didn't understand that he was bound by law - that he couldn't tell me anything. I never saw him as a doctor, though. Carlisle was the closest thing to a dad I'd ever had. I felt betrayed. I was hurt... and angry - so angry. I told him I hated him; I screamed that I wished it was him that had died and not my mom. I flew at him with my fists, and he just stood there. He just stood there, letting me hit him over and over, saying how sorry he was.

Edward, he was a good man, and I said so many horrible things to him." She looks like she's a million miles away, lost in the memory. I can hear the regret in her voice, and I can also see it etched on her face. Her shoulders slump forward, and she stares down toward the ground.

"Bella, he understood. I can guarantee he understood. You were a little kid; none of that was your fault." I want her to believe me so badly, but I can tell by the look in her eyes that she doesn't.

"My mom had scribbled on some fucking notebook, that I was to live with Carlisle and his wife, Esme, when she died. What she didn't bother to do is to look into the legal side of things. My birth certificate lists Charles Williams as my father. She lied about him not being ready to be a father. It's not that he wasn't ready; she just never told him that he _was_ a father, and by law, he had rights to custody. Within two days, I was shipped to Colorado, to live with a man I had never met, that didn't even know I existed." She starts to cry hard. I can't touch her, but I can't just sit here either so I jump up and grab a handful of tissues bringing them back to her.

"Thanks," she says, sniffling. She wipes her nose and eyes before she continues again.

"I was taken to Colorado, away from all of my friends, my school. Alice, and Emmett, and their parents... they called _constantly_. They even came out once to see me. I refused to see them or accept their calls. I knew they hated me after the awful things I said to Carlisle. I knew if I saw them, or spoke to them, they would just tell me to my face."

"Charlie, he was ok... really, he was pretty nice. He was a cop in Colorado, and he was single. He was divorced, but it happened a few years before I came to live with him. He tried his hardest... I really think he did. Having a child he'd never met thrown into his life, who was angry and hurt..." she trails off. "I think he did the best he could. He had no idea how to be a dad... none at all. I had no idea how to be a daughter to a man; it had always only been Mom and me. She didn't bring men home, and I had never lived with a man before. It was uncomfortable to... share a bathroom... anyway you get it, it wasn't what I was used to."

"A few months into living there, I was still withdrawn. I didn't want to move on, or accept my new life. I was failing school; I hardly ever went. One day when I was skipping, I went to a park. It was close enough to the school that I could walk and was normally quiet, only a few people there. I usually went there when I skipped out.

There was a guy who hung out at the park; he was older. I could tell that. I had seen him there a few times before, sometimes with a girl or a couple guys, but never alone like he was that day." I feel my fist tighten at her mentioning a guy, but it isn't due to jealousy. I know before she even tells me, this is the motherfucker that I'll be hunting down. I try not to get too angry, because I know what she's about to tell me will be horrific. Although her story is sad so far, it wouldn't cause the damage I've seen.

"He started talking to me. He was really... sweet, just listened. I found out that he was Italian, too and he spoke it just a little... poorly, but still, it reminded me of when my mom and I would speak it. I started skipping almost every day and meeting him there. I never told him everything that happened... uh... you're the only one that knows everything," she says, looking at me through her eyelashes. I feel it's wrong, but I'm glad I'm the only one she has ever trusted enough to tell her whole story. I find myself smiling at her, making eye contact with her. I want to acknowledge that I know how important it is - what a huge thing it is - for her to open up to me.

"He knew enough to know what my weak spots were. He knew I was missing my friends, my mother. He knew I didn't really know my father. After a few months of talking, he had me convinced that Charlie didn't have my best interests in mind. I was lonely, weak and easily manipulated. Charlie would get mad at me for... I dunno... skipping school, failing a class."

"What do you mean mad? What did he fucking do to you?" I demand, wondering if I'm missing something. Was her dad the one I should be hunting down?

"Charlie? Nothing," she says clearly surprised by my anger. "He yelled a couple of times, tried to ground me. He really didn't have a clue what to do. I felt bad, even then. I knew he was lost as to what to do with me. I was sure he didn't want me - a moody fourteen year old thrown on him. I just wanted to leave so his life could go on like it did before I screwed it up." I calmed once she explained.

"_Anyway,_ the older guy at the park, he was like, twenty two at the time. He convinced me that I was right, that Charlie didn't want me. I was meeting him every day, and every day I was more and more convinced that I needed to leave, that I was ruining Charlie's life." She was becoming more robotic as she continued her story. She'd been emotional while telling her mother's story, and now it seems like she is putting a wall up. She turns her body away from me a little and brings her hands up to her head, rubbing her temples.

"One day that was particularly bad, the school called Charlie to let him know that I had not been in over a week. Obviously, he was upset. That time though he didn't yell or anything, he just was... quiet. The quiet disappointment was worse than anything else. I went to the park that day and there _he _was. I was upset and told him what happened. After months of working me up, convincing me that the right thing to do was to leave, he offered me a way out. He told me his family lived in Phoenix; his mother and sister lived there. He told me he spoke to his mother, and she was more than willing to take me in. He said I was like a sister to him," she says with a bitter laugh.

"I trusted him; I felt like he was the only friend I had in Colorado. He treated me like a little sister, listened to my problems, offered a way to help me. I... uh... I thought he cared about me." A tear escapes from her eye, and she violently wipes it away, leaving a red mark on her cheek. I can feel anger radiating off of her.

"So I did it, Edward," she says in an angry rush. "I was so stupid, and I left with him. I didn't even go back to get anything. I was so angry with my mom for... for leaving me that I didn't even get her things. I just stood up in the park and left with him." I was shocked that she would do something so stupid, to leave with someone that she didn't even know.

"He lied about everything except where we were going."

"We went to Phoenix, but, no one knew I was with him; no one ever even saw me speak to him. I assumed that Charlie was just happy to be rid of me, and he wouldn't even bother to look."

"Bella, I'm sure that isn't true," I say to her, but I know I won't be able to convince her.

"What happened after you left?" I ask. I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

"We drove for about one day and then we... uh... stopped at a motel for the night." She's starting to shake, tears filling her eyes. I feel myself get tense, I'm already livid and she hasn't even said what I think she will say yet.

"He..." She stops and covers her eyes with her hands. I can't take it anymore. I know she doesn't want to be touched so I reach out a hand and just rest it on her chair so she can grab it if she wants to.

"He... _raped_ me," she whispers into her hands, her whole body visibly changes, and she looks more vulnerable all of a sudden. She looks completely... broken.

My hands grip the table. Rage consumes me, even though I pretty much knew that's what she was going to say, I wasn't prepared enough to hear it. I feel my whole body heat with anger, and I push it down as much as I can so she can finish her story. I lean back in my chair and rub my hands over my face. My leg bounces; I'm forcing myself to stay in this chair and not throw it through the window.

"I had never even had a first kiss, nothing. Never even held hands with a boy. As soon as we got to the motel he completely... changed. He was mean, violent..." She trails off, not finishing her sentence. I think she thinks my anger is being directed at her, because she starts to defend herself.

"Edward, I tried... so hard... so hard to fight him off. I screamed, kicked, bit him, but he beat the shit out of me. He raped me three times that night. I swear I tried to get away." She's becoming hysterical, so I try to ignore my anger and put her first.

"Shhhh, Bella, it wasn't your fault. There's nothing you could have done to stop him," I say, trying to soothe her. I get up and get her a glass of water, hoping that it will help calm her. She drinks the whole glass, so I fill it up again and sit it in front of her.

"Thank you," she says softly. I thought I wanted to know everything, but now I'm not so sure. I don't want her to have to relive any of this shit.

"Bella, you don't have to go on," I say, giving her a way out. She takes a couple of breaths and looks out the window.

"If you want to listen, Edward, I'll finish. I don't want to have to do this again. I just want to get it out and never have to repeat it again. Promise me that I'll never have to repeat it again?" Her expression is pleading. She could ask me for anything at this point, and I'd give it to her.

"I promise, Bella. Get it out and that's it; you never have to say it again."

"After that first night, he never went back to the way he was at the park. His true self was the evilness he showed in the motel room that night. We got to the house he had in Phoenix, and it was a drug house. I had never seen one before, but I knew right away; it was obvious. There were needles everywhere; it was a mess. He locked me in a room with no windows, and never let me out unless he needed me for something; cooking, cleaning... or _you know_. He would come rape me, beat me, some nights he would just... stare at me. He would sit on the floor and just stare, mumble crazy stuff about becoming a mob God. He said that he was done with small time and _they_ were gonna be sorry. It just depended on what drugs he did, and how angry he was... he was _always_ so angry." She hasn't seen anger; true anger is what will happen when I get my hands on him.

"Is he involved with the mob?" If that's the case we truly are fucked.

"No, I don't think so. He was so high on those nights. He would just ramble, I couldn't make out most of it. I know he wanted to be, always tried to act like he was in tight with them. From what I gathered though, they used him for what they needed and then treated him like an annoying little... nat, that's what he used to say. I never saw any of this; it's just stuff he would say on random highs."

"What's his name, Bella?" I ask. She hesitates, so I ask again.

"His name?" She is going to tell me.

"Alec. Alec Vultor." So the sick fuck has a name.

"Wait, you said you went with him when you were fourteen?" I ask. She nods.

"Almost fifteen," she says softly.

"Bella, how old are you?" I had guessed around twenty but never knew for sure.

"Nineteen," she says.

"Have you been with him for the past five years?" I ask. She nods, a tear running down her cheek. My god, she has been fucking tortured for the past five fucking years. I feel sick... like I'm going to fucking puke. I breathe deep, and swallow hard to try to calm down.

"Edward, I tried to get away - a lot in the beginning. He locked me up though; I only went out when I was with him. When I was about sixteen, I'm guessing 'cause I never really knew how much time had passed, he took me out to get new clothes... he said he... liked me to wear nice things," she says with a grimace, her voice broken.

"I was able to get alone for one second, and I told the lady at the store I needed help, that I was being held against my will. He took me out of the store and beat me worse than ever before. He broke my ankle that night. He told me that he killed that lady at the store and that it was my fault," she says, gut wrenching sobs tear out of her and she buries her face into her hands. I don't know if he killed that lady or not, but I can tell that Bella believes that he did. As she cries I can see her crying for more than herself, she is also crying for the innocent woman that she believes got killed because of her. It takes a while, but after she calms down, she continues.

"I didn't see the light of day after that for at least six months. He did let me out so I could get back to my chores. I cleaned, cooked, did whatever he wanted me to. Some days he would leave me alone, some days he would walk up and hit me for no reason at all. The rape never stopped." Rage - rage is running through my veins. I'm griping the table so hard I can feel the wood splintering under my nails. I don't know how much more I can hear before I flip the whole fucking table.

"Around the time I was seventeen, he ran out of money. He sold drugs but that was the only _job_ he had. I'm not sure what happened, but I could tell there was some major fallout with his suppliers. I'm not sure if it really was the mob or not, I could never trust anything he said. He was angrier then, and the beatings got worse. I thought that he was going to kill me soon; I was hoping that he would," she adds softly.

"The drugs weren't making him what they used to, and I noticed a lot of girls around more often. He always had some woman around, and there were always a lot of people at the house - druggies. This was different, though. He would shove some poor girl into my room; they would cry and beg for my help. It didn't take long to figure out what he was doing... he was selling them." Sick fuck. I can't believe the girl I have fallen for had been in his sick fucking hands. I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. The anger is so overwhelming, and I know if I move, I'll lose control.

"He started selling me too, but just for the night." I'm starting to wonder if the horrors of her story will ever end.

"Those nights were... _so_ bad. He would sell me to some druggie and let them into my room to do what they pleased. When they were... done he would come in and hit and rape me; mad at me for having sex with someone else," she says with a bitter laugh.

"He would beat me and tell me that he owned me." She pauses.

"He didn't need to tell me, I knew it." She looks down, unwilling to meet my eyes. Her voice is week.

"There were a couple guys that were around for all of those years. One guy, Riley, always looked at me with sympathy. Sometimes he would help me with my chores if I was too messed up to do them. He started to buy me whenever Alec was selling me. Riley is the only reason I made it. Those nights he would bring me a burger or something and just talk to me. I learned a lot about him. He had a girlfriend that was pregnant; he had things that he wanted for the future. I asked him one night why he stuck around with Alec."

"He said what I already knew - Alec didn't let people who knew too much just walk out. Riley was saving money to run, but until then he had to think of his girlfriend and their unborn child. Paying... god knows how much, just to keep me safe wasn't helping him get away any sooner." I don't give a fuck how nice this Riley was to her, he was still helping the sick fuck that took her. She may think there's something honorable about him, but he's just as dead as Alec, as far as I'm concerned.

"Things were getting really bad; he was bringing home two or three girls a week and selling them. He was beating me on a daily basis and I wasn't sure how much longer I was going to survive. He had someone come in and do my hair, he bought me new expensive clothing. I didn't even know it was happening, but he was planning to sell me with the next group of girls," she says, as she starts to cry softly. She regains her composure as much as she can, wipes her face with a tissue and takes a sip if water.

"Alec was passed out from booze or drugs, I really don't know. Riley stole his keys to my room and let me out. He knew that if he didn't help me then, it would be too late. He was apologizing for not doing it sooner, but he decided he had to do something before I was gone for good. He gave me a bag filled with his girlfriend's clothing and eight hundred dollars cash. He told me to run and hide. We both knew Alec would stop at nothing to find me. Girls came and went all those years but he always said he would never let me go, and until now he never has; he always found a way to keep me, and I am so scared that he will find me again."

She breaks down. I have no more self control, and I pull her to me and hold her in my lap. I feel a small sense of relief just having her in my arms. I hold her and know she's safe - I tell her she's safe. I just let her cry; she needs to get it out. I look out the window and see the sun rising; we talked all through the night.

I've heard some fucked up shit in my life, but nothing nearly as fucked up as what she just told me. Suddenly everything makes sense - her flinching, always thinking I'll hit her, her robotic, submissive behavior, looking over her shoulder. It all makes fucking sense now, and it makes me sick.

She cries herself to sleep; I pick her up and lay her in bed. I crawl in with her, and she clings to me as if her life depends on it. I lay thinking, processing everything that she told me. I know a few things.

One, we will not be going to the zoo like I had planned while walking home from work. Fuck, if it was only that simple to fix this. Two, I would find this Alec fucker that hurt her and kill him; I want to watch the life leave his eyes. Three, I'm in love with this fragile girl in my arms. I never thought I would be capable of loving another human being. I have no idea if I'll be good at it, or if I'll ever tell her, but I will show her. I will treat her the way she deserves to be treated; I won't hurt her. I will protect her, and I will get us out of this goddamn motel into a real home so she can live the best way possible. I whisper these promises into her ear, trying to chase her demons and nightmares away.

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**Well there it is, you know a lot about Bella. Now, if we could just get Edward to spill! lol**

**Don't forget to jump over to my profile page and vote for the outtake you want! **

**Oh, did you see Eclipse this week? What did you think of it? I saw it and LOVED it! I can't wait to see it again!**

**Let me know what you think, it makes my week!  
See you next Monday! **


	9. Chapter 9 I was Broken

**Hey everybody! **

**As usual thanks to Whatobsession17, Jessypt and Kimmcarr for all of their hard work, love you guys! **

**Thank you so so much to everyone that reads, reviews and pimps this story, you have no idea how much it means to me!  
I try so hard to reply to everyone that reviews, but I've been spending more time replying than I have been writing lately. I really want to be able to keep updating Fuggiasco every week, so if I didn't reply to you I am so sorry but please know that I read every single review and they make my week. **

**I don't own the characters of Twilight, I just took their homes away.**

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.  
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**I was broken for a long time**

**But it's over now**

**Said I was broken for a long time**

**But it's over now**

**Yes and you,**

**You walk these lonely streets where people stand, people stare**

**And some people just can't and I do pretend.**

**-Robert Pattinson**

EPOV

Bella sleeps like a rock. I thought she would be riddled with nightmares after telling her story, but it seems to have had the opposite effect. Now that she isn't carrying the weight of her secrets, it seems she's able to find some peace. She sleeps on my chest, my arms tight around her. As I look down she looks peaceful, more peaceful than I've ever seen her. Just because she isn't having nightmares though, doesn't mean she isn't talking. She keeps saying my name, and once in a while she says Mom. It's nice to hear her talk in her sleep like this, much better than her pleading for help and mercy.

I'm glad she sleeps, but I can't. I can't let go of all the fucked up things she's told me. She lost her mom and was alone in the world, was sent to a man she had never met. I'm still not sure how I feel about her father. Questions swirl in my mind - did he look for her? Did he really do everything he could have to keep her safe? Did he really treat her well?

At this point, I hate him. I hate him just because she was kidnapped while in his care. It was his job to protect her. I know she thinks it was her fault because she went willingly with Alec, but it wasn't. She was a child, a child who was lost, angry, scared and alone. He manipulated her and kidnapped her; he's the lowest kind of sick fuck. The kind who even prisoners in jail take no pity on; he's a pedophile. I can't wrap my mind around how life must have been for her while living with that vile scum. How she was locked in a room like an animal for years only being used for cleaning and sex. She was beaten and abused. I can't even think of it without shaking from anger. I change my train of thought, not wanting to wake her with my rage.

I think about what I can do to help her, and I come up blank. I have no idea what to do for her. It's obvious she needs serious help I can't give her. I think about telling Miss E but decide against it knowing she will feel betrayed by me. I can't do anything that will make her lose her trust in me. Her trusting me means more to me than anything in this world. I have no idea what it's like to love someone; I loved my mom, but that was it. I quickly change my thought pattern; I don't want to think of my mom.

I'm pretty sure what I feel for Bella is love, and if it's not, it's the closest I'll ever get to it. I love when she smiles. I would give anything or do anything to keep her happy, always. I want to keep any harm from her, I would be happy to continue to put myself in front of any danger to keep her safe. I want to see her heal and to understand that none of what happened to her was her fault. I want her to stop looking over her shoulder for Alec; I never want her to think about him ever again.

By the time we went to bed after she told me everything, it was getting light outside, we had talked all through the night. I look out the window now and see that the sun is starting to set, and I still haven't slept. Bella starts to stir on top of me. She sits up and her eyes are red and puffy from crying, but she looks more rested than I have seen her in these months I've known her.

"Hey," I say softly, brushing some hair out of her face.

She yawns. "Hi." She stretches, lifting her arms into the air.

"I have to... you know." She points to the bathroom and scrambles off of the bed. I watch her go and continue to lie there, the fatigue that has escaped me so far is quickly creeping up. She comes back into the room, and I take my turn in the bathroom. When I come out, Bella is going through the little fridge that we have in our room.

"You hungry?" she asks.

"Yeah, really hungry actually," I say, and I am. Since dinner was a bust last night, I hadn't eaten since the morning before.

"Well, there isn't much; we need to make another store run," she says, her back to me. She's bent over digging through the fridge; I can't help but appreciate the view.

I think about her emotional night and decide that I don't want her to stress over anything, even if it's just what to make for dinner.

"Bella, let's just order pizza," I say. It sounds so good, too; I can't remember the last time I had it. She stands from the fridge and just looks at me.

"Do you not like pizza?" I ask, not sure why she's giving me such an odd response.

"No, I do. I really do. I just haven't had it... for so long. Are you sure you want to spend money?"

"Yeah, it's fine this one time," I shrug. Bella and I are really good about not spending money. Both of us know what it's like to not have any, so we're careful about what we do with it when we do have it. We buy a small amount of groceries weekly and that's it.

I grab the phone book that's in one of the drawers and look up pizza places.

"Rocco's pizza is on Burnside, is that ok?" I ask. "I've never eaten there but walked by many times, and it's always packed."

"Oh, sure, I really don't know any of the restaurants around here."

"What do you want on it?" I ask. She hesitates and looks at the ground. She always does this when I ask her a question, but I don't get frustrated with her this time because now I know why. For the past five years she has been held against her will; she has not been asked a question or been allowed to make her own choices. She knows I won't hurt her for voicing her opinion like he did, but it's still going against her instincts to answer me. I wait, giving her time to work through whatever she needs to answer.

"My mom and I always got pepperoni and pineapple, every Friday night," she says with a soft smile. I hope she feels comfortable enough to tell me more about her life with her mother. She needs to remember those times, keep her mother with her as much as she can.

"Pepperoni and pineapple it is then," I say, smiling to let her know I'm happy she spoke up and made her own choice. I order the pizza and get the cash ready for when it's delivered. She's quiet while we wait. I can tell she's shaken from last night's events.

"Can I... do you mind if I go take a shower?" she asks.

"Bella, you don't have to ask," I say. I really want to break her out of this habit of asking permission for everything.

She gives me a soft smile and walks to the bathroom. I hear the water turn on and think about her slowly peeling the layers of her clothing off, standing in her bra and underwear, leaning into the shower as she reaches a hand in, testing the temperature of the water. Reaching her arms up and behind her, releasing the clasp of her bra, letting it fall to the floor, her breasts firm and round, the perfect size for my hands. Her nipples hardening from the cold air hitting them - there's a knock at the door, breaking me out of my day dream, and the only thing that has hardened is my dick from my thoughts of Bella in the bathroom.

I stand and adjust myself as best I can to hide my hard on and answer the door, paying the pizza guy. It smells so good. I set the pizza on the table and get two plates and drinks for us. I sit at the table and force myself to wait for Bella to be done before I eat. I also force myself to not think about Bella naked in the shower, so when she does come out to eat, I won't be hard throughout dinner.

In no time, Bella comes out of the bathroom in the pink and black outfit that I bought that first night at Uncle Mac's. She has a towel in her hand and is squeezing the water off the ends of her long hair.

"That smells so good!" she says, tossing the towel on the bed. She sits at the table and takes a sip of the water I poured for her. I open the pizza box and almost start drooling. The smell of the melted cheese and spicy pepperoni is so strong, and it intensifies my hunger. I hear Bella's stomach growl loudly, and we both laugh. I put a couple of slices on her plate before I put a few on my own.

I can't wait and dig in, after I start to eat, she does. She has always done this - doesn't eat unless I start first. There are so many odd things she does like this. I understand them all so much better now, and the reasons behind her actions make me almost too sick to eat. I try to ignore those thoughts and continue to shovel pizza into my mouth. It's so hot it burns my mouth, but I don't even care, it's been too long since I've had it and continue to shovel. I hear Bella laughing, and I look up at her; she continues laughing at me.

"Wha?" I ask with a mouthful of food.

"Nothing," she says. She daintily picks up a piece of pizza with her fork - who the hell eats pizza with a fork? She blows on it and pops it into her mouth. I swallow my mouth full before I speak this time.

"No, really, what? You were laughing at me. You have to say why!" I demand playfully, wiggling her chair with my foot.

"I was just watching you wondering at what point you were going to stop stuffing food into your mouth and just... chew?" she says still laughing at me.

"Oh, you think you're really funny don't you?" I ask playfully. "I haven't had this shit in years; it's too good to slow down. What about you? Who eats pizza with a fork?"

"Someone who doesn't want to burn their mouth, or get sauce all over - that's who eats with a fork," she says with a smug look, putting another piece in her mouth. I take a napkin and wipe my face, sure enough there is pizza sauce all over my damn mouth; I won't give her the satisfaction of letting her know that I already burnt my mouth as well.

She has a smile on her face when I look back at her and hands me a fork. I take the fork and set it next to my plate. I pick my piece of pizza up and take a bite. She laughs and shakes her head.

"I haven't had pizza in a long time either, so I'm gonna take my time and enjoy it." She does have a point there.

"Ok, I'll slow down, but I'm not using a fucking fork," I say with a laugh.

We eat in silence. I'm not sure what to say to her. I don't want to bring up anything from last night if she doesn't want to talk about it, but if she does, I want her to know I'm willing to listen.

"So this was like a Friday night thing for you and your mom?" I ask, remembering what she said when I brought up the idea of pizza. Her fork freezes in her mouth, she removes it and slowly chews her food, after what feels like a lifetime she answers.

"Yeah, no matter where we lived, we tried a new pizza place out each week. Well, until we got to Forks, where we always ordered from our favorite restaurant." Tears form in her eyes as she remembers their tradition.

"Sorry," she says as she brushes the tears away.

"Don't be sorry. I like hearing about your mom; I'm sorry it makes you sad," I say.

"No, it doesn't make me sad... well, it does I guess. It's just hard. I've _never _talked about her. When I was with Charlie it was too fresh, and then with... Alec, he... well I wasn't allowed to. I tried once and... it ended really badly." I didn't ask for details on what _really badly_ meant. I knew if she told me I would feel enough rage for me to not want my pizza anymore.

"Well, I would really like to hear more about her. I mean, that is if you want to talk about her," I offer. She gives me a sad smile and takes a deep breath.

For the next hour she talks about her mom and what life was like with her. Her mom sounds like she was carefree and fun. Bella's childhood sounds chaotic but happy. She tells me how her mom would make moving an adventure or, when it was just the two of them, they spoke what Bella believed to be their secret language.

"I would love to learn," I say. Bella's head shoots up, and I feel stupid - of course she doesn't want to teach me, that was something special she had with her mom.

"Sorry, Bella, that was stupid," I say, feeling a little embarrassed.

"No, I was just surprised. I would love to have someone to speak Italian with." I look up and she's beaming.

"Really?" I ask. She nods.

"Yeah, I wasn't... uh allowed to speak Italian around Alec. He didn't speak it well enough to understand everything I was saying. He thought I was talking bad about him," she says. A smile breaks across her face, "I was," she whispers. I smile; I love that even at the worst time in her life she still had a little fight in her.

"Awesome! Let's start with the dirty words!" I joke. She laughs, and I'm happy to see that after last night she still can smile.

She continues to tell me more about her mom, mostly funny stories of their lives together. The pizza is long gone, but we continue to sit and talk. Too soon we come to the part in her history where her story becomes dark.

"After she died, and they made me leave for Charlie's two days later, Carlisle took care of the funeral. Charlie took me back for the service, but I was... I dunno what the word is, kinda numb, but the feeling was stronger. I ignored everyone. I don't think I spoke once." She's looking out the window, she's lost herself in the memory.

"I watched them lower her into the ground and knew, I just knew... my happiness was gone and would never return." Hearing her say that about kills me. I'm determined to make her happy again, I have no idea how I'll do it, but I will. I hear her sniffling and she looks from the window over to me.

"The worst part is... is..." She's starting to cry a little. She takes a minute and a sip of water. A few deep breaths later she continues on. "The worst part... is that I promised her, Edward. I made so many silent promises as they were lowering her into the ground..." She pauses. "I didn't keep one," she adds in a soft whisper, a tear rolls down her cheek.

"_Prometto pensare a te ogni giorno._ It means, I promise to think about you every day. I tried so hard, but it would make me so sad. On the days I would sit and think about her, I would speak Italian in my sleep more and that... that made Alec... very angry." Before I can tell her it wasn't her fault she continues on.

"_Prometto di amare liberamente._ It means, I promise to love freely. She was always saying no matter what you can't afford, love is free, and everyone deserves it. I haven't been able to love since she's been gone and, I don't know if I ever will again." Hearing this declaration makes my heart clinch a little. I'm not surprised after what she's been through; it's just hard to hear. I sit quietly, waiting for her to go on.

"_Prometto di farvi visita, spesso._ It means, I promise to visit you, often. I've never been back, Edward. Her birthdays have passed, the anniversaries of her death, so many things and I've never been back," she says as another tear escapes her eye.

"Bella, that isn't your fault. You would have gone back if you could've." She says nothing, but I know she hears me. It's been eating me that she's never been able go to where her mom is, I know the feeling.

"Where is she buried, Bella?"

"Forks," she says quietly. I've never been there, never even heard of the town until I met Bella, but I know it can't be too far. Washington is just across the river from Portland, not ten minutes away from here. I know Seattle is at least three hours or so away, so Forks can't be too far from there. I hear her sniffle and it brings me out of my thoughts.

"Were those all your promises?" I ask. She shakes her head no. She has her heels on the edge of her chair and one elbow is resting on her leg, her hand is covering her mouth. She pulls it slightly away.

"_Prometto di rendere sempre orgoglioso_. I promise to always make you proud." She makes direct eye contact with me. There's so much passion in her eyes; I would be unable to look away even if I wanted to.

"I am _nothing _to be proud of. I am broken and ashamed," she says as she breaks down. In a flash I'm in front of her, holding her while she cries, and I repeat how wrong she is.

While I hold her I make silent promises of my own to her. I will help her think of her mother each day, if that makes her happy. I will help her heal so that she can love again, even if it's not me whom she loves. I will take her to her mother's grave - and soon, and I will do anything in my power to show Bella how strong she is. She's survived not only the loss of the only family she knew, but also five years of shear torture that most would have withered away from, but she didn't. Her mother would be so proud of her.

After she calms down, we're both tired, even though she's only been awake long enough to talk and eat. We both crawl back into bed, and for the first time she lays on my chest _before_ she falls asleep. Usually she does it unconsciously during a bad dream, I assume looking for safety. The courage it takes for her to do this while still awake doesn't go unnoticed by me.

"Thank you for listening," she says softly. I don't answer but take a chance and lean forward planting a soft kiss on the top of her head. I expect her to stiffen or even to move off of me but she doesn't. Instead she lets out a sigh of relief and kisses my chest through my shirt. We lay in silence for a long while, and then I hear her speak.

"_Cucina,_" she says. I look down at her questioningly.

"Kitchen - _cucina,_" she repeats. _I guess we're starting the Italian lesson tonight? _I go along with it.

"_Cucina,_" I say, trying to repeat her accent, but I fail miserably and she laughs.

"Hey, I'm trying" I say, tickling her.

"Ok, ok, sorry," she says.

"_Letto_ - bed."

"_Letto,_" I repeat.

Our first Italian lesson goes on like this until we are both too tired to continue. Right before I fall into a deep sleep I hear her say, _"Buonanotte, non lasciarmi andare_."

"What does that mean, Bella?" She hesitates and I assume she won't answer.

"Goodnight... and don't let me go." I tighten my grip on her, and we both fall into a peaceful sleep.

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	10. Chapter 10 The Only One

**Hey! Hope everyone had a great week!**

**A huge thanks to the usual awesome ladies, Whatobsession17, Kimmcarr and Jessypt. Love you ladies!**

**Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! So sorry if I wasn't able to reply but I read every single one and they made my week! **

**Big thank you to everyone that pimps this story out! Indie Fic Pimp did a sweet review of the story this week, thank you so much!**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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**You're the only one**

**You're the only one**

**I'm so wrapped up in your gaze**

**Hoping this is just a phase**

**But when all is said and done**

**I know you are still the one**

**You're the only one**

**You're the only one**

**Cupids bow has sprung**

**Now you're the only one**

**-The Black Keys**

**EPOV**

"Ok, I'll be back by noon today," I say, as I head out the door.

"Ok, have a good day," Bella says with a soft smile as she sits on the bed reading a book.

It's been three weeks since Bella told me her story. Even though she's still looking out the window and over her shoulder all the time, she seems to have relaxed somewhat. She seems to have found comfort in me knowing the truth. Our bond has grown stronger, and I've become more protective. I have no idea what resources this Alec fuck has, and I have no idea if he's really coming after her. For these reasons, among others, I feel like she shouldn't stay in the same place for too long.

I told her I was working a short day, but I'm really not going to work at all. I'm going to the train station downtown to buy tickets to take Bella back to Forks. I walk at a fast pace to the train station. It's not raining, the sun is out, but the wind is blowing and I can feel it go straight through my clothing. A shiver rips through me and I pull my hood tighter around my face as I continue on my way.

As I walk, I still keep an eye out for Jake. I've heard from people that he's been around lately, but I still haven't seen him. I plan to get the tickets and have us leave town on the first train out, but I want to talk to Jake before we go. I want to make sure he's not in any trouble. He's been a good friend to me, and I don't want him to think I've just ditched him.

I'm going to buy one-way tickets, because I'm not sure how long Bella will want to stay in Forks. I've worked overtime everyday for the past three weeks and saved enough money for us to stay there for a while, if that's what she wants. I let Mike know what I was doing and he gave me all the hours I wanted so I could save money. Mike was really cool about me going, and said I would have a job when I came back.

I hope I'm doing the right thing by not telling her about this whole trip, I've set it up as one big surprise. I'm doing it this way for a couple of different reasons. First, I feel she deserves it. Since her mom died, no one has done anything nice for her. Second, I'm worried if I tell her in advance, she'll work herself into a complete panic. I worry she will over think things too much and make herself sick. I want to try to make this exciting for her, even though I know facing her old home town after all this time will be hard.

I push all of that aside and walk up to the ticket counter of the train station.

The girl behind the counter looks bored; she sits there and inspects her nails, but she perks up when she sees me approaching the counter. She flutters her eyelashes at me; I assume this is an attempt to flirt. She really just looks like she has something in her eye. She wears the standard uniform, but has her hair done so it looks like there is a bump or some shit under it. She is too tan, her skin looks an unnatural shade of orange. She looks ridiculous. Her fake nails are over an inch long; she annoyingly taps them on the counter, and the smell of stale cigarettes rolls off of her. She leans forward on the counter pushing her chest out.

"How can I help you?" she asks suggestively. She blows a bubble with her gum, and pops it with a loud smack that echoes against the walls of the train station.

"Yeah, I need a couple of tickets," I say, not giving her any more attention than what's considered polite. She picks up that I'm not interested and rolls her eyes. She straightens her back and turns to her out-dated computer.

"Where to?" Her voice is now flat and impatient.

"Forks," I say.

"Forks?" she questions.

"Yeah, you know, in Washington. Forks." She starts to type on her computer. She continues to tap on the keys, it seems like she's writing a novel, how much typing can it really take? She blows another bubble then turns to me.

"Amtrak has no station there," she says.

"What's the closest one to the town?" I ask.

"Do I look like a map?" she asks rudely. I'm tempted to let her know that while she doesn't look like a map, she does look like a cheap hooker.

"You can't do a search?" I ask as politely as I can manage.

"Nope, there's a map with all of our stations on the wall over there, sir," she says with fake professionalism and turns away from me.

I have no desire to fight with the self-righteous bitch behind the counter, so I walk over to the wall with the maps. I study all the locations and realize our best chance is to get dropped off at their station by the ferries. We'll have to take a ferry over, and then I guess take a taxi the rest of the way. It looks like this will be more expensive and complicated than I thought.

I walk back to the ticket counter and am disappointed to see that the same bitch is behind it. I was hoping that she would have gone on a break or something. I walk up to her window and she takes her time before she acknowledges me.

"Can I help you?" she asks as if she didn't just speak to me five minutes ago.

"Yeah, I need two tickets to the SVF station, the ferry docks in Seattle, Washington."

"Two?" she asks, I nod.

"When would you like to leave?" she asks.

"When's the next train out?" I ask. She goes back to her typing.

"There's a train that leaves at eight p.m. tonight." That's sooner than I was thinking. I guess it doesn't really matter though. While I'm thinking about what I want to do, the girl behind the counter starts tapping her nails - impatiently and loudly on the counter. I look behind me and see no one waiting in line. There are a few people looking at the maps, but no one is waiting to work with her, so she can just sit there and wait for me. The only thing that's making me hesitate is I'm worrying about Bella's reaction.

I decide to buy the tickets anyway because I figure if she doesn't want to go to Forks, we can at least spend a day in Seattle.

"Ok, perfect," I say.

"Just one then?" she asks.

"No, I said two," I say back to her.

"Oh, going with a friend?" she asks, the fluttering lashes come back. Fuck, she's getting friendly again.

"My... uh... girlfriend," I say. With the admission of a girlfriend the bitch stare comes back along with the gum popping. I'm shocked at how much I enjoyed saying that. That's what Bella is, right? If asked, would she consider me her boyfriend? The situation is too confusing. I hear the bitches annoying voice asking me a question, I snap out of my musing.

"Sorry, what?" I say.

"I said you owe 76.50."

"Oh, I just want one way, not round trip," I say. She rolls her eyes.

"That is one way." Fuck, I had no idea how expensive the train is. I pull the bills out and slide them across the counter. It pains me to hand the money over I've worked so hard to earn. I think about the person in the motel room waiting for me and decide that it's more than worth it. She takes my money and hands me the tickets. While at the station I use the pay phone and book us a room in Forks. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get a room on short notice, but it doesn't seem like Forks is a hot spot, and the lady on the other end was happy to book us a room.

On the way back to the motel I stop at the store to pick up a couple of things for our trip. I grab the cheapest duffle bag I can find. I figure between her and me we can fit all of our clothes and toiletries in it, we don't have much. I go through the aisles and grab snacks, figuring the food on the train and ferry will be expensive.

I'm walking up to the counter to pay when I see a whole aisle of girly shit. I stop wondering if I should pick up something for Bella. I really have no experience with girls except for one night stands. I've never been close to any of the girls I've been involved with. It does seem like every girl around wears makeup though. _I'm not sure why girls do this; does it make them feel better about themselves?_ Would Bella like something? Something that might make her feel a little better and maybe a little more confidant for our trip. Feeling like an idiot, standing in the middle of the store analyzing makeup, I decide to take a quick look.

I walk down the aisle feeling completely out of place. Everything is pink or fucking sparkly. Bella doesn't wear makeup, _or maybe she does and just doesn't have a way to buy any? _Fuck, even if she does, I would have no idea what she would want. I scan all the items feeling out of place and stupid for even trying. Right when I am about to walk out of the aisle I see a whole row of lip gloss, she's always putting my chap stick on, maybe she would like something nicer like this?

I can't stand to be in this aisle any more. I pick out one of the glosses and throw in into the basket. I make my way to the counter and pay for everything. Walking back to the motel, I feel myself get nervous. I start to question everything. Was I wrong to plan all of this without her? Will she be upset with me? I figure the only way I'll find out is by asking her.

I pick up my speed and make it to the motel. I have a key, but I still knock as I open the door, just so I don't catch her changing or anything. _Not that I would mind all that much._

"Hey," she says brightly as I walk in.

"Hey, what you working on there?" I ask.

"Just making a little list, we're out of groceries, I really cant make anything out of what we have," she says apologetically. She hates to spend my money. She says she feels guilty for not contributing. I tried to explain to her I like being able to support her and that she does contribute; she cooks, cleans, and even though I didn't tell her this part, I couldn't imagine her not being here. She's thought about getting a job, but has such horrific panic attacks that it would be impossible for her to work around others right now... especially men.

"What's all that?" she asks, motioning towards the shopping bags I have.

"Um... yeah, can we talk for a second?" I ask, pointing to the table in the room.

"Sure," she says slowly, and nervously makes her way to the table. I go and sit near her. I'm all of the sudden terrified of how she will react to what I've done. Before Bella came into my life, I was always self-assured, always confident. Now, I find myself doing things for Bella, making sure what I chose to do is what will make her happy. So much has changed in these past four months she's been in my life.

"So, remember when we talked a few weeks ago?" I ask, referring to when she told me all of her secrets. My voice cracks a little, the nervousness coming out. She nods, and I can see fear in her eyes.

"You said you never had a chance to go and visit your mother's grave." She nods again and bites her lip nervously.

"Well I just thought that... that maybe now... I should've asked first probably... but I just -"

"What is it, Edward?" she asks, cutting me off.

"I may have sorta bought tickets for us to go to Forks, so you could see your mom," I mumble, looking at the table. I'm terrified of her reaction.

She says nothing and I don't risk looking up at her, I don't know if I want to see her expression. All of a sudden she jumps in my lap, hugging my neck tightly. I wrap my arms around her waist hugging her back. When she pulls back, she jumps off of my lap.

"Sorry," she says, embarrassed.

"No, it's ok," I say. She has tears in her eyes.

"Thank you so much Edward, you have... no idea how much this means to me." A tear escapes her eye, and I wipe it away. I'm so glad she isn't pissed at me.

"So I got this," I say, lifting up the duffle. "I figure we can fit all of our stuff in it." She looks inside of it and agrees it's plenty big enough. Now that I see her get excited, it makes me excited.

"So the train leaves at eight, that gives us time to get our clothes washed and check out of here, then-" I stop when I see her smile has turned into a frown. She starts to shake a little.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Tonight? You want us to leave tonight?" Her lip starts to quiver and I'm at a loss for words, she was so excited two minutes ago.

"Uh, yeah, did you have something else planned for tonight?" I asked incredulously, sounding rude.

"No... no... I just. Give me a minute." She walks away and goes into the bathroom. I sit in the chair, my mouth hanging open, confused. When she comes back out she takes a few deep breaths before she walks over and sits by me.

"If you don't want to go to Forks, we could just spend a couple of days in Seattle," I offer, not wanting the tickets go to waste.

"Are you going to... you know... stay with me there?" she asks.

"Of course," I say. "Wait, did you really think I was just going to drop you off there?" I was shocked after all this time; she still thinks I will ditch her.

"I bought one way tickets so we could stay as long as you want. Bella, look at me," I demand softly. She looks up, and I see fear in her eyes. I'm not sure I really want to say what I'm about to say, but feel I need to.

"Can't you tell... can't you tell at all that I care about you? That I would never... just leave you somewhere?"

She blinks at me. I start to feel stupid for letting my admission out, until she replies.

"I care about you too, Edward. I'm sorry... I know you wouldn't just leave me... but, I just can't help feeling scared." She fucking cares about me! I though maybe she did, but with her horrible past, I wasn't sure if she would ever be able to have those feelings. I'm shocked that _I'm_ able to have those feelings.

"Well, I won't leave... not until you tell me to. We'll go up there, see what you think and we can leave whenever you want," I say. Her smile returns.

"Thank you so much," she says, giving me another hug.

We linger, holding each other. I slowly pull her back down to my lap. She looks at me somewhat shocked. Once she relaxes in my lap, she slowly leans forward. I meet her halfway and our lips touch. We start to kiss, and just like the last time, I get an instant hard on. My hands find their way to her hair, and she deepens the kiss. I want to keep going but don't want her to freak out like she did last time. I also don't want her to think she has to do this because I bought the tickets for her.

Reluctantly, I pull away but leave my hands in her hair. Her cheeks are flushed; she's breathing heavier than normal. She licks her lips and shocks me by placing one more sweet kiss on my lips before standing up. She walks around the back of the chair, and I feel her arms wrap around my neck from behind. She squeezes me hard.

"Thank you so much," she whispers, leaving a kiss on my temple.

I sit in shock. I'm so glad she's happy about the trip, but even more that she seems to be opening up to me more and more. I finally snap out of my 'Bella induced haze' and jump up to get ready to leave.

We take what little clothing we have to the laundromat to clean it for our trip. We let the motel know we're checking out and get all out our belongings packed. She's emptying the bag of snacks, while I get the last of my toiletries packed.

"Oh I love these!" she says, holding up a bag of Sun chips. I laugh at her reaction over chips. She continues to comment on each snack item when I hear her ask, "What's this, Edward?"

Fuck, she's holding up that lip shit I bought for her. All of the sudden I feel so stupid for buying it.

"Uh, I just thought... that maybe... I dunno, it's stupid," I say, reaching to take the stuff out of her hand. She looks down and hands it to me.

"Is... uh... she nice?" she asks quietly, sounding sad.

"What?" I ask. I have no idea what she's talking about.

"The girl you... you know... you bought the gloss for," she asks.

I'm shocked to see her eyes start to well with water. She bites her lip in an effort to control her emotions. She thinks I bought this shit for another girl, and she actually cares. Fuck, maybe she cares about me more than I think.

"Yeah, she is really nice," I say. She looks up and gives me a fake weak smile.

"Oh, good," she says, giving the snacks her attention once again. I can't stand to see her hurt so I give up the gig. I already feel stupid I bought the shit, now I have to tell her why I bought it. I walk over to her and take the food out of her hands.

"Bella," I say softly. She looks up at me.

"I guess we've never talked about it... I didn't think there was a need to. I haven't seen anyone since we've met."

She looks at me, surprised. "It's ok, Edward. You know... if you want to. I know there are things... that I can't-" I cut her off. I don't want her to think just because we aren't having sex she isn't good enough for me.

"I bought it for you, I know it's stupid... really stupid. I just thought since we were going back to your home town you might want to feel... fuck, never mind it was stupid." I feel like an idiot, I turn to walk away and I feel Bella slip her hand in mine, pulling me back to her.

"No, it isn't stupid, not at all. No one has done anything... thoughtful for me since my mom died."

"It's just lip gloss, Bella; it's no big deal,'' I say, feeling embarrassed.

"No, it is Edward. It's a big deal to me," she says, taking her gift out of my hand. I lean forward and kiss her on her forehead. I'm happy that she likes the gift so much... but I still feel stupid for buying it.

We continue to pack in silence. Once the clock hits five, we decide to head out. We drop the keys off at the front desk and head down town. We stop, with no luck, at the Mission one last time to see if we can find Jake. We do see Miss E, though. She wishes us a great trip and lets us know she will let Jake know where we went when she sees him. Before we leave she pulls Bella aside and whispers something in her ear that makes her blush bright red.

We leave the Mission and head to the train station. We'll be early, but we're both buzzing about the trip we are about to take. I've never really gone anywhere, and even though it's just Washington, I'm stoked to get out of town. I look over at Bella and see her bite her lip; she is growing more and more nervous the closer we get to the train station. I reach the distance across us and grab her hand; she looks at me and smiles. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss it.

"Don't be nervous; everything will be good," I say. She leans into me, and I wrap my arm around her as we walk into the entrance of the Amtrak station.

This trip could go one of two ways. She could have a complete breakdown visiting the place where she was once so happy, but also the place where she lost the one person she loved, the place where her life fell apart. I hope it goes the other way that - she gets there and has some closure, she can say her goodbyes and start to heal from her terrible past. I squeeze her a little tighter, vowing to take care of her, and hoping I made the right choice in taking this trip.

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**See you next Monday!**


	11. Chapter 11 Flying High

**Hey! Hope everyone had a great week!**

**All your reviews were so sweet, some of them brought me to tears! You guys are amazing! I'm sorry if I wasn't able to respond but I read every one and they made my week!  
A big thank you to Aikotayo for helping me perfect the Italian in the story! **

**Jessypt, Kimmcarr and Whatobsession, I would be lost without you ladies! Love you!**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I know, oh yes**_

_**I know that we can't **_

_**Be together**_

_**But, I just like to dream**_

_**It's so strange **_

_**The way our paths have crossed**_

_**How we were brought together**_

_**And I'm flying so high**_

_**High off the ground**_

_**When you're around**_

_**And I can feel your high**_

_**Touching me inside**_

_**And it's too much to hide**_

_**-Jem**_

**EPOV**

We wait at the train station for over two hours. Time is dragging by. It's now eight o'clock, but the train is nowhere in sight. I check our tickets again, wondering if I screwed up, but no, they say today's date at eight p.m. Bella keeps going between being extremely nervous to being excited for the trip.

At the moment, she's acting nervous again. I reach across the bench and squeeze her hand, hoping it will give her some comfort. She looks at me, biting her lip.

"You ok?" I ask. She nods, but continues to chew on her lip. She's been quiet since we arrived here. Conversation has been a struggle. I can only imagine the internal battle she's facing going back to the place she used to call home.

I decide to try and distract her while we wait to ease her nerves.

"Train," I say.

"Where?" she asks.

"No," I say rolling my eyes. "Train, how do you say it?"

"Oh." She catches on. "_Treno_, train."

I repeat after her and move on to the next item I see.

"Ticket?"

"_Biglietto_, ticket." I repeat it back.

"Newspaper?"

"_Giornale_, newspaper."

Our impromptu lesson continues, and it seems to relax her some.

A half an hour late, the train pulls up. We get on and find our seat numbers. I'm relieved when the train pulls away and the seats around us stay empty. I can feel my seat vibrating; I look over to Bella, and she's shaking so hard in her seat.

"Hey," I say, putting an arm around her. She immediately buries her head into the crook of my neck, and I can feel her hot tears on my skin. I rub her back and wonder to myself if this was a good idea after all. Maybe this is too much, too soon for her. I remind myself the last time she was on a train, she was alone and running from hell, from Satan himself. She calms a little, her shaking stops, as well as the tears. She sits fully back into her own seat and gives me a weak smile.

"Sorry, Edward," she says softly.

"Don't be. I understand," I say, and I do. She's brave to go back home; it's something I haven't been able to do. I would ask her what she's worried or scared about, but I know the answer - everything.

"You hungry?" I ask, since we haven't eaten since lunch.

"I am, but just let me run to the bathroom and wash my face," she says. I nod and lean back, getting comfortable in my seat ready for the long trip. I prop my feet on the chair across from me, feeling relaxed. I look down the aisle to see Bella still standing there, about five rows up, not moving. She glances back at me, and it takes no more. I'm out of my seat and by her side before she can even say my name.

Once I reach her side, I notice there's a group of about five guys sitting together right outside the restrooms. They're all in their early twenties. They're being loud and joking around. They don't seem to be giving Bella any trouble; I don't think they've even noticed her yet, but she can't get over her fears and walk past them. She doesn't even need to tell me what she needs. I grab her hand and pull her to my side.

I walk with her on my left side, so the guys are on my right. The closer we get to the group, the stiffer she gets. When we reach the bathrooms, she shoots me a look of apology. She looks embarrassed and slips into the little room, shutting the door behind her. I stand by the door waiting for her to finish. The guys who freaked her out seem harmless enough. They shoot me an odd look every once in a while, probably wondering why I'm guarding the bathroom door.

When she comes back out, I once again place her on the side furthest away from her biggest fear - men. We make it back to our seats, and I pull our duffle out to get us some snacks.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I hear her say quietly.

"Sorry? For what?" I ask.

"For... not being normal. For not..." I cut her off before she can continue.

"No, stop. Bella, you're acting completely normal for what you've been through. Don't worry about it; you know I don't mind." I would never tell her, and I hate to even admit it to myself, but I love how dependent she is on me. I know it's not ok, and I hate the reason why she's dependent; I just like that she needs me. So far I haven't fucked up, I've kept her safe. I couldn't keep my mom safe; I failed her. I would do whatever I could to keep Bella safe, I wouldn't fuck up this time.

After we eat, we both relax. It's after ten, and the train is still making its way through Washington, heading north to Seattle. The whole cabin is quiet, and the lighting is dim. People are reading or sleeping. Bella's nerves seem to have calmed down a lot, and she has just fallen asleep, the train's movements rock her gently. My nerves seem to be getting worse the closer we get to Seattle.

I start thinking about things I never thought of before I planned this trip. What if she gets there and feels right back at home, and realizes what a loser I am? What if she decides she doesn't want to be with someone she met me while living on the streets? She might realize she could do so much better than me. What if the only reason she cares for me is because she feels safe around me? What happens when she can be around people again and is no longer afraid, what of me then?

My stomach twists into knots thinking about all of this. I stand and walk around her careful not to wake her and go to the bathroom. I splash some water on my face, feeling like a fool. This is why I never get close to anyone, because there's no point. As soon as she's able, she will drop me so fast. I feel like a fucking tool for becoming so invested in her. I've learned in my time on my own to not believe in other people, they always let you down.

I find myself wishing I would've just kept her in Portland with me, never giving her the opportunity to heal and grow - never giving her the opportunity to grow away from me. I feel guilty for even thinking this way.

She's been through so much and deserves nothing but the best, and that's not me. I can't blame her for wanting more and when she decides she doesn't want me, I will step back. Until then, I'll try to show her I love her the only way I know how, by keeping her safe and taking care of her. I can't regret meeting her or falling for her. My life has been hell since I was twelve, she's the only good thing that's happened to me, and I will hold on to her as long as I can.

Once I regain my composure, I walk back to our seats to find Bella still fast asleep. As soon as I sit, she twists her body and reaches her hand out to find me in her sleep. When she touches me, I can visibly see her whole body relax. She sighs my name, and I feel a spark of hope, maybe I'm overacting, maybe she won't leave me as soon as she feels safe somewhere else. I wonder if there's any chance that maybe she loves me too. I shake the thought off quickly, not wanting to set myself up for what would surely be failure.

If Jake were here and knew what I was thinking, he would tell me to stop acting like a pussy. I decide to take his imaginary advice and actively shut down my thought process and join Bella in sleep until we reach our destination.

**~E*B~**

"Edward. Edward." I feel myself being shaken and soft fingers run through my hair. I lean into whoever is touching me, pushing my head towards the fingers that feel so good. I hear a giggle and open my eyes to see Bella's sweet smile.

"We're here; we have to get off the train," she says quietly, reaching for our bag.

"No, I got it," I say, my voice coming out thick with sleep. I refuse to let her carry the heavy bag. She releases the handle and stands. She adjusts her clothing and runs a hand through her hair. I rub both hands over my face, trying to shake the sleep off, and I run a hand through my own hair, wishing it was Bella's hand; I love it when she does that. I stand and stretch, my body feels stiff and a little sore from the odd position I was in. I throw the bag over my shoulder, grab Bella's hand and walk off the train. We step onto the platform at the station and are blinded by the bright lights. Even though it's pitch black outside, they have the station lit like a fucking football stadium. I see Bella take her free hand and rub her eyes.

The temperature in Seattle is cold. I'm shivering, and I can feel Bella do the same. Once free from the train station completely, I pull Bella to a bench and have her sit. I throw the duffle down next to her and we dig our warmest sweatshirts out.

"Brrrr," she says, pulling it over her head.

"I know. Fuck," I say, pulling my own sweatshirt on.

Once I get my sweatshirt on, I see Bella stand and look all around her. I walk up behind her and slowly wrap my arms around her. I feel her lean against me.

"Pretty, huh?" I whisper into her hair in regards to Seattle at night.

"It really is. This is one place my mom and I always wanted to go; we wanted to come here and see the ballet during Christmas time... but it never happened." I feet bad this is her only memory of Seattle. I squeeze her a little tighter to me, rubbing my hands up and down her arms to try and warm her.

"Well, maybe on the way back, we can spend a few nights here."

She nods. "I would like that, I think." The position we're standing in feels strangely intimate, having her so close and protected in my arms. For a slight second, I forget all our fucked up problems and get the sense of being normal, I feel like a normal couple staring at the lights of Seattle. As much as I like the feeling, we're both getting colder the longer we stand here. Reluctantly, I release my hold on her.

"Should we get to the ferry?" I ask. She agrees, saying she's pretty cold.

The walk there isn't too bad but when we arrive, we realize that the ferries aren't running this late. Fuck, I feel like an idiot for not looking into this. I stand trying to figure out what to do. Should I take Bella to try to find a hotel for the night? That would take a big chunk of our money for only a few hours in a room...

"Why don't we just stay here?" Bella asks, noticing my struggle.

"No," I say. If it were just me, that would be fine. I won't let her sleep in a ferry terminal though.

"Edward, just listen. It's after one, the first ferry is at six, and it makes sense. It's warmer in here, let's just stay here." Her reasoning makes sense, but I can't help the overwhelming feeling in my gut that doesn't want her sleeping anywhere except for a clean bed. After talking for a while, I relent, knowing it's the smartest choice. There are a few others in the terminal, a couple of them eyeing Bella. I wrap an arm around her protectively, making it clear she's with me.

We get as comfortable as we can on a bench. I lean back, resting my head uncomfortably on the back of the bench. Bella is on her side, laying her head in my lap. I run my fingers through her hair and she falls asleep almost instantly. I, however, do not. I decide to stay awake, knowing not to let my guard down. Portland could be nasty, and I'm sure Seattle could be worse. I don't know exactly where I am and don't know my escape options, so I keep my eyes wide open, monitoring all the activity around me.

The night passes excruciatingly slow. Nothing exciting happens, and I am more than ok with that. I sit and watch as the sun just barely starts to rise. People start to arrive and buy tickets for the ferry.

"Bella, baby," I say as I shake her. I have no idea what compelled me to call her that, but it feels right. I'm getting more and more comfortable with our relationship becoming more intimate. She wakes and stretches. She watches our stuff as I jog over and purchase the tickets.

The ride over is beautiful. We watch the sun rise with the cold air licking our faces, the salty smell of the water rising, mixing with the air of the fresh day. When we can't take the cold anymore, we make our way into the shelter of the ferry. It's fairly crowded; there's an assortment of different people filling the seats, but we can still see the water on this level. There's nowhere to sit; all the seats are occupied.

Bella, I can tell, is very nervous to be around all these people. She's glued to my side and focusing on the water, I can tell she's trying control her panic. We've been standing for a little while when I feel a large hand on my back. I turn placing Bella behind me ready for whatever's about to go down. When I turn I am face to face with a large Native American man, feathers around his neck and all. His long hair is pulled back into a pony tail. He's wearing a large smile, and keeps his hand on my shoulder. I shrug him off, about to tell him to fuck off when he speaks up.

"Hey there, little lady," he says with a big smile, trying to get Bella's attention. She doesn't respond.

"What do you need?" I ask, speaking for her.

"Just offering the lady my seat. Isn't right, all these men sitting while there are so many ladies standing," he says, loud enough for said men around him to hear. I look at the seat he's offering and see a woman who is obviously his wife sitting in the one next to it. The couple looks to be in their fifties, they seem warm and friendly.

"Oh, Harry," the woman sitting says, shaking her head, obviously embarrassed by his display. She reaches out and grabs Bella by the hand, pulling her to the seat. Bella gasps and clings to my hand for dear life. I step as close as I can to the chair so she can maintain contact with me.

"Here, sweetheart, have a seat before he really embarrasses us," she says to Bella with a laugh.

"Thank you," I hear Bella softly say to the woman.

"Harry's the name, Harry Clearwater," he says, thrusting his huge hand in my direction.

"This is my wife, Sue," he says, she gives me a little wave.

"Edward Masen," I say, shaking his hand that is gripping mine... hard. "This is my..." Shit what do I say in front of her? does she want me to call her my girlfriend? "My... Bella," I finish, not knowing what else to say but realizing immediately how stupid saying _my Bella_ sounded.

"Bella and Edward Masen. That sure has a nice ring to it, and you two are very attached... literally." The woman, Sue, says with a laugh pointing to our hands that are still locked, awkwardly together.

"Newlyweds?" she asks. I cough loudly, choking on nothing. Harry slaps me on the back fucking hard. I've never thought of being married, but hearing Bella's name attached to mine, sounds... right.

"Whoa there, son," he says, as he continues 'helping' me by pounding on my back.

"No, we're not married," I hear Bella say softly, her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Hmm, well it's really obvious you have something special going on there. A real connection, hold on to it," she says with a smile and a wink to Bella. I like these two more and more. Harry's loud, but a funny, nice guy. Bella gets comfortable enough with Sue to let go of my hand, even though she keeps her eyes on me almost the whole time.

"Where you two heading? On vacation?" Sue asks.

"Uh... yes," Bella says, shooting me a panicked look. I'm confident these two have nothing to do with Alec so I speak up.

"We're going to Forks, just time for new scenery," I say. Bella's look of panic increases.

"Well we're just in La Push, not fifteen minutes from there!" Harry says with enthusiasm.

"Do you two know your way? We'd be happy to let you follow us," he offers.

"No, we don't have a car, I'm just going to call a taxi when we get to the dock," I say.

"My God, boy, you made of gold? That will be one expensive car ride," Harry says.

I was worried about that; I didn't know how long of a drive it was exactly.

"That's non-sense, you two will ride with us," Sue says, patting Bella's knee. I could tell with these two there really was no room for argument.

**~E*B~**

"Thanks again," I say as I shut the door of the car.

After we made it to the dock, we got into the back seat of the Clearwater's black Volvo SUV. It was a very nice car. On the ride to Forks, Bella stayed in the middle seat, keeping as close to me as she could. Sue and Harry told us all about their kids and home life. They were on a trip to Seattle for their anniversary. They asked us many questions, and I would just deflect every one back to them. Thank God the two liked to talk.

I offered to pay for the gas several times, but Harry just laughed me off. In the end, Sue decided she would accept payment in the form of Bella and me coming to dinner at their home while we were in town. We agreed with a laugh before they dropped us off at our hotel, well it was more like a bed and breakfast type of place.

We walk into the lobby and check into our room. When we make it in there, all I can see is the bed. I'm so tired from not sleeping at the ferry terminal. It's the afternoon, but Bella agrees she could use a nap as well. We quickly kick our shoes off and crawl in the bed. Without any hesitation, she cuddles into my side. I love that she does this on her own now, not out of fear.

We don't fall asleep right away. I tell Bella how proud of her I am and how well she did on the ferry and in the car ride over. She tells me about her fears of actually going into town, that just the drive in brought back memories. I reassure her, telling her we won't do anything she doesn't want to do which seems to calm her. We start to joke about how funny we thought the Clearwaters were.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Masen," I joke with her, using Sue's assumption.

"Sleep well my... my... Edward," she says stuttering, poking fun of my reaction of how I introduced her on the ferry.

"Ha ha," I say, tickling her. "I didn't want to call you my girlfriend and send you running for the hills," I joke.

"It wouldn't send me running," she says softly, looking down my chest.

"No?" I ask. She shakes her head. "I'll keep that in mind," I say, a little shocked at her admission of being ok with being called my girlfriend. As stupid as it sounds, I feel like girlfriend isn't even the right word, given everything she's shared with me and all we've been through these past months, it just seems like more.

**~E*B~**

After our nap we decide to go get something to eat, both of us starving.

"So, you're the local. Where do we go?" I ask.

"Hmm, there's this diner Mom and I liked to go to. They have awesome fries... well, they did anyway."

"Sounds great," I say. We leave the room with the sun setting. We walk briskly to the diner, wanting to get out of the cold. Bella keeps her head down; I can tell she is avoiding her surroundings, not quite ready to face it just yet. We make it to the diner, and it looks like something out of the past, like it was frozen in time. I expect everything to be black and white when we step in. There aren't many people in the diner because it's late. I figure that's for the best. I don't think Bella is in the mood for a meet and greet tonight. We go in and sit down, ordering as fast as we can.

"I'm going to go wash my hands before the food comes," she says. She walks past me the bathroom behind me. I worry. She seems to be doing ok, her panic in check. While I sit I watch the people around me. There's a group of teens with milkshakes and a few couples, but that's about it. A man walks in and greets the hostess by name; he's obviously a regular. She hands him a large bag of take out. He turns to leave, but when he does, he gasps, his eyes go wide and he drops the bag. All of the food falls out.

"Isabella?" He asks.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and a sob from behind me. I stand, ready for whatever is to come next.

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	12. Chapter 12 The World at Large

_**Persa, The Lost - The BPOV outtake that won the poll vote is now up! Please take a peek at it!**_

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I like songs about drifters - books about the same.**_

_**They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.**_

_**Walked on off to another spot.**_

_**I still haven't got anywhere that I want.**_

_**Did I want love? Did I need to know?**_

_**Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?**_

_**-Modest Mouse**_

**EPOV**

Time seems to stop. The man and Bella stare at each other. No one moves; no one says anything. That is until she tears out of the diner through the emergency exit in the back of the room. I give the guy one more look before I run after her.

"Bella, stop!" I scream with force, chasing after her. She stops and allows me to catch up to her.

"Who was that?" I ask, hugging her, holding her tight to keep her from running again. Her legs are restless; she bounces from foot to foot and is having a hard time breathing. She can't speak so we just stand in the street, waiting for her to calm down.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry, Edward... I just can't," she says with a sob. I don't know what to say so I just let her cry.

"He hates me," I hear her say into my shirt.

"Who, Bella? Who was that?" Right when she's about to answer me, I see the same man approaching us. Bella notices and tries to run. I tighten my grip on her, not allowing her to leave, knowing I can protect her from the prissy, scarf-wearing fucker that has her so freaked out.

"Stay the fuck back!" I shout to the man. He stops in his tracks. He looks confused and worried, his eyebrows knit together. He goes to step forward again, and I put Bella behind me.

"I said, stay the fuck back!" I don't give a crap who he is. If Bella doesn't want him close, he isn't getting close. He lifts his hands up in a surrendering motion, and he makes no more advances. I take a good look at him. He's well dressed and looks to be in his forties. All three of us continue our standoff. The man opens his mouth to speak a couple times but shuts it. Bella's face is buried in my sweatshirt.

"Isabella," he says softly. At hearing her full name, a sob rips through her.

"Isabella... can we talk?" She makes no effort to respond to him.

"Isabella... we all, everyone... we've been looking for so -" She starts to cry harder so I cut him off.

"Shut the fuck up! You're upsetting her," I shout.

"No... it's ok... Ed... Edward," she hiccups into my sweatshirt.

"Who _are_ you?" he asks me, sounding confused and curious.

"None of your goddamn business. Who the fuck are you?" I spit back. He recoils a little at the harshness of my reply.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen. I used to know Isabella... very well," he says softly.

So this is him. The doctor, the father of Bella's best friends, the only dad Bella ever knew. The man she thinks hates her for how she reacted when her mom died. I relax a little now that I know who he is.

"Isabella, can we talk?" he asks again. I pull away and look at her, trying to see if she will talk to him.

"No, Edward. He hates me." She whispers it, but he hears her.

"No one hates you; no one's mad at you... I just want to talk," he pleads.

Hearing his confession, she peers around me to look at him.

"Please," he says again. She takes a second, appraising him. Her face and grip on my sweatshirt relax. After a while she nods, agreeing to speak to him.

"Go back in the restaurant; we'll be right in," I say. He nods, but still stands there for a minute, reluctant to believe me. With a sigh he turns and walks back to the diner.

"You ok?" I ask, running a hand through her hair to get it out of her face.

"Yeah, I think so. I just wasn't expecting to see him," she says, wiping her eyes.

"If you don't want to talk to him, you don't have to. We'll leave right now," I say, giving her a way out. I promised her she wouldn't have to do anything she didn't want to, and I fully intended to keep that promise.

"No, I need to do this... I need to... apologize. I can't have him hate me forever," she says, putting a brave face on.

I almost tell her again he doesn't hate her, but I think she needs to hear it from him. After a few more deep breaths she steps out of my arms and walks toward the diner. I follow behind her. All of a sudden she stops, turns, and walks away from the diner... fast.

"Whoa, where ya going there, speed-racer?" I ask, grabbing her by the elbow.

"I just... can't. Hearing it from him will completely break me. I used to really look up to him, Edward."

"Well, I think you owe it to him... and yourself to at least listen to him. Hear him out, he didn't seem mad to me, at all," I say, kissing her forehead.

"You're gonna stay with me?" she asks.

"Of course," I say.

"The whole time?" she questions.

"Every single second. I won't even go to the bathroom... scouts honor," I say. She laughs and shakes her head.

"Well, I know I don't know that much about your past, but I'm almost positive you were never a scout," she says, laughing.

"I was," I insist in mock seriousness. "My mom, she uh... made me do it when I was younger. She and my grandma thought I looked cute in the outfit," I admit, trying to continue to loosen her up a little with my embarrassing confession. It works. She laughs and agrees that the outfit would be cute on me. I just roll my eyes at her.

"I'd like to hear more about them," she says quietly. I don't respond. No one knows about my story except for the people who were there that night, and the social workers who have my file. I feel a pang in my chest. I feel lonely, and for the first time in my life, I want someone else to know. I push those feelings down, knowing I won't open up, and focus on the task at hand - getting Bella into that diner.

"Give him... five minutes. Hear him out. As soon as you want to leave, we're outta there. Ok?" I say to her.

"Ok, you'll stay... the whole time?" she asks again.

"Yes, Bella," I say patiently.

"Ok."

This time she starts to walk, and we actually make it to the diner doors. We walk in to see Carlisle sitting at the table we were at, our food - cold - waits for us, both our appetites forgotten. He stands when we walk in the door. He starts to walk towards us, and Bella freezes and grabs my hand. He sees this and stops. She bravely walks forward with me and sits down in the booth; she has a death grip on my hand.

Carlisle sits down across from us. He seems like he would normally be a calm, collected guy, but he is wringing his hands nervously on top of the table. You can taste the awkwardness and tension in the air when he opens his mouth to speak.

"Is he going to stay -"

I cut him off. "I'm not going anywhere," I say coolly, leaving no room for further conversation on the matter.

"Alright," he says calmly. I'm impressed with this guy so far. I've been nothing but an asshole to him, but he's put up with it just for a chance to talk to Bella.

"Isabella," he says.

"Bella," she responds, barely above a whisper.

"What?" he asks.

"Bella, just Bella. I don't like... Isabella anymore," she explains, keeping her eyes trained on the table, her fingers tearing at the napkin she is holding in her hands. I've never heard her say this before; I make a mental note to ask her why she is so against her full name later.

"Ok, that's fine," he says with a small smile. Before he can start to speak Bella starts to talk, quickly in a panic, almost franticly.

"I'm sorry Carlisle. I'm so sorry. I know you and Alice, Emmett and Esme must just... hate me. I didn't mean it. I... I..." She starts to panic so I place my hand on her leg and gently rub it.

Carlisle looks completely shocked but quickly snaps out of it. He pushes a glass of water towards her and makes a soft shushing noise to her. He reaches out his hand and softly places it on top of Bella's. I'm ready to freak out on him, because I expect her to panic at his touch. To my complete shock, she doesn't. Her head snaps up, and they make eye contact.

"Calm down. Take a deep breath," he says softly. She obeys him, breathing deeply. I see the fatherly love he has towards her, but it makes my heart drop just a little bit. I see my fears of being replaced coming to life. I snap myself out of my selfish train of thought and make myself present and in the moment. Bella takes her other hand and grabs mine once again, leaving the other on top of the table in Carlisle's grip. She takes a few deep breaths and calms herself before Carlisle continues.

"I have so many questions," he says. "So many, but first you need to understand something." He stops talking and squeezes her hand gently. "Bella, can you look at me," he requests softly. Her eyes lift to meet his, and a small smile breaks out on his face.

"No matter how tonight ends, no matter how this conversation goes you need to – no, have to - understand that no one was ever mad at you. Not for one second," he says, conviction strong in his voice.

"But... but what I said that night... the horrible things I said to you..." Bella struggles to find her words.

"Bella, you had just gone through something terrible. Your reaction was completely understandable."

"But, Alice... Em... I never even said goodbye to them," she insists.

"I know," he says carefully. "They were sad, maybe a little hurt. More than anything though, they were worried. They love you, we all do. No one hates you Bella."

Not even a stranger could question the sincerity in his voice. I hope Bella doesn't.

"I don't know what happened to you Bella. I don't know if you left, if you were taken, but it doesn't matter. We've been looking for you every second that you've been gone. All of us. The whole town, Esme, Alice, Emmett, your dad-"

"Charlie?" Bella's head snaps up as she cuts him off.

"Yes, Charlie," he confirms. She looks at me, I can see the shock clearly on her face. She starts to tremble. This is all becoming too much for her.

"I'm done Edward," she says, her eyes pleading with me. That's all I need to hear. I promised her if she was done, we would leave.

"Sorry Doc, but I think that's enough for now," I say, starting to stand. I look at Carlisle and he looks shocked.

"No! I mean, Bella, I'm sorry if I did or said something to upset you, but please..." he trails off. She shakes her head as silent tears stream down her face. I see resolve in his features he stands to block our path. The few diners and staff left all turn to look at us. I'm not sure what he's going to say, but I can tell that it's going to piss me off.

"Bella, wait! You don't have to go with him. If he made you before, whatever happened, it's ok. You know I will help you. You don't have to leave with him."

So that's it. He thinks I'm the sick fuck who took her in the first place and is controlling her. I appreciate anyone who will protect Bella, but I'm furious nonetheless.

"Listen here," I say, stepping towards him. He stands his ground, not backing down. Before I can continue to tell him to fuck off, Bella shocks me and steps in.

"Carlisle, no. Edward has helped me... so much. I wouldn't be here without him. I care about him, and I won't let anyone assume those things or speak that way about him," she says with more force and confidence than I have ever heard from her. Carlisle and I stand there in shock.

"I'm sorry, Bella, Edward," he says, looking to each of us,"for making assumptions. I just can't let you disappear again without knowing you're okay. Bella, honey, you don't seem ok," he says softly.

The tears flow faster but she makes no attempt to respond to him. The atmosphere is tense, and I can tell that he isn't going to let us leave easily.

"I just need to think; I just need a little time," she says, here voice coming out in a strained plea. I can tell she wants this man to understand.

"That's fine. Are you staying in town a while?" he asks. I can tell Bella has reached her limit so I take over.

"We're not sure how long we're staying," I say.

"Ok, can we get together again? Maybe you two can come over to the house?" he asks, sounding desperate. Bella doesn't respond, and the air seems to get thicker.

"Please Bella."

"Carlisle," she says. "Please, don't say anything to anyone, not yet."

You can see in his expression he doesn't like that idea. "Bella, I have to. There are so many people that want to know -"

"_Please_," she pleads, cutting him off. He lets out a big sigh, resigned.

"Ok," he says begrudgingly. I can see she's having a hard time controlling her tears and tells me that she's going to the bathroom. She scampers away leaving me with Carlisle, standing in the restaurant.

"How can we get a hold of you?" I ask. He quickly fishes out a business card, and writes more numbers on the back.

"Call anytime, any of these numbers," he says to me. It seems he can tell Bella has had enough as well and is ready to let us leave. I get my wallet out to leave some bills on the table when he stops me.

"I already took care of it," he says. "You will call, right?"

"The only thing I promise is you will hear from one of us before we leave. I won't speak for Bella, but you have my word that I'll at least let you know if she won't talk to you again," I say. I do feel bad. I can only imagine how hard it would be to lose someone like that - to have them just disappear, then see them randomly five years later, completely changed - only to have them leave you standing in a diner, all of your questions unanswered.

"Thank you, Edward," he says, reaching out to shake my hand. I shake his hand and go find Bella to take her home.

The walk back to the hotel is silent. Bella keeps her arms locked around herself and makes no attempt to get close to me. I want to pull her to me and put my arm around her badly, but I fight the urge and give her space.

We walk into the room, and Bella goes straight into the bathroom, officially shutting me out. I walk to the bed and flop backwards on it with a groan. She may have lost her appetite, but I haven't. I call the first pizza place I see in the phone book - the thinnest phone book I have ever seen - and order us some dinner.

When Bella walks out of the bathroom, she silently sits on the bed next to me. I'm playing with Carlisle's business card in my hand; she stares at it as I pass it between each finger.

"Hungry?" I ask. She just shrugs.

"Well, I ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple," I say, remembering her and her mother's favorite kind.

"Thanks," she says quietly. I say nothing back and just continue to play with the card in my hands, waiting for her to bring up the obvious. I've learned if I just give her space, she'll open up. I feel gross from the long trip and decide I'll take a shower while she works out whatever she needs to.

"Where are you going?" she asks sounding panicked when I stand.

"Just to take a shower," I say, waiting for a minute to see if she wants to talk. When she says nothing, I let her know where the money for the pizza is and go into the bathroom.

I take my time in the shower, exhausted from not only the trip here, but also the unexpected meeting with Carlisle. For the first time in a long time, I don't do anything other than bathe in the shower; I'm just too worn out... and tired of fucking myself.

I get out of the shower and dry off. I'm trying to snap out of the bad mood I've found myself in. The towels are soft and smell so good. When I'm dry and ready to get dressed I realize I've left my clothes out in the room. I grab the towel off the drying rack and wrap it around my waist. When I step out of the bathroom I hear voices.

"No!" I hear Bella say.

I turn the corner and see a man trying to come into the room.

"What the fuck!" I say, pulling Bella back from the door by her arm, ready to beat the shit out of the stupid fucker who picked the wrong damn room.

"Whoa man," he says, scrambling backward. He trips over himself and falls in the doorway. I hold my towel with one hand and am ready to beat his face in with the other.

"Edward, wait!" Bella screams, grabbing my arm pulling me back with all her strength. "I know him. It's ok," she says still pulling me back. I listen to her, but keep an eye on the douche pulling himself up off the ground.

"If you know him then why was he forcing himself in the fucking room while you were saying no?" I demand, looking at the guy who is now shaking in the doorway. Bella is used to my temper by now, she rolls her eyes and explains.

"His name's Marcus, I went to school with him. He's delivering our dinner," she explains, pointing to the pizza on the table.

"Well, deliver and get the fuck out. No reason to come in the room," I say with venom in my voice. I know I'm overreacting, but I don't care.

"Dude, sorry. I was just shocked to see her is all, I was just... just..." I stare him down. It must be frightening to him because he just keeps stuttering. "I'm just gonna go," he says, walking backwards.

"I think that's a good idea," I say, shutting the door.

"Edward! I didn't even pay yet!" Bella shouts, reaching for the door.

"Pizza's on the douche tonight," I say, holding the door shut. She just sighs and walks to the table. She lets out another big sigh when she sits.

"What?" I ask. She looks up at me, a smile playing on her lips.

"Edward, you just tried to kill the pizza boy... wearing a towel," she says.

I look down and feel embarrassed to be standing in front of her practically naked after attacking the pizza boy; I won't let her know though.

"Well, he shouldn't have tried to force his way in here," I say with a smirk, shrugging, trying to play it off. I look at her and see her smiling at me. She seems to know me too well to believe my act. I pull a pair of shorts out of my bag and slip them on under the towel then let it drop to the floor, making sure to keep my back away from her. I look over at Bella, and she's blushing bright red.

"What?" I ask. She just shakes her head, turning a brighter shade of red. I walk over to the table and sit down, not bothering with a shirt; I'm starving. We eat in silence for a little bit until she breaks the silence.

"I missed them more than I knew," she says quietly, looking down at her plate.

"_Marcus_?" I asked, bewildered. She rolls her eyes at me.

"No, not Marcus," she says, exasperated. "The Cullens."

"I'm sure," I say. "So, when do you want to talk to him again?" I ask. She freezes and looks up at me.

"Oh, I'm not... I don't know if... I just..." A tear escapes her eye in the middle of her rambling. I reach over and grab her hand, rubbing circles into it.

"You were ok with him touching you," I state. She knows exactly what I mean. From the minute I met her, men have terrified her. I've never seen her so comfortable in the presence of another man.

"He's safe. I trust him... all the Cullens; they would never hurt me," she explains. It makes sense, this town... this life was all before that fucker took her.

"Why wouldn't you let him call you Isabella?" I ask.

"Because I don't like it," she says slowly.

"I noticed," I say with a laugh. "I was just wondering if there was a reason why?"

"That's what... Alec... It's what he called me. He never called me Bella, only Isabella," she explains. My hands clinch into fist. I don't respond to what she said, because I'm in a shitty mood and don't want to upset her with whatever comes out of my mouth. After a while she continues on about the Cullens.

"I really miss Alice. I didn't even ask how she was... and Emmett. I really wonder how they are," she says with a soft smile.

"You should find out," I say. "Call him. Didn't you believe him?" I ask.

"About him not hating me?" she asks with a bitter laugh.

I nod.

"He's a more forgiving man than I thought," she says.

"So?" I ask, trying to get her to give me an answer.

"Yeah, I guess I would like to see them. I really do miss them."

"Good," I say, happy that she will see her friends again.

A genuine smile graces her lips, and it makes me feel like I made the right choice by bringing us here. We finish eating our pizza. I stand to throw the paper plates away. As soon as I turn my back, I hear Bella gasp.

Feeling like an idiot I grab the closest shirt to me, throwing it over my head. I know she's seen me before, but I've made sure, as much as I can, that she doesn't get a _good_ look at my back. I'm humiliated. I don't want her to see the scars that have made my back their home. I have yet to turn around, but I feel her presence behind me.

"Oh Edward, who did this to you?" she asks, placing her hand softly on my back. I hear the pity in her voice, and I hate it. I deserve what I have and so much more. I failed at the one thing I should've gotten right. I shrug her hand off and walk away.

"Leave it," I say, and I mean it. I have no desire to share my weakness and grand failure. This is so much different than her secrets. She needed to trust me, to know I wouldn't hurt her or leave her, before she could tell me. I don't tell her, to keep her. Once she learns how weak I was, and how it's my own fault that I ended up where I was, she won't want anything to do with me.

"Edward, please... let me in; talk to me," she pleads from a distance.

"There's nothing to talk about. Leave. It," I say harsher this time. I feel myself losing my temper, but I can't help it. She wants to get this out of me so bad, but I know it will be the end of us - whatever _us_ there is - once she knows. I look over at her and can see she wants to retreat within herself so badly. This is probably the harshest I have ever been with her. She doesn't fall apart though; she stands up straighter and walks up to me. She grabs my hands and looks into my eyes as tears pool in her own.

"Just like you told me that night, Edward, there is nothing, _nothing_ you could ever say to make me think badly of you. I care about you. _Please_ let me in," she says.

I rip my hands out of hers, stepping back. I'm pissed, but not at her. I'm pissed at myself, because I want to tell her so badly. I just can't. I'm pissed I'm so fucked up that I can't let her in even though I want to so badly.

Because I am the way I am, I react out of anger, not knowing what else to do. "Why the fuck do you even care? Why do you even want to know?"

She looks at me, shocked. She steps forward, anger in her eyes.

"Because I love you! That's why I care and want to know!" Her body stops. She freezes and throws her hands over her mouth, shocked she let the words fly out.

There's no way she's more shocked than I am. We stare at each other, not moving. Even though I thought I wanted to hear this all along, that I have admitted to myself I love her as well, I can't get the words out. In my mind, I know we should have a cheesy movie moment where we run and embrace each other while I declare my undying love for her, but I can't. Now that the moment has come, I can't, and I hate myself for it.

Before I even know what I'm doing, my feet move and take me to the front door. I walk out, hearing her sobs as I walk away into the night.

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**Don't be too hard on Edward! He's been through a lot with Bella and has his breaking points as well. **

**I'm actually going camping in La Push next week so I'm not sure when the chapter will be out. It may be a couple of days early or a couple of days late. **

**I will post a teaser on the forum Wednesday!**

**Let me know what you think! Don't forget to check out BPOV!**


	13. Chapter 13 Even So

**OK guys, early it is! You all were so nice to Edward so I made sure to get this out early rather than late :)  
I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm sick and it's supposed to rain, hubby will owe me big time for this lol **

**Huge thanks to the usual! Kimmcarr, Jessypt and Whatobsession17**

**Thank you so much to everyone that reads and reviews! I read every one, your reviews make my week and encourage me to keep writing! **

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.  
***IMPORTANT*  
This chapter deals with issues of extreme violence, sexual and physical abuse of minors. Please read with caution!**

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_**You're gonna hate me when I tell you everything**_

_**You're gonna question whether you really know me at all**_

_**You will revisit every smile, and where it fit into the day**_

_**I know this is how it will play**_

_**And I try, oh I try to think of all the things**_

_**That I could do to let you know that I love**_

_**-Rachel Yamagata**_

**EPOV**

As soon as I take three steps from the room, I realize how big the mistake is I just made. How much trust I just destroyed by walking out on her. The kicker of it all - I didn't even want to walk out. Running is all I know, and when I felt the panic rise in me, I did what I know - I ran. I've been running for so long, and I don't want to do it anymore. I stop where I'm standing, forcing myself to man up and stay in the hotel parking lot. I grab my hair out of frustration and tug hard, cursing under my breath.

Even though Bella's still skittish and afraid at times, she's so brave and has overcome so many things. I feel even weaker when I realize how much it took for her to open up to me with her deepest darkest secrets. She was strong and made it through telling me everything. When she asks me for the same thing, I lose my temper, treat her badly and walk out on her, all out of fear.

"Fuck!" I shout into the darkness. I hate myself.

I'm afraid I screwed everything up beyond repair. Then I think about what she said before I ran from the room. She said she loves me. The thought makes my heart feel like it's going to pound out of my chest. I've felt that way for a while now and haven't been brave enough to tell her.

She gives me her heart, and I fucking throw it back in her face. I decide right then there's only one thing to do and that's to go back into the room and try to fix what I ruined. I'll tell her anything, things I've never told another soul. I'll do anything to erase what I just did to her. I turn around to go back to the door. The thought of telling another person about my past is almost enough for the pizza I ate to make a reappearance, but I tell myself this isn't _any_ person, this is Bella, the girl who loves me.

I open the door and see her form on the bed. She's laying on her side, her back is to me. I stand in the doorway waiting for her to roll over and look at me, but she doesn't. I sit on the bed making it bounce more than necessary, expecting her to turn and notice me, she doesn't.

"Bella," I start softly. She cuts me off before I can continue.

"Let's just go to bed, Edward. I'm tired," she says stiffly, still facing away from me. I consider what she says but realize there's no way I can go to sleep, in the same bed, having her hate me. I decide I'll just give her what she wanted to show her how much I care, how sorry I am. If she's decides she doesn't want to listen that's fine. I start to tell her things I have never told anyone else, some of the things, I haven't even allowed myself to think of since the night it happened.

"I don't have a dad - well I do, obviously, but I have no idea who he is." I see her body move a little - she's listening.

"Anyway, I was raised by my mom and my grandparents. I grew up in Bend, Oregon. My mom, Angela, worked hard to support us and had more than one job most of the time. I would spend a lot of my time at my grandparents while my mom was at work. My Grandma Kate and Grandpa Garrett spoiled me whenever they could. My mom and I... we were really close though. Whoever my dad is, he was abusive, that's why she left, and that's why I don't know who he is." This gets Bella's attention; she rolls over to face me. I keep looking ahead, not checking to see if she's making eye contact or not.

"Because of what she had gone through, she raised me to respect women over anything else. She always stressed the importance of not just being a gentleman but to always make sure the woman in my life was put first. My grandparents had the same values, and you could see it in the way they lived. When Grandpa looked at Grandma, you saw the love and respect he had for her even when they were old and shriveled. They had a very old fashioned way of seeing the world, but it's just the way they were."

"I think that's nice," Bella says softly. I smile, silently agreeing with her.

"When I was nine, I was at my grandparents after school waiting for my mom to pick me up when she got off work. My grandma had run to the store to get my favorite ice cream. While she was gone, Grandpa Garrett had a heart attack. We learned at school about calling 911 in an emergency, and I did, but he died before the ambulance even arrived," I explain.

I feel guilty; I feel no sadness from this anymore. It crushed me when it happened, he was the first person I ever lost. I loved my grandpa. He was the closest thing to a dad I ever had, but that part of my life is so disconnected from reality now.

"We moved into my grandparent's house with my grandma, not only to help her, but also to save us some money so my mom didn't have to work so many damn jobs. Grandma Kate was... heartbroken, I guess. She never recovered. She was never the same. A little over a year later, she passed away in her sleep. Mom was devastated, both of her parents gone within a year. I tried so hard to be the 'man' of the house at ten years old. To be strong for her, to take care of her," I say, laughing, realizing now how ridiculous I was.

"Anyway, we had to move. I don't even know why; I was too young to get it. I just remember having to move back into another little shit-hole apartment, like the ones we used to live in. Mom went back to working two or three jobs. I remember being only, like, eleven, but wanting to get a job so badly to help her. She would come home, so tired, probably not even sleeping for days and still make time to help me with my homework or just play a game. She _always_ made time for me," I say, remembering the late nights.

"Even though things were tough, we were ok. I was a happy kid and was always taken care of. No matter if we had the money or not, I never went without. She made sure I was at every field trip and was included in every sport I wanted to be in. She worked her ass off so I could have a great childhood, and I did."

I feel like shit now. She worked so hard to make sure I was happy. I understood, even then, the sacrifices she made, but now I wonder, was she happy? She worked her ass off for me, what did she ever get for herself? She never even dated, not wanting strange men to be around me. She always put me first.

"When I turned twelve and went into Jr. High, she lost one of her jobs. We had to move from our shitty little apartment to an even shittier and littler apartment. There was only one bedroom, and she insisted on me sleeping in it. She would sleep on the little sofa we had, making me sleep in the bedroom. I always hated it, and even slept on the living room floor just to make a point a couple of times," I say, laughing.

I remember waking up and seeing her soft smile as she laughed at my stubbornness. I hear Bella laugh softly with me. I still don't look at her though. In order for me to get through this bullshit, I just continue on.

"One night, I was super beat. I was out playing basketball with the guys and was so tired when I came home. Mom wasn't home from work yet, and I ended up crashing in my room." I pause. I'm not sure if I can get through the next part.

"I woke up to screams," I whisper. "I ran out to the living room and saw two fuckers there with my mom. One was holding her down while the other one hit her." I hear Bella gasp beside me.

"They didn't see me come into the room. They were both screaming at her, demanding to know where 'it' was. She was insisting she had no idea what they were talking about."

"_Where is it, bitch!" he screams as he lands another blow to her stomach. She coughs and stutters; she can't breathe. He's big, at least six foot five and nothing but muscle. There are tattoos crawling out of the collar of his shirt and up his neck. The other man is destroying the apartment, searching. He flips the couch over, ripping through the cushions. He's just as large, his arms are exposed but you can't see flesh, only ink. _

"_I have no idea... what you want!" she cries out. She starts to crawl away, but he grabs her by the leg and drags her back. She's still in her waitressing outfit, the sleeve torn off from the scuffle. Her makeup is running down her face, her hair falling down. She looks so small - so defenseless next to these huge men. He continues to slap and shake her, demanding information. I stand frozen trying to come up with a plan. As quietly as I can, I go back into my room and grab my baseball bat. _

"I had no idea what to do, I knew I had to stop them." I feel Bella's hand slip into my own; she squeezes tightly. I look over at her to see that she's now sitting up. I didn't even notice; I was so lost in the memory.

_I repeat the plan in my head. Hit the one searching on the head, surprise the one that has Mom, hit him before he sees you coming. I hear Mom scream out in agony as she absorbs another blow. Adrenaline courses through my veins. I don't feel any fear. I just see red. I'm gonna kill the motherfuckers that are hurting my mom. _

_I step out from the shadow of the hallway, my knuckles white. I grip the bat so hard. The man searching sees me coming, my plan doesn't work. I lift the bat to bring it down to crush his skull, but before it makes contact, he stops it with his hand and laughs._

"I was naive. I thought I was a big man. Man enough to take them both on. I should've found a phone and called the cops or ran for help. Those thoughts didn't even cross my mind at the time; I couldn't leave her in the apartment alone with them. I had my baseball bat and went for them."

_The other man stops his attack on my mom and walks over to me. One has a hold of me, his arm wrapped tightly around my neck. _

"_What do we have here?" The other one says, leaning close to me. His hot breath making me sick to my stomach. I kick and punch, fighting to get away. Mom's screaming in the background to leave me alone. I do whatever I can to keep their attention on me. I hope she will run, get away while they are distracted with me. I know my mom though, and I know that she would never leave me in trouble, just like I would never leave her. I continue to kick and fight, I try to bite the man, but the other one punches me in the face. I taste blood instantly but ignore the pain. Another blow, this one hits me right in the gut. All my air is gone; I gasp and stutter trying to get oxygen back into my lungs. I still fight, but my movements are slower... weaker. The men laugh. Mom screams in horror. I notice her trying to stand, but she can't. Something is wrong with her leg; it's not facing the right direction. _

"It didn't work; they got a hold of me and started beating the shit out of me. My mom was pleading with them to stop, and they said they would... as soon as she gave them what they wanted. It was clear by the look on her face, she had no idea what they wanted."

_I'm still being held by my throat, I'm fighting to stay conscious. I see the man who isn't holding me walk over to mom and give her a swift kick to her stomach. I lose it. I start to scream and use every ounce of energy I have left to get out of his hold. My twelve year old body can't take much more, and I'm losing the fight. The next thing I see is a gun, it's flying right towards my head, and everything goes black. _

"One of them hit the side of my head with a gun, and I passed out. I have no idea for how long, or what happened after. I woke up to a banging on the door, I rolled over, feeling the worst pain I had ever felt, and saw my mom... gone, on the cold floor."

_Pain, it's in every fiber of my being. My brain feels like it's trying to escape my skull, like it's too big for my head. I open my eye, the other, too swollen, protests and stays shut. I see destruction around me. My throat hurts. I hear pounding on the door._

"_Police, open the door!"_

_I'm confused. I lay there for a moment, then it all comes rushing back to me so fast. The screaming - the men - Mom. My mom! Where is she? I use everything I have to fight the pain and get my body to move. I roll over and come face to face with my mom. Her eyes open and lifeless stare at me, her head is lolled to the side, her body broken. One hand is reaching out in my direction. I scramble backwards,_ _terrified, until my back hits the wall. It sounds like thunder as the front door gets thrown open, uniformed men come rushing in. I curl in a ball not wanting to be found, wishing they had killed me too, knowing I failed to protect the one person I was supposed to, and now I'm alone in the world. _

"They killed her. They probably thought I was dead, too." Bella cries softly beside me and tells me how sorry she is. I have no tears; I ran out of those a long time ago. I can tell she's using all her restraint to not throw herself at me. She knows me well, and right now, I don't want to be touched.

"The cops found them. They had the wrong information. They were members of some gang. They were sent to rough up the girlfriend of a rival gang member who had taken drugs from them. My mom matched the description, and they followed her home from work and..." I trail off, she knows how the story ends.

"I wanted to kill them and planned to, but I never had the chance. They were both killed in prison by rival gang members before they even went to trial." It's so painful for me to share all of this with Bella, and now she knows. She knows what a coward I am. How I let my mom die.

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry," she says, wrapping herself around me. I'm glad she does, it feels good to have her hold me even when I didn't think I wanted her to.

"What happened after, where did you go?" she asks after a while. She runs her hands softly through my hair, and it calms me enough to allow me to continue.

"Well, I was in the hospital for over a week. A few of my ribs were broken, and I had a pretty severe head injury," I say. Bella shakes her head and the grip she has around my neck increases. I wrap an arm around her waist, finding myself trying to comfort her, even now, hating to see her cry.

"After I left the hospital, I became a ward of the state. I had no living family, except one aunt on my dad's side and she wanted nothing to do with me. I was sent to a foster home. Looking back now, I realize it really wasn't that bad. I was used to getting a lot of attention from my mom. Helping me with schoolwork, coming to all of my games, she was really involved. In foster care, you're nobody. These people were nice enough, but they had more kids than they could handle. I was hurting, lost and confused. My whole life had crumbled, and I felt like no one cared... because they didn't. I started acting out. Getting into fights at school, starting fights at home with the other kids. I quit all the sports I was playing; I just didn't give a shit about anything. All the shit I was doing got me kicked out.

"I was placed in another home and that one wasn't so great, I realized really quickly being ignored was a good thing. I learned firsthand why I didn't want anyone to pay attention to me. This woman liked to hit. She beat kids for no fucking reason; if her husband was drunk he would join in too." A lot of my scars are thanks to that bitch.

"I ran from there and was placed into another home. That house was being run by a sick fuck." I don't elaborate. Bella doesn't need to hear how the sicko came into my room and tried to touch me. She doesn't need to hear how I walked in on the same sick fuck molesting a four year old.

_I don't sleep here, after what happened the first night. I know it isn't safe to sleep. I'm laying in the dark, and I want my mom. I lay here and hear crying. It sounds like Lucy, a four year old little girl in the house who never speaks. Not a single word. She's tiny, not like four year old small - no, she's really fucking small and fragile looking. For some reason she's glued herself to my side, follows me around. I just let her. I don't mind her company, and I like the silence._

_Hearing Lucy cry is nothing new, it's the only sound she ever makes and only at night. I hear it almost every night. I'm not sure why, but tonight I decide to check on her. I walk out of my room and across the hall. Lucy's door is cracked open and the light is on. I find this odd and quietly look through the opening in the door. _

_Royce, the fucker makes us all call him "daddy," is holding Lucy down and doing things to her I never knew people were capable of doing to innocent little girls. His back is to me; he has no idea I'm behind him. Lucy sees me though, her crying stops. She hiccups trying to catch her breath, and one little hand reaches for me. Her red, tear stained eyes silently plead for help. I walk away, and I hear Lucy start to cry again at my departure. I won't fuck up this time, I decide. I walk back to my room and look for a weapon. I have nothing. I grab the desk lamp and unplug it. I sneak back across the hall. This whole scenario is too familiar to what happened that night with my mom. _

_The sneaking down the hall, the feeling of a blunt object in my hand, adrenaline coursing through my veins; it's all too familiar. My chest starts to tighten, and I can't get air into my lungs. Memories flood me, and I find myself back in the apartment, waking up to my mother's dead body. I stop and take a couple deep breaths. I hear Lucy cry out. I can't waste anymore time. I get the fuck over myself and do what I know I have to do. _

_I burst through the door catching the fucker by surprise. He moves to stand, but he doesn't have a chance. I lift the lamp up and slam it over his head, knocking him out with the first hit. I don't stop though. I hit him over... and over. Blood pours from him... and it encourages me. I throw the lamp to the side; it's in pieces. I continue with my fists; I channel all the hate for the bastards that killed my mom, and all the hate I feel for this man for harming innocent little girls. I start to use my feet too, kicking him. I'm tired all of a sudden, and I stop. I'm gasping for breaths. My face feels wet. I reach up and realize there's water leaking out of my eyes... I'm not crying. I haven't cried since the day my mom died. When the haze of my rage clears, I remember how this all started - Lucy - where is she? I scan the room for her, she's sitting, curled into a ball in the corner, her clothes still off. She's stopped crying though. She doesn't even look scared anymore; she looks... content. _

_Without saying a word, I pick up her little nightgown with Disney princess on it. I walk over to her and slip it over her head. I reach a hand out to her, she takes it without hesitation. Without saying a word to one another we walk over the bloody, beaten "daddy" and walk out of the house. It's freezing outside. Lucy has no shoes or coat. I pick her up and carry her all the way to the police station. She sleeps on my shoulder for the eight mile walk._

I tell Bella a much censored version of the memory that hasn't faded over the years. I tell her how I got put into a detention center for what I did to Royce.

"I didn't even kill him," I say. Regret lacing in my voice. I thought I had.

"Edward," Bella sighs softly. "What happened to Lucy?" Bella asks. I shrug.

"I don't know. They took her away from me the second we walked into the police station. I know they took her to the hospital and found that she had suffered long term... abuse. They tried to blame me," I say with a bitter laugh. Bella's eyes go wide with shock.

"How?" She asks.

"Well, Lucy wouldn't speak. Their theory was Royce walked in on me hurting Lucy, and I beat him to keep it a secret. Then the guilt caused me to turn myself in to the station," I explain.

"How could they believe that?" she asks shocked. I just shrug again.

"I had a record for being... difficult and violent already," I explain.

"It all came down to Lucy. She was told that the man that hurt her was in jail... then Royce came to pick her up from the hospital. She found her voice and said just enough to say it was Royce who hurt her. After that, more kids came forward saying the same thing. Royce ended up in jail, and I ended up in another foster home. I never saw or heard about Lucy again."

"I hope she's ok, she would be what..." Bella's doing the math for her age.

"Twelve," I say. Bella's the first person I've told about Lucy, I won't tell her I still worry to this day. I can't help but wonder what ever happened to her, and if she ever found a family that would love her and not hurt her.

"After that, I never went back. I was placed in new foster homes all the time but never made it through the first night. I ran every time. I started living on the street and preferred it to any of the homes I had been in. Until I was eighteen, they kept sending me back every time I was arrested."

"Arrested?" Bella asks, surprised.

"Yeah, I've done a lot of things I'm ashamed of, Bella," I say. I won't go into details, and she doesn't pry. I'm not that person anymore, and I did what I needed to survive. I lied, fought, stole, cheated, scammed, sold, and fucked to survive. I'm not hiding anything from her, and maybe, one day I'll open up to her. She already thinks I'm a _fuggiasco;_ she doesn't need to hear all the details.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I had no idea," she says. She gets on her knees and kisses my temple. I close my eyes and relish the feeling of her lips on my skin. I turn and come face to face with her. I lean in and slowly kiss her, softly. We start to kiss and she leans on me, lying on my chest. My hands find her hair, and I try to pull her closer to me... she's not close enough. Our kissing becomes more desperate, and Bella finds her way onto my lap, her legs on either side of me.

She moans into my mouth, and out of reflex I buck my hips up against her center. She slowly grinds into me, looking for friction. It's been so long since I've been with anyone other than my right hand I'm about two seconds from jizzing in my pants and place my hands on her hips to stop the movement. She pulls back and looks at me.

"You ok?" I ask looking into her eyes, worried she's about to panic. She just nods and leans back down to kiss me again. I move my hands from her hair to wrap them tightly around her waist holding her to me. She lets out a content sigh. We lay there quietly, both emotionally exhausted.

"I really did mean it Edward, even though I didn't mean to say it," she says softly into the crook of my neck. I'm not sure what to say so I lay there quiet.

"Nothing you said did anything but make me love you more," she adds.

"I'm sorry," I say. She says nothing. She just reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair. She's not mad, she understands. I can't say it. I feel it. I want to say it, but I can't.

I lay there and think about what she said, how what I said to her tonight made her love me more. I told her my darkest secrets, things I thought would make her run, but she didn't. I realize something; I don't only love her, but I trust her; something I thought I would never feel again. If after everything she went through she can trust me with her love, why can't I do the same? After putting myself through mental torture beating myself up for about an hour, I realize I can do the same. I love her.

"Bella," I say. She's asleep. I don't care - now that I've decided, I have to tell her.

"Bella, baby, wake up," I say, gently shaking her. She sits up. She looks sleepy, confused, and so fucking cute.

"I love you too, _so_ much," I say in a whisper. She stares at me for a long second, a smile graces her lips before she launches herself at me. I roll her over onto her back to continue what she started.

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**There you are, I hope you all can understand Edward a little bit better :)**

**I'm gone till the beginning of next week, well if I don't get eaten by a bear lol. My mom will have surgery next week and I'll being staying with her, taking care of her. Not sure when the next update will happen but I will try to stay on schedule. **

**Keep an eye on the forum, I'll keep you guys updated there**

**If you want to chat, find me on twitter kdc2239**

**Please take a second to review, I love to hear what you all have to say, it makes my week!**


	14. Chapter 14 Sweet Talk

**Thank you so much for all your sweet reviews last chapter, they made my week! Thanks for all the well wishes for my mom. She's doing great! **

**As usual couldn't do it without Kimmcarr, Jessypt and Whatobsession! **

**I'm even posting a day early!**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

**Mature content ahead - AKA - Lemony goodness ;)**

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**Lift me up on my honor**

**Take me over this spell**

**Get this weight off my shoulders**

**I've carried it well**

**Loose these shackles of pressure**

**Shake me out of these chains**

**Lead me not to temptation**

**Hold my hand harder**

**Ease my mind**

**Roll down the smoke screen**

**And open the sky**

**Let me fly**

**Man I need a release from**

**This troublesome mind**

**Fix my feet when they're stumbling**

**And well you know it hurts sometimes**

**You know it's gonna bleed sometimes**

**-The Killers**

**EPOV - Day one in Forks**

I can't believe I told her I love her. I roll on top of her and start peppering kisses down her neck. She moans, and it encourages my advances. I move from her neck to her shoulder and continue my path down. I kiss and lick my way down her arm to every fingertip. I pause a moment and look up at her, scared I will see fear in her eyes. I don't. There's nothing but love looking back at me, and to prove it, she sits up on her elbows and runs a hand through my hair.

"I do. I love you... so much," she says softly.

"I love you too, baby," I say, lying down on top of her so she's on her back again. We kiss softly and slowly. I'm not sure for how long, but it's nice. I've always been in a hurry to get mine and get out, not with her though. I make sure this experience is nothing like she's ever had before.

She's never willingly been physical with someone in her life. She's a virgin to this experience - to someone loving her, not forcing her, to wanting this as much as the other person. I try to keep my weight off of her and also make sure her hands are free so she doesn't feel as though she's being held down.

We continue kissing. Her hands roam my face and mine cover hers. I feel loved. I hope she does as well but don't pause to ask. I think about the last time we kissed - and she had a meltdown. I don't want that to happen again, and the only way I can think of keeping that from happening is to make sure we do nothing that will remind her of what happened to her. From what she's told me, it's safe to assume that no one has loved her, caressed her, been gentle with her. I've never loved, caressed or been gentle with anyone before and have no idea what I'm doing. I guess we're on even ground.

I lean back and look at her. She looks relaxed, her hair fans across the pillow. She has a soft smile on her face, and I'm sure mine matches. I bend down and kiss her neck and move up. I tell her I love her again, whispering it in her ear as I take it between my teeth. As my mouth moves back down, so does my hand. I blindly feel for the buttons on her shirt and start to undo them. I hear her gasp and quickly pull back. Her eyes are a little wide, but I don't see fear.

"Tell me to stop and I will," I promise. She nods. "Do you trust me? I will never push you, Bella," I say.

"I trust you. I don't... I... I don't want you to stop," she says bringing her hands down to meet mine. She helps me undo her buttons.

Together we get her shirt off, and fuck me if she isn't the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She has scars on her that match my own - some are red and angry, some have faded to white. She also has scars I don't have - bite marks.

She has fucking permanent bite marks on her flawless breast. I feel anger and nausea all at once. Some sick fucking animal marked her. I wish I knew who it was so I could make them pay. Who could harm her? Who could ever do this to someone so perfect? She sees me notice, and her hands wrap around herself. She's like me - ashamed. I gently move them aside and kiss every scar on the front of her body, wishing I could heal her, knowing I can't.

"Bella, you're perfect," I say, knowing no one has ever told her before. She needs to hear this. She's been treated as a toy - a slave - abused. Never again though. She will never have another experience other than being loved. Tears spring to her eyes. One escapes. I lean forward and kiss it away. She kisses me with passion.

Her bra is soon discarded on the floor with her shirt. I sit back a moment appreciating the view, wondering how I could have ever been turned on in the past by any other woman when Bella was out there. My erection is straining against my pants, and she's squirming a little under my gaze. I lean back down taking one of her perfect nipples into my mouth, gently sucking on it. Her hands fly to my hair, and the sexiest moan escapes from her. I roll the other one in my fingers loving the way she feels in my hands, in my mouth. I switch breasts making sure I give the other the same attention.

I palm both of her breasts and move back up to kiss her, tell how much I love her, and remind her how perfect she is. I ask her if she wants to stop; she says no and reaches to pull my shirt off as well. I hesitate not wanting her to see my scars - then I don't give a shit. I've seen hers, and I hope she will still love me even after seeing mine up close. My shirt joins the campout of clothing on the ground. She sits up and moves behind me. She runs her fingers over my back. My body goes stiff. She places a kiss right between my shoulder blades, where I know there's a large scar. The feeling of her lips on my back is better than anything I've ever felt. I feel pressure on my shoulders; she's pushing me on my back. I give in and lay back.

Hesitantly, slowly, she straddles my lap, her eyes cast down. I put a hand under her chin. We make eye contact, I tell her I love her again. She says it back. Her hands rest on my stomach. My muscle contract under her soft touch. Her eyes roam my body. I look up at the ceiling, but I can feel her stare. I don't want to look at her. I don't want to see the look of disgust that she surely has. I focus of the feeling of her center on mine, and the fact that she must feel how hard I am, even through my jeans. While she examines me, I wonder if she's wet - my pants get tighter.

Then I feel contact on my skin and look down. Bella is doing the same thing to me that I did to her. Every mark on my body she kisses, licks, and touches so softly. As she makes her path up and down my torso, I can feel her breasts brush my skin, so feather light. She looks beautiful topless above me; it's the best thing I've ever seen. I feel a drop of moisture and see tears in her eyes.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong?" I ask, bringing my hands to her face, wiping the tears away with my thumbs. I'm worried that we've gone too far, but her answer surprises me.

"You're perfect, Edward," she says, repeating my words from earlier. "But... I hate whoever did this to you... I hate them so much."

I pull her back to me and kiss her deeply. We won't go further tonight. Even though I'm a horny bastard, I know this is more than enough for tonight. She needs to know I love her, that I don't expect anything from her. I hold her on top of me, and we continue to kiss and love each other. In that moment I know that we are both broken, but I've learned we are not beyond repair.

**~*E&B*~**

**Day two in Forks**

I've called Carlisle, and we're supposed to have dinner at their place tonight. I feel bad it's our second night in Forks, and we still haven't seen Bella's mom. I promise myself I'll take her soon. Carlisle calls; they want to pick us up, but Bella says no. Carlisle is a nice man, so he offers to drop a car off for our use; I have to embarrass myself and tell him I can't drive. He just called back. He said he has paid for a taxi to come and get us. For the first time, I feel bad for putting him out. If it weren't for Bella, I would never accept his money or help.

The taxi is waiting outside for us, but Bella is still unmovable on the bed. I gently coax her outside. During the short taxi ride, I ask her what she's worried about. She tells me she doesn't know. We don't talk the rest of the ride. Bella is obviously scared and nervous.

We pull up to the Cullen house. The house is in the middle of nowhere and is white and large. Not too big though, it's still modest. There is a porch that wraps around the front that looks like something out of a movie and windows - so many windows. There's a woman standing on the front porch. Bella sits up a little straighter looking out the front window of the taxi. When she sees the woman - all previous nervousness and fear visibly disappears. Bella flies out of the car and runs into the woman's arms. The force of their collision almost knocks them over; they're both crying.

I stand in the driveway, dumbfounded, as the taxi pulls away. There's no discomfort or fear. It's obvious that Bella loves this woman, and she loves Bella. Carlisle steps onto the front porch and walks past the two women, who are now talking. He walks down the driveway towards me, I meet him half way.

"Thank you, Edward," he says, shaking my hand.

"Yeah, thanks for the ride," I say. He waves me off.

"You don't have to stand in the driveway, come in," he says, walking back up to the porch. I follow him keeping my hands in my pockets. I'm uncomfortable being around this family. Even when I had a family, it wasn't like this. It was me and my mom in a little apartment. Bella sees me and is by my side instantly. She wipes tears from her eyes, but she's smiling; she looks so happy.

"Edward, this is my second mom, Esme," she says, pointing to the woman.

"Nice to meet you, Edward," Esme says, pulling me into a hug. I awkwardly wrap one arm around her, I don't like this - I want her to stop touching me. I haven't been touched in a motherly way since my mom died, I don't know how to act. Esme pulls back and smiles, tears are in her eyes too. She looks to be around forty, but she's beautiful - for a mom. An awkward silence ensues until Carlisle speaks up.

"Should we go inside?" he asks, motioning towards the open door.

Everyone agrees and heads in. Esme first then Bella. She grabs my hand, and I follow her. Carlisle shuts the door behind us. The inside of the house is as nice as the outside. It looks elegant, but lived in - not stuffy. There's a large staircase in the center of the entry way. Every piece of furniture is made of dark, rich wood. The carpet is thick and lush. There are candles and a fire burning in the fire place; this house feels warm and comfortable... I don't fit in here.

We go into the living room. One entire wall is glass, and the view is amazing. There's nothing but field and forest, I can't see where it ends. Bella is right at home here; this is a place where she feels comfortable, safe. She makes herself comfortable on the couch, even pulling a blanket off the back and wrapping it around her legs. I've never seen her like this. I've only seen the scared, unsure, post-abuse Bella. This more confidant, comfortable Bella is refreshing. She's in a place she used to call home with people she used to call family. The pang of insecurity in my chest comes back... is she already growing away from me?

"Edward," she says, patting the space next to her.

I walk over and sit. This couch feels nicer than any bed I've ever slept in. Esme walks back into the room with a tray of drinks and snacks. She sets them on the table and sits across from us with her husband. All four of us sit and stare. It's so uncomfortable, no one knows what to say. Everyone is fidgeting. Carlisle adjusts his sleeves. Esme fixes the clip in her hair. I look at Bella next to me and she is looking at her lap, playing with strings from her pants.

"Oh this is just silly," Esme says with a laugh, waving her hand around addressing the silence in the room.

"How have you been? Alice, Emmett?" Bella asks quietly, making an effort to start a conversation.

"We've been fine, Bella, we've missed you so much though. What -" Esme starts, Carlisle cuts her off knowing what will happen if Esme asks Bella personal questions. Carlisle saw firsthand last night at the diner what this line of questioning does to her. He saw Bella shut down.

"Emmett is good, has his own brewery business now. It's small but growing. He was married last year," Carlisle says. Esme gives him a look for cutting her off but continues on politely.

"Yes, Rosalie... I don't think you know her Bella, but she's very sweet." Bella nods and takes a sip of her drink.

"Alice?" she asks. The couple looks at each other silently communicating something. Carlisle starts out slowly.

"Alice... Alice is doing very well... _now_. She, uh..."

"She would love to see you, Bella, and I think she should be the one to update you," Esme says, gently cutting her husband off. I wonder what could be going on with Bella's friend that her parents don't want to share.

"Ok," Bella says wearily.

Small talk goes on for a while, then dinner is ready, and small talk continues through the meal. I don't contribute to the conversation much. The food is too good, roast and all the sides. I just eat and let them get caught up.

"Edward," Esme says. I look up from my meal. My mouth is full of food.

"Where are you from, dear?" she asks with a sweet smile. I swallow my food as fast as possible, causing myself to choke. I'm trying to remember my manners and not make an ass of myself.

"Bend," I say.

"Oregon?" she asks. I nod.

"Oh, I love it there, so beautiful! We used to go to Sisters, close to there, every year."

"Yeah, we went there a lot too," I say. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to talk about my past. I don't want to remember or share with them.

"Such a nice little town," she continues on. I don't know what else to say. I'm not good at small talk.

"So how do you two know each other? Did you meet in Bend?" Carlisle asks, obviously trying to figure where the fuck Bella has been.

"No, we met in Portland," Bella says.

"Oh, that's a great city too," Carlisle says. "The Blazers aren't doing so well though are they? After Brandon Roy and Oden got hurt, they're the long shots," he says.

"Uh, I dunno, I don't follow sports," I say. I feel less-than at this point. I'm sure it comes across odd I don't know about the sports team in my own town. Carlisle doesn't need to know I used to sleep under the Rose Garden Arena, not see the games in it.

"Oh well, you're saving yourself frustration then," he says with a laugh. I appreciate him trying to make me feel comfortable, but I'm not.

"Is that where you've been staying then, Portland?" he asks. Fuck, this is getting awkward.

I know Bella doesn't want to tell them everything, but she has to give something up. You can't disappear as a child for five years then just show back up acting like nothing happened. Bella doesn't answer him, so I do.

"Yeah, that's where we live," I say. His eyes widen at my term. Yes, we live together. Bella is mine, I want to say but don't. Bella's mouth drops open and she starts to backtrack my comment.

"Well, I've been staying there for a while now. Edward's helped me out a lot."

"Helped you with what?" Carlisle asks in a friendly tone, but I don't like it. It's none of his business. Bella grabs my hand on the top of the table, and it makes me feel good. She's not ashamed of me, yet. These people are high class though, and they don't know I'm homeless.

"Everything," she says simply. They don't push anymore for the rest of dinner. After dinner, they insist on us getting comfortable in the living room while they clear the table. I take this time to talk to Bella.

"Bella, you have to tell them something," I say softly.

"I know, I just don't... what do I tell them?" she asks looking overwhelmed. She starts to bite her nails; she's getting nervous.

"Just the basics maybe?"

"Even those are too much," she says, and I agree.

"Ask them questions, maybe. See what they say and you can decide how much you want to tell them," I suggest. Before she can answer me they walk back into the room.

The shitty small talk starts again. Everyone is trying to converse around the giant elephant in the room. Bella makes no effort to do what we talked about, and I can tell the two adults across from us are about to jump out of their fucking skin waiting for answers.

"I'm sorry, but this is stupid," I say, not being able to take the awkwardness one more damn minute.

"It is," Carlisle agrees to my shock.

"Bella, we are dying to know what happened, where you've been, but we don't want to push you or make you uncomfortable, sweetheart," he says softly.

"I just can't," she says.

"I understand it might be hard, I do," Carlisle says, pulling his chair a little closer to her. Normally I would freak out telling him to back the fuck up, but I trust this man a little already. I do put my arm around her though; I'm not that trusting.

"A lot of people have been looking for you, Bella - people, police."

"Police?" she asks, surprised.

"Yes, honey. Your dad, he started the search the same day you never came home from school."

"He did?" Bella says quietly to her lap.

"Yes, Charlie and his department searched there and called us immediately, assuming you would come back home. The police department here and all the people started our own search," Carlisle explains.

"Bella, it's like you just disappeared into thin air." Esme says though tears.

"I did," Bella agrees, a tear rolling down her cheek. Everyone is silent for a while, pulling themselves together.

"It's my fault... I... I went with him on my own," she says so quietly, it's barely audible.

"With Edward?" Carlisle asks.

"No!" Her head shoots up and she shakes her head. "No, I met Edward... when I got away."

"I'm confused, Bella," he says.

"It's my fault, Carlisle. I didn't have to go," she says. I can't listen to her blame herself.

"No, Bella. It wasn't your fault. He gave you the choice so you wouldn't make a scene, he would've taken you either way," I say to her, ignoring our audience.

She can't blame herself. That prick is a kidnapper and a baby-raper. There was nothing she could've done to get away from him, and she needs to understand that.

"Who... what's going on?" Carlisle stammers. He looks back at Esme and sighs. Leaning forward in his chair he gets down to business.

"Listen, Edward, Bella, I know this is hard, and obviously, Bella, you aren't ready to open up. If someone took you, kept you, or hurt you in any way we need to let the police know. They can find who it is. So they can't hurt you or anyone else. It doesn't sound like you ran away to me," Carlisle says.

I never thought of letting the cops know. I spend most of my time avoiding the law not calling them. He's right though; they could find this Alec piece of shit faster than I could. I can tell Bella doesn't like the thought of this.

"Bella, honey, no one will blame you or be mad at you. We love you. You know you can trust us... and you obviously trust Edward. Let us help you," Esme pleads. Bella just shakes her head.

"Well, Bella, I have to call and at least tell the police that you're not missing anymore," Carlisle says.

"No! Carlisle, please don't," Bella pleads, starting to panic.

"Bella, Charlie moved to Seattle six months after you disappeared, hoping that you would end up back home. He's never stopped looking for you. He deserves to know you're safe," Carlisle explains somewhat sternly. I expect Bella to flinch at his tone, but she doesn't; she really trusts this man.

"He moved... all the way up here?" she asks, shocked.

"Bella, just because he didn't know you your whole life doesn't mean he doesn't love you," Esme says softly.

I'm glad to hear Bella's perceptions of her father were wrong. I'm glad she's hearing the truth. He did care about her, love her, and was obviously terrified when she went missing.

"I can't... this is too much," Bella says, rushing to the front door. I don't blame her. This is so much to take in, I can't imagine how she feels. We all follow her outside.

I expect to see her running down the driveway, but she's not. She's walking behind the house. I move to follow her when someone grabs my arm. I turn and jerk my arm out of Carlisle's grasp.

"Sorry," he says, quickly backing up.

"Just let her go... she needs a minute," he says. Who the fuck is he to tell me what she needs? He may be her father figure, but he sure as fuck isn't mine. I ignore him and keep walking behind her.

I'm going through thick forest and following the noise she makes. I make it to a clearing. I finally get close enough to where I can see her and she's sitting on ground. I stop and do what Carlisle says; I give her a minute.

She's walked to an opening within the forest surrounding the Cullen's home. There are flowers everywhere, and when the birds stop chirping, you can hear a stream somewhere nearby. I do the same as she did and lower myself to the ground. It's damp, but I don't care. I sit and watch her; she looks so beautiful. She's not crying. She looks completely comfortable; maybe she just needed a minute to process everything alone.

While she sits and thinks, so do I. I hate to admit it, but Carlisle is right. After being missing for so long, we have to let the people who were looking for her know she's now safe. I don't want her to have to do interviews or have the media get involved. If the cops have been involved for the past five years, they're going to want to interview her, get all the details. I didn't think of any of this, and I'm sure she didn't either. It's all raining down on us now, it's overwhelming.

This is much bigger than Bella; there are also all the other girls involved. I'm sure she doesn't even know the level of evil Alec reached. Her dad, he's going to want to see her again. I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. I'm in over my head. Even though I don't want to, I know I will have to let Carlisle in, and let him help us, I don't know how to protect her from this.

I'm not sure how much time has passed, but it has to be at least an hour because the sun has set. She stands and gasps when she sees me. We walk to each other and sit back down on the ground, not caring that it's dark or cold. It's beautiful and relatively dry out here - we've sat in worse places.

After a few minutes of silence, I turn to her and grab her hand.

"Alice and I used to come out here all the time," she says out of nowhere.

"It's nice out here," I say. She agrees.

"During the summer, Emmett and his friends and a couple other girls from school, we'd all have camp-outs here. During the night though, we'd always get scared and go back to the house, leaving the boys out here alone," she says with a laugh. "They'd make fun of us for days for being wimps." I love hearing her good memories. We sit a while longer and it's getting colder.

She needs to know I can't take care of all this, that I'm in over my head. I'm afraid she'll hate me when she sees what a failure I am, I have no other choice though. I thought I could save her from everything, I realize now, I can't.

"Bella, we have to talk."

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**Part two of the dinner with the Cullen's will be in the next chapter. There will be a lot of things happening in the next few chapters, but not a lot of time will pass, so I will continue to make notes on the days :)**

**A teaser will be on the forum Wednesday and if you want to chat find me on twitter! kdc2239**

**Please take a second and let me know what you think! **


	15. Chapter 15 Shelter

**You are all awesome! Thanks to everyone who reads, pimps and reviews this story. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to respond but I read every review and they make my week!**

**Kimmcarr, Jessypt and Whatobsession17. I don't know what I'd do without you ladies!**

**Here is Dinner part 2!**

* * *

**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

* * *

**Listen when all of this around us falls over**

**I tell you what we're gonna do**

**You will shelter me my love**

**I will shelter you**

**-Ray Lamontagne**

**EPOV- Day two in Forks. Dinner at the Cullen's **

After I say we need to talk, Bella nods in agreement, but we continue to sit there in silence. Neither of us wants to face the fact the safe bubble we've made for ourselves is about to burst. We've become so close to one another. We've shared things we will never share with another living person. Bonds like the one we've made never break. Realizing this, it makes me a little more confident we'll make it through this next necessary phase in our lives.

"Do you really trust Carlisle?" I ask.

"I do," she says. Bella trusts no one, so her saying this means something. I trust her, so I now trust Carlisle, as well.

"We have to let him help us, Bella," I say.

"I know, and he will, Edward. I know he will."

"You're going to have to tell him what happened," I say in a whisper, scared of her reaction. Her head whips toward me.

"No! You said if I told you, I would never have to repeat it again, never. You promised, Edward!"

I did. I did promise that night in the motel room if she got it all out that would be it; she would never have to relive it again. It was a promise I shouldn't have made, because I didn't know the future and had no idea at the time how over my head I was. I'm drowning I'm in so far over my head.

"Shh, calm down," I whisper, wrapping my arm tightly around her. "I'm sorry." I say no more. She knows the promise is already broken. I just hope she doesn't hate me for it.

"I won't do it, Edward. It almost killed me to tell you. Carlisle is like my dad; I can't tell him how men used me and raped me," she chokes out.

I wince, those words coming from her make my stomach turn. Men used and raped her, hearing it out loud and having no idea how to respond, other than with anger, tells me I'm not equipped to handle this. It's too dark to see her now, but I can hear the tears and shame in her voice.

I feel like shit. This is my fault. She geared herself up to tell me with a promise she would be free from it, never having to say those horrible words again.

I have an idea; I know it won't save her from not having to relive _all_ of it, but hopefully some of it.

"What if I tell him for you?" I ask. She looks at me.

"You would do that?" I nod. I don't know if she can see it in the darkness, so I grab her hand and squeeze it.

"I love you," I say as a way of explanation. "And I'm sorry I can't keep my promise." I feel like shit.

"No," she sighs. "It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I knew even at the time it would be impossible for that promise to stick. I love you too, Edward."

I don't think I'll ever tire of hearing that. No one has told me they loved me since I was twelve, and I never thought I'd hear it again. I didn't think I even wanted to.

"They're still going to want to ask you questions. I'm sure the police will have to have an official statement from you. They'll have to have it... to put him away." She nods. She knows this; Bella's smart.

"If you can say it though, get all the details out that I can't, I... think I'll be able to answer questions... I hope." I do too.

It's going to kill me to have to watch her go through this. I know there will be times it will be too much. If they push her too hard, or if I hear more about that fucker hurting her, I'll lose it. I'm not even sure how I'm going to tell Carlisle what happened to her. It's going to break him to hear it, and it's going to kill me to say the words. It'll be one of the hardest things I'll have to do.

"It'll be ok, Bella. I promise, everything will be ok." I kiss her head as she rests it on my shoulder.

That promise is one I won't break. These next few weeks will be so hard, but everything will be ok. I'll make it ok.

"I trust you," she says, cuddling into my side.

We sit in silence knowing our minutes alone are probably numbered. The flow of the water nearby is calming. I say a silent prayer, to no one, that we'll get through this. A few minutes later I hear our names being called and see flashlights through the trees.

"Over here!" I shout into the darkness.

Soon Carlisle and Esme's forms appear from the trees. When they get close enough, I can see Esme's arms are filled with blankets. I smile to myself; these people really care about Bella.

"There you two are. We thought maybe you got lost after the sun set," Carlisle says.

"I guess it wouldn't be the first time," Bella laughs. Esme walks over, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. I want to deny it but don't because Bella is still resting on me and it covers her too. Carlisle and Esme sit with us, they talk for a few minutes about times that Alice and Bella had gotten themselves lost and how it took hours to find them.

"Well, it's pretty cold. Should we head back?" Esme asks after a while.

We all agree and make our way back to the house. I may be used to a rough life on the streets, but an outdoorsman, I am not. I manage to slip and fall at least three times on the way back, taking Bella down with me once by accident, earning laughs the whole way back. By the time we make it to the porch, I can see the damage I caused. Bella and I are covered in mud. We stand and laugh; this night is getting better and better.

"Come inside, I'll throw your clothes in the wash real fast," Esme says with a laugh, peeling her own muddy shoes off. It's after eight, and I'm not sure how late we'll stay. Bella agrees though, so if she wants to stay, we'll stay. Esme offers us some old pajamas the belong to her kids from when they were younger.

I strip in the bathroom, putting a pair of sweats on that apparently belong to Emmett. Motherfucker must be huge, because I'm not small and I'm swimming in them. I bend and roll each leg up in hopes of being able to walk and not fall. I also roll the waist down a little. When I'm finished with the adjustments on my new outfit I look like a clown. Feeling embarrassed, I reluctantly leave the bathroom. I'll admit it; I'm pleased to see Bella in an equally odd looking outfit, but hers is opposite from mine.

While I'm swimming in my sea of clothing, Bella is bursting out of hers. She looks like she's wearing children's pajamas. They stop above her ankles and are skin tight. Her long sleeve top stops short above her wrists. Apparently, Alice is a very small girl. We look at each other and laugh. What else is there to do? We can't stop, and our laughing and pointing brings us an audience.

"Oh knock that off you two. You look just fine," Esme says, gathering up our muddy clothing.

"Wanna help me get these started?" she asks Bella.

"Sure," she agrees, walking away with Esme.

It amazes me how comfortable she is here. The whole time I've known her, she can't even go to the bathroom without me following behind her. Now, she walks off without even looking back.

I hear a noise, and Carlisle rounds the corner with coffee in his hand.

"Whoa," he says, surprised by my appearance.

"I guess Emmett is quite a bit larger than you, more than I thought," he says with a laugh.

"They're clean and dry," I shrug. He laughs and invites me into the kitchen for coffee. I have no choice but to follow.

We sit at the breakfast bar on the far side of the kitchen. It's awkward. I can tell Carlisle has so many questions but is afraid to ask them. I make it easy on him and start. I figure if we're going to be here for a while, I might as well get this done while I've worked up the nerve to do it and before Bella changes her mind. I want all of this mess out of the way, so when Bella does visit her mother, it will be only about that. She won't have all of _this_ to worry about.

"Ok Carlisle, I'm gonna get straight to the point. I know you need to know what happened, and Bella won't tell you. I don't want to tell you what she told me... at all. I know it has to be done though, and she asked me to tell you." I just lay it all out on the table. He looks at me shocked.

"Ok. I'm afraid that the police are going to want to speak to her though, Edward," he says what I already know.

"I know, but they may have to do things a little differently with Bella," I tell him. I don't give a fuck if they have a badge. She won't have to do anything she doesn't want to. If Carlisle loves her as much as he says he does, he'll back me up.

He asks me if I mind talking to him in his office. I don't care where we go. I really don't want to do this.

We enter a room off the main hallway, and I expect it to be perfect and in order but it isn't. His desk is filled with papers and shit, and the shelves are exploding with books. they're not all organized like I thought they'd be.

"Sorry about..." He trails off with a laugh, waving his hand around the mess in the office.

"Nah, don't be," I say, and I mean it. It makes me feel more comfortable seeing how human he is.

He sits at his desk and offers me the leather chair across from it, I sit and we both stare at each other. I don't want to have to say these words.

"It's bad, isn't it?" he asks.

"Real bad," I say.

"I appreciate you telling me for her. My whole family loves Bella very much. You need to understand I don't _want _to know this. Whatever you're about to tell me will surely kill a part of me, but if someone hurt her, we have to find out who it was and make them responsible for it."

I believe him. I know he won't get any enjoyment hearing about what happened to Bella, and I agree Alec needs to be 'held responsible' as Carlisle says - he needs to pay and he will.

"Well, after Bella went to live with her father..."

**~*E&B*~**

It takes me over an hour to get her whole story out. At one point, I thought I was going to throw up. I tell most of her story with my elbows resting on my knees - my head in my hands. I couldn't look this man in the eye as I told him the horrible things that happened to the girl I love, the girl that's like a daughter to him.

I wanted to spare Carlisle some of the details but knew it was important he knew as much as possible.

Carlisle was making notes to insure that neither Bella nor I had to repeat anything unnecessarily. Every once in a while his pen would drop as well as his jaw. At some points in the story his face would go white and he would look sick. When I came to the point in the story of Bella's first attack, the pen in his hand broke he squeezed it so damn hard.

I stop at the point where I met, well saw, Bella the first night in Portland, the night she was almost attacked right in front of me. Thinking back to it now, I feel enraged at my own behavior, how I actually thought about leaving her. So much has changed since then.

We sit in silence for a while. I can imagine how Carlisle feels. I remember how I felt after she told me.

"Thank you, Edward, for being man enough to tell me. I understand why Bella couldn't," he says, looking me in the eye. I say nothing back.

"You love her, don't you?" When I don't answer he back tracks. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business; I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's ok. I do. I love her very much." It feels so weird to declare it like that, but I'm not ashamed. I do love her.

"I'm glad," he says.

"Do you mind if I ask how you became involved, how you two know each other?"

This is the part I was praying he wouldn't ask. At this point he sees me as a brave young man that has helped and loved Bella; he thinks highly of me. As soon as I open my mouth all of that will fly out the window. Even though I like Carlisle ok, I don't need or want his approval. I'm just so scared he will tell Bella what I already know - I'm not good enough.

There's no way out though. The truth will be known soon enough. It's better that I just tell him.

"Um... yeah, Bella showed up one night in Portland, and I saw her." He just looks at me waiting for more information. Fuck it, there's no way to sugar coat it.

"I was homeless. I lived on the fucking street, ok!" I say harshly and don't stop.

"I was sleeping on a bench the first night I saw Bella. I could tell she wasn't from around there and helped her out a little. We lived on the street together for a while. I managed to get a job and we've been living in a motel." I just spit it all out.

"She told me what happened to her, and I brought her back here to see her mother. We had no idea... we didn't think about all of this shit. The cops, her dad... everything, I had no idea." My head falls into my hands. When I look up Carlisle is frozen.

If Carlisle didn't look shocked before, he does now. I sit and wait for the next words to come out, that he thinks it's best for Bella to be without me. I wait, but it doesn't come.

"Thank you, Edward," he says. I look up from my hands shocked.

"You have no idea how much that girl out there means to my family, what she meant to her mother... what she obviously means to you. Thank you." I just nod, too stunned to form a sentence.

"This is all so overwhelming. I'm sure it is for you, too." I nod. I'm really fucking overwhelmed.

"If you would like, I'll handle calling the police and Bella's father. We'll deal with that together as it comes," he offers. I agree. It's nice to have someone offer to help; I start to feel like I'm treading the water instead of drowning in it.

"First thing though, Bella needs to see a doctor."

"A doctor? Why?"

I've taken good care of her. Why would she need a doctor? He takes a deep breath and starts to answer, but he stops and closes his mouth. His eyes are closed as he starts to speak.

"If she was... treated like _that_, Edward, it's very possible she could have extensive injuries from things healing wrong. Also, if she was forced to be with these men then..." he trails off, not being able to finish his own sentence.

Fuck, I don't know if she's strong enough to make it through all of this - I know she isn't. He's right though and I feel like a damn idiot for never thinking of this. I want to kill those bastards all over again. She's escaped them, but they continue to hurt her.

"That's enough for tonight - I don't think either one of us could handle anymore," he says. I agree. My God, do I agree.

"One more thing though," he says rapidly, because I'm standing to leave. I sit back down, looking at him without saying a word.

"How long are you guys planning to stay in Forks?"

I have no idea, I thought when we arrived in Forks we would be here a week at the longest. Now, we have to deal with all of this. I have no idea how long it could take.

"I don't know. We came up just so Bella could say goodbye to her mom. It's turned into a lot more. I have enough pay to keep us in the motel for another two weeks; then I have to get back to work," I say.

Two weeks would drain us completely. I knew Mike would hire me right back, but I worry about where we'll stay until my first check.

"Ok," he says, standing. I stand and head for the door again, and again he stops me.

"Edward." I turn, annoyed.

"Thank you," he says, his hand out to shake mine. I shake it and walk out of the room. I want to find Bella.

Bella and Esme are sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee talking. When Bella sees Carlisle and me walk into the room, she freezes. I can tell she's terrified of Carlisle's reaction. He says nothing and just walks over to her, wrapping her in a hug. She breaks down into tears. Esme stands to join them, and softly rubs Bella's back. I can hear Carlisle whisper how sorry he is and how everything will work out. I hope he's right.

After they have a moment and Bella calms down, Carlisle asks us to go into the next room, so he and Esme can talk for a second. I take Bella's hand, grab a blanket off the couch and walk outside with her. It's cold and pitch black except for the porch lights, but I need fresh air.

"How ya doin'?" I ask, hugging her. She hugs me back, but not like she did with Carlisle. She clings to me.

"I'm ok," she says, sniffling a little. When she lets go of me, I grab her legs and bring them over my lap so she's almost sitting on me. I need to feel close to her.

"He didn't seem mad," she says softly.

"He is, but not at you, not at all," I reassure her.

"He's going to handle the police and your father for now," I let her know.

"That's nice of him. Thank you for telling him for me, Edward," she says with her forehead pressed against mine. I lean in and kiss her; I would do anything for her.

We're still kissing when Carlisle and Esme come out onto the porch. Esme has obviously been crying. Her eyes are red, and she has tear streaks that show through her makeup. Carlisle must have told her a brief version of the story I told him.

"Sorry," Carlisle says for interrupting. I just shrug. Bella blushes.

"Can we talk for a second?" Esme asks. Again, I shrug. Bella responds, by scooting over so Esme can sit next to her.

"Carlisle and I would like to have you two stay here while you're in Forks," she says, putting an arm around Bella.

"No, we're fine in the hotel," I say. There's no way I'm mooching off of these people.

"We have the room, and would love to have you," Carlisle says. Bella looks at me; I think she may want to stay. I can't though. I'm used to being on my own. I don't need his help.

"Thanks, but no. We're fine at the hotel," I say a little more sternly.

"There's no reason to waste your money at-" I cut him off.

"I'm not wasting my money," I say. So, that's what this is about. Now he knows I'm homeless and wants to do a good deed. Fuck that. I feel Bella squeeze my arm and look down at her.

"Why don't you want to stay?" she asks softly.

This confirms it for me. She does want to stay. I get irrationally pissed. I've done so much, and all I want is to stay in my own goddamn hotel room. I don't want to be 'taken in' by these people. They would be housing us for free, and I can't have that. My pride won't let me.

"Stay if you want. I don't care. Call me at the hotel when you need me," I say, acting like I don't care. I can see the hurt in her eyes immediately, and I feel like an ass. I don't want to hurt her.

"No, I'm going where you are. You know that," she says quietly and softly. I feel bad. I can tell she wants to stay here, where she's comfortable for once, but she'll give it up for me to be comfortable. I can't give in this time. I've never accepted a free ride before, and I won't take one now.

"Well, the offer stands if you change your mind," Esme says reaching across Bella to pat my knee.

"Your clothes should be ready. It's been a long night. Let's change and get you two back to your room," she says, standing up. Bella follows her into the house to get our clothes, and I'm once again left alone with Carlisle.

I don't plan to speak until Bella comes back, but obviously Carlisle has different ideas.

"I get it you know," he says.

"Get what?" I respond tiredly, not really caring.

"That you don't know us; you're not comfortable. You don't want pity or a handout. I get it," he says. I just shrug; I'm not interested in male bonding or whatever this shit is he's trying to pull.

"Bella's going to have some rough days ahead of her though, and I'd bet she will want to be close to Esme and Alice."

Nice, he's using the one thing he knows about me against me.

"Good thing the hotel is close then, huh?" I say somewhat snidely.

"Like Esme said, Edward, the offer is always open." It's awkward after that. Where the fuck is Bella?

"This could take a lot longer than two weeks."

I sigh loudly. What does this guy want from me? He's looking across the yard. I look in the same direction, and I see something but can't make out what it is in the dark.

He laughs a little. "I started building that two years ago for Esme. She needed a gardening shed. Promised to have it done in one weekend for her, but you know how those things go," he says. No, I don't know how they go, but I don't say anything.

"I was going to hire Alice's boyfriend to finish it for me, but he's so busy, he hasn't been able to get to it in over six months. I offered him three hundred bucks to do it, but he just doesn't have the time." He pauses and shifts his weight to his other leg, leaning against the porch. "Looks like you're going to have some free time on your hands. Three hundred bucks, could be rent at a hotel or... here, where Bella's comfortable. What do you say?"

Fucker has me and he knows it. Bella wants to stay here so bad. I could tell by the look she gave me. I have no excuse now. If I say no, I'm just an asshole.

"That shed better be one fucking mess if you're paying three hundred dollars," I say with a smirk. He smiles; he knows my answer.

"The hotel is paid already through tomorrow," I say. I want to go back tonight, have one more night alone with Bella.

"Pick you guys up around dinner time tomorrow?" I just nod as Bella comes out, our clothing folded in her arms. I can tell she's been crying, and make a mental note to ask her about it when we get to our room.

"See you guys later," Esme says, giving Bella and I each a hug. I thank her for dinner again and then Carlisle drives us home.

As soon as I shut our door and lock it, I let out a huge breath. That was one long damn dinner. It started out with small talk and ended with huge confessions and revelations. It's after midnight. Bella walks over and flops on the bed, I follow her. We lie side by side and eventually roll and face each other.

"It was so nice to see Esme again," Bella says with a smile. "Alice and Emmett are going to come over for dinner this weekend. God, it's been so long. I can't wait to see them." I'm glad she's happy.

"Thank you so much again, Edward, for talking to Carlisle." She rolls on top of me a little and kisses me.

"How are you feeling about it all? You were crying when you came out with Esme," I say.

"You noticed that?" she asks, surprised.

"Of course," I say. I notice everything about her. Doesn't she know that?

"Why were you crying?" I ask, running my hand through her hair.

"Um, Carlisle told Esme just a little, I guess. He thinks... I should see a doctor but had Esme talk to me about it," she says sounding embarrassed. I understand why she is but wish she wasn't.

"How do you feel about that?" I ask. She shrugs, and I see a tear roll down her cheek. I wipe it away and give her a minute to process before she answers me. Eventually, she does.

"I know my ankle is really messed up from when he broke it, my shoulder, too. The other... stuff though, it makes me feel... dirty," she admits so quietly I can barely hear her. I take my anger out by gripping the pillow, I hope she can't tell.

"I understand that, but I don't think you should feel that way because you're not," I tell her. She says nothing back.

"Are you going to go?" I ask.

"Yeah, I don't want to, but I am. Esme said the doctor I'll see is a woman, so that helps."

I'm glad to hear that, because even if it's a doctor, I don't want any other man to look at her or touch her.

"Also..." She doesn't continue. I sit up and look down at her.

"Also what?" I ask. She turns bright red and another tear escapes her eye.

"If... well if - no, when we're together... I just want to make sure... I don't know when I'll be ready, I'm sorry-" I cut her off.

"No. Don't do this for me. You need to go and make sure you're healthy for _you_. You don't need to worry about when or if we have sex right now, Bella. When you're ready that will be the right time, until then, I'll wait," I say.

I don't ever want to have another experience ever again where she breaks down while we're being intimate. I wish she was ready now, but I'd wait forever for her, do anything for her. That thought reminds me of something else.

"You crying wasn't the only thing I noticed tonight," I say.

"Oh yeah, what else?" she asks.

"I noticed how badly you wanted to stay there... with the Cullens," I say.

"Not as badly as I want to stay with you," she replies softly.

"I talked to Carlisle when you were inside with Esme. They're pretty good at that whole divide and conquer thing, aren't they?" I ask with a laugh.

"Ha, yeah, they are. It comes from raising Alice and Emmett. They were a handful," she laughs.

"What did you guys talk about?" she asks, tracing lazy patterns on my stomach over my shirt.

"He thinks we'll need to be here longer than what I can afford to pay for. He offered me a job, building a shed for Esme's gardening shit," I say.

"Oh, that's great. Maybe I can do some things for Esme too," she offers.

"He said he would either pay me for the work, or we can count it as rent for staying at their place," I say. She sits up.

"What are you saying?" she asks with a big smile.

"That you need to pack your stuff up, because they're picking us up around dinner time tomorrow."

She launches herself at me and kisses me all over. As she straddles me, I start to think I made the right decision.

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	16. Chapter 16 One More Time With Feeling

**Hey everybody! Hope you had an awesome week!**

**Thank you so much to everyone who reads and a special thank you to those who take the time to review. I'm sorry if I wasn't able to reply but I read every single one and they make my week! **

**Huge thanks to Kimmcarr, whatobsession17 & Jessypt for fitting my little story into their busy lives. Love you ladies! **

**As always, I don't own the Twilight characters, I just took their homes away...**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

*This chapter contains some mature lemon zest content*

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**Your stitches are all out**

**But your scars are healing wrong**

**You thought by now you'd be**

**So much better than you are**

**You thought by now they'd see**

**That you have come so far**

**-Regina Spektor**

**EPOV -Day three in Forks**

We spend the morning wrapped up in the sheets making out like teenagers. I'm trying so hard to keep my hands to myself; it isn't working. They've already found their way to her hair. It's like gravity; my hands have to be on her. I had touched her chest before but don't want her to think I feel I can just go for it anytime I want. So, I'm waiting for some signal from her to tell me it's ok. Until then, I'll try to stay away.

Her arms are wrapped tightly around my waist and mine in her hair. We're both lying on our sides facing each other, our legs tangled together. I have no idea how long we've been kissing, but it's been a while. It started out frantic and needy but now we just lay there kissing and only pulling back to breathe. I had no idea it was possible for me to love someone so much.

"Love you," she sighs, her forehead resting against mine.

Times like these, when she looks at me and her eyes are clear, are my favorite. There's no fear, no sadness. She only sees me, and it seems she forgets about her horrible past, if only for a second.

"I love you, too," I say, leaning in and kissing her again, not able to stay away any longer.

My hand slips down her neck. They have a mind of their own and know where they want to be. Bella must notice too because she moves her hands from around my waist and lays them over mine. Slowly, she starts to pull my hands down, down, down. She sets the pace and I let her lead me; the shock of what she's doing makes me stop kissing her. Her hands are still on top of mine, her eyes on me. She pulls my hands over the swells of her breasts and directly on top of them. I groan. There's no other place I want to be. I can feel her hands shaking, this worries me.

"You ok?" I ask, my voice coming out hoarse.

She takes a minute to fight whatever demons are threatening to ruin this moment for us, then she nods and kisses me - hard. Her hands fly to my hair. I squeeze her breast and she moans into my mouth. Fuck, I love that. I pull her on top of me, she giggles, surprised from the quick movement. She recovers and leans down to kiss me. I continue to feel her through her tank top, but I want more.

Still kissing her, I reach up and remove her hands from my hair. I hold her hands and set them on my chest. With one finger I reach up and slip the strap of her tank top down her arm, goose bumps follow the trail the strap makes. I go to the other side and do the same. I don't pull the top down past her breast, I'm not sure if she wants that.

She stops kissing me and lays her head in the crook of my neck, her chest is now pressed against mine. I'm sad I can no longer play with them but feeling them pressed against my chest isn't so bad. I can feel her center on me, and I buck my hips up without even thinking; I want her so bad. She's gone completely still, and I worry it's too much for her.

I wonder if we should stop, but I can't force myself make that decision. If she asks me to stop or starts to panic I will, but I can't do the smart thing and stop this myself. I force my hips to be still, even though I want the friction so badly. I run my hands up and under the back of her shirt and trace soft circles on her back.

After a while I feel her leaving kisses on my neck and feel her grinding her hips into mine.

"Fuck," I groan out. She sits up a little and smirks at me. It's sexy as hell. Yeah, she's ok.

She continues to grind on me and kiss me. I'm in heaven. She sits up and reaches for the hem of her shirt pulling it over her head. I sit with my jaw hanging open, I wonder if this will be my reaction every time. Quickly, I sit up and attack her breasts with kisses. Rolling her over onto her back, I lay on top of her continuing my attention.

She's moaning and still grinding herself against me. I've never been so turned on. I look down at her and she looks to be completely relaxed, no trace of panic. I bring one hand to the waistband of her pants and rub her stomach there, she stiffens a little. I look down at her, and she doesn't look so relaxed anymore.

"It's ok," I tell her, removing my hand from her pants. Her body immediately relaxes.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I want to, I just-"

"Shh, no, it's ok," I say, cutting her off. She's not ready, and it's totally understandable. I don't want my being a horny bastard ruin the perfect morning we've had. I move my hands back to her breasts and continue where we left off.

**~*E&B*~**

After we've taken our showers and have gotten ready for our day, Bella is quiet. I can tell she feels like she failed, but she hasn't. When she first met me, she wouldn't even look in my eyes or speak. The first time we kissed she had a complete breakdown. Now, she's enjoying herself in the intimate moments we have, she's made amazing progress. I won't lie and say I don't want more, I do, but I will wait.

"What's the depressing mood about?" I ask her, bumping her shoulder with mine. We're packing our stuff up to stay with the Cullens.

She gives me a sad smile, and her reply is more honest than I thought it would be. "I just want to be normal."

The look on her face is heartbreaking. I'm not quick to tell her she is normal, because she isn't. She has been broken. She's healing but I know she needs more than I can give. Carlisle's words run through my head again. Bella needs help.

"I like you just the way you are," I tell her honestly. She looks at me and smiles, the pain leaves her face momentarily.

"Thank you," she says softly. "I... just want... I dunno..." she trails off.

"No, what? Tell me," I say.

"I want... everything. I want a relationship that isn't poisoned by my past. I want to be happy - I don't want to be fucked up," she says with a large sigh, setting the shirts she was folding down.

She's frustrated trying to list the things she wants and just sums it up. I understand. I don't want to be fucked up either. I don't know what to say so I just walk over and hug her.

**~E*B~**

"So, Bella already knows this place like the back of her hand, but let's give you the tour," Esme says with a smile. Bella agrees and helps herself to a soda from the fridge.

"You've already seen the downstairs; help yourself to anything in the kitchen. I try to keep it stocked but with Emmett and his appetite it's about impossible, and then Alice and..."

She catches herself, and I wonder again what could be going on with Bella's friend that her parents don't want to tell us.

"Well anywho, eat whatever you want and leave me a list of things you would like," she finishes and starts up the stairs. I follow behind her feeling completely out of place.

I've never heard those words before - offers to buy me what I'd like, people telling me to make myself at home. I'm not one of their children, and I don't want to be treated like it. I'm staying here, but I'm working for it. Once the work is done, I'll start paying or leave. I don't say any of this to her though, because she's genuine and one of the nicest people I have ever met - too nice to offend.

We make it to the top of the stairs and now it's just the two of us. Where did Bella go?

"Ok, this first room on the right is for you and Bella - Bella asked if you two could stay together," she says with a smile, opening the door.

No judgment or awkwardness. I expected to have to demand for Bella and me to stay together, but I don't. The Cullens are treating us like adults who can make their own decisions. They understand time period when we were children abandoned us many years ago - many years too early. I look in the room, and my feeling of unease increases.

The room is nice. It's a nice room - in a nice house - a house I don't belong in. The room looks somewhat juvenile but at the same time not at all. The molding that runs through is stark white, and the walls are a soft caramel color. There's black stenciling running on all the walls, random swirls. There's basic furniture and an attached bathroom; I don't look in, but I can see the black swirls on the wall disappear; they must continue in the bathroom.

"We let all the kids choose the decorations for their room. Emmett, he..." Esme shakes her head and groans. "He wanted black and blue checkered walls. It took weeks to paint over it. Alice was all about the pink and purple, total girly girl. This is what Bella picked at thirteen, hers was the only room we didn't have to redecorate when the kids moved out," Esme says with a laugh.

"Bella had her own room?" I ask, surprised. I knew she was close to this family, but I guess I didn't understand how close.

"Yeah, it's the guest room now, but we always considered Bella a part of our family."

After hearing Bella herself decorated this room, I take a closer look at it. This is Bella; this is what she was like before her life was ripped away from her. Calm, that's the feeling in the room. It's a room you could feel peace in, a place to study, read or sleep with no nightmares and demons chasing you. I imagine what Bella's room would look like after everything she's been through, and I don't believe it would look so welcoming or calm.

"All the towels are in there, and you can just throw them in the laundry room when they're dirty." Esme breaks me out of my musing and continues with her tour.

It's the nicest house I've been in but not at all over the top or pretentious. We go back downstairs I see Bella's soda abandoned on the kitchen counter, but she's nowhere to be seen. I go into an instant panic.

"Bella!" I shout, looking around corners and into rooms. I've had the tour, but I don't know this damn house. Quickly, Bella comes running from around the corner.

"What? What's wrong?" she asks wide eyed when she sees me. I feel stupid for my panic.

"Uh, nothing. I just didn't know where you went," I say, feeling so stupid. I'm obvious, and my moment of panic doesn't go by unnoticed.

"Sorry, I was just washing our clothes in the laundry room," Bella says softly. She doesn't act like I'm stupid; she understands. We both have the same fear.

"Let me just finish. I'll be right back." She disappears around the corner leaving me alone with Esme. I don't want to look at her so she can see the red in my cheeks proving my embarrassment, but the woman has a sixth sense and already knows it without seeing me.

"Edward, it's ok," she says softly to my back. "Carlisle told me what happened. We're all worried. There's an alarm on the house. I used to only set it at night, but I have it on all the time now." When I still don't turn she tries again.

"Here, I'll show you how to use it." She walks away, and it would be rude to not follow.

She tells me it sends the police instantly when it's triggered. She insists it makes her feel better to know this is here, and it should make me feel better, too. I'm not good with electronics never having them.

We were too poor for me to have any kind of a game system as a kid, and you don't have computers or cell phones living on the street, so I've never touched either. She shows me the buttons to push and how to activate it. It seems simple when she does it, but I don't get it - I feel stupid.

It takes a few times of her showing me how to use it, and I catch on. She never gets impatient or acts like I'm stupid. I deactivate and set the alarm on my own, and she's right, it does make me feel better. I know that Bella can be here without me and still be somewhat safe.

**~*E&B*~**

The rest of the day flies by and before I know it, dinner is done and Bella and I are alone in our new room. I take a deep breath. Today was overwhelming for me.

"What's wrong?" Bella asks, sensing my mood. She sits with her legs out in front of her on the bed. I watch her spread lotion up and down her legs, then her arms. I didn't know she liked to use lotion. I would have made sure she had it before. I wonder what else I don't know. When I don't answer she leans forward and runs a hand through my hair.

"Nothing," I lie, knowing she expects some kind of answer.

I don't know what to tell her. I'm like a un-house-broken animal that doesn't know how to act while living in a real home, with a real family. Bella has lived this life before. Even though she's been through hell and back, this - this house, family, this lifestyle - is completely normal to her. She's comfortable. Even when I lived with my mom, it was in shitty little apartments. I've lived on the streets for the majority of the past eight years, that's my comfort zone; what I know.

"You don't like it here." It's not a question; she knows me.

"What's there not to like," I say with a weak smile. I know she likes it, loves it here. I would never hurt her by asking her to leave with me, no matter how uncomfortable I am.

"Well to me, there isn't anything not to like, but I can tell you're uncomfortable... I don't like _that_," she says, sadness in her voice.

"I'm fine, baby. Don't worry about me. I'm just not used to... this," I say, waving my hand around the room.

"We don't have to stay; I want you to be happy, Edward," she says, gripping on to my hand. I can tell she means it. I could tell her I wanted to leave tonight and we'd be gone. She'd wouldn't even want be to feel guilty about it. I can't do that to her though.

"No, we'll stay. As long as I'm with you, I'm happy." It's corny as hell but true.

She looks at me, and I know what she's thinking. It's the same thing I would be thinking if the tables were turned. It's not enough. She wants me to be comfortable. I decide to tell her what's running through my mind in hopes of putting hers at ease.

"I know this is normal... for everyone. It's the farthest thing from normal to me, though. Just like when you showed up that night when I was sleeping on the bench, and you were scared, didn't know how to act, didn't know what was expected of you. That's how I feel now, I guess." I feel like a bitch telling her all of this, but I know she doesn't see me that way.

"But... I was only scared for so long because you were there. You helped me, showed me how to act, how to survive in your world... I'll help you in mine. I love you," she says, giving me a sweet kiss.

Who knew the tables would ever turn, that Bella would be the one to comfort me. It's enough talking for the night, so much has happened in the past three days. Bella pulls back the giant feather comforter on the bed and slips in, the perfume from her lotion wafts up to me. I strip to my boxers, not caring about Bella seeing my scars anymore, and crawl in behind her. We both lay our heads back on the pillows and sigh. This is a nice bed.

"Not gonna lie, this is the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in," I say, kissing her on the forehead as she curls into my side.

"I know. I've missed this bed so much. I would come stay here sometimes just for the bed," she laughs.

I don't blame her. The sheets are soft and cool, and the pillows are so nice they seem to self-fluff. Bella wiggles out of my arms and turns off the light on her bedside table. The room is now pitch black except for the eerie glow of the moon through the window.

"I feel like I've just fallen back into my old life, except I've been able to add you to it," she says, squeezing my middle. "The past couple of days have been good, but it's not going to stay that way, is it?" she whispers into the darkness.

I tighten my grip on her. I want to tell her to not worry, that everything from here on out is smooth sailing, but she's worth more than that, more than easy lies I can feed her.

"Things may get a harder before they get better," I say. She knows what I mean. After this weekend she has to see doctors, talk to the police, and face her father. It's not going to be easy. I hear her sniffle.

"You have me though, and the Cullens. Everything will be ok," I say, kissing her head. I can promise those words. I will make sure she makes it through this.

"I bet you're excited to see Alice and Emmett," I say, trying to get her mind off of everything.

"I am. I guess Emmett knows I'm back, but Alice is out of town. They didn't want to tell her over the phone."

I can feel her fidgeting with the blankets. She's still nervous. I decide to do the one thing I know calms her - the one thing that's just, us.

"Blanket," I say. She sniffles for a second and wipes her eyes with her hands.

"_Coperta_, blanket." I repeat her words back.

"Family?"

"_Famiglia_, family."

As we continue, I feel her body relax against mine. The worries of our lives disappear and are replaced with words of a language that mean so much to her and have grown to mean something to me as well. For the next fifteen minutes we go through words she's already taught me. She also tries to get me to form real sentences. I make a mess of them, but it's part of the fun. My eyes are growing heavy, and Bella's speech starts to slur. We're moments from being dragged under to a peaceful sleep.

"I love you, Bella," I say, holding her as tight to me as I can.

"_Ti amo_, Edward." And for the moment, I forget about what the future holds. I close my eyes, and everything is perfect.

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**See you next Monday!**


	17. Chapter 17 Ungodly Hour

**It's that time again! How is everyone? Good... me too ;) **

**Thank you for every single review from last chapter. I had a bad week and you all made me smile! I replied to as many as I could, but read every one. Thank you!  
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**I had a lot of complaints about the chapters being to short... thank you, because to me, it means you like my story enough to want more of it. I'm flattered, but I don't see them getting any longer right now. All the chapters of Fuggiasco will be between 3-5k. Between work, school, my other story and RL I just can't manage more than that. I'm Sorry. **

**Kimmcarr, Jessypt and Whatobsession17, you fit my little story in every week into your crazy busy schedules. Thank you so much. I appreciate every comment you make to help me improve.**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

**This chapter involves some sensitive themes, nothing graphic.**

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_**And I am short on words knowing what's occurred **_

_**Her bag is now much heavier **_

_**I wish that I could carry her **_

_**But this is our ungodly hour **_

_**-The Fray**_

**EPOV - Day four in Forks**

I'm woken up by someone knocking softly on the door. I'm a light sleeper, never knowing what could happen to me while I sleep, and the soft tapping wakes me up. I look at the clock and see it's only seven a.m. I don't know what anyone would want this early in the morning.

Bella is still completely knocked out. She lays on my chest oblivious to the situation; she's a heavy sleeper. Carefully, I move her so she doesn't wake up. It takes some effort, but I slip out of the bed and throw my pants and shirt on before answering the door. Esme stands on the other side of the door in the hallway. It's obvious she's just woken up. Her hair is a mess, and her face is make-up free. She's wearing a big, pink terry cloth robe and yawning.

"I'm so sorry to wake you, Edward," she whispers.

"It's alright. Is everything ok?" I ask.

"Yeah, I feel so bad. Yesterday was so crazy and I forgot to tell Bella her doctor's appointment was rescheduled to this morning. The doctor will be out of town next week."

My stomach drops. She isn't ready for that just yet. She's just trying to get through the dinner tonight with her friends before she has to face reality Monday.

"Can't she see someone else next week?" I ask.

I looking back to make sure Bella is still asleep. She is and even snores lightly. I step out and shut the door so we don't wake her.

"Well, she could, but Carlisle says this is the best doctor." She hesitates.

I look at her, waiting for her to continue. She opens her mouth a couple times but closes it.

"This doctor, well... she has experience helping girls that have been through similar... err, circumstances," she says, obviously having a hard time speaking about the details of Bella's past.

"Carlisle really trusts her and thinks she's the best person for Bella to see. I meant to talk with Bella about it last night, prepare her a little, and I just totally spaced it," she says, looking terribly guilty.

In this short amount of time, I've come to trust these people as much as I will be able to, and if they think this doctor is the best then I agree, Bella should see her. I'm just not sure how she will take the news.

"It's ok. I'll talk to her," I say, having no idea what exactly I'm going to say to Bella.

"Ok, we need to leave here in an hour. I'll be getting ready in my room if Bella wants to talk," she offers.

"Sorry again for waking you," she whispers, walking down the hall. I reassure her once again that it's no big deal and slip back into the room.

Bella has somehow managed to twist her entire body diagonally and is taking up the entire bed. I laugh to myself. She does the funniest stuff when she sleeps. As she's become more at peace, the sleep talking has slowed but she often wiggles, moves, and steals every blanket or pillow within a three foot radius of her.

I sit on the edge of the bed, not happy I have to wake her and tell her this unpleasant news. I lean over resting my elbows on my knees, rubbing my hands over my face trying to wake myself fully. With a groan I sit back against the headboard bringing Bella back to my chest.

She starts to stir and mumble. "Why do you have this on?" she asks sleepily, with her eyes closed, pulling on the front of my shirt.

I laugh a little at how she slurs her words like a drunk when she's tired.

"Wake up, Bella." I lean over and whisper in her ear.

"Why?" she asks, curling more into my side.

"We have to talk. Wake up, baby." I rub my hand up and down her back.

"Ugh," she groans, sitting up. Her hair is all smashed to one side, and she has pillow lines on the side of her face; she's still beautiful.

She brings her hands up and runs them over her face.

"Can you not sleep?" she asks, running her hands through my hair. She tries to pull me back down to lay on the bed. I want to give in and spend the morning with her in bed, but I know she needs to make it to this appointment.

"No, I can sleep, but Esme just came in and woke me up."

She wakes up a little more quickly, hearing my words. She stops rubbing my head and sits fully up.

"Esme? Why?"

Inhaling a deep breath I just spit it out.

"The doctor you were going to see on Monday is apparently going to be out of town. Your appointment was rescheduled for this morning, and Esme forgot to tell you," I say.

Her body immediately stiffens. She's rigid and stares straight ahead. If I didn't know her so well I would think she was just daydreaming, but I do know better. She's terrified. I don't like her silent reaction, so I continue on in hopes she'll talk.

"Esme said this is the best doctor you can see, and she has experience with girls... like you."

She's silent. I look over at her and her face has twisted into a look of... disgust and then I hear her scoff.

"Girls like me? What kind of girl am I, Edward?" she asks, looking at me. Tears are in her eyes, and pain is etched deep into her features.

"C'mon, Bella. I didn't mean... anything bad. Just girls who have been... hurt." My hands go to my hair; I tug hard. The second the words came out of my mouth I knew it was the wrong thing to say. "Bella," I say forcefully, trying to get her to look at me. She does.

"Bella, you know I didn't-"

"I know. I'm sorry... I'm just surprised and took it out on you... I'm sorry," she says softly, a tear escapes her eye and rolls slowly down her chin.

"It's fine. I know you're scared, but you know I would never say anything bad about you," I say, grabbing her hand.

Slowly, she melts into my side, leaving the spot she was rigid in, cold and empty. I stare at the indent in the sheet where she sat waiting for her to respond.

"I know you wouldn't," she whispers. She kisses my neck, and I relax. I know everything's ok.

"She said you guys have to leave in an hour, and if you want to talk to her she'd be in her room."

"You're not coming," she says, sitting up looking at me. It's a statement, not a question.

"I don't think they'd want me in there, Bella." I can just imagine how weird it would be for me to be in there. There are some things boyfriends just aren't meant to witness.

She rolls her eyes. "Not for _that_ part," she says, blushing. I feel bad that I've embarrassed her.

"I just think they'll want to... talk, ask me questions..."

"And it would be easier for you if I was there," I finish for her. She nods biting her lip.

"Well, we better get ready then," I say, kissing her forehead. She smiles and hugs me.

She runs into the bathroom and after a minute I hear the shower start. I gently bang my head against the wall. Guilt consumes me, because, once again, I feel sick that it makes me happy she's so dependent on me.

It upsets me she's so damaged, but I won't lie. It would have upset me so much if she just happily went with Esme, not needing me anymore like she has needed me these past five months. All of this makes me an asshole.

After Bella's done in the bathroom, I shower and get ready quickly. With encouragement from me and Esme, Bella tearfully gets into the car. I can feel the fear rolling off of her.

The car ride over is fairly silent. Esme tries to get Bella to talk about how she's feeling and what she's nervous about, but Bella isn't really responding to her questions. Esme switches the topic of conversation to the dinner with Emmett and Alice tonight and that gets her to open up a little more, but not much.

We pull up to a building that doesn't look like a hospital, at all.

"Here?" Bella asks.

"Yes, Doctor Cope has her own practice. It's much more comfortable, not sterile or stuffy like a hospital," she explains, getting out of the car.

I follow behind Esme and the two of us stand outside the car; Bella does not. She sits in the car making no move to get out. After coaxing from both Esme and I, we get her into the building.

It's obvious this place is used to dealing with sensitive situations. Right when we walk through the door and check in, we're escorted to a small private room where no one can watch Bella fight her panic attack.

Bella grips my hand, acting like she doesn't even know Esme is with us. I can tell she's petrified. Tremors rip through her body at random intervals; she's terrified. I appreciate that Esme stays back and lets me comfort Bella. My arm is around her, and I'm whispering to her. I tell her everything will be alright, that I love her. She still shakes.

I don't care that we're in an office or that Esme is here with us. I do the one thing that always seems to calm her.

"Flowers," I whisper in her ear, rubbing her arm with my hand that's wrapped around her.

She tries to speak but is unable to. Esme brings her a glass of water. She drinks it and takes some deep, calming breaths.

"_Fiori_, flowers." It comes out barely audible, but the important thing is it still comes out.

I look around the room we're in for random item and a new word.

"Picture?"

Another tremor and deep breath. "_Immagine_, picture."

"Chair, as in, this chair is hurting my damn ass," I say, bumping her shoulder.

I can feel tension leave her body as she laughs, and even though Esme is trying to give us our space, I see her stifle a laugh as well.

"_Sedia_, chair... I'm so not translating the rest," she says with a tearful laugh.

Good enough for me, the shaking has stopped. I think too soon, and the shaking makes a comeback, I need to make her laugh again. I need to keep her mind off where she is.

"C'mon..." I say, getting very close to her ear. "Shit."

"No!" she says, laughing.

"What is it? We're adults." I defend my request.

I can see the wheels spinning. She's deciding whether or not she'll tell me.

"Oh, fine, but just this one," she laughs. "_Merda_. Now, don't ask anymore dirty words."

For a split second, she actually seems to forget where she is and looks happy. Then, the door that's keeping the three of us safe opens. We all stiffen as a nurse walks in the room.

"Bella, we're ready for you," she says sweetly, walking out, and expecting us to follow.

With no tears, she bravely stands. With Esme's hand on her shoulder and her hand in mine, we walk into the exam room.

**~*E&B*~**

I'm sitting on the Cullen's back deck drinking a beer I found in the fridge. They said to take what I wanted, and I wanted a beer. Today was stressful. I look over their property, and it's almost impossible not to relax. Green grass seems to go on forever until it hits a wall of forest. It's almost summer here, and the weather is pleasant. I lean back in my chair and let the sun hit my face, taking another deep drink of my beer - my third beer.

Bella's friends should be here in about an hour, and Bella is upstairs getting ready. I came outside to give her some time on her own. It was a hard day. Esme offered to postpone the dinner, but Bella is anxious to see her friends. The doctor's visit was... rough. It drained me, and I know it drained Bella.

The doctor was really nice and very careful with the questions she asked and how she treated Bella. It was obvious, like Esme had said, the doctor had experience with abused girls and knew exactly how to handle the situation. Even with Doctor Cope being so gentle, Bella still had a few panic attacks, and a couple of times the doctor and Esme left the room to let me calm her down.

I stepped out of the room while the doctor examined Bella physically. Esme had stayed, but it was still almost impossible for me to leave her, even for a second. I sat in the hall, refusing to go as far as the waiting room. Half way through, I could hear Bella crying. I didn't know what they were doing to her, but it took all my strength to keep my ass in the hallway. When Esme opened the door and told me to come back in, what I saw almost broke my heart and made my murderous rage for the fuckers who hurt her grow more than I ever thought it could.

Bella was sitting on the exam table in nothing but a paper robe and her little white ankle socks. Her face was stained with tears and bright red, and she was having a hard time breathing. While Bella cried on my shoulder, I clenched my fists trying to control my anger. I looked over at Esme. Her face was also stained with tears, and she was clutching a tissue, covering her mouth trying to stifle her cries. To say it was a miserable appointment is an understatement.

I lean over in my chair rubbing my face. It was painful for me to remember how horrible the day was for Bella. With that thought, I drain beer number three.

After all the exams were complete, the doctor put a rush on all her tests. In this shitty experience, we received one break - Bella was healthy overall. There were a few things that will need long-term work. Her ankle and wrist, which were both broken and never healed correctly, would need physical therapy. While hearing the list of injuries that didn't heal right, I stared straight ahead. With the level of rage I was feeling, I knew I would have lost my shit if I had opened my mouth. I mentally made a note of every broken bone and scar they went over - Alec would soon have a matching list.

The last thing that was discussed before we left was Bella's mental health. The clinic had special therapists who knew how to deal with backgrounds like Bella's. The doctor was much more tactful than I was, never using terms like I had that morning. 'Girls like you.' What was I thinking? I tried to listen closely to the doctor, so I could learn how to say things that aren't completely insulting.

I hate to admit Bella needs therapy, but she does. I hate the fact I'm not enough. She needs someone else to help her. It's just something I'll have to get over though.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's house, we all went to our respective rooms. Bella fell asleep, emotionally exhausted. While she slept, I planned out Alec's murder. Every detail of every type of torture I plan to inflict.

The back door opens, and a tired looking Esme comes out and sits next to me. She has a glass of wine in her hands and sets another cold beer in front of me.

"Oh, thanks," I say, opening the beer. I take a minute and look at the bottle, I didn't even bother to look at what I was drinking. There's no label.

"It's Emmett's; he brewed it. I don't like beer. Carlisle is the only one who drinks it. So, it's nice to have someone else around who appreciates it," she says with a soft smile.

I've had a shit day and want beer. I don't know if I appreciate any form of brewing skills, but I keep my opinion to myself. I look at her and see the day worn on her face. Her eyes are still rimmed in red, and her body looks tired, weighed down. She sags in her chair.

"I don't think either one of us wants to relive today... but I just wanted to say thank you. The way you calmed Bella down... how she trusts you, how patient you are. Thank you, Edward," she says.

I can feel her looking at me, but I don't look back at her. There's nothing to thank me for. I love her, and I don't want to sit and watch her in pain, simple as that.

"Next week will be hard." I look at her this time, not knowing what she's talking about.

"The police. We have to talk to them on Monday. They want to find this guy and need more details," she explains. Fuck, I just want all this to be done.

"I think today was the worst of it though." I hope she's right.

"I hope so," I say, taking a swig of my beer.

"I know you don't know us or trust us. I understand that, and you have no reason to. Bella loves you though, so I hope someday you'll let us get to know you better."

Again, I say nothing, there's nothing to say. Bella is the first person I have let in - in close to ten years - I'm not looking for a family to adopt me.

There's no chance for an awkward silence, because Bella and Carlisle join us on the deck. I get the urge to hide my bottle collection on the table, but don't - they can judge me if they'd like. I don't care. Bella sits next to me, and she looks better than I thought she would. She has her hair pulled back, and even though you can tell she's been crying, she looks rested from her nap. When she sits next to me I immediately pull her hand into my lap rubbing the back of it with my thumb.

"Oh, I see you like Emmett's beer. It will be nice to have someone to help me drink it," Carlisle says pleasantly.

"You're not twenty-one," Bella whispers to me. I laugh a little. I am - and even if I weren't I wouldn't give a shit. If underage drinking were the only thing on my shit-list, I'd be a saint.

"I am," I say, taking a long drink from the bottle. I feel Bella's hand stiffen in mine. I put the bottle down and look at her.

"You said you were twenty."

"I _was _twenty, I turned twenty-one the day before we left Portland," I say like it's no big deal, because it isn't. The look on Bella's face tells me something different though.

"It was your birthday, and you didn't even say anything?" she asks, looking a little hurt - why would she be hurt?

"I guess not. No one has known for eight - well, nine years now," I shrug.

I get a year older; I don't have 'birthdays'. You need to have people who care about you in order to have a birthday.

"Well happy late birthday!" Carlisle and Esme both say, clanking their glasses with mine.

God, I wish they would just let the topic go. Who gives a crap if I get older? Obviously, Bella does because she still wears a look of hurt.

Carlisle and Esme start into their own conversation, not paying attention to ours.

"What is it?" I ask gently.

"I would've made you a cake... got you something, done something for you. You should've told me, Edward."

"Sorry baby, I didn't even think about it." It's true.

I didn't even realize my birthday had passed until I was buying the train tickets and saw the date on them.

"Don't be sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just feel bad I didn't do anything for you." She's starting to look more broken; the refreshed look she wore when she came out here is fading.

"Don't worry about it. I honestly would rather not pay attention to it," I say, leaning over and giving her a kiss.

Conversation continues, and Bella seems to get over not celebrating my birthday.

A half an hour passes, and everyone's moods seem to have lightened up. Carlisle stands to get himself another beer. I decline his offer to get me one. As soon as he opens the screen door, we can hear the front door open and voices float through. Alice and Emmett are here.

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**You all have had some great predictions on Alice and Emmett, you will get to meet them next chapter! I like to do it non cannon style, so I hope you all like them! **

**As always, teaser on the forum Wednesday and you can follow me on Twitter if you want to chat, or just say hi kdc2239**

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	18. Chapter 18 Crossfire

**Hey! How is everybody? **

**Thank you so much for all the reviews from the last chapter! I have the best readers ever! **

**Whatobsession, kimcarr and Jessypt, I could not do this without you ladies! Thank you so much! **

**Life is getting crazy for me. I'm writing two stories, going to school and work and trying to fit a little down time in too. Updates will no longer be as regular as they once were, but I will try so hard to never make you wait more than two weeks. Thank you so much for your patients and understanding! **

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**We're caught up in the crossfire**

**Of heaven and hell**

**And we're searchin' for shelter**

***#*#***

**Tell the devil that he can go back from where he came**

**His fiery arrows drew their bead in vain**

**And when the hardest part is over we'll be here**

**And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fear**

**The boundaries of our fear**

**Lay your body down**

**-Brandon Flowers **

**EPOV- Day four in Forks **

Bella freezes in her chair when we hear the voices filter in. I look over at her, and she looks scared but also excited. She grips the arms on her chair as if she's going to stand but stays frozen. Esme stands and follows Carlisle into the house, but Bella and I stay outside.

"Where is she?" I hear a girl's voice ask; I assume it's Alice.

"She's outside," Carlisle replies.

I look behind me into the house and see two - no, three new people. Emmett, I assume, who's big as a fucking house. He's as tall as Jake but has more muscle. He's holding a little boy in his arms who is squirming and shouting to be let down. Carlisle and Esme didn't say anything about a kid, but I assume it's his son. I see a pretty girl with black hair. She's short, has a little extra weight, but she carries it well; it suits her. Before I can analyze anymore, Emmett hands the kid off to Carlisle, and he and Alice head for the door.

I stand and go to the edge of the porch to get out of the way of the reunion. Bella stands with me and gives me a quizzical look. She has no time to ask questions though. The screen door flies open and the three start hugging.

Alice and Bella start to cry, and Emmett literally picks Bella off the ground. It pisses me off. He's hugging her a little too closely for my liking. The longer he holds on to her the higher my rage rises. I'm ready to step in, because I'm afraid she'll have a panic attack. I take a close look at Bella; her head is thrown back, and she's all smiles. She doesn't seem upset about it - she laughs. I grip the railing of the porch and try hard to keep myself put in place. I don't want to ruin her reunion with her friends.

After what seems like a year and a half, the fucker puts her down on the ground where she belongs but proceeds to put his huge arm around her. Alice keeps hugging her; Bella looks so happy. I stand at the edge of the porch and feel so out of place. I don't fit in and am now regretting the decision I made to stay here.

Esme and Carlisle come out and join the reunion. Carlisle holds onto the wild kid in his arms, and it seems like their family is back in place.

What I really want to do is walk off the porch and into the woods. Be alone. I've been alone for so long now, and I'm not comfortable being around all of this. I learned my lesson though, and I'll never walk away again. I made that mistake in the hotel room when she told me she loved me. I won't make the same mistake again.

I watch from a distance. Bella, all of a sudden, steps back and whips her head around. I feel myself smile, she's looking for me. Every time I start to feel like she doesn't need me anymore she seems to know and tries to find me. When her eyes lock on mine she smiles, and her happiness makes my unease worth it.

"Come here." She motions me over. Tears glisten in her eyes, happy tears. The two people I haven't met yet both notice me for the first time. Alice smiles, and Emmett just stares.

I push off the railing and walk over to them. I don't know who the fuck he thinks he is, but Emmett is staring me down - sizing me up. He doesn't know who he's dealing with. When I make it to Bella, she immediately wraps her arms around me, squeezing my waist from the side.

"This is, Edward... my boyfriend." It's the first time she's said it, and it feels good. I look at the surprised expression on Emmett's face and make sure to smirk when he looks at me.

"This is Alice and Emmett," she says, beaming.

"Hi," Alice says with a little wave.

"What's up man?" Emmett asks and shakes my hand. He squeezes it hard trying to intimidate me._ S'not going to work, Meathead_.

"I can't believe you're really here," Alice says, as a tear escapes her eye.

I can see Bella getting overwhelmed. She doesn't respond verbally to Alice but let's go of me and hugs her friend.

I hear screaming and see Carlisle struggling to keep the kid in his arms.

"Mommy!" The little demon screams at the top of his lungs. I've never been a fan of kids, and this one is already driving me nuts. I'm going to need another beer.

"What, honey?" Alice asks... wait, _Alice_? I look at Bella, and she looks just as shocked as I feel.

Alice reaches over and takes the kid from Carlisle's arms and rests him on her hip.

"Bella, this is my son, Seth."

Wow, the kid is about three, which means Alice had him when she was sixteen or so. So, this is the secret the Cullens wanted Alice to share for herself. I feel like an ass thinking it, but it's nice to see the Cullen family isn't all that perfect. I like them more for it.

"Oh my gosh, Alice! He's so cute!"

He is? I saw Bella work with some of the kids when she volunteered at the Mission; she's good with them. I take a closer look at him. He has dark curly hair and dimples. I guess he would be considered cute, but as soon as he opens his mouth and screams, the cuteness factor drops to zero in my book.

Carlisle comes out with a handful of beers. I didn't even see him leave.

"Have a seat, guys," he says cheerfully, passing the beers around. Alice sets the little boy down, and he starts to run around like a crazy person.

Bella grabs my hand and sits in the chair next to me. She seems proud to be with me, and it makes me feel good. I take no time opening the beer Carlisle gave me and take a large swig.

"Good stuff, right?" Emmett asks, taking a drink from his own bottle.

"Eh," I say, shrugging. I know he made it, and I just want to get under his skin. This douche is rubbing me the wrong way. He takes another drink but keeps an eye on me.

Bella, Esme, and Alice launch into a rapid conversation. They talk about Seth, clothing and other girly shit I don't understand. I assume Carlisle or Esme talked to their kids, because neither is asking Bella questions about where she's been.

If I didn't know better, I would think Alice and Bella were never separated. There is no awkwardness or moments of silence. I have never seen Bella so happy or heard her talk so much. Carlisle and Emmett are talking about some new keg Emmett is buying for his business, and I listen to Bella. I love seeing her being able to be herself.

"I really like your hair short," Bella says in regards to Alice's hair.

"Really? I just cut it last month. It was past my bra when I cut it," Alice explains, pointing on her shirt how long her hair was.

"Well, I never saw it _that _long, but I really like it short." Bella's sweet; I think it would look better long, but there's no way in hell I'm saying that out loud.

"Look at you! you're so freaking tiny! God, if I could just lose this weight now. I am such a cow!" Alice complains.

"You are not a cow," Bella says, laughing, shaking her head.

"Moo," Seth starts making cow noises.

"Gee, thanks Seth," Alice says, tickling him.

When they launch back into hair and weight conversations, I can't take anymore. I stand up and walk into the house to go to the bathroom.

When I come back out, Emmett is in the hall waiting for me. He's leaning against the wall with a bottle in his hand. I go to walk past him, planning on blowing him off, but he calls my name. I turn, ready to take whatever shit he's about to give me and plan to send twice as much back to him.

"Yeah, so... Bella just bitched me out for being an ass to you," he says with a laugh.

Bella is more perceptive than I thought. I didn't think anyone but he and I knew the introductions didn't go off perfectly.

"Well, I'm a big boy," I say, having no interest in playing nice.

"No, listen dude. I'm happily married. I've known Bella for a long time, and in high school and stuff, I looked out for her and Alice; she's like a sister to me." I raise an eyebrow at him; I still don't want him touching her. I'm here now, and Bella doesn't need anything from him.

"A lot has changed since then," I say coolly. He sighs loudly.

"I know. I talked to my dad, and he told me what happened." His grip tightens on the bottle, and his knuckles turn white.

"The way I see it is, this fucker, he is going to come back, and the more people Bella has on her side the better. Dad says you've done a lot for her. Thank you," he says, putting his hand out to shake. I shake it back because I don't know what else to do. I'm not looking for a friend, but I'm also not looking for an enemy.

What he said makes panic rise in me. What if Alec does come here looking for her? Bella said she never told him everything, but I'm sure she told him where she was from. I make a note to talk to Bella and ask her but also to talk to Carlisle and find out if the cops are looking yet.

After the awkward exchange with Emmett, we make our way back outside. Bella looks so happy sitting on the back deck. She has Alice's kid on her lap and is in an animated conversation with him. When she sees me come out, she looks up and smiles at me. She mouths thank you. I'm not sure what it's for; just being here and playing nice or talking to Emmett. Either way, it doesn't matter. The sun is starting to set, and Carlisle lit the outdoor fireplace. The fire glows and makes Bella look even more beautiful.

Seth, Alice's... spawn, is completely taken with Bella. At the moment, he's sitting on her lap playing with her hair. Once she got a hold of him, he completely calmed down and has wanted to do nothing but sit with Bella. He's shown her his cars and explained what the cartoons on his shirt are.

"I think he has a crush on you," Alice giggles to Bella. Bella smiles at him and ruffles his hair. The little boy beams and looks up at her through his lashes. Even at three he has it bad. _Yeah, bud, join the party. _

Just like the first night, three nights ago, when we had dinner with Carlisle and Esme, this is awkward for me. Everyone falls into an easy conversation throughout dinner. I sit quietly and stuff my face with the tacos Esme made. When someone asks me a question, I answer it, but other than that, I just let the family talk.

"So Edward, what is it that you do?" Emmett asks. Even though the question annoys me, Emmett didn't ask it in a condescending way.

"In Portland, I was working maintenance on some new condos," I reply, then shove almost an entire taco in my mouth so I can't answer another question right away.

"Oh, cool. So, you probably know how to fix a ton of different stuff," Alice says, smiling at me.

I continue to chew my food and shrug in response. Bella shoots me a look, and I have no idea what it means.

"Yeah, it's a great thing that Edward's here. He's going to finally finish that garden shed for Mom," Carlisle says proudly. Not sure if he's trying to give me a boost or something, but he hasn't even seen my quality of work yet, and I'm not sure what he's so confident in.

"That's good, because that..." Emmett reaches over to Bella's lap, and my entire body goes stiff. I relax when I see he's just trying to reach the kid _on_ Bella's lap. He claps his hands over the kids ears. "Asshole, you're dating is never going to do it," he says to Alice, taking his hands off the kids ears and leaning back into his chair. I laugh, and for a second, I like Emmett ok.

"Knock it off. Ryan's not... that. He's just busy," Alice explains, giving her brother a dirty look. "And don't do that; he can still hear you," she admonishes.

"Just busy?" Emmett asks incredulously.

"Yes, busy," Alice replies, obviously annoyed.

"Ryan's a goob!" Seth yells from Bella's lap. Emmett and I burst out laughing. Seth looks at us with wide eyes and is encouraged by our attention. He starts calling this Ryan guy a ton of other names. Alice shoots us both a dirty look.

"Seth, that's not nice. We don't call people names."

"GOOB!" Seth screams at the top of his lungs. I start choking in my food I'm laughing so hard. Alice rolls her eyes and pulls Seth from Bella's lap to her own.

"C'mon, let's go wash you up," Alice tells him, standing up. "Thanks guys," she says to Emmett and me, flipping us off behind her back where her kid can't see as she walks out. I can hear Seth screaming "Goob" all the way up the stairs.

"You two shouldn't encourage him," Esme admonishes, but she's laughing.

"Whatever, he is a goob," Emmett shoots back, taking a drink from his beer.

"Emmett," Carlisle says somewhat sternly.

"What? He stands her up, disappears all the time, and I've never even seen him speak to Seth. He's a douche, right?" he asks looking right at me. How did I get pulled into this?

"Uh, sounds like a douche to me." I have to agree.

"See, at least two of us knows a douche when we see one," Emmett says, throwing another beer at me. I catch it and set it down; I've had enough for the night.

"Thank you, Bella, for not dating a douche bag," Emmett says to her with a wink. Bella laughs and shakes her head. She surprises me and leans over kissing me on the cheek.

"Stop saying that word!" Esme exclaims with a smile on her face.

Alice comes back with her kid and for the rest of the dinner I'm more comfortable - I guess this is ok.

After we eat, Emmett says he has to get home to his wife. He shakes my hand, hugs Bella and plays with Alice's kid before he leaves. Alice, Esme and Bella go inside to do dishes and talk. I'm stuck outside with Carlisle and Seth; he's a pretty cool kid. As long as he doesn't start screaming again, I won't call him the spawn.

"That was good," Carlisle sighs, leaning back in his chair.

"It was," I agree. I lean back in my chair and get comfortable.

"It was," Seth repeats and puts his hands behind his head just like I did. I smirk at him, and he smiles, trying to put his body in the same position as mine. The chair he's sitting in is twice as big as he is, and it swallows him up.

"Are all the tools in the shed? I wanted to start working on it tomorrow." Carlisle looks at me surprised.

"Really?"

"Yes," I say hesitantly. I thought we had agreed I'd build the shed.

"Wow, you'll be the first to follow through and do what you promised," he says with a laugh. "First, I promised, and then Emmett. We hired a guy that never showed and now Ryan. If you build that thing, you will officially be Esme's favorite."

I laugh. "We had a deal; I'm building it."

We're both quiet, just enjoying the fire and the silence outside. It seems a little too quiet with Seth out here. I look over at him and he's slumped in his chair completely out. Carlisle looks over and chuckles.

"He always does this. So hyper and then, he's just... out. He's fallen asleep in his dinner before." I laugh. I guess the kid is pretty cute. Carlisle stands and grabs a blanket from the basket by the door and covers him up.

"Is that what you didn't want to say about Alice?" It's the first personal question I've asked, but I'm curious.

"Yeah. Even though the timing wasn't good, it's worked out. We love Seth, I can't imagine our family without him. We just thought it should be up to Alice to share."

I understand why he kept Alice's business private and have more respect for Carlisle because of it. Once again, it makes me feel more comfortable, makes me feel like maybe he isn't judging me.

"So, this, Ryan guy... he's Seth's father?" I'm not sure when I became so damn nosey. Carlisle clears his throat and looks at Seth sadly.

"No, it was just some jerk that Alice made a bad choice with. He's never been in the picture." Instantly I feel respect for Alice. She's raising Seth on her own, like my mom did with me.

"I'm not worried about Ryan, because he won't last. Alice is smart. This is the first guy she's gone out with since Seth's been born, and Emmett is really over protective. I don't like the guy much, but I know it isn't serious."

More information than I care about, but ok.

"Esme and I are so proud of her, though. She finished high school. It was hard and she needed our help, but she did it. She just moved out to her own place this year and is doing a great job with Seth."

"He seems like a funny kid," I offer.

"He is. He's a great kid." You can see the pride in Carlisle's eyes as he looks down at Seth.

"So I wanted to ask you about Bella's dad and the cops... are they looking yet?" I just throw my question out there. What Emmett said is making me paranoid.

"Yes, they are on it. They can't do much until after they speak with Bella on Monday. All they really have is his name and location, but he's not stupid enough to stay there."

I don't know. He was stupid enough to fuck with the wrong girl, and he will pay for that.

"Do you think he'll look for her here?" I ask. Carlisle is quiet for a second. I can tell he's being careful about what he's going to say, and then answers me.

"I think it's a possibility. I think everyone should keep an eye out and make sure Bella isn't alone. Between you and me, I would like either myself, you or Emmett with her whenever possible, even if she's with Esme or Alice. Just until we have more of an idea of whom we're dealing with."

He's right and I agree, but it will be me with her. I nod to let him know we're thinking the same thing.

"I don't want to bring all this up to her. She seems to be doing well, and I see no reason to scare her more than necessary. Bella and Alice were never the damsels in distress either; they were always independent and would get upset when Emmett would play tough guy and try to protect them in school. I think we should try to give some of that independence back to her, see her strong side again. So, while we make sure she's safe, I don't want to be obvious about it."

"I've kept her safe for months," I say. She's not in high school anymore, and she's not the same girl - she's been through too much. Carlisle laughs.

"Not you. You seem to be doing everything right for her. I meant more Emmett and me, you saw how he was tonight, not very discreet." I laugh with him, because no, he wasn't. I'm over it though. I can't hate anyone who wants to keep Bella safe.

"I'm meeting Bella's dad Sunday, if you want to come," he offers. I think about it, and I do want to. I want to see for myself what kind of guy he is.

"Yeah, I'll go. Does Bella know?"

"Yes, I told her. She doesn't want to see him just yet. Understandably, she's overwhelmed. Having you and I meet with Charlie and the police will make her more comfortable when she's ready to do it herself."

"Well, if Bella doesn't mind, I'll go with you," I say.

I want to make sure we don't start making decisions _for_ Bella. This is her life. I love her, but I'm not her dad. I'm her boyfriend, and it's not my job to make her decisions.

"If Bella wants to, I'm going to take her to see her mom tomorrow," I say quietly. Not sure why I'm sharing this information.

"I think that's good," he replies.

"Well, it's the reason we came here. We've been here for almost five days now, and I still haven't taken her."

"I'll be around tomorrow and happy to drive you. Her gravesite is just about a mile down the road, though. So if Bella just wants you to be with her, it's an easy walk."

I appreciate him understanding our relationship and not trying to change it.

Before long, the ladies come back out. Alice scoops up her sleeping kid and makes promises to call Bella, so they can see each other soon. After all the goodbyes, we all retreat to our rooms. After the doctors visit this morning and then the reunion tonight, we are all exhausted.

"I am so tired!" Bella exclaims, throwing herself backward on the bed. I take the opportunity to jump on top of her. She giggles and throws her arms around me. I start kissing her neck and she moans. Between kisses, I ask her about the night.

"Did you have a good time?" I trace her ear with my tongue.

"Mmm, yeah, I did. You?" She rubs her hands up and down my back.

"It was nice to meet everyone." My hand slips up her side, and I lightly brush over her breast. She moans.

"You seem happy." She can't answer because my lips are on hers. A long while later, after we separate, she responds.

"Very happy." She pushes me on my back and straddles my waist. We kiss for a long time then she rolls off me and stands by the bed. I don't like it; I want her back. I sit up on my elbows trying to figure out why she stopped us. She didn't seem like she was panicking.

What I see makes me happy.

Bella is peeling her shoes and shirt off in a rush. I smile and raise an eyebrow at her. She walks back to the bed in only panties and a bra and grabs my shoes taking them off. She crawls back up me and helps me out of my shirt. I love this new assertive side.

We continue to make out but not going passed the level we've already reached. I definitely want more, but I'm not trying to have sex for the first time with Bella in the Cullen's house. She's shocking me with her forwardness tonight though.

She's taking the lead. She took our clothes off. She's placing my hands on her breasts, and she's loving this. Her loving it is making me harder and making me want her more than I ever have before.

Once the frantic pace has slowed down we continue with slower, softer motions.

"I love you," she whispers.

"Mmm, you too," I say not separating my lips from hers.

She pulls back a little and lays her head on her arm, looking at me. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes dilated with lust. I reach over and brush some hair off her face.

"I don't know how to thank you, Edward. I never even dreamed of this... because I never thought there was a chance of me ever being here again - feeling like this again." I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I just lean forward and kiss her.

I feel her hand hesitantly slide down my bare stomach. It rests at the waistband of my boxers, and I freeze a little. She's never been this bold.

Her hand slips inside my boxers and she grips me lightly. I moan and bury my head in the crook of her neck. We don't speak, and she doesn't move, nor do I. She squeezes a little tighter and it takes everything in me to not pump my hips like I want to so badly. I can hear her breathing increase in panic and then her hand is back on my chest.

"Sorry," she says. She looks ashamed, because she wasn't able to continue what she started.

"No, not in here. Not like this." She looks at me surprised.

"I don't want to hear apologies when were in bed, Bella. This isn't something you have to do and when you don't or can't, its not a failure. Just be with me. Do what you want and don't when you don't want to. I love you. This isn't a requirement." I hate this. I just want her to be comfortable... and her hands back in my pants, but I'll keep that to myself.

"I know. I just want to so bad, and I hate that I can't." I understand. She's frustrated and that her body wants things her mind can't give her. We'll get there though. I have no idea when, but I know we'll get there. We continue to kiss. I'm done letting what's happened to her keep her from enjoying herself.

**~*E&B*~**

After we've showered and are in bed, Bella tells me about the night and what she and Alice talked about. When she tells me about how Seth came about and some about Ryan, I act surprised and don't let her know Carlisle and I already talked about it. Not because I'm keeping it from her, because I'm just enjoying watching her relay her night. There is a spark in her eyes I've never seen before.

"So if you want, we can go over on Sunday," she says. She just finished telling me about a barbecue at Emmett's house. Just Emmett, his wife and Alice, nothing too overwhelming for Bella.

"Well, you know Carlisle is going to meet with your dad," I say, testing to see how she'll react. Her eyes lower and she nods.

"I was thinking, if it's ok with you, I would go with him." Her head pops up.

"Why?" Her voice gives away how surprised she is.

"I just feel like I need to. If you want to go, I'll go with you. Charlie's going to be involved. He may have information, and I'd like to meet him." Then I can decide for myself if it was a huge, sad, tragedy, or if he is just a neglectful father who let Bella down.

"I don't know if I'm ready for that, but... honestly, I trust your opinion the most, more than Carlisle or anyone else. I'd like to hear what you think." That solves it.

"Okay, well you go to Emmett's, and I'll meet you there after." She agrees and I'm glad that's out of the way.

"I was thinking, maybe we could go see my mom tomorrow?" She asks quietly to my chest. My grip tightens on her; I know this will be hard for her.

"Sure," I say. I'm glad she's the one who brought it up; it means she's ready for it.

We lay back to go to sleep, and I can't help but wait for this weekend to be over with.

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	19. Chapter19 TheChurchofWhat'sHappeningNow

**Hey guys! **

**So life has been nuts! I haven't even been twittering and if you know me, you know I must be really freakin busy if it's keeping me from my twitter peeps LOL  
Loving my classes but not the lack of free time. **

**HUGE thank you to Whatobsession17, Kimcarr and Jessypt you ladies know I couldn't do it without you! **

**Thank you for every single review. We just passed 2000 and I can't even believe it! You guys are too amazing for words and I am humbled that you like my story. I couldn't reply to you but if you read this thank you so much for taking the time to read and review the chapters!**

**I do not own the characters of Twilight. I just took their homes away**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I can't detach from the past and all of the pain**_

_**I need to learn, start from scratch begin again**_

_**I will not run from bad things I've done**_

_**They're things I'll try not to repeat**_

_**Throw away yesterday**_

_**Today is a brand new day**_

_**Welcome to**_

_**The church of what's happening now**_

_**Head straight through**_

_**It costs nothing but change**_

_**-Sia**_

**EPOV - Day five in Forks**

"Fuck," I hiss. My breath comes out in a smoke-like puff.

I look at where the hammer just landed on my hand. Even in the shadowy darkness of the early morning I call tell it's bruising already. It's six, and the sun is finally deciding to make an appearance. I dragged myself out of bed at five, leaving Bella unconscious and unaware in the warm blankets and started on this shed. I wanted to get a head start on the day since I knew we'd be spending a large chunk of it at Bella's mom's gravesite.

Tomorrow, I'll be meeting Charlie and have no idea how long it will take. I know Carlisle is in no hurry for me to complete this job, but I said I would; I follow through with what I commit to.

I step back from the shed and stand in the grass cradling my sore hand. I evaluate what it will take to make this thing usable. The early morning air stings when it hits my skin. It's been warm in the afternoons, but the temperature drops drastically overnight, usually bringing rainfall with it. The dew from the grass has soaked through my shoes and bleeds up the legs of my jeans. I reach up and scratch the side of my head, and the coldness of my ears shocks me. I touch my nose, and it's freezing too. I blow hot air into my hands and rub them together for friction.

For a second I feel like I'm on the streets again. I close my eyes and can smell the stench of the alleys. I can feel the brick wall I tried to sleep against. I can feel a phantom growl in my stomach, with a hunger that only comes from not eating for days. I hear the bums fighting and the whores propositioning.

I open my eyes, and I remind myself where I've been sleeping and who I've been sleeping with. All of a sudden my wet shoes, pants and cold ears don't bother me anymore. Jake pops into my head, I need to figure out a way to check on him, even if that means me going back to Portland for a quick visit. Bella's become my life, but I won't abandon my best friend who, I assume is still living the life I've been lucky enough to escape... for now. I never want to live like that again and will never allow Bella to have less than she has right at this second. With that thought, I'm more eager than ever to work on my job.

I didn't want to wake anyone so I've been trying to work in the dark. I plan to ask Carlisle if he owns a utility light when I see him. The sun rises higher into the sky, and I'm able to get a better look at what I'm up against with this shed.

With a large sigh, I walk around to inspect the back. I push on the side, and it gives under my weight. I kick a board and it crashes to the ground. When I get close, I can smell the mustiness of the mold that surely grows inside. This thing is a piece of shit. I'm not sure if it was Emmett or Carlisle, but whoever worked on this before did a great job of screwing up.

Boards don't line up like they should. The sharp ends of nails stick out on almost every section. The wood was never treated and is rotting, and the roof wasn't sealed and has been leaking for god knows how long. No floor has been put in, and that's the first thing that should've been done. There's no saving any of the work that's been completed. Not if it's going to be done right, and I'm doing it right.

I go back inside and evaluate the materials abandoned here by the last failed, wannabe carpenter. There are cans of paint and sealer that seem to be in good shape. _Good shape because they were never used_, I think rolling my eyes. Someone was smart enough to wrap most of the wood in a tarp, which seemed to withhold a lot of the moisture. I drag everything outside piece by piece. It takes a while and fucking spiders keep crawling out of every surface, causing me to jump around like a bitch trying to get them off. Then, I look around and make sure no one saw. By the time I have the supplies stacked in piles to use and to toss, I've peeled my sweatshirt off, and sweat drips off the end of my nose.

The next step is to deconstruct. The entire thing needs to come down. I grab my hammer and flip it around. As quietly as I can I start pulling nails out. With hardly any effort, boards start tumbling to the ground. I get it down in no time but can't start to rebuild until I make a trip to the hardware store. I look back and am surprised; there's still no life coming from the Cullen house. Looking at my watch I see it's a little after eight, the store should be open by now.

I don't know the town well, but I think maybe there's a store close enough to walk. I could make a couple of trips if I need to. Before I can decide what to do, an old Honda pulls into the driveway. I quickly recognize Alice in the driver's seat. She climbs out of the car and waves at me.

"Morning," she says with a smile.

Bella told me last night how upset Alice was over her weight. How she used to be so tiny, but how she can't lose the weight from having Seth. I don't know why women do this to themselves. Yes, she has extra weight, but that doesn't automatically make her ugly. Bella said she thinks Alice is putting up with this Ryan guy not treating her well because her self-esteem is so low. I don't get what most of that means, but I know it's bullshit. I've realized early in life all the superficial shit doesn't matter.

Alice shuts the car door quietly. She looks frazzled. Her clothes are wrinkled, and she still seems to be styling her hair as she walks to the back of her car. I'm sure it's not easy being a mom, let alone a single one. She starts digging a ton of stuff out of her trunk.

"Good morning," I say, walking over to help her.

"What are you doing up so early on Saturday?"

I just shrug, lifting the large stroller out of her hands and setting it on the ground.

"Thanks," she says, wiping dirt from the wheels on the front of her pants.

"You do know who you're staying with, right? You won't see a coherent human being until nine, at the earliest, on a Saturday," she tells me jokingly as she pulls more stuff out of the car.

"I'm just getting started on the shed," I explain.

"Oh, nice."

I'm taken back a little with how easy it is for Alice to talk to me. She's not pestering me with intrusive questions or acting awkwardly like people usually do when they first meet. I wonder if this is just who she is or if this is how she's been instructed to act. I wonder how much she knows. I want the conversation to stay off of me, so I ask her about all the stuff we're unloading.

"Are you moving back?" I ask. I can't think of another reason why she'd have her entire house packed in the back of her car. She looks at me shocked.

"Moving back," she says, appalled. "Lord, no! I love my parents and all, but I really love living on my own. My mom, she watches Seth for me when I work my second job on the weekends," she explains. I look at the pile of items I've pulled from her trunk. She sees my expression and laughs.

"Just wait. Some day, when you have a kid, you'll see. You always want to be prepared."

"Whatever you say," I laugh.

I can't even imagine that ever happening to me. I've never talked to Bella about it before. I bet she'll want kids. She's so good with them. The thought of me being in charge of another human life scares the shit out of me. Alice bends down and throws a huge bag over her shoulder. I go to grab it from her, but she moves aside.

"It's ok. I'm used to carrying it."

I want to insist on carrying it for her but don't. Instead, I gather up all the other items and carry them to the porch.

"I just have to get Seth," she says, walking back to the car. She opens the back door, and I can see her struggling. I wonder how hard it is for her to do this on her own. I wonder how hard it was for my mom.

"Edward," she whispers, waving me over. I walk over to meet her. Seth is completely out. He's wearing Spider Man pajamas on his body and leftovers of his breakfast on his face. She's holding him and trying to get the car seat out at the same time.

"I need to leave this for my mom," she whispers, pointing to the car seat. I stick my head in the car. It smells like kid, if there's such a smell. There are action figures, cereal and snack packets everywhere. I see the seat but have no idea how to get the damn thing out. There are straps and buttons everywhere. I push, pull and force. Alice is whispering instructions to me, but they make no sense. I feel like an idiot, but I can't get it out.

"Do you really need the car seat?" I ask, hoping to get out of the embarrassing fight I'm having with the inanimate object.

"It's a booster seat, and, yes. Here hold him, I'll get it."

Before I can process anything, Seth is passed into my arms. My whole body freezes. I haven't held a kid before, or after Lucy, and I did it then because I had no other choice. I stand completely still. I don't hold him with any more pressure than is needed to ensure he doesn't fall.

Even though I'm more uncomfortable than I have ever been in my entire life, Seth seems perfectly content. He curls his body up and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I look at Alice with wide eyes. She has the booker - booster seat, or whatever the hell she called it out of the car. Time to trade. I want the damn seat, and she can have her kid back.

She just picks it up and walks off. I stand in shock. What am I supposed to do? After a few steps, she turns and looks at me oddly. Willing my feet to move forward, I start to follow. My steps jostle the sleeping toddler. The last thing I want is for him to wake up wondering why the hell his mom handed him off to the homeless guy staying with his grandparents.

I slow down and take each step with care. I take a step and then let the other foot meet it. Step, meet. Step, meet. I hear laughing and look up.

"Walking down the aisle, Edward?" Alice asks, laughing. "It's ok. He sleeps like a rock. He won't wake up." I feel like an idiot

Quietly we go inside, and Alice is right. The house has no evidence of human life yet. Everyone must still be asleep. Carlisle and Esme come off as the type of people who would be up by six, and have something to do, somewhere to go. It's nice to see they take it easy on their weekends. Each new thing I learn makes them all that much more human to me.

Alice takes Seth up to his room and then meets me back downstairs. It's awkward. I have no idea what to say to this woman I just met yesterday.

"Bella's still asleep?"

"I think so," I respond.

She snaps her fingers, "Darn, I wanted to say good morning to her. Oh well, I guess I'll see her when I pick Seth up tonight."

I'm glad to hear Alice will be back. Bella might need a friend after she visits her mother today. Alice and I are just sitting in the living room, and I'm not sure what to talk to her about. I want to make some progress on the shed and decide to get out of the situation with the excuse of going to the hardware store.

"Walk? No way, it's too far. Besides, you'd have to carry everything back. I have time before work, I'll take you." Before I can decline the offer, she has her keys in hand and is already out the door.

I sit on the couch for a second stunned by her eagerness to take a complete stranger to the store. When I can think of no escape, I stand and follow her to the car. I lower myself into the passenger side and my knees are almost in my face.

"Oh, jeez. Sorry. Just pull the lever right..." Not being able to see, I blindly feel between my feet. "No, to the right... like, right by the door." I find the lever and the seat goes flying back.

"There, you found it!" Alice smiles, sliding the sunglasses on the top of her head over her eyes.

We aren't moving. I look over at her, and she's staring at me.

"What?" I ask, looking around unsure of what I'm missing.

"Seatbelt," she says quietly. Ok, then. I pull the band over my chest and buckle it.

"You really are a mom, aren't you?" I joke. She laughs and pulls out of the driveway.

I pegged Alice as someone who would need to fill every second with chatter, but she's not. We drive down the road in comfortable silence. Pulling into the hardware store I see we're the only ones here.

"Do you know what you need?" She asks. I nod.

I assume she'll wait in the car but no. She climbs out and follows me in.

I walk around the store and gather all the supplies I need. Alice quietly follows behind me and fiddles with almost everything she sees. Out of nowhere I hear her voice; she talks so quietly I almost miss it.

"Somebody really hurt Bella, didn't they?"

My entire body freezes with her question. I'm surprised she asked it. I ignore the wood in front of me and turn to face her. Her posture is stiff, and I can tell she's holding tears back. In that moment, she doesn't look like the strong single mom I've seen. She looks like a little girl who's terrified for her friend.

"Yeah, someone hurt her." I respond. It comes out softly, quietly.

I don't know if we're still alone in the store, but this is no one's business. I'm not trying to repeat the story. I never want to again. I turn back to reading the labels trying to match the wood I already have. I'm hoping Alice will drop it, but I learn quickly it's not going to happen.

"Did you save her?" I scoff. She's apparently been watching too many Disney movies.

"Didn't your dad talk to you?" I don't face her this time.

"He just said her leaving wasn't her choice. That I should wait for her to open up to me, to not ask her questions."

"So, you're asking me instead?" I still face the wood.

"She's my best friend, Edward. Trust me, I know all about not wanting nosey people in your business. Small town, pregnant sixteen year-old, no father. I could've really used my best friend then. I was always hurt she wasn't there for me. I figured she ran off and forgot about me. Of course, I feel like shit now for ever thinking those things. I know Bella, and I know she would never be like that. Who took my best friend away, Edward?"

I can hear the tears and pain in her voice. I lean over on the shelf resting my head in my arm.

"Alice... I don't know what to tell you." It's the truth.

"You're right. Sorry I brought it up." I can hear the sincerity in her words. I feel a small hand rub my back and then hear footsteps walk away.

It's not that I think Bella would be mad at me for sharing with Alice. I know she would tell Alice if she were strong enough. Bella and I assumed Carlisle had already told them everything. Bella trusts Alice. She'd be okay with her friend knowing, especially if she knew what Alice said about being forgotten. Bella never forgot her. No, I just can't handle it anymore. I can't say those words and have those mental images in my head again.

Apparently, I've rapidly grown soft, because I can't get over the guilt I feel for brushing Alice off. I continue my shopping without seeing her once. When I have everything I need, I pay for the supplies; it takes up almost all my money. The old man at the counter makes comments about never seeing me around before. I shrug him off and give him no information. I walk out of the store half expecting Alice to have left me here.

She didn't. She's sitting on a bench outside.

"All set?" she asks with a smile. Her glasses cover her eyes, so I can't see if she's been crying. I assume she has.

"Yeah." I start to load her little car up with everything I bought.

"Doesn't this sun feel awesome?" She leans on the car, her head lifted toward the sky. She's trying to make sure things aren't awkward after our conversation in the store. I might as well play along.

"It does. Is it supposed to be warm today?"

"High sixties, I think." Everything's in the car, and we both climb back in. I decide to take our drive home and tell her whatever I can spit out.

"Someone manipulated her and took her." Alice's head shoots in my direction. The car swerves. Quickly, she corrects and gets back into her lane. I let go of the 'oh shit bar,' make sure I didn't piss my pants and throw her a look.

"Sorry."

"He kept her captive for the past five years. You can imagine what he did to her." The words come out quiet and deadly. My hands grip my legs so hard it hurts. Her hands tighten on the stirring wheel; her knuckles turn white. A tear slips down her cheek underneath the glasses. She nods. No more needs to be said.

"How..." Her voice comes out thick with emotion. She clears her throat and wipes her eye. "How did you meet her?"

For some reason I feel no reason to hide from Alice. I've only known her for a day but can tell she isn't going to judge me, or worse, tell Bella she shouldn't be with me.

"Uh, I've been homeless... most my life," I shrug. "Bella was able to get away from the guy who took her. She jumped a train and basically ended up on the same bench as me." The clean version of the story.

"Oh, Edward." There's no pity. Some shock, but no pity. I'm glad.

"How long have you been taking care of her?" I don't like the question. It makes Bella sound like a chore or a burden. She's far from it.

"I've been _with_ her since January." Best six months of my life.

"She loves you." She looks over at me and smiles. I can feel my cheeks heat, but I don't know why.

"Last night, when we went into the kitchen, you were all she would talk about. How great you are, how smart you are, how _hot _you are," she laughs.

I can't imagine Bella saying it, but I choose to believe Alice because it feels good. Her face goes white all of a sudden.

"What?" I ask. She looks like she's going to be sick.

"Oh God. I was poking fun at her, making sex jokes about you two when she said you were hot... oh God. I didn't know!" I can see why this would upset her after what I just told her. Bella didn't seem upset last night, so I'm not either. Embarrassed but not mad.

"She was fine, Alice. She was so happy to see you."

"Really? Promise?"

"I have no reason to lie."

"She's right though. She stole my crush in the sixth grade. She always did get the perfect guy." Alice jokingly winks. She's trying to lighten the mood. I have to laugh, because she has no idea how far from the truth she is.

We pull back into the Cullen's driveway. I quickly unload my stuff, because I know Alice has to get to work. Once everything sits on the ground, Alice walks back to the driver's side.

"Edward." I look over at her. "Thank you for bringing my best friend back." I don't say anything. "And, if you have a brother, give him my number," she laughs, getting into her car. I shake my head and get back to work.

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**So I know not a ton happened in this chapter but it just flowed for me. I thought it was important to get to know my Alice and for Edward to stand on his own a bit - Bella will have her chance as well.**

**Remember, even though it's been weeks in RL (sorry it takes me so long to post) it's only been 5 days since they have arrived in Forks. I really want a realistic, natural progression. Starting next chapter there will be the action some of you have been waiting for and things will speed up a lot! Not sure if it will be next Monday or a bit longer but I hope it will be worth the wait for you guys!**

**I love to chat with you guys on Twitter kdc2239 **

**Since you guys have been so patient and supportive I will send an extra teaser to everyone that reviews. Love ya guys! **


	20. Chapter 20 Sing it Out

**Hey! **  
**Thank you so much for all the reviews last chapter! I hope everyone received their teaser! **  
**Kimmcarr, Jessypt and Whatobsession17, these ladies live very busy lives and manage to fit my little story in. Thank you so much, love you guys!**

**School is great, and I'm very thankful I can go - it is, at the same time, kicking my ass LOL  
I'm working so hard to keep theses chapters coming in a timely manner. Thanks for all the support and patients. I have the best readers ever!**

**People have asked a lot about where I got the info for this story. I put a small explanation at the bottom for those who care to read. **

**Sadly, I have experience visiting a parents grave. If you've read A New Normal, my other story, you have probably figured out that I lost my dad at 16. It's something that comes with painful, unexplainable feelings, and it's different for everyone. Every person is different and handles grief differently. This is my interpretation on how Bella would handle it. This song by Switchfoot really captured the feelings I felt, and I played it on repeat while writing this chapter. I encourage you to youtube it and give it a listen. **

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

**This chapter comes with a tissue warning *Hands out tissues to teary readers***

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_**I'm on the run. I'm on the ropes this time**_

_**Where is my song? I've lost the song of my soul tonight**_

_**##**_

_**Where is the sun? Feel like a ghost this time**_

_**Where have you gone? I need your breath in my lungs tonight**_

_**##**_

_**I'm holding on to you. My world is wrong**_

_**My world is a lie that's come true**_

_**And I fall in love**_

_**With the ones that run me through**_

_**When all along all I need is you**_

_**Sing it out**_

_**Sing it out**_

_**Take what is left of me**_

_**Make it a melody**_

_**-Switchfoot**_

**EPOV - Day five in Forks**

After Alice leaves I can enjoy the quietness of the morning. I line up all the supplies I bought and get right to work.

I don't get too far when I hear the front door open and see Bella on the front porch. She looks around frantically. I assume she's upset, because she woke up alone and couldn't find me. I drop my hammer and walk over to her. When she sees me, she flies off the porch, running towards me, going through the wet grass barefoot and landing in my arms.

Her arms squeeze around my neck like a constrictor. I don't realize she's crying until I feel hot tears on my shoulder. I lift her off the ground just enough to walk her over to the porch.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I ask. I sit down holding her close to me on my lap.

"It's stupid." She wipes her eyes and nose with her sleeve.

I just look at her waiting for her to continue. She knows me, and I know I tend to say most things are stupid. She should know by know I don't think anything having to do with her is stupid.

"I just... woke up and you weren't there. I laid there a while thinking you were in the bathroom, but when you never came back I got up to look for you. When I couldn't find you, I panicked." Another tear escapes from her eye.

She looks so lost and haunted; I hate it. She looks like she did when we were still sleeping on the street.

"It's ok. I'm here. I was just getting a head start on the shed. Alice even took me to the store while you lazy bums slept all damn morning." I say, trying to make her smile. It works.

I think about what I just said and realized what a mess it would have been if Bella had woken up while I was still at the store.

"I promise I'll leave you a note from now on. It would freak me out too... if I woke up without you there. I thought you'd be a little more comfortable here... without me."

"No. I mean, yes. I am comfortable here, but this..." she waves her hand behind her at the house, "all of this would mean nothing to me if you weren't here. I need you."

She always seems to know what I need to hear.

Our foreheads press together. My hand skims the skin exposed where her top and pants meet. I'm no longer concerned with the shed. I lean in and kiss her, but as soon as our lips meet the door flies open.

"Oops, sorry." Carlisle quickly shuts the door.

I take it as, 'please, continue where you left off' so I lean back in and start to kiss her. Bella giggles softly and stops me.

"I'm going to get in the shower. Then... maybe... well, maybe we could go?"

"To see your mom?"

She nods, and the sadness in her eyes takes my mind off the brutal cock block from Carlisle.

"Yeah, I'll get ready, too," I say, giving her just a peck. She stands and walks into the house. I sit and watch her go.

Carlisle comes out again and sits on a chair. I wait for the 'this is our house, no funny business,' talk, but it doesn't come.

"Sorry, Edward. I usually have my coffee on the front porch. I wasn't expecting anyone to be out here."

I wasn't expecting him to apologize to me. I just shrug.

"It's your house," I say.

"Doesn't mean I'd purposefully intrude while you and Bella are having... a moment."

How awkward.

I laugh. Is that what they call it these days? When I don't say anything, he changes the subject.

"Wow! Where's the shed?" He sounds shocked and a little nervous.

I explain what a piece of shit the old shed was. He laughs and takes full responsibility for the shoddy work. We walk over to the pile of scrap. I show him how shitty the wood is. He agrees and thanks me for doing the job right. When he finds out Alice took me to the store, he immediately pays me back for the supplies. We stand and talk for a while about what I plan to do with the shed.

Carlisle's an alright guy, I decide.

**~*E&B*~**

Bella carries a large bouquet of flowers she picked from Esme's garden. She took her time, taking only the most perfect ones she could find. She looks beautiful in the black dress Esme loaned her. The air is cool, but the sun shines high in the sky as we walk down the street.

Bella was taking forever to get ready, and that's not like her. When I went into the bathroom to check on her, she was staring into the mirror. She was wearing the torn jeans I'd always seen her in and her sweatshirt from the Mission. When I asked her what was taking so long, she broke down. She said she wasn't sure if her mother could see her, but if there was any chance she could, she couldn't bear for her to see her like that.

We only have clothes from the street, and they aren't in the best shape. After witnessing her minor breakdown and admitting her humiliation, I vowed to myself to make sure she'd have new clothing and soon.

Thank God Esme swooped in with a dress that was perfect for Bella. I thanked her, but of course she brushed me off saying she wished we'd just let them treat us to some new clothing. I wouldn't accept it, but at this point I had no issue with them getting Bella anything she wants. I don't want to see her go without just because I can't provide for her.

We continue on our way. The only noise to be heard is the sound the gravel makes under our shoes. I look at the ground as I walk and smile when I see Bella's feet. She's still wearing her worn out thinks she looks ridiculous in a dress and sneakers but none of Esme's shoes fit. I know nothing about fashion, but I know Bella could never look ridiculous. I'm wearing what I always do, having nothing else, but I did tuck in my shirt and slick my out of control hair back. It looks funny as shit, but I hope the effort is noticed.

I don't try to make conversation. Bella stares straight ahead as she walks, the flowers tight in her grip. I can tell she's deep in thought, and there's no reason for me to break it.

Out of nowhere, the gravel path leads to the cemetery. I was expecting gargoyles and a creepy graveyard attendant, but it's not at all like that.

If anything, it's closer to a garden. At the entrance is a large trellis with vines growing up it and white flowers blooming. A white fence goes around the perimeter. The grass is bright green and well maintained. It's a very small cemetery, and you can see all the headstones from underneath the trellis, where Bella is currently standing frozen. There's a bench just inside the entrance. I walk through, letting go of Bella's hand and sit. I wait to see what she'll do.

She looks at me, somewhat surprised I walked away. She looks down at the hand I just let go of. She looks hurt. I didn't do it to hurt her, but this is something she needs to do. Something she wanted to do. I don't want to push her to see her mom if she isn't ready or keep her from doing it if she is.

She stands there, and she scans the cemetery. Her eyes lock on one headstone. Her body starts to tremble just a little, and a tear slowly runs down her cheek. A black trail follows it from the makeup she put on. Her knuckles are white as she grips the flowers, and the stems start to bend from the pressure.

Slowly, she walks over and sits next to me. She sits up straight, her legs bent, feet pressed together. The flowers rest on her lap, still in her grasp. She stares at the headstone across the grounds as if it will open and swallow her up within its depths. Black tears continue to fall down her face.

Breezes, so gentle they barely move her hair, make her shiver. The quiet chirping from the birds overhead make her flinch. I never thought about it until now, but not only is it hard for her to come to her mother's grave for the first time, she's also facing the beginning of her nightmare.

If her mom had never passed, she would have never gone through the fucked up things she's been through. Her mothers death resulted in her life as she knew spiraling out of control at a dangerous rate to the ground. When she landed, it was cold, hard and unforgiving. She feels guilty for not knowing how sick her mother was, for never returning to her grave, and she's terrified her mother would be disappointed in her.

I don't think it's possible. I never met Renee Mazzagatti, but if she's half the woman Bella speaks of, there's no way she would be disappointed in her daughter. Like my mother with me, I have to believe, she would love Bella no matter what she does or what's been done to her.

Bella stands, breaking me out of my thoughts. Carrying the flowers with her, she walks towards her mother's grave. She reverently reads the other headstones as she passes them; with each one the tears fall faster. She reaches her mother's and lowers herself to the ground, ignoring the small concrete bench that's been placed there for Renee's visitors. Next to the bench is a concrete angel who holds a vase in her hands. Flowers, wilted and brown, reside in the Angel's grip. I can't read the headstone from here, but I can see Bella's hands as they trace the words.

I stand and decide to walk a little, giving Bella some privacy. I know I won't want someone watching while I visit my mother's grave for the first time, if that time ever does come. Even though my back is turned to her, I listen carefully for any sign that she needs me. I assume she cries, but I don't hear it.

I turn around after a while to check on her. She's not sitting on the bench, but she leans against it, her legs crossed in front of her. She's taken the old flowers out and replaced them with the ones she so carefully picked out. I go back to the bench I started out on where I can hear her. She doesn't say much, but what she does say is in Italian.

For the first time since we left the Cullen's driveway, Bella looks up and makes eye contact with me. She motions softly with her hand to join her. Unsure if I should, I stand and re-tuck my shirt uncomfortably into my pants, before I slowly make my way over to her. Unlike Bella, I ignore the other headstones, keeping my eyes trained on her.

"Hi," I say when I make it over to her.

She looks up at me and gives me a sad smile. I offer her my hand and help her off the ground. When she stands she grabs my shirt and pulls it out of my pants. She smoothes it out and then runs a hand through my hair, ruining any management I had of it.

She looks at me with sad, tear-stained eyes and smiles a real smile.

"Just be you," she says, so quietly I barely hear her.

I love her even more. She believes her mom can see us, and she's proud to be with me. This very second is when I get over wondering if I'm good enough, if Bella needs me or for feeling guilty when she does need me. We love each other and this exact moment in time makes me realize that it's enough.

We sit on the bench next to the angel. I look down and see grass and dirt stuck to Bella's knees and dress. Leaning over, I brush them off. She kisses my cheek and lays her head on my shoulder.

I have no idea how long we sit there but the sun shines, the breeze blows, and there is never a sound except for the birds.

**~*E&B*~**

For the third time in two blocks I adjust the collar of my shirt - my new shirt. Apparently Esme is birthday challenged and can't stand if one is missed. Upon arriving back from the cemetery, Bella and I both had a new set of clothing on our bed with birthday cards.

When we tried to protest, we were up for a fight we had no chance of winning.

"_Esme, really, this is too much," Bella says, setting her new clothing on the counter. _

"_Has there ever been a birthday where we didn't do something for you?" Esme asks. Bella shakes her head 'no.' I can see the pain seep into her eyes as she remembers all the birthdays she's missed. _

"_I've missed five birthdays Bella, five. Let me do this for you... and for me." She fights back tears by smiling. _

_I open my mouth wanting to tell Bella to accept the gift but return mine and remind Esme there is no reason to buy me, a stranger, birthday gifts. Esme lifts her hand up stopping me before a single sound can come out. _

"_Nope, don't want to hear it. You want to be with Bella, yes?" She gives me no time to answer and continues on. "This is part of the territory, Bub. This is the way we... roll around her." We both laugh loud at Esme's attempt to be cool and accept her generosity with appreciation. _

We were told by Esme, with a smile and a hug, to 'wear them and shut your mouths,' so that's what I'm doing.

I look behind me out the back window again, knowing I won't see her, but not being able to stop myself from looking anyway.

"Don't worry, Edward. She's safe with Emmett," Carlisle reminds me, again.

I have never been away from Bella since we met. Leaving her at Emmett's house was harder than I thought it would be.

We continue our drive down the highway on our way to meet Bella's father, Charlie. I'm nervous - not about meeting Charlie - about being so far away from Bella. As far as I'm concerned, I've met Bella's father - Carlisle. Charlie is a man who knew Bella all of four or five months max. He made her feel unwanted, didn't do enough to help her. He let her be kidnapped; he let her down. I'm trying hard to go into this meeting without pre-judging, but so far I'm not doing very well.

I look out the window again, then down at Carlisle's phone, which sits on the center console. I've been reminded that both Carlisle and Emmett have phones Bella can call if she needs anything - I'm just waiting for it to ring.

Emmett seemed to live in a safe neighborhood, in a decent little house. I met his wife, Rosalie, who was very friendly. She was different than Emmett. When I met Emmett, he tried to play tough, make it clear who was in his 'circle.' Rose was warm and instantly welcomed us both into her home. She's tall, thin and really naturally beautiful. She didn't look like she had makeup on but I couldn't find a flaw on her and was surprised when I saw she had a mouth full of braces; they added to her charm. I was ready not to like her, thinking she would be stuck up but was happy to see she didn't even seem to notice her own beauty. Apparently, she's a school teacher and instantly struck up a conversation with Bella, making fun of her braces saying she looks like her pre-pubescent students. I could tell she was trying to make her feel comfortable, and I appreciated it.

Bella was clinging to my side. She had decided she didn't want me to leave her after all. I felt bad but really thought it was important for me to go with Carlisle. After about an hour of being there and trying to get her comfortable, trying to convince her to stay with Emmett and Rose, she still didn't want me to go.

When Alice showed up in tears because Ryan had dumped her, Bella quickly toughened and decide to stay and comfort her friend. I was really proud of her.

"What does he know?" I ask Carlisle, not wanting to be blindsided by questions like I was with Alice.

"Uh..." Carlisle clears his throat, his fingers run across the steering wheel nervously. "Everything."

I don't ask how he knows; I assume Carlisle told him. I feel bad for Carlisle but happy I won't have to say the words again myself. Carlisle pulls into a parking spot and shuts off the car. He turns to face me and takes a deep breath.

"Charlie, he um..." Carlisle wiggles his hand a little, "he's pretty black and white. He blames himself for what happened."

Good, that makes two of us.

"He can be hard to read,; don't let it upset you. I'm sure he'll think you're great," I take this as a warning. 'Attention, Edward, Charlie will piss you off. Don't freak out on him Edward style.'

"I don't give a fuck what he thinks of me," I say, casually and honestly, smirking.

I don't blame Carlisle for trying to bridge the gap - keep the peace or whatever, but I really don't like to be warned.

Carlisle wants to respond but doesn't have a chance to because I'm already climbing out of the car and walking into the restaurant ahead of him.

"Edward," Carlisle says more sternly than I'd like, so I don't acknowledge him.

"Just try to listen. There are things you don't know," Carlisle says, catching up to me and opening the door so I have to walk past him.

I raise an eyebrow at him and continue in to meet Charlie.

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**Buckle up your seat belts - we meet Charlie next**

**Doesn't seem like anyone really cares about the teaser on the forum anymore? Let me know if I'm wrong and I'll still post one over there :) **

**As always, I love to hear what you think! **

I've had quit a few PM's and reviews asking how I know about the homeless life style. The truth is, I don't know much. I grew up in the Portland area and am fairly familiar with the area and the Portland Rescue Mission, having donated and done some volunteering with their affiliate in Vancouver Washington, across the river. My dad was living on his own at the age of fourteen and later became a police officer. He had a heart for these kids and I guess I caught on.

My main goal while writing this is to write something realistic. With that being said, I feel that this story could've been a lot darker with drug abuse, sexual assault and violence that kids really face daily on the streets. I chose to keep the details to a minimum (in my opinion anyway) so that many people could read it without being too disturbed. It's a hard, cruel, unforgiving world out there and sadly, the lives Bella and Edward live in this story match those to real people in your communities. Except most don't have the Cullens there to help them out. Although I've done my share of research for this story, it is a story of fiction. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have, feel free to PM me :)

Here a couple of links. One to the Portland Rescue Mission and the other is a way for someone to help a foster child. You don't have to be a parent or have social work background. You're just there to make sure kids don't fall through the cracks. An extra set of eyes and ears for kids to come to if they find themselves in situations like Edward, and so many others do. I plan to do this program when school is out and I'll have more time.

http: / www(dot)portlandrescuemission(dot)org

www(dot)casaforchildren(dot)org


	21. Chapter 21 Drown Out

**Hey everyone!  
Hope you all are well!**

**Huge thank you to Kimmcarr Whatobsession and Jessypt for putting so much work into this story 3 **

**I cannot believe how close to 3k reviews this has! Thank you all so much. You kind words keep me motivated. **

**Ok, it's time to meet Charlie! Remember Bella only lived with him a few months and they never knew of each other before. Keep that in mind as you read this chapter, it's not the normal Charlie/Bella relationship, they're practically strangers to each other. **

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_**Drown out, the voice that breaks the silence**_

_**And talks the joy out of everything**_

_**You were found out and had to walk**_

_**in darkness without the only thing you care about**_

_**~#~**_

_**Cry alone, and die alone**_

_**Pray alone, and stay alone**_

_**You were burned out**_

_**And had to stop before all hell broke**_

_**And finally took its toll**_

**-Glen Hansard**

**EPOV Day 5 in Forks**

Back straight, shoulders squared. Charlie Williams is all business. Bella has to get her figure from her mother, because in no way did she get Charlie's burly shape. She did, however, get his eyes, minus the dullness and anger radiating from them. Charlie doesn't have to say anything; his body language says it all. Even when he doesn't speak, his black mustache twitches; I can't stop staring at it. Here we sit, introductions have passed, drinks were ordered and have arrived. No conversation has started.

"So..." Carlisle says.

Charlie's eyes are trained on me and have been since I stepped foot in the door. My and Carlisle drinks are gone. I run my hand over the condensation on my glass. It's sweating almost as much as Carlisle is right now. Apparently, the doc isn't too good with awkward confrontation.

"How old are you, Edward?" Charlie demands, rather than asks.

"Twenty-one. You?" I throw back, already annoyed with the way he's coming at me. This isn't an interrogation, and I won't let it turn into one.

If he's pissed at my attitude, he doesn't show it. His expression gives nothing away. He stares at me without ever answering my question. The mustache twitches again.

"Carlisle here says you met Isabella-"

"Bella," I say

"Excuse me?" Now he's irritated.

"Her name. It's Bella. She doesn't like to be called Isabella." He raises an eyebrow but doesn't argue with me. How could he? He doesn't know her.

"So, she showed up on the streets of Portland one night. You wanna tell me about that?" The way he asked was more like 'you're going to tell me about that night,' so I decide I won't.

"Ah, naw. That's ok."

I smirk, and it earns another twitch. The waitress drops off a new soda, and I go out of my way to take a long drink, actively ignoring the man across from me. He keeps his poker face, but his skin turns red. I'm getting to him.

"How did you get to Forks?" is his next question. I shrug in response. I owe nothing to this man and so far, I'm not impressed.

He tries a trick every single cop and criminal knows. He gets real quiet. The atmosphere grows even thicker and more awkward. He hopes it will push me to talk; it won't. Carlisle sits and tears apart his straw wrapper, but Charlie and I continue our standoff.

"Well, how about this, Edward..." In a fashion I've seen in the many interrogations I've been in, Charlie sets both his hands on top of the table, leans forward and speaks in a very clear voice. "If you don't want to answer any of my damn questions, let's talk about you're criminal record. How does that sound, smart ass?"

Fucker. He thinks he can threaten or intimidate me? That's ok, because I have a better topic to discuss. I mimic his exact movements and lean in really close to his face.

"We could... or we could talk about your neglectful ass and how you let your own daughter get kidnapped, raped and tortured for five fucking years, you goddamned prick." My voice comes out low and deadly.

"Hey, hey." Carlisle's arm quickly shoots out, pulling my ass fully back into its seat. I don't fight him and lean back. I can feel my face quickly heat with anger.

"Don't fuck with me," I say, having to get the last word in. This elicits a cruel smirk on Charlie's ugly ass face.

"Go cool off. Now." Usually I would tell Carlisle to shove it, but instead, I stand and walk out. Neither of them is worth my ass going to jail for assault.

Pacing outside, I try to clear my head. I had a feeling this meeting wouldn't go off smoothly or simple, but I wasn't expecting the overwhelming urge I had to go in there and beat Charlie's ass. He's more worried about his agenda and my record than his own daughter. I want to land a punch to his face for every second Bella was less than comfortable.

Taking a few deep breaths, I try to force my blood pressure down. It's sunny and cool; the temperature feels good on my hot skin. I hear the door open, but Carlisle doesn't have to speak for me to know he's hovering behind me.

"He's a loser, Carlisle." I don't turn around to face him.

"He's really not, Edward. You two started wrong."

Apparently he knows I'm rolling my eyes without seeing me because he continues on.

"I told him the same thing as I'm going to tell you." Carlisle walks up next to me. He sits on a planter by the door. "This isn't about you or him. This is about what Bella needs."

"She needs me," I spit back, finally looking at him. He stands as his hands go up in a non-confrontational way.

"I have no doubts about that, Edward. I've told Charlie as much, too. Don't you think she could benefit from getting to know her dad as well?"

I really don't know the answer to that. Just because someone fathers a child doesn't mean he should be a father.

"Whatcha' say? Come in and let's start over?" He puts his hand on my shoulder. I take one more deep breath and go back inside the building.

When we approach the table, Charlie's body language has changed. He isn't as stiff.

"Ok, let's try this again." Carlisle says, optimism dripping from his voice.

"I just want what's best for my daughter, Edward."

"Well, we agree on one thing then. Now, if you could just stop trying to go RoboCop on me, we should be just fine," I say back. He smiles, but there's no humor in it.

"Would you mind telling me how Bella ended up... homeless, with you?" He asks a hell of a lot less confrontationally this time, and I decide to indulge him. He knows the awful details from Carlisle; I'm just filling in the spaces that neither of them know about our time on the street.

When I finish telling them as much as I'm willing to, Charlie puts his notebook he's been writing in away, and his body shifts back into cop mode a little.

"I have to say, Edward, you have quit the rap sheet. You've been in trouble a lot." I nod. I have. What does he want me to say? What does it have to do with anything?

"And you didn't notice your child was miserable. You let her live under your roof - no, forced her really. Her mother wanted her with the Cullens. She was having the hardest time of her life, and you did nothing to help her. Then _you_ let her get kidnapped. She chose to live a dangerous life on the streets rather than call you." His jaw drops a little, but he quickly recovers. I lean back into my chair. "If we're stating facts, let's state them all."

"Edward, there really are things you don't know," Carlisle says, shaking his head.

"Then tell me. I doubt it will change my opinion though." Carlisle and Charlie look at each other, silently communicating something.

"You two gonna make dreamy eyes at each other for the rest of the afternoon or tell what's up?" I'm so annoyed.

Both men give me a look that clearly reflects they aren't impressed by my mouth. Too bad.

"This conversation will not work if both of you don't knock it off. We're three grown men capable of having a calm conversation." Neither Charlie nor I respond to Carlisle's reproach.

When he sees that we plan to just stare down at the table, Carlisle lets out a big sigh. I haven't thought about him at all through all of this, but I'm sure Bella and I barging into his life has brought a lot of stress to him and his family.

"Edward, we weren't - aren't sure - if we were going to tell Bella this. We didn't want to cause her anymore pain with 'what ifs.' Obviously though, it looks like it's going to have to be said," Carlisle says. He and Charlie silently communicate something then with a nod from Carlisle, Charlie continues.

"I'm not blind. I knew she wasn't happy, and I had no idea what to do. I'll admit that." His voice comes out loud and stern. Charlie leans back in his chair and starts to fidget with his hands. "I had no idea I had a child out there. None. I didn't know Renee for more than a week, and she never told me she was pregnant. The day I got the call about Bella I was actually happy. I was alone, no family, divorced. I was excited to meet the daughter I never knew I had."

The waitress comes back with our food. None of us touch it. When he starts speaking again, his voice is quieter, less confident.

"When she came I was lost. I had no idea what to do. I tried to get her to talk, tried to be there for her, but I was a stranger - a stranger who, in her eyes, ripped her from her friends and the only family she knew." He gestures to Carlisle.

"I was in constant contact with the Cullens, but I couldn't get Bella to talk to them or tell me why she wouldn't. We were a couple months into the new arrangement, and she was deteriorating. She wouldn't eat. She was skipping school... I had no siblings or even a pet. I had no idea how to handle a fourteen year-old. I understood then, fully, the mistake I had made by taking her away from everything. Immediately, I called Carlisle, and we were making legal arrangements for Bella to live with the Cullens during the school year. She was going to have the option, but I was really hoping she would choose to visit me - get to know me - during her breaks from school. We didn't want to tell her until everything was set in stone, didn't want to get her hopes up if it fell through for some reason. I was planning on telling her when she came home for school... the day she went missing."

I'm sure the shock was evident on my face. If Bella knew she was going back to live with the family she knew and loved, if she had just stuck it out a little longer, she would never let the 'what ifs' escape her mind. If this had happened, she would never have faced all the evil and torture she went through. This would kill Bella if she knew.

"I have nothing to prove to you, but I did hunt." Charlie's voice snaps me out of my shock. My head pops up to see his red angry face. "I searched for my daughter every second of every day. I gave up my detective job I worked twenty-five years to get in order to focus on my missing daughter."

"Oh, well that just changes everything now that I know you're _so_ fucking selfless."

"Edward," Carlisle says - a warning.

"No. You don't deserve Bella and your sad story does nothing for me."

A fat finger is thrust into my face.

"You listen, and you listen good. You're nothing but a thieving, drug dealing, homeless bum - nothing more. I'm not like Carlisle, and I don't trust you. I don't know how you've managed to attach yourself to _Isabella_ - manipulate her - but you're no good for her."

"Like I said, it's Bella and fuck you."

I've had enough and stand, walking away from the table. I don't feel Carlisle behind me, but I don't give a shit. I'll walk home.

**~*E&B*~**

As I walk and think, I get more pissed. Who the hell does he think he is? He was only a dad for a few months and failed. Not having experience isn't an excuse for being a complete failure. I've never been a boyfriend to anyone before, but I'd like to think I haven't failed Bella.

The sun has risen higher in the sky and I'm starting to feel like I'm being baked alive. I peel my sweatshirt off before making it to the main road back to Forks. I'm not sure what I'll do when I get there. I don't want to stay with Carlisle. I hate to take Bella away from them, but this just isn't working out for me. I've been on my own since I was twelve and don't need people jumping in now trying to parent me.

I continue to walk down the two-way, forest lined, highway. I have to step into the deep undergrowth of the forest every time a car comes flying down the road. I wasn't paying much attention on the drive to meet Charlie, but I expect it to take me a while to get back on foot.

I'm lost in my thoughts and don't notice a car quickly approaching. I'm not fast enough to jump fully off the highway and get splashed from an old puddle on the road.

"Fucker!" I add my middle finger in the air for effect.

My new shirt from Esme is now sprinkled with brown, tainted water.

I'm facing on-coming traffic but can hear a car purr behind me as it comes to a stop. I assume who it is and continue walking. The car door opens and slams shut.

"Edward." I've heard my name more in the past week than I have in the past year. I'm so sick of people shouting at me to get me to do what they want. Raising my middle finger up I step into the undergrowth to avoid an oncoming car.

"Edward, please." Louder this time.

"What?" I say. Carlisle looks exhausted.

"Please get in the car so we can talk." He takes his glasses off and wipes his eyes with one hand.

"I've had enough talking for a life time, Carlisle. I'm sorry, I know this isn't your fault... or your problem, but I'm done. Past done, really."

Carlisle opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by his phone ringing. He pulls it out and silences it after looking at the screen.

"I understand, Edward. I didn't expect for you two to butt heads so badly. I'm sorry it didn't go better. We don't need to stand on the side of the -"

His phone insistently rings again. Sighing he pulls his it out of his pocket.

"What?" he says into the speaker. His face drops and shoulders slump. He has my attention.

"Slow down... no, don't touch her. Why... what? Who?" I'm having a hard time hearing what he's saying but he's obviously trying to calm down the person on the other line. When I hear Bella's name and 'the paramedics' in the same sentence I jog across the street.

"What's going on?" Carlisle puts his hand up to me and plugs his ear with his finger asking the person on the other end of the line to repeat themselves.

"I'm not - Alice, you need to calm down. I'm not there. I can't do anything from here. Call 911, and we'll be there as fast as we can."

My heart constricts, and I feel myself start to sweat instantly. I want to rip the damn phone from Carlisle's ear and get answers.

A million scenarios run through my mind. I left Bella at Emmett's house, what the hell could have happened?

Carlisle hangs the phone up and jumps in the driver seat of his car. He doesn't have to ask me to get in. I'm already shutting my door as he starts the car.

"What the hell happened?"

Carlisle looks over his shoulder and flies full speed onto the road, rocks and gravel fly behind the car. I grab the handle as I'm thrown into the door of the car.

"I don't know. It sounds like she's having a severe panic attack." He crawls up on the ass of the car in front of us. As soon as we pass the curve in the road he speeds up and passes in the opposite lane of traffic.

"That's all?" I demand.

"Edward, I really don't know. Alice called the paramedics already, but she won't let anyone near her."

All the anger and irritation I was feeling less than three minutes ago is gone. I just want to get to Bella. We fly past the exit to Emmett's house, and I about lose it.

"What the hell, Carlisle! You just passed the damn exit!" Now is not the time to fuck up and pass the exit.

"She's not at Emmett's," Carlisle says so quietly I almost don't catch it.

My hands grip my legs. "Where the fuck is she?"

Carlisle lets out a big sigh. I can tell he doesn't want to answer my question. "The mall."

Why the fuck would Bella be at a mall? She can barely stand to be around people she's known most her life, let alone a giant crowd of people - of men. My teeth grind, and my face gets hot. I lean forward bracing myself against the dash as Carlisle flies around traffic going fast as hell. I keep my mouth shut knowing I will freak out. It's not Carlisle's fault, and I want him to get there as fast as possible so I can figure out who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to take her to the mall.

We pull into the parking lot and see and ambulance outside the main doors. Carlisle parks behind it and we both jump out of the car, running inside the building. Rose is right inside the door waiting for us. Her cheeks are pink and tears stain her face.

"She... she was fine. She talked us into coming. She was laughing... I don't... I don't..." I don't have time for her to learn to form a sentence.

"Where is she?"

She doesn't try and speak again. She just heads into a store on our right. What I see when I walk in is something I won't ever forget.

There's a group of people all crowded around with either panic or shock on their faces. When I force my way through, I see Bella in the middle of the chaos, curled against the wall. She has her hands over her ears and her eyes are wildly unfocused. She wears the new clothes Esme bought her and looks so pretty, but new clothing doesn't erase old fears. I lurched forward only to be violently ripped back.

"You can't touch her." I turn to see some fucker holding me back. I shove him as hard as I can, and he goes flying into a display, sending shit everywhere.

The chaos grows, but I still make it to Bella. I reach out and touch her but when I make contact she screams at the top of her lungs, and I jump back as if I touched fire. She starts crawling up the wall and screaming for me to help her. The entire crowd grows silent and watches the show in front of them.

"Bella, baby I'm right here."

I get on my stomach trying to mimic her position. She's stopped screaming, but her eyes are squeezed shut and she's chanting my name. I feel like screaming myself for not being able to get through to her.

"Edward... please don't let him take me," she moans, covering her face with her hands. Her nails are digging into her skin and her breathing is labored. Blood trickles down her face from where her nails are breaking her skin. I reach out and grab her hand softly, trying to stop her from hurting herself, and she freaks out all over again.

"Bella... please." My voice comes out strained and thick with emotion. I rub my hands over my face. I would do anything to trade places with her and take all her pain on me. I'm pleading with her to snap out of whatever's going on so she can see I'm right in front of her.

I've completely forgotten my surroundings and almost hit Carlisle out of reflex when he shows up on the ground next to me.

"Edward, she's having a complete panic attack. You have to let the paramedics do their job."

I look back at Bella and see that she is barely able to breathe. I know he's right but to listen to him means to stand up, abandoning her and letting strangers in. I don't want to do that. When I hear her struggle again for another breath, I know there is nothing I can do to help her and by keeping the paramedics away I'm only hurting her.

I reach out and touch her leg before I force myself to stand up and move back.

"I love you, baby. I'm so sorry," I say, my voice shaky. As soon as I'm a foot away three paramedics rush her, including the guy I shoved into the display.

Carlisle stands back with me, and we watch helplessly as they put a breathing mask on her face and a needle in her arm. She becomes groggy enough to allow the paramedics to safely get her onto the stretcher and into the ambulance. I stand on the side of the road watching the ambulance drive away. The feelings of helplessness that overwhelm me rival those the night I wasn't able to help my mom.

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**I'll try and get the next chapter out as soon as I can! **

**I'll have a teaser on the forum this week! Find me on twitter kdc2239 if you want updates on the next chapter or if you just want to say hi :) **

**As always, I'd love to hear what you think! **


	22. Chapter 22 Runaway

**Hey!  
Sorry about the long wait. Thanks for your patients! The next chapter is already with the beta's!**

**Huge thank you to Whatobsession, Kimmcarr and Jessypt for fitting my story in your busy lives and working your magic. MWAH! **

**So a lot of people were upset with Alice last chapter because she "forced" Bella to go shopping. I totally get it because that's generally Alice, but remember, this Alice is more non cannon. I really can't stand the shop-aholic Alice... so I will try to stay away from that ;) **

**Thank you so much for reading and a special thank you to those that review! You guys make this story worth writing!**

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**WARNING!**

This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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**_All along, not so strong without these open arms._**

**_Hold on tight._**

**_All along, not that strong without these open arms._**

**_Lie beside._**

**_All along, not so strong without these open arms._**

**_Ride beside._**

**_-Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs_**

**EPOV - Day Five in Forks**

"Where do we go?" I ask, walking into the hospital with Carlisle. Alice and Rose walk in and come up behind us.

"Let me find out where they're taking her." He walks up to the counter, and I pace.

The chaos at the mall was too much, and after pushing the paramedic in the store, they weren't eager to let me ride in the ambulance. Bella was so out of it I don't think she'd even realize if I were there or not. Carlisle made it to the hospital just in time for me to walk with her on the stretcher. I was with her until they took her behind doors we weren't permitted to go behind.

When Carlisle walks back, I meet him half-way, eager to know where they took Bella.

"They're getting her set up in a room; we'll know soon." Not good enough for me.

"You're a doctor, can't you do something? Why aren't you the one taking care of her?" He's a doctor and he's just standing out here with us.

"Edward, I'm an oncologist." When I look at him having no idea what he just said, he explains.

"I work with cancer patients, Edward," he says, my name coming out in an exasperated sigh. "Bella had a panic attack and was sedated. I don't think there's any trauma; they'll just let her wake up and probably do some test before they let her come home."

Accepting there was nothing any of us could do at this point, we all sit. No one is saying anything, and it's pissing me off. I want to know why the hell Bella was at the mall.

"Who took Bella to the mall?" I ask, looking at the tiles on the floor, my elbows leaning on my knees.

"Well, I took her but-"

"What were you thinking?" I ask coldly, looking at Alice. Her face blanches and she sits back in her chair. "Why would you think she could go to the mall?"

"Well, Edward. It was _her_ idea. We used to spend our weekends at the mall and when she saw me upset, she insisted we go and have some fun - like we used to. I didn't think it was a great idea, but she was insisting she would be fine. I assumed she knew herself better than I did, so we gave in and the three of us went."

Well shit. It was Bella's idea.

"Why wasn't Emmett with you guys?" Alice is obviously pissed at me and done answering my questions so Rose piped up.

"Why would Emmett go to the mall?" she asks, looking confused. "It's Sunday; he was watching sports and watching Seth. He's on his way now." _Sports. He seriously put sports over making sure Bella was safe. _

"Why would he go to the mall?" I ask with a laugh of disbelief. "Maybe because there's a sick psychopath looking for Bella; you two being with her put you in the line of fire too. Maybe_ that's_ why."

A look of shock crosses their faces. I stand and walk away feeling too frustrated to continue the conversation.

One thing's for sure. I won't ever be leaving Bella with Emmett again; that was my mistake. The first time I'm convinced to do something I don't think is a great idea, it goes horribly wrong. I won't be making that mistake ever again.

I look over and see that Rose and Alice are upset. I feel a little bad because, really, it wasn't their fault. They don't know most of the details of what happened to Bella and had no way of knowing how badly Bella would freak out. I didn't even know it could be this bad. I didn't give Alice very much information, and I have no idea if Rose even knows much of anything that happened to Bella.

I can't dwell on it for long because a nurse comes out, and I scramble back to where everyone is waiting.

"Ok, she's in a room and slowly waking up."

The nurse reminds me of my grandmother, older, with red hair piled on top of her head and kind eyes.

"We don't want to overwhelm her. We also don't want her waking up in a strange place alone, so one person can go back to start. We'll see how it goes from there."

"Edward, you go ahead," Carlisle says.

"You're family?" the nurse asks. Fuck, what does that have to do with anything. Before I can ask her just that, Alice pipes up.

"Yeah, he's her fiancé."

"Fiancé?" the nurse asks me skeptically.

I nod, too shocked at what Alice said to speak.

She shrugs. "Well, that works for me. "Follow me this way."

She walks down the hall, and I mouth thank you to Alice before I follow her down the hallway. When Alice nods and gives me a small smile, I take it as a peace offering.

When we walk into the room, Bella is awake but really out of it. Her eyes are glazed and heavy looking.

"Knock knock, sweetheart. Your fiancé is here to see you."

At that, Bella's eyes widen, and she struggles to see who her 'fiancé' is. She smiles when she sees me but doesn't try to speak. I kiss her forehead and pause for a second, my lips resting on her heated skin. I'm so happy to see she's more or less ok.

"I'll just leave you two alone. The doctor will be in soon." The nurse smiles sweetly at us then shuts the door as she leaves the room.

Quickly, Bella's eyes fall shut but she reaches until she finds my hand and holds on tight.

About an hour later, there's a light knock on the door, and a doctor walks in.

"Is she still asleep?" he asks, as he walks over and takes a seat. I nod, caressing the hand I'm still holding.

"I'm Dr. Yorkie."

His hand comes out as an offer to shake. I lean forward and take his hand in my grasp.

"Edward."

"Has she woken up at all?"

"About an hour ago but just for a second. She was really out of it and didn't talk at all."

"That's normal. She should be fully alert soon, and I expect we'll be able to discharge her this afternoon." I nod to let him know I'm listening.

"Do you know why she panicked in the first place?"

"Not really. I mean, I assume it was just being around so many-" Bella's sharp intake of breath breaks me out of the conversation with the doctor.

"Edward." Her voice is raspy, I assume from all the screaming she was doing.

"Hey," I say softly, giving her a smile.

Her eyes rapidly move around the room. She grips my hand tighter but at the same time struggles to get out of the bed. I assume she's panicking, because she's confused by her surroundings. Her breathing gets even raspier, and the doctor steps in.

"Bella, I need you to calm down. Shhh, deep breaths. You're in the hospital. You had a little-"

"I know what happened," she shouts cutting the doctor off. "Edward, he was there. I saw him!" Her whole body starts to shake.

"Go get Carlisle, and call the police," I order the doctor. When he doesn't move, I shout the same thing at him again.

Hesitantly, he sticks his head out of the door. A nurse quickly appears, and he relays the message. Then, he walks over to Bella's bedside.

"Bella, I need you to calm down." When she shakes her head and frantically tries to explain what happened he speaks again in a sterner tone. "Bella. You have to calm down." He reaches for her hand, his fingers on her pulse. "If you can't take deep breaths and calm yourself, I'm going to have to sedate you."

Her eyes go wide as she looks to me for confirmation. I nod sadly at her and run my hand through her hair, encouraging her to take deep breaths. With the threat of being knocked out she quickly calms.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Alice... she was upset. We used to... I mean, I loved to shop. I thought if we went to the mall it would be just like it used to be. They kept saying it wasn't a good idea, but I insisted. Alice... she feels so bad about herself. I just wanted her to buy something to make her feel nice. I really thought I could do it, Edward." Tears leak from her eyes, and all I can do is rub her arm and let her know it's ok.

"Since we've been here, I really thought I'd gotten better." She looks down to her lap, and her voice is barely loud enough to hear. Defeat laces her tone. "I really thought I could do it."

"Bella, it hasn't even been a week," I say softly, not wanting her to feel bad about herself. She doesn't respond to me but continues on with what happened.

"I was already freaking out right when we got there. There were so many... men there."

Taking a big breath to control her panic, she continues on. "I was embarrassed. I didn't want Rose and Alice to see me freak out, so I told them I was going to the bathroom." To hear her say she just walked to the bathroom on her own sent a spasm of fear down my spine. I know she wants to be normal, but shit, it just takes one second for something terrible to go wrong; she should know this.

"Bella, you can't ever go off on your own. Ever." Her tears are flowing quickly out of her eyes; she's nodding frantically. I don't mean to upset her but she needs to really grasp this.

"I... I..." She's gulping for air. All I can do is rub my hands up and down her arm and leg and wait until she calms.

"I know, Edward. I'm so sorry. It was so stupid... to want - I just wanted to be normal, just for one afternoon, but when I came out of the bathroom I saw _him_."

Tears were streaming so fast she couldn't wipe them away. Her shaking starts to increase. The doctor hands me a box of tissues and a wash cloth. Slowly, I wipe her face and help her calm down. The doctor steps out saying he's going to see if he can find Carlisle.

My blood runs cold. He was right next to her, and she was alone. "Did he see you?"

"I... I don't know. I just saw his back... but I don't think he saw me." Just saw his back?

"Honey, what do you mean you just saw his back? How do you know it was him?" At this moment the door opens, and Carlisle steps in.

"I... I don't know. I just... it was him, Edward." She bursts into tears, and I pull her into my arms. I hold her close, thanking God and anyone else I can think of that she's here in my arms. I don't know if it was Alec at the mall or not, but it's a swift reminder that he could show up at any moment.

"The detective in charge is on his way... and so is Charlie." Great, that's all I need right now.

I nod at Carlisle but continue to calm Bella. Carlisle sits on the other side of her bed and does whatever he can to help. When the detective arrives, Carlisle steps into the hallway to speak to him. I'm grateful, because Bella just calmed down. I know the entrance of the detective would have made her nervous.

"Edward, could you come out here for a second?" Carlisle asks, peeking his head inside the door. I nod and reluctantly start to release Bella from my hold.

"Edward, no! Please don't go... please, I need-"

"Shh, calm down. I'm going to stand right in the doorway where you can see me the whole time, alright?"

I get a tearful nod and realize it's the only response I'll be receiving. I run my hand through her hair and across her cheek not wanting to leave her anymore than she wants to be left.

Walking over to the door I keep my body turned and my eyes on her. She's obviously upset but holding it together. When I get to the door, I'm forced to turn my back to her in order to address the two men standing with Carlisle.

"Edward, this is Detective Jenks and his partner, Officer Whitlock."

Jenks is short, chubby, balding and obviously aware of it as he stretches to make himself look taller and more important than the younger man next to him. He's all business, barely looking up at me when he shakes my hand. Whitlock is about as tall as me and doesn't look much older. I'm not impressed so far at the team who's been put on Bella's case.

"Uh, you can call me Jasper," Whitlock says as he shakes my hand.

"Listen," Jenks jumps in, cutting his partner off. "We need to talk to her. Carlisle insists we talk to you first, and the only reason I'm not in that room already is because I respect him," he says, pointing his thumb at Carlisle.

Oh really? I raise an eyebrow at him but keep my mouth shut.

Carlisle rests his fingers on the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. Without looking up or moving from his stressed out position, he speaks.

"What Jenks was _trying_ to say is that I thought Bella would handle it better if you were the one to introduce the officers." I nod and agree, letting the three men follow me in.

When Bella sees me, her face calms and she smiles. As soon as the two strangers behind come into her view, she pulls the sheet up higher around her waist. The fact she isn't pleased is evident when she looks down and scoots as far away as the bed will allow.

"Bella, this is Officer Whitlock." I purposefully ignore the rude bastard and only introduce the one who seems less likely to say something stupid.

"J. Jenks." The fat fucker pushes his way between Whitlock and me and thrusts his hand out to Bella. She lets out a terrified scream surprised by his quick movement.

Quickly, I push his hand out of her face. "What the fuck! Do you even know why she's here?" He looks too stunned to answer. "Look into her case and realize you can't come at her like that!" I'm furious and he must see it in my expression, because he retreats with no argument and embarrassment colors his face.

After the tension in the room settles, we try for introductions again.

"This is Officer Whitlock. He needs to know what happened at the mall," I explain and Bella nods. The officer slowly walks up, making sure to keep his distance from Bella.

"May I?" he asks her, pointing to a chair that's a little closer to her bed.

She looks at me with wide, fearful eyes. I walk over and sit on the opposite side of her bed. Once I'm fully seated with her hand in mine, she hesitantly nods her head. Then and not a second before, he walks over and sits in the chair.

"So... It's been quite a day, huh?" he asks with a nervous laugh. It's obvious he hasn't been on the job long. When no one responds, he clears his throat and pulls out his notepad and pen.

"Isabella-"

"Bella." He looks up and gives her a kind smile.

"Sorry. Bella, can you tell me what happened this afternoon?"

It took her some time and a few tries, but she was able to relay the day's events. My opinion of Officer Whitlock grows throughout the interview. He's patient with Bella, never rushing her and encouraging her to take her time. He's obviously done his homework, unlike his partner, and knows the ins and outs of how she went missing and what Carlisle had told them about what had happened while she was gone. Jenks leaves the room half way through their talk, obviously bored since he isn't running the show.

It's clear Bella is somewhat comfortable with Whitlock. Even though her hand still clings to mine, she's able to answer all his questions. I appreciate him taking such a gentle approach with her.

"Ok, you said your friends were with you?" Bella nods. "Could I speak with them?" he asks, looking more at me and Carlisle than at Bella.

"They're in the waiting room," I say, nodding my head towards the door.

"Ok, great. I'll just stop by on my way out," he says, smiling.

"Thanks for letting me talk to you, Bella. I'll leave my card here, and you can call me if you remember anything else before we talk next." Bella nods and Jasper heads out the door.

I stand and follow him out with only minor protests from Bella. Carlisle looks at me curiously as I walk out the door.

"Hey." Whitlock turns around and looks at me expectantly.

"Uh... I just wanted to say thanks, man. You know, for how you handled the situation in there." I have no idea what's come over me, but I have to thank him for not making my life harder. After dealing with Charlie and dip-shit Jenks, I felt like I needed to tell him thank you.

"Oh yeah, of course."

"So, how long have you been doing this?" I ask. His face turns a little pink, and I can tell he'd rather not answer.

"I've been a cop for three years. I just started working with the special victims unit this year. Jenks... he's a good cop, but he deals in narcotics. Being gentle isn't... his thing," he says, laughing, scratching the back of his head.

"So, will it be you from now on handling everything?" I want to know if there's a chance of Bella having to deal with anymore douche bags.

"I'm not sure. I was on duty today so... I mean, this... this is big. There was already a PD in Arizona on this Alec guy's trail for trafficking." I was afraid of that. "I'll make sure to keep you updated though. No more surprise visits; I can tell she doesn't handle that well."

"Thanks, man," I say, shaking his hand as we go our separate ways.

Five minutes of being back in the room, and Bella is out again. Between the attack and the medicine, I imagine she'll be sleeping awhile.

"I'm going to go check on Rose and Alice. Esme and Emmett are here, too. Just come get me if you need anything." Carlisle looks exhausted, and I feel guilty.

"Carlisle." He turns and walks back into the room.

"I'm... uh, I'm sorry today didn't go well... with Charlie and all. We really do appreciate your and Esme's help though." It's hard for me to say, but it's true. If it weren't for Carlisle, Bella and I would have been doing this all on our own. Even though things haven't gone smoothly, it could be a lot worse.

"Thank you, Edward," he says as he leaves the room.

A couple hours pass, and there's another visit from the doctor. Bella hasn't woken up, and he wants to let her rest and monitor her a little longer before she goes home.

I can't hold it anymore and wonder down the hall to find a bathroom, hoping Bella won't wake before I get back. Stretching my legs feels good after sitting in the same position for so long.

This hospital looks small, but it takes a few wrong turns for me to find the bathroom. When I get back to Bella's room, I almost turn and leave, thinking I have the wrong one, because there's a man sitting next to the bed. When I look closer, I see it's Charlie.

Instinct tells me to retreat and leave the room, but I can't do that. My place is with Bella, and no one will tell me differently.

I walk in and ignore the fact he's even in the room. I'm not looking for a fight, but at the same time, I won't be scared off. I sit right next to her and hold her hand like I was doing before. At the same time, the red haired nurse comes back into the room.

"Who let him in here?" Charlie asks her gruffly.

"What do you mean, 'who let him in here'," she responds annoyed, mocking Charlie's voice. I can't help but smirk at her attitude. "He's her fiancé."

"_Fiancé_?" He's not her fiancé! He's a homeless kid she brought home like a stray puppy!"

My fists clinch, and the nurse's face blanches.

"Well, from what I've heard Mr..."

"Williamson."

"Mr. Williamson." Her voice is low and calm as to not wake Bella up, but there's no hiding the fury in it. "Is that he brought _her_ home. This young man saved her, and you'd do well to remember that. Another thing you should remember is that this young lady is over eighteen, so you have no parental rights over her. Until she says different, this is her fiancé, and if you don't like it... well, you can just leave."

Flustered, she checks Bella's IV and temperature. She walks over and grabs my free hand placing it on a button on the bed.

"You just push that button, and I'll be right back in here," she promises. "I've talked to Carlisle and most of the town's a buzz. You've done a good thing by her, and don't let anyone tell you different." She gives me a smile, throwing a nasty look Charlie's way she leaves the room.

After she leaves, I look over at Bella surprised she slept through all of that. I'm unsure how she'll react to Charlie's presence, and that makes me nervous. Even with that thought, I can't keep the smug smile off my face as I look over at Charlie.

I can't help but let my mind wonder what Charlie is really thinking. He's a gruff man that's used to being alone. I entertain the possibility that maybe he isn't a horrible human being. It would be easier for me to sit here and assume he has shit for brains and couldn't care less about Bella. I have to face the facts though. He has been looking for her and has been fighting to see her again - fighting me. I have to take some responsibility for provoking him in the restaurant, even though I don't want to.

I dig deep - really deep - and try to find some compassion for Charlie. He didn't treat Bella unkindly. No, he did what in his mind, was good for her. Most people would have given up, but he's still here trying, in his own shitty way, to help her. If I were being completely honest with myself, I would shit bricks if my daughter came home with someone who has a criminal history like mine.

I can't get over my anger though. Truth is, I don't give a shit what he thinks about me, and that makes it hard for me to find compassion for him. I would never stop Bella from seeing him though, so if she's going to want to, I'll need to figure out a way to be ok with him. He needs to understand this too.

"You think you could stop being a prick so we could get along for Bella's sake?" I ask, giving him a cold look. He snorts and crosses his arms.

"You do realize you don't even know her, right?" I'm not trying to be cruel, but I can't figure out what he's thinking.

"Of course I know that. I'm trying to change that."

"How? By treating the person she loves like shit?" It feels good to say it out loud. To let myself accept the fact that she loves me - all of me, even the parts Charlie throws in my face.

"The person she loves?" he laughs. "What, you shared your cardboard box with her? Is that how you showed your love?" Before I can defend myself I hear a small voice coming from the bed.

"Get out."

I look at Bella and see a fire in her eyes I've never seen before. A tear rolls down her cheek, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

"Bella, I just... I..." Charlie stumbles over his words, but it's no use. Bella cuts him off.

"I said _get out_." Her hands ball up into fists, and she slams them on her legs.

Charlie knows he's fucked up now. You can see it the way his face crumples. With a resigned sigh he stands to leave the room. When he gets to the door he turns around.

"Bella...I want to make things right... please just give me the chance."

Bella says nothing and when Charlie realizes she has no intention of responding to him, he leaves the room.

I stay silent for a second after he leaves, letting her collect herself. After not seeing her father, whom she barely knows after so long, this was not the way I wanted it to happen for her.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly kissing her forehead.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry? He was being awful to you. I heard him." She looks me in the eye.

"He was awful to you the whole time, wasn't he?"

"No... I mean, Bella, that isn't something you need to worry about."

"Are you kidding? Someone's not treating you right, and you don't think that's something I need to worry about? C'mon, Edward." She rolls her eyes, then brings her hands to her forehead, rubbing her temples.

"Does your head hurt?" I ask quietly, feeling like shit that she woke up to that.

"No, I just... this is just all too much." She's actually handling it all better than I assumed she would. All this change, thinking she saw Alec, seeing her dad for the first time the way she did.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry."

"Do... do the cops know anything yet?"

"No," I say feeling badly. I wish I could tell her they've caught him and she doesn't have to worry anymore but I can't. Whitlock called about an hour ago to let us know that no one has seen anyone that matches Alec's description. They assume she just saw someone who looked like him. I'm not convinced it's that easy, and Bella won't be out of my sight again.

"It's ok though. I won't leave your side again. I'm sorry I left you today; I shouldn't have."

"Edward, you can't blame yourself. I was stupid... so stupid to think I could go out and be normal. I should know better by now. If I had stayed at Emmett's like I promised then none of this would've happened."

"You aren't stupid and don't worry, you'll get there one day. It'll just take some time, Bella." Our conversation stops there, because the nurse and doctor walk into the room.

"Hey there, look who's awake." The smiling nurse walks over and fluffs Bella's pillow. Bella gives her a shy smile but cooperates with the jostling.

"How are you feeling? All things considered..." The doctor asks.

"Ugh, a little tired still but overall ok, I guess."

"Well you're in good hands with Dr. Cullen, so we're going to go ahead and send you home. Just make sure you let him know if you start to feel dizzy or nauseous, anything out of the ordinary really." Bella nods.

"I've been informed from the police and Dr. Cullen about the details of your past, Bella." She immediately looks down to her lap.

"What happened today is completely normal. You're functioning quite well considering what you've been though, but episodes like the one that happened today are bound to happen more frequently and violently. I see on your chart that you've seen Dr. Cope. Did you make any mental health arrangements with her?" Mental health arrangements? He's making her sound like she's crazy.

"Um... yeah. I'm supposed to start therapy tomorrow," Bella replies quietly. Her face is flushed with embarrassment, and I kind of hate him for making her feel that way.

"Good! I wish all the best to you, Bella." With a soft smile from him and the nurse, they exit the room. Bella has to change her clothing and then we can go back to the Cullen's. We've been here for less than a week, and there's been so much stress. I look at her; she's tense. The muscles in her face are tight, her jaw stiff and her hands are still in fists. I grab the clothing she was wearing and set it at the foot of her bed. Leaning over, I press my forehead to hers. Our eyes lock and she whispers she loves me.

"Tomorrow... tomorrow, I'm going to get up early and finish the shed. Then you and me - just you and me... we're going to do something fun, ok?"

She smiles and nods her head eagerly. "Ok."

"I'm just going to stand outside the door while you change, ok?"

"Just in the hallway, Right?"

I lean in and kiss her forehead. "Yes, just in the hallway. I love you."

A genuine smile graces her lips. "I love you too."

I walk into the hallway and take a deep breath. Just when I lean against the wall, I look to my right and I see Charlie coming right for me. I stand and square my shoulders. Like hell am I letting him into that room. His hands come out in front of him and he stops a few feet from me.

"Edward, look... I really am sorry. I've jumped to conclusions about you. It's obvious you care for Bella... and she made it _very_ clear how she feels about you." I laugh, and he looks at me questioningly. She did though. There was no doubt of whose side Bella was on. I know anything I'll say will be full of attitude, so I keep my mouth shut - for the time being.

He rubs both of his hands over his face. "I should know better to judge like that. I'm a cop; I've seen some awful stuff, but I know kids like you don't end up on the street by choice. I was unfair to you. You haven't been in major trouble since you became of age..." Again he runs his hands over his face I can feel his discomfort from where I stand.

No, I haven't been in much trouble since I turned eighteen. Before that it was stealing, dealing drugs and fighting. Around the time I turned eighteen I truly realized my situation. I grasped the concept of being able to change my life. I started looking for honest work and stayed out of trouble - for the most part. I'm not even sure what's on my adult record. There has to be assault and some minor theft, but I stayed away from the drug groups and major rings. Charlie's voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

"I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions," he says more to himself than to me as he stares at the ground. His stance is wide, and his hands are on his hips holding his jacket back. After a pause he looks up. "I'm sorry we started off on such a bad foot. I really am." When I don't respond he continues. "Look, I feel guilty. I know I failed her in so many ways when I didn't even realize it was happening."

He starts to speak but stops himself. Taking a deep breath, he looks me in the eye. "Thank you for taking care of her when... she felt like she couldn't count on me."

He reaches his hand out to shake. He's offering to mend the bridge that we burned down in one afternoon. I take his offer and shake his hand. I can tell Charlie isn't used to apologizing or admitting fault, and this wasn't easy for him. I don't know if what he's saying is the truth or if he's just saying it to get on Bella's good side, and frankly, I don't care. Bella needs to have the opportunity to at least get to know this man if she wants to - he really is the only blood family she has left - and she can't get to know him if I'm selfish.

"Bella and I have plans tomorrow, and she has therapy. I'm sure you'll be involved with the police..." I wave my hand awkwardly around not knowing what to say. "Uh, I'll see if I can get Bella to call you." It's as close to an apology as he's going to get from me.

"Thank you," he says before turning to walk down the hall.

I take a deep breath and try to remove all signs of stress from my face before I go into Bella's room.

I knock lightly on the door and step in to see Bella sitting on her bed dressed and ready to go. I won't tell her about this right now. She needs time, and she needs some good times. Other than therapy - a necessary evil - tomorrow will be nothing but fun for Bella. Too much has happened in the five days since we've come to Forks, and we need some time to ourselves.

"Ready?" I ask. She gives me a big smile and asks what we're going to do tomorrow.

"We... are going to have our first date."

* * *

**We're looking at a time jump soon...**

**Teaser on the forum next week, and you can follow me on twitter for updates on the chapters or if you just want to say hi :) **

**Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear what you think. It makes my week :) **


	23. Chapter 23 Are We Really Through

**Hey! Long time no see, right? Sorry guys!  
The good news... this is finals week (that's not so good) but then, I have 3 weeks off from school! I hope to write like a mad woman! **

**As usual, this wouldn't be going up with out whatobsession17, Kimcarr, and Jessypt's hard work. Love you ladies! **

**Huge thanks for all the reviews. I read everyone and they are so encouraging! **

**Theres been some confusion (and panic) about the chapter titles. The titles are chapter titles are just the titles of the songs I use in the beginning of every chapter. The actual name isn't a representation of what's held inside the chapter. So... Are We Really Through doesn't mean they are breaking up, it's just the song for the chapter :) **

**Ok, I will shut it now so you can read!**

* * *

_**Is the sun**_

_**Ever gonna break**_

_**Break on through the clouds**_

_**Shine down in all its glory?**_

_**Onto me**_

_**Here upon the ground**_

_**'Cause I can't hear a sound**_

_**Sept' my own sad story**_

_**I get so tired**_

_**A starin' at the walls**_

_**Weight so heavy**_

_**Mountain so tall**_

_**-Ray LaMontagne**_

**EPOV - Day 6 in Forks **

I don't know why, but I'm nervous. It's stupid. Bella and I have been together for months; we spend every day together and love each other, but I'm still nervous. I've never been on a date before, and I know Bella hasn't been on one either. I want to make this perfect for her, and I'm just unsure how to do that. As I pound the last nail into the shed, I look over at the house. I can see Bella moving around in the room, and I wonder what she's thinking. Is she nervous? Is this a big deal to her?

She seemed excited when I told her yesterday; she brought it up three times before we went to bed. The idea seemed to take her mind off her panic attack, her dad and the hospital. Even though I'm glad she seems happy, I'm worried she isn't facing what happened. I guess that's what her therapy is for.

Putting all of Carlisle's tools back into the box, I step back and take a look at my work. I'm proud of how it turned out. It wasn't a hard job, but I don't have a ton of background in building. Thankfully, I've picked up enough basic skills to build this well. I think Esme will be happy with it - I hope she will.

I need to go in and shower, but by the end of the week I plan to paint it to match the house and I want to add some indoor shelving for her too. It's my way of saying thank you.

I know I'm not good at accepting help or saying thank you, but this is a way I can show it. I am thankful for what Carlisle and Esme have done for us, even though it hasn't been fun or easy. I know they care about Bella and really are trying to do what's best.

Having everything cleaned up, I make my way to the house to clean myself up. When I get close enough to see up into our bedroom clearly, what I see makes me smile. Bella's standing facing the mirror by our dresser holding up two different outfits. Her head cocks to the side as she observes herself in the mirror. Setting one outfit down, she uses her hand to pull her hair back while taking a closer look at the outfit she's pressing against her body. I feel myself smile. I'm happy she's so excited for this and for the first time in over eight years I feel light. I feel happy and normal. I know Bella and I haven't had the typical experience together, but I'm not going to let this get in my way today. Opening the front door, I go in to get ready for my date.

**~*E&B*~**

I check my wallet one more time to make sure I have enough cash. I brought all I had with us but know better than to keep it all on me. I have what I think will be enough to take Bella out and the rest is hidden in a vent in the house. I know Carlisle and Esme would never steal from us, but I can't kick old habits - not yet, maybe not ever.

I've been thinking all morning about where to take her, but I keep coming up blank. Bella's still getting dressed, so I decide to find Carlisle to see if he has any suggestions. I feel weird wandering around the house looking for him. I'm afraid no matter how many times they tell me, I will never feel at home here.

I find him in his office pouring over some paper work. I knock on the wall and his head pops up.

"Hey, Edward. Come on in," he says with a smile, taking his glasses off.

"If you're busy I can -"

"Oh no, not busy. Just filling out some paper work on Bella's behalf, trying to get her signed up for some state insurance; nothing that can't be done later. What's up?"

I walk in and sit down across from his desk that seems even messier than the last time I was in here.

"Well, I was going to take Bella out today, but I don't know this town. I was hoping you could suggest a couple places?"

"In Forks?" he asks.

I nod. "Yeah, I mean... walking distance." I will not have Carlisle and Esme drive us around.

I get a sick knot in my stomach and feel so stupid. Here I'm trying to take Bella out on her first date, and because I'm such a fucking loser I can't even drive her.

"There's really not much here. There's the diner, but I'm sure that's not where you want to go." No, it's not. It's a run down, shitty little place, and I wanted to do something more for her.

I shake my head. "I was hoping for something a little... nicer, I guess."

"Well, I'd be happy to drive you guys into Port Angles and wait until you're done. I have to work the night shift so as long as we're back-"

"No. I mean, I appreciate it, but I... I just -"

"You want to go on a date and you're an adult. You don't want an old man following you around?" he asks with a laugh.

I shrug, feeling a little bad.

"I really do appreciate the offer," I say. He laughs harder.

"I know you do. I was twenty-one once, a very long time ago. I know how it is."

I'm glad he understands.

"I'd let you take my car, but you don't have a license," he says, talking out-loud trying to find a solution.

"Do you want to drive?" His question throws me off guard.

"Uh, I guess. I've never really thought about it. This is the first time I've really needed to."

"I'll teach you," he says excitedly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I tried to teach my kids but they were little brats about it," he says, laughing.

"I mean, yeah... if you want to. I won't be a brat," I laugh.

"That's what I'm hoping. That I can teach one kid who won't act like I'm a complete moron," he laughs.

"You'll see when you have your own kids. In their eyes, you will know nothing, and at sixteen, they'll know everything," he says, rolling his eyes.

My chest gets tight. I don't have a clue what he's talking about, because I never got to be sixteen with my mom. I never got to be like that with her - with anyone. I've also never seen it. I spent my entire adolescence with other orphans on the streets. We didn't have people who wanted to teach us to drive - to teach us anything. When I don't answer, he sees I'm a little uncomfortable and goes on.

"I have tomorrow off. We can start then if you want."

"Sounds great. Thanks." I'm actually more excited to learn to drive than I thought I'd be.

"So now back to today. Jeez, there's just really nothing to do here."

He leans back in his chair, tapping his pen on the desk.

"Oh, there's one thing. You probably haven't seen it yet, but you could hear it the other night in the meadow behind the house. There's a creek, well more like a small lake, that runs behind the house. We have a little fishing boat back there. Emmett and I used to mess around and fish a little. It's nothing fancy but you guys could have a picnic on the water."

It's perfect. I wanted to take Bella to a fancy restaurant and spoil her but right when Carlisle says it, I know this is perfect for us.

"That's perfect. Thanks," I say, feeling really excited now that I have a plan. "Would you mind... I mean if you have time - could you run me to the store, so I can buy stuff for the picnic?"

I feel bad asking for him to take time out of his day, but if I walk there and back now, it will take up a good part of our day.

"Not at all. I'm sure there's something Esme needs as well. Just let me ask her, and I'll meet you out front," he says.

I don't tell Bella where I'm going; I want to surprise her. My paranoia gets the best of me though and following behind Carlisle, I check the alarm, like Esme showed me, and check the locks on the doors - twice. I'll only be gone a few minutes but a lot can happen in a few minutes.

I make a list in my head on the way to the store. I can't cook, and I hope there will be something easy I can get that will still be nice.

"Do you know what you want to get?" Carlisle asks as we drive.

"No clue. I can't cook for shit, so that narrows it down quite a bit."

He laughs. "Yeah, without Esme, I would be one very skinny man. We'll find something."

**~*E&B*~**

Five minutes into our shopping excursion I realize what a bad idea it was for us to go. We are both completely clueless. Carlisle can't find the three things Esme asked him for, and I have no idea where to even start.

"What about donuts?"

"Donuts?" he asks incredulously.

"Yeah donuts," I say defensively. "What's wrong with donuts?"

"I... I don't know. I'm just not sure if donuts are a picnic food," he shrugs. I don't know either, but I do know they're good and throw a dozen in the cart.

"What about those? Those look good."

I follow where he's pointing and see a bunch of chocolate covered strawberries behind a glass case.

"Yeah," I say. They do look good, better than my donuts, but I'm still keeping the donuts.

"Can I help you?" A girl comes up to the counter.

"Oh, hi Dr. Cullen," she says, surprised. "Is Esme ok?" All of a sudden the girl looks worried.

"Hi, Jessica. Yes, Esme's fine. Why wouldn't she be?"

"Well... it's just, I've never seen you here before. Esme is always the one to come."

I laugh out loud, and Carlisle blushes bright pink.

"Well, yes, but I'm capable of shopping too, Jessica." She looks into our cart then smiles and nods obviously thinking, no, no you're not capable. Instead of saying the obvious, she introduces herself.

"I'm Jessica." Reaching across the counter, I shake her hand.

"Edward," I say.

"I went to school with Bella... would you tell her hi for me? I would love to see her," she says with a big smile.

It seems like news spreads fast. Only a week back in town and everyone knows.

"Sure," I say with a tight smile. This girl seems nice, but I know Bella isn't ready for a big meet and greet.

"Great! Now, is there something in the case you wanted?"

"Yeah, can I get like... six of these?" I ask pointing to the strawberries.

"Sure. Are these for Bella?" she asks, wiggling her eyebrows. I laugh a little and nod.

"She'll love them! Wait, I'll be right back." She takes the box with her and disappears in the back room. When she comes back there's a big bow on it.

"Just to make it a little more special," she says with a smile handing it to me.

"Thanks."

"I uh... put a little note there, with my number. Would you give it to her?"

"Sure," I say and I will. This girl seems really nice and was probably a friend of Bella's.

We leave with two of the three items Esme needed, and I have donuts, strawberries, some pre-made salads from the deli and fried chicken. On the way out, I see some flowers and grab a bunch of bright ones the lady keeps calling Gerbera daisies. It's all really random, and I know it probably isn't right, but I just hope Bella will appreciate that I tried.

**~*E&B*~**

While I'm waiting downstairs for Bella, all my nerves are gone. Everything is in a basket and ready. I asked Esme if there was a bathing suit Bella could borrow and she said she'd find something. The day is beautiful and warm; I want to teach Bella how to swim. I know she'd like that.

I hear our door open and footsteps on the stairs. When I walk around the corner I see Bella making her way down. She's wearing navy blue shorts that show her long, sexy legs and a white and navy blue stripped shirt that matches. I've never seen this outfit before, and she looks gorgeous.

"You look beautiful," I say, kissing her.

"Thank you. It's all Rosalie's... she uh, snuck over while you were gone. I didn't really have anything nice to wear."

"You look beautiful in anything, but we'll get you some new clothes, ok?"

I want to make sure she always has whatever she wants. I'm wearing the new outfit Esme bought for me; she was able to get the mud out of it from yesterday.

"You ready?" I ask.

She nods excitedly and heads for the door.

"Wait, did you get a swim suit?" Her face flushes.

"Yeah, I'm wearing it underneath."

My eyes widen. All I can think about is how tiny it must be for it to be under her clothing without showing. I swallow hard and nod, following her outside.

"So..." I say. I'm not sure why it's so awkward, we hang out every day. "I... uh, thought we could have a picnic?"

"Perfect," she sighs and stands on her toes to kiss my lips.

I blow out a breath, relieved she seems pleased. I grab her hand and we start to walk through the forest behind the house.

Before I came inside, I ran down and found the boat. I cleaned it out as well as I could and set the basket up with the food and laid the flowers on one of the benches. When we make it to the water Bella gasps.

"You set this all up?" she says, looking at the little boat. I nod, feeling my cheeks getting red.

"It's perfect."

I take her hand and gently help her from the dock into the boat. I almost land in the water trying to get in the damn thing myself and she laughs at me.

"Think that's funny?" I ask, placing both hands on the sides of the boat and start to rock it. She screams loudly.

"Edward, don't! I can't swim!"

"Like I'd let you drown," I say, leaning across the boat and kissing her passionately, not being able to stay away anymore.

"Sorry," I whisper, pulling away from her. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I untie the rope and start rowing us out into the water. It's more like a lake; the exits for the water are too small for our boat to fit through, so I don't have to worry about us floating too far away. This is a good thing, considering I have no idea what I'm doing.

Rowing awkwardly, I manage to get us in the center of the water.

"Have you ever done this before?"

"What part? The picnic, the boat... or the date?"

"Any of it," she asks.

"Uh, no. This is my first picnic, boat ride and date," I say.

She smiles sweetly, "Mine too, and it's perfect." She makes her way to my side of the boat and we spend a long while enjoying the sun and each other. I've never felt so relaxed.

"Hungry?"

"Very. I can't wait to see what you have prepared!"

I laugh, "Well, it might be a little different than you're thinking."

"I'm sure it's great."

I'm not.

I start with the strawberries, because I'm pretty sure she'll love them. She does.

"These are so good," she says eating another one. I think about feeding her but push the cheesy thought out of my mind; it's just not us.

"You made these?"

I laugh hard. "No. I bought them at the store. Actually, from your friend, Jessica." Bella's face goes a little white.

"What?"

"Nothing, we were kind of friends in school, but I guess she was really nasty to Alice when she got pregnant."

"Ah, well, she sent home a note for you. She was hoping you'd call her." I let the subject drop, because this isn't what I want to talk about on our date, and I understand loyalty.

If there's anything you learn on the streets, it's loyalty. I respect Bella for sticking by Alice's side.

"What else do you have in here?" she asks, looking in the basket.

She laughs at me for my selection of food but she eats a donut and fried chicken like a champ.

"When we're done eating, I was going to teach you to swim... if you wanted?"

"For reals?" I laugh, not used to hearing her so carefree.

I nod. "If you want."

She thanks me with tears in her eyes for the perfect date.

**~*E&B*~**

My breath catches in my throat and my pants get tighter. Bella's standing at the edge of the water after taking her clothes off, leaving her in the tiny, pink bikini Alice had at the house from her high school days. The scars littered on her perfect body make me sad and angry, but she's beautiful.

"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day or join me?" she asks with a smirk.

I grin and shrug. "So far, I'm enjoying the staring quite a bit." It's not a lie, and I'm afraid if I get any closer to her I'll jump her.

She laughs, shaking her head at me. She turns her back to me and lifts her chin toward the sky. With her arms reaching out she stretches. She looks so relaxed - so happy. I take a mental picture, not wanting to forget her in this moment, this moment of peace.

"I'm serious. Come down here with me," she says after a bit.

Slipping my shoes and shirt off I join her down by the water. Walking up behind her I slip my arms around her waist. Her skin is hot from the sun and she smells of a fresh shower. Nuzzling my head into her neck, I place kisses on whatever exposed skin I can get to.

"Mmm," she moans, moving her head to the side giving me more access. I take advantage of the angle, moving down her neck, loving the sounds she's making. I love how comfortable she is around me.

Before, we did whatever we could to hide the physical marks of our pasts from each other. Now, we've accepted each other, and there's no shame or hiding.

Reaching up blindly, I slip my hand inside her bathing suit top. Her nipple perks instantly, and her arm reaches behind her and locks around my neck. Slipping out of my grasp she turns her body to face me. Her eyes have a spark in them I've missed, and her skin is flushed. Reaching up she pulls me down to her and kisses me.

The kiss is slow, soft but extremely erotic. I'm surprised when she takes a more dominant role, sucking on my bottom lip, she gently nips at me. I feel her grind against me, and it's almost more than I can take.

I have no control over my hands as they ghost over her sides and meet each other where the strings of her bathing suit top come together behind her neck. I also can't control them as they grip the two little ends, pulling them apart, letting her top drop down.

Even though I know we're alone I still can't fight the urge to keep her hidden, to keep her to myself. Pressing my chest to hers I bask in the sensation of her bare chest against mine. Bask in the way she molds herself to me and the sounds she makes as I slip my hand between us and grasp her bare breast.

Her kissing grows more frantic, as does my groping. My hands undo the strings that meet in the middle of her back, the pink top falls to the ground quickly forgotten. Pulling myself away from her kiss, I bend, placing kisses over her exposed breast. Her hands fly to my hair as I kiss, nip, and lick my way across her chest.

"Edward," she says in a breathless whisper. With gentle pressure she brings me back up to her, kissing me again. I wrap my arms possessively around her. Sitting, I bring her with me. The grass is warm on my back and Bella is warm on my chest. Everything in this moment is perfect.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in the water. I teach her to swim as she teaches me more Italian. We splash, kiss, and play. All of our issues in those hours are forgotten. We don't think about our past horrors or the surely difficult therapy session Bella will face in a few hours. We just enjoy each other, and for once, don't worry about anything else.

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**There you are! They finally had a date!  
The next chapter is with the beta's and should be up in a more timely manner. There's also a time jump next chapter, so no more day-to-day events. **

**Teaser on the forum, and if you want to come say hi find me on twitter - kdc2239 **

**I would love to know what you think! Please review!**


	24. Chapter 24 Heart Attack

**Hey! How is everyone?  
Some awesome news... school is over, and I got straight A's! I'm pretty dang stoked, if you can't tell LOL I'm kinda dreading January 4th, when I have to go back *sad face* **

**HUGE thank you to Whatobsession17, Jessypt and Kimcarr. I appreciate you ladies more than you'll ever know! **

**Thank you for every single review. I'm so sorry if I didn't have a chance to respond but I read every single one and they are so motivating! **

**I hope you all enjoy the chapter, it's longer than normal. There's about a two month jump here. **

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_**You're falling over in the train**_

_**Can't keep your feet, can't lose the pain**_

_**I have watched you break your back**_

_**What comes next, a heart attack?**_

_**Don't you know we've just begun**_

_**Keep your head up, don't hold your tongue**_

_**You're young**_

_**-Wild Light**_

**EPOV - Week 10 in Forks**

"Good afternoon, Edward."

"Hello," I say politely with a nod of my head.

"You're coming back, right? In..." Dr. Carmen looks at her watch. "Let's say one hour?"

"I'll be here," I promise.

"You ready, Bella?" Dr. Carmen asks with a warm smile. Bella nods and stands. She hands me a list of things she wants me to get at the store for her. Her hand trembles, making the paper shake.

"I'll be right here when you get out," I say, giving Bella a kiss as she walks into the doctor's office.

I feel the same anxiety walking to the elevators I have every time I've left Bella alone here. My chest feels a little tighter, I feel irritable and I can't keep my hands still. I could feel the anxiety rolling off Bella as well.

This is the fourth time I've left Bella alone here. She comes four times a week to see Dr. Carmen, and I always sit in the waiting room, waiting for her to finishher therapy. Dr. Carmen decided this week we needed to try and have Bella go at it alone.

When Dr. Carmen said it originally, I thought she was out of her mind.

_I'm reading a magazine, but my head pops up when the door opens - Bella isn't supposed to be done for ten more minutes. Dr. Carmen stands in the doorway. She's a tall woman with tan skin and a very light Spanish accent._

"_Edward, would you mind coming in and finishing up this session with us?" _

_I'm confused as to what she would want me in there for but stand and follow her anyway. _

_Carlisle has asked me a couple times if I'd be interested in doing therapy sessions of my own, and with just one cold look from me and his questioning stops. I have no interest in therapy sessions. _

_He convinced me to see a medical doctor, because I hadn't seen one for close to ten years. After many conversations on it, and nagging from Bella, I agreed - with one condition. I would only go to the free clinic in the neighboring town. I wasn't going to go into debt for a doctor appointment and a STD test or let Carlisle and Esme foot the bill. It took all day to be seen and it was a shitty place, but I walked out of there with a clean bill of health. I didn't admit it out loud, but it did feel good to know everything was okay, that I hadn't contracted anything with the stupid choices I'd made before Bella. _

_I quickly snap out of my thoughts when Bella's tear stained eyes meet mine. Most every session she comes out looking like she's been crying but walking in when the evidence was still fresh on her face hurt. _

"_Go ahead and have a seat," Dr. Carmen says with a smile. _

_She doesn't specify where, so I sit next to Bella and put my arm around her. Bella scoots into my side and rests her head on me. _

"_You should be proud of her, Edward. She's making some great progress." _

_I can almost feel Bella blush from the doctor's compliment. _

_It took two tries for Bella to find a therapist she was comfortable with, and I'm glad she was picky. It's important she sees someone she feels she can trust and be open with. _

"_Well, Bella and I have been meeting for close to two months now, and we discussed a few changes we might look into making today."_

_I don't like the sound of this, but I nod my head to show I'm still listening. _

"_First, Bella and I think it would be great if you could join us next week for one of her sessions. You're a big part of Bella's life - if not the biggest - and it would be helpful if you could join us once or twice a week after Bella's normal time." I could live with that. _

"_Ok," I say hesitantly, knowing there's more to this. _

"_Great! How does next Friday work for you?" _

"_That's fine. I'm here anyway." _

"_And that brings us to our second change..." I can already tell I won't like this. _

"_Which is?" I ask, starting to feel impatient. _

"_Well, when I first met Bella, it was right after a pretty traumatic panic attack. In these sessions I've had with her, she's made it very clear that those feelings of panic rarely happen when you're around. Also, the two of you have not been separated for... anything really, since it happened." _

"_Is that a bad thing?" I interject. I don't want to have an attitude with the doctor. I honestly do like her, but I don't like where this conversation is heading. _

"_I wouldn't say it was a bad thing, but it sure isn't something that will help Bella lead a healthy life." She gives me a minute of silence to absorb all of this information and after a moment of reflection, I hate it even more. _

"_No, sorry. It's not going to happen." _

"_Why's that?" _

_I didn't want to say the reason why in front of Bella, but she's obviously leaving me no choice. _

"_Because, this guy is still out there; they haven't found him yet. It isn't just about Bella becoming more comfortable; it's about her safety." There, that didn't make me sound like a controlling bastard. _

_The police were never able to confirm whether or not Alec was the man Bella saw at the mall, but I'm not taking any chances. Jasper's become the lead liaison for the family and the police department. He's also made it clear that Bella shouldn't be left alone. _

_Bella goes stiff and curls into my side more. Her leg crosses and she intertwines it with mine. _

"_I agree, Edward. Bella's safety is everyone's number one concern. I would never ask you, or her, to be in an unsafe situation. When I brought this up to Bella today - is it ok that we discuss this, Bella?" _

"_Yes, he can know anything," she says. _

"_Well, when we discussed this today, it's the most severe reaction I have gotten from her so far. She's adamant she's nowhere near ready to go out anywhere without you, and I agree that it's too soon for that. All that being said, we came to a compromise to... test the waters, if you will." _

_I want to stop time right then and there. I don't want to know what the compromise is; I don't want things to change. I'm screaming 'no' inside, but my head is shaking 'yes.'_

"_Ok, so this is what Bella says she can live with. Do you want to tell him?" _

_I look down at her as she scoots away to face me. _

"_Uh... for um..." _

"_Go ahead, it's ok," I say softly. I don't want her to feel like she can't tell me. I don't want her to ever think her speaking her thoughts - her opinions - will make me angry. I don't ever want her to compare me to him._

"_Well next week... instead of waiting for me, Dr. Carmen thinks we should try having you leave me here." _

_My hands curl into fist on top of my lap. Hell no. I take a deep breath before I speak; I know I have to be careful with how I handle this. _

"_And what do you think?" _

"_I don't like it," she admits softly with tears swimming in her eyes. _

"_We don't like it," I say to Dr. Carmen who laughs as a response. _

"_I'm sure you don't, and I understand. Trust me, I do. This isn't about making you two less close or pulling you apart, but Bella needs to know that she's safe, even if you're not sitting on the other side of that door." _

_I look at the door, and all I can think is that she is safer with me on the other side of it. _

"_Edward, you also need to be able to take off for two hours and know that she'll be ok here." _

"_No, I don't need that." I say it with a smile, to try and take some of the harshness away. _

"_I said the same thing... you know, that I don't need you to actually leave for me to understand that." I'm glad Bella feels comfortable enough with this woman to speak up. That alone is a huge improvement. _

"_Guys," Dr. Carmen says softly. "I know this is hard... probably feels impossible. I'm not going to lie and say that this will be easy, but I do think it's necessary. Bella, I understand you're scared. And Edward, I understand you're scared for Bella as well, but we can't let fear rule your lives any longer." _

"_I'll make you a deal. See this phone here," she says, pointing to the black cordless phone sitting on her desk. We both nod. She picks it up and hands it to Bella. _

"_At the beginning of our next session, you say goodbye to Edward, and I'll give you this phone. We sit, see how it goes, and at anytime, if it becomes too much, she'll call you, and you can come right back. _

And I did; three times during the first session alone. I agreed to the doctor's terms but ended up sitting in the lobby downstairs unable to force myself to leave the building.

Carlisle lent me his cell phone to use and within twenty minutes it was ringing. I rushed upstairs to a near hysterical Bella. I was able to calm her quickly, and as soon as she seemed okay, the doctor told us to go ahead and say our goodbyes again. I looked at her and wanted to tell her to fuck off.

She didn't back down though and insisted we say goodbye. After some time, I relented, and Bella and I, once again, said our goodbyes. The next call came fifteen minutes later. That time the doctor only let us speak through the door, and once again, we had to say our goodbyes.

The third call came thirty minutes later. I was not allowed to make any contact, only to sit in the small waiting room. Bella had to trust that I actually came back, and I know she did. While I was sitting in the room the phone rang again, and I could hear her actual voice through the door and the speaker of the phone as she said goodbye to me. This broke some tension, making us both laugh at the ridiculous situation.

I went back downstairs, and the phone never rang again. Ninety minutes passed, and Bella completed her first therapy session on her own. The second time we tried this, I received one phone call from here and the third session - the phone never rang.

Even though there was a small stab of pain that she didn't need me in those ninety minutes, my pride for her overruled it. I was blown away with how strong she was becoming. Since the incident at the mall a little over a month ago, I kept my word. I never left Bella's side. I know that her panic attack and being glued to my side had set her back; I just didn't realize how much until the first time I had to leave her at therapy.

Emmett and I had a fight that almost turned into a brawl when I confronted him about letting Bella go to the mall alone. The next day he came over and acted like nothing had happened and things went back to normal. I had to assume this was how sibling-type relationships were. You fought and you got over it. I didn't just get over it. It's obvious he tries to look out for his sister and Bella. I like him, but I don't trust him to take care of Bella.

We've had some good laughs and were becoming friends. He spends most of his time trying to educate me on the finer point of beer and sports, and I showed him how to pick locks. Knowing neither of us would ever use the knowledge we were sharing, we were able to just hang out and have a good time. Carlisle even had me teach him how to pick locks - well when Esme wasn't around. The girls were not impressed with the new talents they learned from me - Alice was, but she wouldn't admit it to Rose, Bella, or Esme.

Emmett is meeting me downstairs to pick me up, and I start to laugh remembering the situation we got ourselves caught in last week.

"_Wait... no, do it again." Emmett demands._

_I stick the pin back into the hole, and with a flick of my wrist I have it open. _

"_Damn, you're so fast. Slow down and do it again," Emmett insists. _

_We re-lock the Cullen's back door and as slowly as I can, I show Emmett how to jimmy the lock. Again, with the flick of my wrist, and not a sound, the door swings open._

"_Gimme it. I think I got it." _

_I sit back sipping the new batch of beer he brought over and watch Emmett fight with the door handle, cussing it out. I'm laughing my ass off when the curtains on the door fly open causing Emmett to fall on his ass and scream like a girl. _

"_Jesus, Emmett. The first thing I said was you have to be quiet." _

_I laugh as Carlisle's head sticks out the door. _

"_What are you two doing?" _

"_Shh," Emmett hisses as he pulls his dad out and shuts the door again. I spend the next twenty minutes trying to show them something I thought they would look down on me for knowing, but no, they're getting a kick out of it. _

"_Dammit, Emmett! You scratched the finish. Your mom's going to have a fit."_

"_A fit about what?" All three of us jump at the voice behind us. _

"_What are you three doing?" Alice asks, walking up the back steps to get a closer look. _

"_Nothing, honey. Just fixing the handle here," Carlisle lies smoothly. She eyes us warily then goes inside. Not five minutes later all four women are on the back porch. _

"_What's wrong with the door, honey?" Esme asks sweetly. _

"_Oh, nothing... just, you know -" _

"_I was teaching them how to pick the lock," I say, thinking the situation is hilarious. _

_Two grown men stumbling and trying to hide what they're doing from their wives. I hear a chorus of names coming from the women, each one scolding their respective partner, and Bella doesn't leave me out. Both men shoot me a look, and Emmett flips me off. I laugh and bring the beer bottle to my lips, only to get it ripped from my grasp._

"_No! No beer for you, traitor," Emmett says, mocking hurt and fury all in the same expression, and I about choke I'm laughing so hard. I wonder if this is what it feels like to have a family and if it is... it isn't so bad._

I see Emmett's pickup pulling into the lot when I exit the building.

"What the hell are you laughing at, Judas?" he asks with a smile when I jump in the passenger seat. That's what he calls me now. I've learned not to rat Emmett out; he'll never let you forget it. I also won't tell him that's exactly what I'm laughing about.

"Nothing." We sit and he doesn't move.

"How was she this time?"

"Better... I think. I don't have a phone today." I shrug. It's a big step for us.

"Good. She seems to be getting stronger."

"She definitely is," I agree with a proud smile.

"It's sixty minutes, right?" I nod, and he gets out of the truck. I wonder what the hell he's doing. He opens my door and tells me to get out.

"What the hell, Emmett?"

"Today, Judas... today, is the day you learn to drive," he says with a wicked grin. I have no apprehension and grab his keys. I put the keys in the ignition, and Emmett's hand slaps mine away. I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Now, Edward, there are some basics you need to learn when it comes to operating a motor vehicle," he says in a snobby way. I pretend I'm listening to him, because I'm amused by his act.

"This," he points to the steering wheel, "this, Edward, is a steering wheel. Can you say that? Steer... ring wh... wh... eeel. Can you say that, Edward?"

"Fucker!" I say, punching his arm as hard as I can. I let him play his game a little longer. I'm not going to tell him Carlisle has been giving me lessons for weeks. I go to turn the key again, but he stops me.

"No, seriously. There are some things you need to know before you just drive off."

"Just let me show you what I know," I say rolling my eyes. I turn it on and smoothly pull out of the parking lot.

He looks at me with his mouth open. "I thought you'd never driven before?"

I laugh at his disappointed expression. "I hadn't... until your dad taught me," I smirked.

"Shit," he sighs, sitting back in his chair. Disappointment paints his face. I just laugh as I drive us to the store.

"So, when will get your license?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. I think I'm ready but..." I shrug.

I'd have to get a hold of my birth certificate or some form of identification, and that means calling the agency and facing things I don't want to face.

"So what's the deal?" he asks, as I push the little cart around the store trying to find all the shit on Bella's list.

She wants to make Alice a cake for her birthday. Esme was horrified when she learned about our shopping trip. Jessica was apparently not only a bitch to Alice, but she was a snitch, too, and ratted us out. Since then Esme insisted we do some shopping, as well. Basically, I'm a pro now.

"I didn't know I had a deal," I say, throwing brown sugar into the cart.

"You know what I mean. What's the plan?"

"Plan for?" He's so easy to fuck with.

"Fuck you, Judas. You know what I mean." He throws a box of gummy shit in the cart.

"I'm not paying for that," I say, pushing it to the other side of the cart.

We've been here over two months now, and I have a couple hundred left of the savings I brought from my job in Portland, just enough to get back to there. I finished the shed for Carlisle and the money from that has paid our rent, and will only last for two more weeks. I know that's what Emmett's asking me. What will I do next?

"The fuck you're not," he says, throwing it back onto my pile. I know he's joking around but situations like these make me feel like shit. I wish I could just pay the three bucks and have no awkwardness.

"Really though, what's your plan?" I sigh, not knowing how to answer him.

"I don't know."

"You're not going to take Bella away, are you?"

"You make me sound like a goddamned villain, Emmett," I say, laughing.

"Nah, we just don't want her to leave again." I nod to let him know I understand. "My little heart might break if you go, too," he says in a sickly southern accent.

"Well, we can't have that, can we?" I laugh.

I've thought of nothing but this for the past week. I know Bella wants to stay here, even though she hasn't said it.

"Have you even thought about staying here? I mean do you want to go back to Portland?"

"I'm not attached anywhere. The only thing in Portland is a steady job."

I've been in contact with Mike, and he insists my job isn't going anywhere. There's Jake, too. I need to figure out a way to check up on him.

"So... you have thought about staying here?"

"A little,why?" He's asked me a few other times but never this seriously.

"Well, you know Paul..." I nod. I had met him once when Emmett took us on a tour of his microbrewery.

"He's moving to California next month, and I need to replace him." I stop the cart and look at him.

"It's nothing much. Full time, cleaning the kegs, making the deliveries to the bars... You're getting your license, we have the company van." He shrugs.

"Uh... yeah. I mean, I learn pretty quickly," I stammer.

I've been trying to think of ways I could keep Bella here with her family, where she's happy, and come up blank every time. There aren't jobs readily available here and definitely not to someone who's new to town with a criminal record.

"Well, I can't afford to pay you both at the same time, but maybe we can work out something with Dad for your rent while Paul trains you?"

We both know Carlisle would rather us not pay rent at all, but I'm glad they're respecting my need to pull my own weight.

"Um, yeah. Definitely. I'll talk to Bella and let you know tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I won't have you start training for three weeks or so; it's not rocket science. You just need to get your license before you start."

"Uh... Thanks, Emmett," I say sincerely.

"Not a prob, Judas. You'll basically be my bitch," he says with a big grin as he walks down an aisle getting distracted by something shiny.

I shake my head, laughing, and make my way to the register, appreciating the surprising friendship I've found in Emmett.

I let Emmett drive back to Bella's therapy, because I'm feeling nervous. Today is the first day I'll have to go in there and talk to the doctor with Bella. I'm unsure how these things go and don't really like getting blindsided.

"Rose says we're coming over tomorrow for Alice's birthday so, I'll see you then."

"Ok, thanks again," I say as I shut the door. With my bag of stuff for Bella, I head towards the door.

Walking into the building, I have mixed feelings. Even being distracted by Emmett, I was worried about Bella. How was she? Was this session upsetting her? Did she need to call me and couldn't? These thoughts make me pick up my speed towards the elevators.

When I get to the waiting room, I don't know if I should just sit or knock on the door. I don't want to stay away from Bella anymore and choose to knock on the door.

"Edward," Dr. Carmen says softly as she sweeps her arm to invite me into the room. I look at Bella, and there's no evidence of her crying.

"Hey," I say, giving her a quick kiss.

"Hey."

"So, this is the fourth time now since you've been leaving, Edward. How does that feel for both of you?" I want Bella to speak first, because I don't want to influence her answer.

"Uh, it's still pretty scary, but today was a little easier knowing he was coming back."

"Do you worry he won't come back?"

"No, I never question if he'll leave... I don't know why having him here for the session made it easier, it just did."

"Fair enough. How about you, Edward? How has this week been?"

"I agree, today was a little easier."

"What have you been doing with your free time during our sessions?"

I don't want to tell either one of them what I have been doing, because it will make me look like an obsessed stalker.

"Well, today I went with Emmett, and we got some stuff Bella wanted."

"That's very nice of you. How about the other days?" I narrow my eyes, Bella's looking at me for an answer. Clearing my throat, I speak.

"Uh, I just waited downstairs. I... don't like to go very far."_ And I guard the door to see whose coming and going like an obsessed stalker_ - I leave that part out.

"It's amazing progress for both of you." Bella squeezes my hand and smiles.

"Oh Bella, I meant to ask you today how things are going with Charlie?"

"They're ok. He came for dinner last week. It's getting less awkward."

Things with Charlie were moving slowly. Since that day in the hospital he's stayed true to his word and has tried to get along with me. We aren't close; we don't spend time together, but it's not as hostile as it was in the beginning. It took a month for Bella to be comfortable with having him over, and it was one quiet meal. It's obvious the situation is awkward for both of them, but they're trying to get to know one another, slowly.

"Keep doing what you're doing. It's ok to take things slowly," Dr. Carmen reassures Bella. Then she turns to face both of us.

"Well, Edward, I'm not sure how much Bella shares with you about our sessions..."

"Everything... pretty much," Bella says shyly. "Not, this though." I look at her, and she's blushing bright red.

"Ok, that's alright. As I'm sure you've seen Bella is growing and becoming stronger every day. She's overcoming things most people can't."

It's my turn to squeeze her hand because, really, she's made incredible progress.

"How would you describe your relationship with Bella, Edward?" The question catches me off guard. I'm not one to expand on my feelings. Bella knows I love her, but I feel like an idiot trying to put it into words.

"Uh, she makes me happy. She's the only person who really knows me," I sum it up, feeling really stupid trying to explain this shit.

"And Bella, how about you?"

"Same... he makes me so happy. I feel safe when I'm with him. Uh... I know he loves me. He doesn't have to say it. I mean - he does say it... but even when he doesn't, just everything he does, I know it. He does everything for me. He'd do anything to make me happy, and he has." I hear her sniffle and realize she's starting to cry.

She stretches up and kisses me, surprising me with how emotional she's being. I feel my face heat from the words she's said. I'm glad she grasps just how much I care about her.

We spend the rest of the hour basically reviewing what Bella and Dr. Carmen have gone over in the past two months. It's more than I knew, and I can't believe how well Bella's reacting to therapy.

We go over the topic of how we could communicate better and focus on how staying with the Cullens has changed our relationship. She briefly goes over sex. She explains something I already know - Bella's terrified of it. We still haven't gone past light touches. I'm trying to be patient, but it's getting harder every day.

"Bella, sex can be a good thing." I can't even describe how red Bella's face is. "I know it's hard for you to believe, since you've never had a positive experience with intercourse, but it can be anything from fun, exciting, romantic, and emotional. When you love someone, sex is one way you can show it. It's a give and take between two people, and the passion is an incredible thing."

The way she speaks of sex makes me realize I've never had a healthy sexual experience. It's no surprise to me; it's just odd to hear it from someone. I also can't help feeling like this has been set up, so I'm getting therapy as well.

"Bella, how do you feel about sex?"

"Just the word makes me panic... takes me back to a place I never want to go."

"Edward, how do you feel about sex?"

"Uh... well I've never... you know..." I hedge, feeling so uncomfortable. Bella squirms next to me, but Dr. Carmen waits patiently for me to answer. "I've never had... that."

"What?" _My God._ She really wants me to say the words.

"What you described. I've never had an experience where it was something more than... physical, I guess." I feel Bella cringe a little beside me. I hate having to say these words in front of her. I regret being with anyone else.

"So, even though you two obviously have extremely different sexual histories, you are both new to it being more than something that is done to you... or something that's done just for physical gratification. You've never used sex as a way to express love."

We both shake our heads.

"Very understandable. What if I asked you how you felt about sex_ with_ Edward?" Just when I think I've seen her at her reddest, her face turns a darker shade.

"Um... I like the sound of it." Now, she has my attention. "I love what we've done so far. I just get... upset - embarrassed - when the panic sets in. I wish I could turn my brain off and just enjoy him."

"You'll get there, Bella. You obviously have a wonderful, patient man who loves you. You'll get there."

She congratulates us on our pace and encourages us to wait and to not force anything.

We finish up the session and make our appointments for next week. When we walk out and inhale fresh air, I welcome it. To say that was uncomfortable would be an understatement.

"Wanna walk?" I ask her as we emerge from the building.

"Sure," she says with a sweet smile.

The clinic Bella goes to for her therapy is on the edge of town. It's a little ways from the Cullen's, but the weather's nice and will give us time to talk. Depending on the day, we've gotten rides from whomever was available, but we really don't mind the walk - or the time alone.

I kept my promise to Bella the day she was in the hospital from her panic attack. We spent the entire next day outside. We packed a picnic, my first one ever, and walked to the stream near the Cullen's house. We talked, made out; it was even warm enough to start to teach Bella how to swim. It was an amazing day, and we've made sure to do that more often. We're learning how to live with the Cullen's but still keep us, us.

I don't know why I feel so nervous to tell Bella about Emmett's offer, but I am.

"So... it's been a little over two months now," I say not knowing how to start.

"I know, so much has changed."

"Are you happy?"

She looks at me with surprise. "You make me happy," she says sweetly, but that's not what I asked.

"You make me happy too, but are _you _happy?"

"Yes... I mean, I think so. I'm having a hard time... you know, dealing. Therapy... it's a good thing, but it's not easy."

"You're doing so great, though," I say as I stop walking to give her a kiss.

"What about here?" I ask, waving an arm around our surroundings.

We're in the middle of the forest that leads us back to the Cullen's house. The canopy of trees keeps the woods cool in the hot August weather. We don't like to walk down town, because everyone still bombards Bella with questions. Everyone's nice enough, but it's just overwhelming for her.

"What about it?" she asks somewhat confused.

I know I'm confusing the shit out of her, but I'm having a hard time just coming out and asking her what she wants. When I don't respond she starts to talk hesitantly.

"I mean... I love it here. My best memories are here... Alice, Emmett - I love Rose, even though we just met, it seems like I've known her forever. It's just hard... I don't want to be too attached, because I want to be ok when we leave, you know?"

"Do you want to leave?"

"I want to be where you are..." she says carefully. Bella and I have never had a hard time talking before, and this is ridiculous. I'm making this harder than it needs to be, so I just spit it out.

"There's nothing for me in Portland... I have no reason to move back there. If you want to stay... we'll stay." She whips around to face me, astonished.

"You mean it?"

I nod, my smile growing to match hers. I'm waiting for her to jump in my arms, but she doesn't.

"What is it?"

"I just... you've made so many sacrifices, Edward. Before I showed up that night you had your own life your own-"

"And it sucked, Bella. My life... sucked before you."

I don't think she grasps that every change has been for the better, even though some of the changes haven't been easy or fun; they've been for the better. I've been resistant and probably have made some things more difficult than they needed to be, but I can't imagine going back to the isolation I lived in before, especially now that I know what it's like to live without it.

A huge smile spreads across her face. "You want to stay, don't you?"

"I do."

Then she's in my arms. I spin her around, and she laughs. I trip over a damn log and almost bring us both to the ground, so I set her down.

I don't know how to explain how I feel, so I just leave it there. I was so resistant when we first came to Forks; there were many times when I wanted to do nothing more than grab Bella and flee back to Portland. Many times when I wanted to land a punch on Emmett's face, but at some point those things started to change. I didn't think I ever wanted a family... that I ever wanted to be a part of anything, but without me even realizing it, it's happened.

"I can't believe this... I can't believe we're staying!"

She's bouncing around like a little kid on Christmas morning, and I can't control myself. I sprint towards her and pin her against a tree. Wrapping my hands in her hair I lean in and kiss her. Her hands fly and attach around my neck, and we make out against the tree like horny teenagers.

"Emmett offered me a job," I say, pulling back from her a little.

"No way."

I laugh at her. It's so nice to see her let go, to act her age, to be happy.

"Yes way," I say, tickling her.

"No, it's just that Alice has to have Seth in daycare that he hates. She's been begging me to nanny for her... so we can stay. I was scared to tell you." We both laugh, because obviously, we made this harder on ourselves than it needed to be.

"Well, I have to get my license to work for Emmett. My birth certificate is back in Oregon... I also want to check on Jake."

"So, we need to go back then." There's a little bit of hesitancy in her voice.

I know she's scared of the same thing I am, that this will set her back. This trip could bring back memories. I want to tell her to stay with the Cullens, that I'll make a quick trip and come right back, but I know it would be a waste of words, because neither of us will leave the other. I just nod.

"Ok, we'll go," she says with a sweet smile.

Taking her hand, we continue our way back the Cullen's. The more I think about the trip, the more I don't want her to go. I think about Roy, James and their group. I think about the night Jake let Sam out in the hotel room. I think about having to go back to Bend and face things I don't want to. I think about Bella being with me back in Portland and how much danger that would put her in. My chest starts to tighten with anxiety. I squeeze her hand tighter but I'm trying to figure out a way to tell Bella that I don't want her to come with me after all.

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**WAIT!  
Before you freak out... the entire story is planned just wait and see what happens LOL**

**Thank you all so much for the support and love! If you want to chat you can find me on twitter kdc2239  
I'll be working up until Christmas, out of town for the New Year, then sadly, school starts. I will try and have a chapter up as soon as I can. **

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	25. Chapter 25 Delicate

**Hey everybody!  
Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews last chapter. Every single one made me smile. Most of you had very strong opinions on if Bella should stay or go. It surprised me how many people want Edward to leave Bella behind. Anyway, I've had this planned from the start, so I hope everyone will be happy.**

**HUGE thanks to Whatobsession, Kimcarr and Jessypt. They are all so awesome! **

**Read on :) **

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**WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.**

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_**We might kiss when we are alone**_

_**When nobody's watching**_

_**We might take it home**_

_**We might make out when nobody's there**_

_**It's not that we're scared**_

_**It's just that it's delicate**_

_**-Damien Rice**_

**EPOV**

When I walk into the room I see a suitcase on the bed. Bella's back is to me, but I can see her folding my shirt and setting it into the case.

"Esme let me borrow her suitecase. You want to leave tomorrow, right?" she asks, her back still to me.

When I don't answer, she turns to face me. She wears a large smile, still on a high from our walk home and our decision to stay here. I give her the best smile I can and sit across from her on the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I say.

She looks at me warily but continues to pack. I don't know how to start the conversation, and I find myself getting frustrated.

"Can you... stop that?" I ask, sounding a little irritated. She lays the shirt to the side and looks at me expectantly with one brow raised.

"What is it? Are you nervous about our trip?" Her hand lightly rubs my thigh.

"No. Well, yes... I mean, not for me..." I stop and take a deep breath.

"Look, I don't think you should come."

Her hand abruptly stops and disappears from my leg. I instantly realize I should've said it a different way and get angry at myself.

"What do you mean?"

"It's not safe. There's too much that can go wrong; I don't want to take that chance. I want to you stay here, with the Cullens, where they can watch you; where you have more of a chance of staying safe."

"I'm safe with you."

I sigh loudly, because I don't know what to say to that. I've always told her that she's safest with me - and she is.

"Yes, you are, but this is different. I need to go down there, check on Jake, get my papers... and... I'd like to see where my mom's buried, if I'm already going to be there. Close that chapter of my life for good."

Her eyes soften when I say this, because she didn't know I was going to see my mom. I had only recently decided to do this myself. I don't even know where my mom is. I was taken right away, and I was never able to find out where she was buried. I thought it would be disrespectful to be back home and ignore her - if she knew, it would hurt her. Fuck, I don't know what I think of it. I just know it doesn't feel right to go all the way back and not try to find out where my mom is.

"There's going to be a lot going on, and I won't be able to protect you like I usually do."

"That's fine. I don't need you to protect me," she says with defiance.

I roll my eyes and lean back on the bed. We both know this isn't true, but she's trying to grow, and I don't want to make her feel bad.

"Besides, I want to be there for you - when you see her, I want to be there for you. Like you were for me." Her voice becomes softer, almost a whisper.

"I'm not like you, Bella. I don't need that," I say with a shrug. It's a lie. I want nothing more than for her to be there with me. I'm just not sure how it will feel - how I will feel.

Her face is full of hurt. She tries to speak but her voice cracks. She takes a deep breath and tries again.

"You don't want me to be with you?"

"No, that's not it," I say softly. This was never about hurting her. "Of course I want you with me; it's just not safe. Look, I'm just going to run down and back, that's it. It's safer for you here."

"So that's it? You've just decided for me?"

I've seen her look this hurt before, but I had never been the one to cause it. She's not trying to see it from my side though, and it's making me angry.

"Well, yeah. I guess if that's how you want to put it, I did," I reply coolly.

"How else would I put it?" Her tone is low and angry, and she stands up off the bed. I can tell she's trying to keep her temper but is losing the battle.

"You make it sound like I'm trying to be a dick! It's not safe, and I'm putting your safety first. If you weren't so damn emotional you'd see that." I stand on the other side of the bed. We've gone from a calm talk to a fight so quickly.

"Emotional?"

"Yeah, emotional. Instead of appreciating me thinking of you, you're freaking out."

A look of disbelief flashes across her face. We stare at each other; I'm not even sure for how long. Her arms are crossed, and her hip juts out. The longer we stand the redder her face gets - she's pissed. I stare her down, with my hands on my hips, unwilling to concede. When a tear leaks out of her eye and rolls down her cheek, she walks completely around the bed, to avoid contact with me, and slams the door when she shuts it.

_So this is what a first fight feels like - shit._

With a sigh I sit on the bed. Tugging at my hair, anger flows through me. Why can't she just listen and understand? I stand up ready to find her and finish where we left off, when the suitcase on the bed catches me eye. It's filled with the very few belonging we have - both of our belongings. She was excited for our time alone, for this little trip.

Deflated, I sit back on the bed. I was being dick, and I feel like a dick. I try to think about how I would react if she decided she was going to leave - without me - giving me no choice. I'd be pissed. Just like she is. I still don't think she should go, but I know I could've handled that much better. I'm still pissed though. Pissed she wouldn't listen, pissed she thought the worst of me, and pissed she walked out on me.

I turn on some music and take ten minutes to cool down. Bella and I still need to talk. I don't want to leave with us fighting - I won't. I know we'll have our fights and things won't be perfect, but I don't like this. I don't like being mad at her, and I really don't like her being mad at me.

Leaving the room I'm determined to make things right. Walking down the hall I don't hear a sound. I look in the kitchen and the living room but she's nowhere to be found. The familiar feeling of panic grips me when I check every bathroom and every bedroom but she's still nowhere to be found.

"Bella!" I start calling her name as I re-search the house.

"Bella! Isabella!" If she wandered off and something happened to her because she was pissed at me, I'd never forgive myself.

I go to the front door planning on looking in the woods for her, when I see Alice's car. I run up to it and touch the hood - it's still warm. Jogging around to the back a breath of relief escapes me. A little ways from the porch I see Bella and Alice sitting on a bench in Esme's garden. Seth runs around them showing no signs of tiring.

I keep my distance but watch the two interact. I can tell Bella's crying, and it makes the residual anger I feel melt away. Alice leans over and pulls her into a hug. When Seth notices Bella's tears, he quickly crawls up on the bench next to her and pats her back as if he were their equal. This breaks the tension causing both girls to laugh. Walking back into the kitchen I grab a beer and sit on the couch. I want to give her privacy and am glad she has a friend to talk to.

I really want to talk to Bella, work this out, but I don't want to interrupt her talk with Alice. After a while I get lost in my thoughts and in my beer. I'm trying to figure out a solution we can both be happy with but am coming up short. I hear the back door opening and look over hoping to see Bella come in. Instead, a bouncing Seth comes plowing into the living room.

"Hi, Edward," he beams brightly.

"Hey, buddy," I say, setting my beer down. He runs by me, around the corner, then comes back and stares at me.

He continues to stand in front of me bouncing from foot to foot, and then he reaches down and starts grabbing himself. I look around wishing that Alice would come in. I see no sign of her.

"Uh... you ok there?" He nods. There's an awkward silence, and Seth continues to bounce and grab.

"Do you want me to get your mom?" He shakes his head.

"Do you want to sit down?" He shakes his head. I'm really at a loss.

"I need to go potty," he states.

"Well... what are you waiting for?" I ask totally confused.

"My zipper's stuck," he says, thrusting his pelvis at me. I jump back against the couch. Well, shit. I'm not going anywhere near that territory.

"Uh... uh, shi- shoot," I catch myself, but his eyes still widen.

"You stay here. Don't pee. I'm going to get your mom," I say, already running out the door.

I jog down the grass and both girls turn to me. Bella quickly turns away and looks down and Alice gives me a look I don't have time to figure out. When she sees the look of panic on my face she stands.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Seth-"

"What do you mean? Panic is all over her face. Her eyes go wide as she jumps off the bench. "What happened?"

"Shit, calm down. He needs to pee and his zipper's stuck."

She looks at me like I'm a complete idiot.

"You couldn't get it unstuck?"

"I'm... I can't... it's his..." I motion to the general area of my crotch. "I didn't want to - no."

Alice rolls her eyes and starts jogging towards the house. I stand behind Bella in complete silence. She won't even look at me, and I can't stand it. I walk around to the front of the bench and sit next to her. She still doesn't look at me but she speaks.

"It doesn't make you a child molester if you help the kid with his pants, you know." Sarcasm drips from her words.

"I know. It just... I dunno, he's not my kid. I thought he'd be more comfortable with his mom helping him."

I'm more comfortable with his mom helping him.

Painful silence falls over us again. Slowly, like when we first sat on the bench by the waterfront I reach over and touch her face. This time she doesn't flinch and pull away from me like she did then. I move a strand of hair from her face, then run my hand down her neck, down her side and grab her hand that sits on her lap.

"You still made at me?" I ask quietly. She shakes her head and bits her lip. She's trying not to cry.

"I'm hurt, Edward." I nod but don't know what to say. I'm not sure what I did to hurt her. Piss her off, sure, but not hurt her.

"For years now, I haven't been able to make a decision. None." She finally looks at me but now that she is, I wish she wasn't. There's so much hurt swirling in the tears in her eyes.

"Decisions were made for me. My free will - my life, was taken from me. We've been through so much together, and when the first big decision comes our way and it's time for us to face it, _together_, you go ahead and make it for me. My input wasn't asked for, my opinion wasn't considered. I didn't think you'd do that to me, and it hurts."

That wasn't my intention, but it is exactly what I did.

"You're right. I'm sorry." She looks surprised at my quick admission. I'm sure she's not used to the person being a dick apologizing. "But that's where I'm different, Bella. If you just explain to me how... how you're feeling, I'll try to fix it. You have to give me the chance though, you can't just run away from me."

"I know. I'm sorry. I was just so angry and so hurt. I wanted to leave before I said anything I'd regret. I don't like fighting with you," she says, squeezing my hand and a tear out of her eye.

"I don't like fighting with you either; I hate it." I lean in and kiss her slowly. I'm glad we've made up but the problem still isn't resolved.

"So, what are we going to do about this?" she asks softly. I was hoping she was just making a point about me making decisions. I still don't think she should go.

"Bella, I honestly don't think it's safe for you to come." Her jaw clenches, but she hides all other signs of her anger.

"You're being ridiculous. It's not safe anywhere. He could show up anywhere, Edward. If he does, I want to be with you." The desperation in her voice is breaking me.

"What if Emmett or Carlisle comes?"

"No. They don't have the time to just stop work to come down. Carlisle already said he'd drive us to the ferry and back."

I wasn't sure just how long all this would take but I was expecting five to seven days. I couldn't ask them to just drop everything to shuttle us around. Portland's a good seven hour trip with the ferry ride and Bend is three more.

"Alice said you could order your birth certificate online. Why not just do that?"

"Because, it takes a lot of time to do that. Emmett wants me to start in three weeks and it will take at least eight just to get the certificate; then I still have to test after that, Bella. The agency has my social security card too, and whatever else they have of mine that I never went and got after I turned eighteen. Besides, it really is important to me to check on Jake, to see my mom."

She should understand more than anyone how important it is.

"I know. I know it is... I'm sorry I suggested otherwise," she says with a kiss on my cheek.

"Can't you just trust my judgment on this?" I ask softly. She sits and thinks a second before she answers.

"It's not that I don't trust your judgment. I just know we should be together. Think about it, Edward. When anything goes wrong it's always when we're apart. We need to stay together."

"Bella, don't you remember those guys I fought under the bridge? The ones we almost didn't get away from?"

She shudders remembering. I just get pissed. Roy and his ass buddies. I remember the way the creepy guy James stared at her while she slept, and she doesn't even know about that night.

"They don't forget that shit, Bella. If for some reason I run into them, I don't want you there."

"Well, I don't want you alone. For us both to be happy with this choice Edward, we have to compromise. If you go alone I'll be worried sick the entire time, and you'll worry about me." She's speaking faster and faster, her panic working up.

"Shhh," I say, pulling her against my chest.

She's right. I'll be preoccupied thinking of her the entire time, and to be honest, if something went wrong while I was gone - I didn't even want to think about it. At least if she was with me I could control the situation more.

"Ok."

"Ok?" she asks, looking hopefully up at me.

"Yeah, but in Portland you're staying in the hotel. If I can't find Jake, and have to look for him, you're not coming."

Reluctantly she nods, but I know it's not the last I'll hear of this. I won't back down on that though. I'm not taking her through the streets again when I have an option not to.

"Let's go pack and then we need to talk to Carlisle and Esme when they get home."

She nods and we both head back to the house. When we get back Alice's car is gone but there's a note on the table Bella reads.

"_We decided to let you guys talk. Have a great trip! Be safe! Love Alice & Seth" _

"_Have a great trip_? How did she know you were going?"

Bella blushes a little at my comment.

"Well, I guess I just made it clear I wasn't going to let you go without me."

Even though her stubbornness drives me nuts at times I'm really glad to see her progress. Even a couple weeks ago she never would've been strong enough to stand up to me.

I laugh and tickle her before we make our way upstairs. Our stuff only fills half the suitcase and Bella packs quarters for laundry just in case, knowing the clothing will only last a couple days.

"Now that I have a steady job, once we save, we can get our own place. Get you some new clothes, start over."

Bella grins and nods. "I can't wait. I get so excited to think about having our own little place, having our own life. I'm going to start babysitting for Alice too, when we get back. How long do you think it will take to get our own place?"

I've never talked like this before because there was no point. My life felt like a constant dead end - never ending, never changing. Now, it's all different. I have Bella, and I have as close to a family as I'll ever get.

"I'm not sure. After this trip we'll be completely out of money so probably a couple months to save. That's what we need to talk to Carlisle and Esme about. I don't want to just assume they want us to stay."

I know they will want us to stay, but I feel it's only right to ask. Bella's like a daughter to them, someone they were going to take in originally. I wasn't part of that package, and I'll understand if they don't want both of us.

"They'll want us to stay, but I agree we should work out a plan with them. Make a time line." I'm folding a shirt when she jumps on top of me screeching. "I'm just so excited, Edward. Things are finally working out, aren't they?"

"They are," I say, lifting her up, wrapping her legs around me. We need to pack to leave by tomorrow, but I push the suitcase aside to make room for us to lie on the bed. This seems more important at the moment.

**~*E&B*~**

"It's ok, Edward. It doesn't mean you're weak because you let someone help you."

I stare at the objects in his hands, knowing it's safest and smartest for me to take them.

"Thanks," I say, slipping the two phones into my pocket.

"It's really nothing. The phones themselves are free and it's only twenty dollars a month to add you guys on."

"I'll pay it," I promise.

Carlisle lets out a big sigh. "I know you will."

He's given up trying to convince me to let him just take care of things.

Someone knocks on the door, and Carlisle goes to answer it. I lean back into the couch and pull out the phones. I have no idea how to use them but notice Carlisle already programmed everyone's numbers in them. After playing with it for a while, I get the hang of it. They seem pretty straightforward to use.

"Pizza!" Carlisle shouts summoning us all to dinner. Bella comes bouncing down the stairs with Esme behind her. We all sit at the table and dig in.

"Thanks for dinner," I say between bites.

"Yeah, thanks," Bella adds.

"No problem. It sounded good tonight."

We both nod in agreement, too busy eating to reply. I laugh when I see sauce around Carlisle's mouth and Esme and Bella eating with forks. I'll never understand.

It still feels awkward to sit at dinner with a family, but I'm getting more used to it. I don't know if it will ever feel totally normal.

"So you guys are heading out tomorrow?" Esme asks.

"We'd like to. I was hoping that maybe... uh, well, I heard you could check the train schedule online. I was just wondering if you could help me do that?"

"Sure," she says brightly. "After dinner we can do that."

It's still hard for me to ask for help, but I'm just not good with the internet, never using it before, and I know she could show me a lot faster.

"I'm doing the early morning shift tomorrow but I can drive you guys to the ferry around three. Does that work?" Carlisle asks.

"Yes, thanks so much for driving us," Bella says, smiling.

"No problem. I think Esme and I will make a date out of it. Have dinner in Port Angeles or something."

"Really? That sounds nice," Esme says, surprised.

"We're just sorry we can't get away to take the trip with you guys," she says sadly.

"It's ok. We understand," I say. I don't want them to feel responsible for us.

"So what's the plan when you guys get back?"

"We wanted to talk to you about that, actually," Bella says quietly.

"Edward's going to start working with Emmett really soon." They nod; we told them this earlier when they got home, and Carlisle offered to help me get my license.

"Then I'll be helping Alice. So we were wondering if we could keep this... arrangement until we have enough money saved for our own place?"

"Of course, you two can stay as long as you want. You know we don't mind, and you really don't need to pay rent. We wish you wouldn't," Esme explains.

"No. We appreciate everything, but it wouldn't be right," I insist. It's not like we pay all that much anyway.

"Well, here's the thing. Bella's been doing laundry and you've been doing yard work. Having you two has made me almost useless! So I'm docking all that from your rent." I try and argue, but she won't take no for an answer, so I just smile and nod, grateful for the Cullens' generosity.

"Thank you. It shouldn't be more than a couple months. You're sure you guys don't mind?"

They both reply they don't mind at all and insist they've loved having us here.

We finish dinner, and Bella and I do the dishes. Esme helps me on the computer, and I make a schedule for us to get to Portland and Bend. She and Carlisle have points from their credit cards that make our hotel stays free. She arranged it without me knowing and just hands me the itinerary.

"It doesn't cost us a thing, and we'll never use it. The only time we go anywhere is for Carlisle's job, and they pay for the hotel then."

"Thank you so much," I say, giving her an awkward hug. I know it means a lot to her, so I try to get over my awkwardness.

Bella and I go to our bedroom shortly after I set the train and hotel up.

"Well, we're going to get to Portland late, so we can just check into our hotel," I say, handing the papers to Bella.

"Oh my gosh. This hotel is beautiful," Bella says, flipping through the pages.

"I know. I can't believe they gave that to us."

"I can; that's just how they are," Bella says, leaning over me to see what I'm writing down.

"So you think a few days in Portland?"

"Well, we have the hotel for that long so..." I shrug. "Then, we'll go to Bend. I can... If you want, it's not much... but if you want, I can show you where I grew up."

It's a hard thing for me to offer. It means taking down all my walls and showing Bella everything. That includes my shitty past.

"If you want to show me, I'd love to see it," she says softly, kissing me on my cheek. Her fingers softly rub through my hair and and down the side of my face.

She's the first person I've ever wanted to know the real me, and my past is a part of that.

I don't sleep much that night, worries of the trip the next day running through my mind. I just want to go and get back so we can start our new life together.

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**Portland is next! I'm getting right on the next chapter. It will be out as soon as possible. Thanks for everyone's patients. **

**I wrote a new one shot called Watching the Water Gather. It's not very long and on my profile, if you want to check it out!**

**Love to hear what you think! **


	26. Chapter 26 The Only Exception

**Hey guys! Long time no see, right? Sorry, life has been horrible about keeping me from doing the things I love. **

**Huge thanks to Whatobsession17 and Jessypt! They got this thing edited in one day. They are too awesome to me.**

**The reviews from last chapter were so sweet and encouraging. Thanks to everyone that takes the time to give me their thoughts, it means so much!**

**Anyhoo, I've recently been able to cut my hours down at work, so I hope to update on a more regular schedule. The entire story is planned out and discussed... I just need to get it written down. **

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**WARNING!**

**This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.  
*Citrus of the adult variety is below***

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_**And I've always lived like this**_

_**Keeping a comfortable, distance**_

_**And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm**_

_**Content with loneliness**_

_**Because none of it was ever worth the risk**_

_**Well, you are, the only exception**_

_**-Paramore**_

"Edward! Edward, oh my god! Look!"

I rush over to her side of the railing and look over and see a sea lion swimming next to the ferry.

"Look at him! He's so cute!" Bella's eyes are as wide as her smile as she leans over the side of the ferry.

I wrap an arm around her waist to keep her on the boat. I could just see her tumbling into the water. She takes my touch purely as affection and turns to kiss me on the lips. We stand kissing for a while until the breeze blows her hair in our way.

"What was that for?" I ask, holding her closer. She rarely initiates our physical contact.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Do I need a reason?"

"No. I guess you don't," I say leaning over her, kissing her again.

A shudder rips through her; even though the sun is out and it's a nice day, the breeze makes everything colder.

"Do you want to go inside?"

"Maybe in a few minutes; it's so nice out here."

I stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist trying to keep her warm. She's right; it's really nice.

"Do you think we'll see a whale?"

"I doubt it, but who knows. I would think they would avoid the boats."

"I hope not. I'd love to see one."

Things are much different on this ferry ride. When we came to Forks two months ago, she didn't want to be outside. She didn't want to let go of my hand and she barely spoke. Her main worry the first time was being kidnapped; this time it's whether or not shell see a whale. Bella is coming out of her shell and the evidence is in every experience.

**~*E&B*~**

The train's delayed. It's dark by the time the giant machine comes rolling into the station. We find our spots quickly and plop down in our seats. Bella falls asleep almost as soon as we sit in our chairs. Her body is slouched against mine, her head on my shoulder and my head resting on hers. I'm tired and want nothing more than to close my eyes and fall asleep with her, but I don't.

I know better; even though I rest, I'm more than aware of everything going on around us. I've let my guard down somewhat living with the Cullens, but I have to get myself back into my old mind frame completely. I can't afford to be careless and let something happen.

At least an hour passes, and the train continues to travel through the night. The gentle rocking and heat from Bella's body is making it hard for me to keep my eyes open. As gently as I can, I move Bella to the side, so I can reach the water in our bag. She stirs, stretching her arms over her head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." I kiss her on the head before I lean back into my seat.

I take a long drink from the bottle and hand it to her.

"It's ok. How long have I been sleeping?" she asks, bringing the bottle to her lips.

"Just an hour or so."

She nods and cuddles back into my side.

"You still worried about this trip?" she asks softly into my shirt.

"Nah, we'll be fine," I say, tightening my grip on her.

It's a lie. I'm more worried than I have been in months. I don't want her to be scared, though.

No one knows we're coming, and I've been gone long enough that Roy and his gang should have stopped looking for me by now. We're not staying anywhere they would expect, so we should be able to fly under the radar. I hope.

"How much longer do we have?" she asks, sitting up a little.

"At least a couple of hours. Hungry?"

She nods, and I grab some snacks we packed when we left. I expect to find some crackers but pull out an entire meal.

"Esme," Bella says shaking her head. Her smile gives her away, though. Not so secretly, we both love Esme's mothering side.

We waste no time and dig in to our meal of sandwiches, fruit and veggies. There's even a note at the bottom of the bag wishing us a safe trip.

Bella stays awake for the rest of the trip, and we spend at least two hours going over more Italian phrases. Bella's impressed when I remember most of what she's taught me. By the time we pull into the Portland station I can ask her questions in full sentences and respond to what she's asking me.

"You're doing so great! We can even have conversations now."

I look at her with a raised eyebrow because, really, I'm not that good.

"What? We can. Simple one's anyway."

She shrugs, taking my hand as we walk off the train and into the cold Portland night.

I can feel the apprehension rolling off her, and even though I try to hide mine, I know she can feel it. Coming back to the place where everything started isn't easy for either of us.

Walking toward our hotel we pass many places that are not so distant memories in our pasts. The same awkward moment happens as we walk past each part of downtown - do we say something, acknowledge what our life was, or just move past quickly giving the memories no attention? Bella decides before I do.

"Is this hard for you?"

I shrug, because I thought this would be hard for her; I wasn't thinking about me.

"You?"

"Surprisingly, no. It's what brought me to you. The memories... they aren't all good, but it doesn't matter anymore; not with how things turned out."

Her words shock me. I assumed those days were some of the worst for her, and all I can do is squeeze her hand and lean over to kiss her forehead.

"I've never thought about it that way. I'm glad they're not all horrible memories for you."

"They are for you?" she asks quietly, trying her hardest to hide the hurt in her voice, as we continue down the dark streets.

"No, I feel the same as you it's just... just, I dunno. It's the highest and lowest point for me." I'm not used to being so honest or talking so deeply about my feelings. The darkness of the night helps shadow my insecurities, letting me continue.

"I met you, and I wouldn't change anything about my past if it meant not having you."

I've admitted this to myself but not out loud. I feel like I'm stomping on my families' graves by letting the words out of my mouth, but I couldn't imagine not having her now that I do.

"But it was the lowest because... it's my job to take care of you. To make sure you're safe, happy... I wasn't able to do that for you. The alley, the benches, Mac's... they're all reminders of how horribly you lived, because I couldn't do better for you."

She doesn't respond as we continue on our path. Assuming she's agreed with what I've said I hang my head down a bit, wishing I would have kept my mouth shut. Out of nowhere Bella stops walking, jerking back the hand she's holding.

"You've got to stop that," she says sternly, but not angrily. She looks at the ground and is having a hard time meeting my eyes.

"What?"

"Blaming yourself. Seriously, Edward, I showed up out of nowhere. Can you not see that you saved me? All you see is the bad, and it has to stop. From the second I saw you... you stopped those two from... hurting me; you shared your space with me -"

I scoff when she says my space. My street? Is that what she means? Now, I'm the one looking at the ground.

"No, stop." Her hand touches under my chin making our eyes meet. "It's all you had, and you offered it to me. You are a good man, Edward. You love me like no one ever has, and I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of. I would _never_ let, and have never let, _anyone _say anything bad about you. You're the only one I let do that, and it has to stop. I love you because of who you are. Open your eyes." Her hand gently caresses my cheek as she places a soft kiss on my lips.

That's that. She says what she needs to say and continues to walk. I know how hard that was for her to do, and for a second I don't recognize the strong woman walking ahead of me. With a tighter grip on our bag, I scramble behind. Her words leave me speechless. Walking up silently next to her, I grab her hand and squeeze it. She looks up at me, smiles and lays her head on my shoulder. Her actions tell me all is forgotten, and we're ok. Nothing needs to be said. My actions tell her. _I get it now. I'll try harder, and I'm sorry. _

**~*E&B*~**

With each passing block, I look around every building, waiting, assuming someone will jump out at us. All the instincts that were second nature to me come flying back. I can see that Bella is wary as well. She stays closely tucked under my arm and doesn't try to make any conversation. Whenever I look down at her, I see her eyes darting around in the darkness. I get a knot in my stomach. She's seemed so at ease at the Cullen's house and out here is a harsh reminder of our old reality and recent sense of false security. Despite our worry, we make it to the hotel without incident. We walk into the lobby, and you can hear the gasp that escapes from both of us. The setting is warm, and the lights are dim. A theme of bamboo and water runs throughout the lobby. Bella looks at me with wide eyes, and together walk up to the front desk.

A wave of insecurity speeds through my veins. This isn't my world, and it's one I've never been welcomed into. Once, in my not so distant past, the cops would have been called if had just been sitting out front. A change of shirt and a reservation and -

"Good evening. How can I help you?"

- I become human. A realization comes, and it's not a good one. I realize now more than ever that, in the eyes of society, the clothes do make the man.

"Uh, yeah... We have a reservation under Masen."

"Wonderful," she smiles broadly. She gets busy typing on her computer, adjusts her glasses, and then looks back up to us.

"Mr. and Mrs. Masen, here is your room information." She slides a piece of paper across the counter saying we're in room 322. "Shall I call someone to take your bags up?"

I don't correct her on calling Bella Mrs. Masen, because I like it, and I look down at our lonely bag. "No, I think I can handle it."

"Ok then. Have a lovely night." With a big fake smile in return, we head toward the elevators.

"We need to do something really, really nice for Carlisle and Esme," Bella says looking around her in awe.

"Yeah, we should," I agree.

I know this isn't the nicest hotel in Portland, and I know we'll be in the lowest grade room having it be complimentary from card points, but I don't care. It's the nicest place I've ever stayed in.

When we walk into our room we both stand in the doorway for a second taking it in. A large bed dominates the center of the room, and a flat screen television is mounted to the wall across from it. The room is filled with cream and soft browns. The first thing Bella does is flop back on the bed. I walk over to the window and recognize the view right away. Directly below the window is the bench Bella and I used to sit at day after day. Sitting in the sun, sitting in the rain, where I sat having no idea what to do and where Bella sat and cried. I watch the water, the lights of the city reflecting off the gentle waves. My emotions are so mixed looking at the damn bench, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. Bella's voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Oh my god, Edward, you have to feel this bed."

Dropping our bag to the floor I don't hesitate to jump on the bed making Bella scream out and laugh.

"You tired?" I ask.

She nods as she smells the sheets.

"What are you doing?" I ask, laughing.

"Don't laugh at me," she says, smiling. "They smell really good."

I indulge her and take a sniff at the sheets.

"See! They smell good, don't they?"

"You don't lie," I say, taking a dramatic sniff and make her laugh.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower, ok?" I say, as I push myself off the bed and begin pulling my toiletries out of the bag.

"Ok, I'll just watch T.V. or something." There's a smile on her face, but the tone of her voice sounds off.

I lean over the bed and kiss her. I intend for it to be a peck, but she deepens the kiss by sitting up and wrapping her arms around my neck. I drop my bag to the floor and sit on the edge of the bed. When I wrap my arms around her waist, she presses her chest against mine and moans. The longer we kiss the more eager she gets, and the more worked up I become. When her leg slips across mine I know that if I don't stop I'll accidentally push her too far. Reluctantly, I pull back a little and lean in for one more soft kiss before making my way to the bathroom. I look back at her, but she isn't looking at me; instead her eyes are trained on her lap. I assume she's tired from the long trip.

Paranoid, on the way to the bathroom I make sure the hotel room door is dead-bolted before I start my shower. The bathroom is huge, and the lights are bright. I squint my eyes, flipping off the many switches on the wall. When I finally make the lighting comfortable, I strip my clothes off and throw them on the floor. The shower has heads on two sides of the walls. Again, there's so many damn buttons I just start messing with them until the water starts flowing.

Standing under the spray I let my muscles release the tension from the trip. I think about tomorrow and how I'll find Jake. With that all the tension comes right back. This town doesn't hold a lot of fond memories for me, and I'm not looking forward to fishing through the shelter looking for him. Not to mention, I have no idea what kind of mental condition he'll be in. I make a list of all the places I need to look for him. We're here for a couple days, and I hope I won't have too much trouble finding him. When I turn the water off I feel clean but not relaxed like I'd hoped I would.

I can hear the voices from the T.V. in the next room but when I come out, I see it doesn't have an audience. Bella's dead to the world fast asleep, in her clothes, on top of the blankets. I stand for a minute and just watch her sleep. The light from the T.V. flashes across her skin, illuminating it in the dark room. Her chest rises and falls softly, her mouth hangs open slightly with her eyes softly shut. She looks so young like this - like what I would think she would have looked like as a child. Times like these I can't believe what's happened to her. I've been angry about what was done to her for so long, but sadness has filled where the anger once resided. I hate what she struggles with and it hurts when I can't do anything to help her. I move my eyes from her head down to her feet. When my eyes scan lower on her body, the holes in her jeans and shoes scream out at me. I can't wait to get back and start working for Emmett.

Tightening the towel around my waist I sit on the side of the bed and carefully remove each of her worn shoes. When I manage to take them off successfully without waking her up, I decide to try and get her out of her coat and jeans and under the blankets. I start with her jeans. I try to unbutton them only to find there isn't one. The button is missing and a safety pin is in its place. I sigh and shake my head undoing the pin. Things are getting better, but this little pin is another reminder of everything she doesn't have - and everything she should have.

When I start to tug the tight material down her legs she mumbles something in Italian making me laugh.

"Bella," I say softly by her ear. "Lift your hips for me." She doesn't respond, but her hips rise minutely off the bed, enough for me to get my hands underneath her and to tug them over her hips. I realize this is a lot harder than I thought it would be but forge ahead wanting her to be comfortable while she sleeps. When I start to tug on the sleeve of her coat her eyes flutter open.

"Hi," I say softly with one hand keeping my towel closed and the other pulling on her jacket.

She sits up a little and looks down at her bare legs. Looking at me in my towel she raises an eye brow.

"I was trying to help," I say feeling my cheeks turn red, hoping the darkness will hide it.

"I see that," she laughs, sleep still thick in her voice. "Thank you," she says softly. Her hand rises up and brushes against my cheek, and I can't help but lean into it. Sitting on the edge of the bed, me in a towel, Bella in her underwear - I can't help but want more. The physical evidence of that want is now showing, raising the towel off my legs and catching Bella's attention.

"Sorry." I quickly move my hand over myself trying to hide so I don't make her uncomfortable.

To my shock Bella's hand covers my own, and because of the placement, over my erection as well.

"No. why are you sorry?"

"I'm... I dunno, I just don't want to make you uncomfortable. I don't ever want you to think I'm pushing..." I wave my hand towards where our hands rest, "this on you. I don't want you to feel pressured." She looks at me, and I can see the wheels in her head spinning.

I'm not sure if she's upset with me for undressing her, so I look down and quietly add, "I thought you were asleep."

"It's fine, Edward," she says quietly. I can hear nervousness in her voice, and the expression on her face matches. Slowly, she pulls her hand away from the now soft area beneath the towel. I suppress a groan already missing the heat from her hand.

"Edward," I look over at her. She's pulled a blanket over her bare legs but removed her coat. She's not looking me in the eye, and it makes me nervous to hear what she's about to say. She doesn't go on right away, and even though I know it sometimes takes her a bit to get things out, I can't help but push her.

"What is it?" I ask. I place my hand on her thigh through the blanket. When her hand covers mine I breathe a sigh of relief. She can be so hard to read sometimes.

"It's just... don't you _want_ more?" She looks at me through her lashes and plays with my hand waiting for an answer.

"What do you mean, 'want more'?" I ask.

Her face almost instantly blushes as she grips my hand.

"From me... more... more between us - physically."

I take a second a think about what I say before I spit something stupid out, like I have in the not too distant past.

"Well, yeah. I would love more, because I love you." Her eyes that were occupied tracing the veins on my hand shoot up to meet my own. I twist my body so I'm fully facing her.

"Is that why you stopped earlier? Because you thought you were pushing me?"

"I was afraid I_ would_ push you if we kept going," I clarify.

"No, you wouldn't. I don't worry about that, Edward. I know you wouldn't."

"I'm a guy, Bella, if I had my way we'd be doing it every free second." I'm joking, but not, at the same time.

She laughs, and I'm glad what I've said hasn't upset her.

"But, I don't want more if you're not ready. I don't want to do something that will upset you. Ever." I'm about to tell her I'll wait as long as I need to when she interrupts me.

"But what if _I want_ more," her voice is so quiet I barely hear her.

"You want more?" There's hope in my voice I try to keep out but fail.

"I... I may, I mean yes, I do want more. I don't want you to censor yourself around me, Edward. I don't know if I can go... you know, all the way just yet - but I want to show you I love you. I want... you know, what Carmen was talking about. Showing love by... being with you. I've never had that."

I haven't either, but instead of saying that out loud I nod, absorbing what she's saying.

"You try so hard to keep me safe, even from yourself. I love you for it, but you don't need to do that. When I kiss you, I want you to kiss me back... don't you want to?"

"Of course I do," I say a little too loudly.

"I just wasn't sure... you pull away so often and with... well, my past and all I just wasn't sure if it was me you didn't -

I don't let her get the negative words about herself come out before my lips come crashing into hers.

"Never," I say between kisses. "I've never pulled away because I didn't want you." I stop kissing and hold her head between my hands; I need her to understand this. "I've always wanted you, every second. Ok?"

When she licks her lips and nods her head I can see the sincerity in her eyes. I can't believe she ever thought that.

"I want you, too. I trust you."

With that we fall into a messy pile onto the bed. She lifts the blanket up allowing me to slip underneath with her. Feeling the bare skin of her legs and arms against my almost naked body is doing crazy things to me.

Our making out gets more intense and the towel that was once firmly around my waist is now slipping and getting eaten up by the layers of sheets and blankets on the bed. When I go to pull it back up Bella's hand stops me.

I look down into her eyes. "Are you sure?" I breathe out.

"Yes, I'm sure," she nods her head.

She's touched me through my pants and has touched me briefly before but has never felt comfortable coming face to face with me.

"Just say if you want to stop," I whisper into her ear.

When my painful hardness brushes against her thigh I can't stop the groan the falls from my lips. Laying my head in the crook of her neck I rock against her, not being able to stop myself.

She's not moving much, so I force myself to be still and look at her. She's a little stiff but seems ok.

"I love you," I say, brushing some stray hair off her forehead.

"Love you, too," she says.

The tension in her body releases with the words as she melts into me. She starts kissing my collarbone down to my chest. Tentatively, I reach down and place my hand on her inner thigh. She tucks her head into the crook of my neck, opening her legs, silently telling me this is ok. I gently rub her over her underwear feeling the wetness of her seeping through.

"Fuck, you're so wet," I whisper not able to keep my mouth shut.

I keep her top and underwear on, but when I pull her underwear aside and touch her skin, the moan that escapes her lips almost does me in right there. When I start to rub her she moans my name and starts to grind against my hand. Seeing her let go like this is the best thing I've ever seen. As I continue my work below the sheets her eyes roll into the back of her head as her chest arches off the bed.

"Oh, Edward..."

"Mmm, does that feel good, baby?" I whisper watching her nod her head fervently.

Watching Bella come undone is definitely the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. Knowing I was the one who made her feel that way makes it all that much better. Once she's come down, she lays back and relaxes against the pillows.

"Wow." She looks more relaxed than I have ever seen her.

I laugh at her response but continue to move against her below the sheets. Watching her get off has made me that much harder.

"Can I... I mean, do you mind if I look?" There's a mischievous smile playing on her lips.

Just hearing that she wants to see me - touch me, has me more excited than I should be. I roll away from her just a bit, enough for her to slide her body against mine and slip her hand between us. She pulls the sheet back and looks directly at the place that makes me different from her - the thing she's been so afraid to be close to.

She bites her lower lip and slips her hand down griping me.

"Oh, Jesus, Bella," I moan as her hand starts to pump me. It's been so long since anyone other than myself has touched me and even though she's just started, I'm ready to finish.

"Does that feel good?" she asks, as her hand makes another pass.

I can't even speak, so I just nod reaching up her shirt, slipping my hand beneath her bra. I squeeze her under her top but don't try to take it off. She's made no move to take any more of her clothing off, and I want her to guide this.

I kiss her and grope any skin I can find as she keeps working me. I want to ask her if she's ok but can't form a coherent sentence to do so. When she's not kissing me she's staring down at where her hand is. The next thing I know she's scooting down the bed, when she licks her lips, I know what she has in mind.

"Bella, baby, you don't have to," I force myself to say. I want nothing more than for her to do this to me but if it ended with her breaking down I don't think I'd be able to handle it.

"I want to make you feel good," she says. I have no time to reply because I feel her peppering wet kisses along my shaft.

"Oh, fuck. Oh, Bella," I say, my hands griping the sheets.

She clasps her hand with mine and her eyes stay on me to keep her grounded. She can't take all of me in, and her actions are timid, but it makes no difference to me. What she's doing now beats anything I've experienced in the past.

She pauses after a few minutes and places more kisses on my hips and up my chest.

"I'm sorry," she says, softly, gripping me with her hand.

"What? No. Why are you sorry?" I ask, still panting from what she was just doing.

"I just can't... it's just.."

"Shh," I say, kissing the top of her head. I understand, but I don't want to think about that - her past- right now. I just can't. "It's fine. You know I don't expect that."

Her hand is still pumping me and all coherent thoughts leave me. I feel like a horny teenager getting his first hand job, but I can't help it. My hips rise up to meet the movement of her hand. I can feel the tightening in my stomach and try to warn Bella but before the words come out I finish, making a mess all over her hand and myself.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, baby," I say jumping up, running to the bathroom bringing a wet cloth back.

When I come out of the bathroom I'm not sure what kind of condition I'll find Bella in. This is the farthest we've ever gone and It's the first time she's let me touch her bare, and the first time she's touched me. I'm not sure how she'll react. When I walk in the room I see her lying on her stomach, waiting for me. A soft smile plays on her lips, and her hair is in complete disarray; I love it.

Once I've cleaned us up, she crawls into my arms placing kisses all over my chest. I don't bother placing my pants back on and when I feel Bella reach down and caress me a smile spreads across my face. Tonight was a huge step for us - for Bella.

Falling asleep I accept the possibility that things could be changing for me. Everything in my life has always gone terribly wrong. In this second, with Bella in my arms, I try to let the negativity go and assume this trip could go smoothly. In the morning, I'll realize how wrong I was.

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***Hides* The next chapter is started. I'll try and make it quick! **

**If you want to say hi or chat, find me on twitter - kdc2239. I had to lock my account to keep people from RL out. Sorry, I know that's a pain. **

**See you all soon! 3**


	27. Chapter 27 Chop Suey

**Hey! It wasn't too long this time, right? The next chapter is in the works!**

**Thanks to my awesome friends Whatobsession17, Jessypt and Kimmcarr for their work on this! **

**The reviews for last chapter blew me away! You guys are amazing. Thanks for all your kind words and patients with me when RL won't slow down.**

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**WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.  
**

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**_Father into your hands, I commend my spirit_**

**_Father into your hands - why have you forsaken me?_**

**_In your eyes, forsaken me_**

**_In your thoughts, forsaken me_**

**_In your heart, forsaken me_**

**_Oh, trust in my, self-righteous suicide_**

**_I cry when angels deserve to die_**

**_-System of a Down_**

**Portland**

We wake with the morning light streaming through the large windows in the room. Bella looks more relaxed this morning than she did last night. As usual her small body is taking up most of the bed. I honestly have no idea how she stretches herself out in such a way that makes it so half of my body is off the bed.

I slip quietly out of bed, leaving a soft kiss on her head. I know I'm not the best when it comes to talking to her the way we did last night, but I'm trying. Dr. Carmen has told us over and over again to be honest and talk about everything. It seems to help her to tell me what's going through her mind, and I'm more than happy to listen if it helps her.

I shower and dress quickly, ready to leave the room as the sun is still rising. I want to make it the shelter just before breakfast. I figure it's the best time to catch Jake if he's there. As I look out the window I see a familiar image of the city waking up. Portland looks different in the morning light than it did when we arrived late last night. People are getting off the Max and filling the parking garages as they rush to work.

"Ready so early?" Bella asks, barely lifting her head from the pillow she seems to be glued to.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go look. It's early. Go back to sleep; I'll be back before you know it."

"No... no, just give me five minutes." She starts to stretch and crawl out of bed. I feel guilty to admit it, but I was hoping to be able to just leave a note and avoid an argument.

"Bella," I say in a way that hints at what's coming next. We made this compromise before we left Forks. She promised to stay in the room.

"What? I'll be quick," she says with no confidence. She knows it's not the time I'm worried about.

I sit on the edge of the bed and rub her leg through the blankets.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"You're really going to make me stay here?" There's a tinge of anger in her voice but also acceptance; she knows I won't budge on this.

"We made a deal, Bella," I sigh. "You promised if I brought you along you would stay in the hotel, where it's safe, while I look through the shelter." She scowls at me weakly, making me laugh. "C'mon, don't make me feel like shit, Bella."

"Fine, I'll stay, but you have to take your phone and call me if you're going to be more than an hour, Edward." I raise a brow at her. We haven't even used our phones yet and now, she's making a schedule for them.

"No, don't give me that look. You act like you're the only one who worries. I worry, too, and if you're making me stay here I need to know you're safe." She's trying to look tough, but when a huge yawn escapes her it takes the effect away.

"Fine. An hour," I breathe against her forehead as I kiss it, and she yawns again. "Try and get some sleep... because, I'd like a replay of last night." I sit back and wink at her, so she knows I'm playing. I'm still unsure as to how forward I can be with her when it comes to sex.

"Ugh, like I'll sleep after that comment!" she laughs, throwing herself back on the bed, arms over her head. Her shirt rides up, and I know if I don't leave now, I'll end up back in bed with her.

"I'll be back soon," I say, slipping the small cell phone into my pocket.

"Please be safe," she says with a worried look plastered on her face, all joking has left her tone.

"It'll be fine. Stop worrying, silly girl." I kiss her one more time before I head to the door. I hesitate as I grab the knob. "Bella, promise me you'll stay put," I say, turning to face her.

"I already said I would."

"Promise me. No matter what, you'll stay in this room." I'm not sure where my surge of panic is coming from, but I need this reassurance from her, that she won't go wander by herself to find me or something stupid.

"Promise. I love you."

"Love you too," I say, shutting the door behind me, wiggling the handle to make sure it locked the way it's supposed to.

I walk quickly out of the lobby and out onto the street. At this point I just want to do what I need to do and get back to her. I don't think all the therapists in the world could change that; I don't know that I'd want them to.

**~*E&B*~**

There's a certain level of comfort that surrounds me being back 'home.' I had never considered myself tied to Portland until I'd left it. Along with the present fear there's also relief. I know what to expect here; I know the people around me. I know who my friends are - and my enemies. I know who the decent cops are and the ones who just want to shake you down. While I understand we're safer in Forks, I'm more on edge there. I don't know those people or what they're capable of. There are a lot of sick fucks in the world, but at least I know who they are here.

Rounding the corner I get on Burnside and see The Mission straight ahead. Bodies line the walls and look as though they're spilling out the door. I know it's quite the opposite; everyone's trying to spill in. It's time to eat, and this is the one place someone out of luck can find some. Burnside is a busy street downtown, with stoplight at every corner. It's a perfect place for the homeless to sit and watch people in their Mercedes drive by.

I'm purposefully wearing the stained, torn clothing from before Forks, because I need to fit in. Wearing new clothes, like the ones Esme had given me, to a place like this is a quick way to get noticed, and that's the last thing I need.

On the way here I got disdainful looks and whispers I haven't received in a long time. Just like before though, I don't give a shit. People can judge me for my clothing as much as they'd like.

I scan the crowd as I get closer, looking for any sign of Jake or some of the guys he hangs out with. When I don't see him, I fall in line with the rest of the people hoping Jake's already inside.

"Whoa, Masen, that you?" an old man shouts across the line. I recognize him and have 'known' him out here for many years. I nod back as a way to say hello but realize at that moment I have no idea what his name is; I don't know if I ever did. A couple other regulars greet me asking where I've been the past months. A few even ask about Bella, and at that very moment I'm glad I didn't bring her with me. Word gets out fast here, and while none of these people pose a threat, the people who do will know soon enough. I give non-committal answers and just continue to try and get inside. None of these people need to know where I've been and who's been with me.

Finally, I get inside and start to look for Mrs. E; she'll know where Jake is. She always showed favoritism to us. I'm not sure if it's because we were out here at such a young age or if it's because we're some of the few who thank her and show her respect. Either way, she'll have an idea of where to find Jake.

I quickly fall back into the mindset that is home to me - more animalistic, instinct driven, survival first. It's every man for himself here, and I'm looking out for number one. I had no idea how much I'd changed until that very moment. I'd seen huge transformations in Bella and realize that mine mirror hers in a way.

I'm disgusted all of a sudden and just want to get out of here. Most of these people are here out of no fault of their own. I feel bad, but I don't have to live like this anymore and don't want to. I've been resisting every chance for help from the Cullens due to my pride. I don't want a handout but at this moment I take it for what it is - luck. I'm damn lucky to be in the position I've found myself in and finally see it. I'm being offered the chance I've been fighting for, for years, and while it hasn't come the way I thought it would, it's still come. I determine that when I get back to Forks, I'll go with this new perspective. I've been given a chance that the majority of these people will never get a taste of; I won't waste it.

I continue to scan the room but am failing to see anyone I'm looking for. I'm about to go ask another volunteer to find Mrs. E when a hand forcefully pulls me back. I turn ready to beat the shit out whoever's trying to fuck with me and come face to face with a beat to shit Ben.

"What the fuck you doin' here, man?" he demands. His eye is swollen shut and the left side of his face is a nasty blue color.

"Looking for Jake. What the fuck happened to your face?"

He scoffs at me and looks around nervously. "What do you think happened, Masen?" My stomach drops, and I feel shitty for him. It's obviously the work of Roy or one of his goons.

"Man, you have to get away from them," I say, shaking my head.

"Yeah, thanks for the expert advice," he says sarcastically. "Look, you aint' stayin' are you?"

I shake my head. "No, I'm out of here the second I catch up with Jake."

He laughs humorlessly, "Eh, good luck with that."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I demand, losing my patience. He jerks his head behind him and obviously doesn't like what he sees, because he pulls me around the corner. Before he answers me about Jake he spouts off.

"Look, you gotta get the fuck outta here. Roy, man, you know he don't forget shit like what you pulled. He's been on a man hunt ever since." I'm not surprised to hear this, but not scared either. "Shit, Masen, was that piece of ass worth it, really?"

Again, relief floods my system that no one knows Bella's here. "You shut the fuck up about her; I'm serious." I appreciate that Ben helped us out that night under the bridge, but I'd fuck him up in a heartbeat if he keeps pushing me.

"Is she here?"

"What did I just fucking say about talking about her? No, she's not here." I'm thinking our stay in Portland is going to be cut short. It won't take long for word to get back to Roy and his ass buddies. As long as no one follows me though, a hotel will be the last place they'll look for me.

"Shit, Masen, I'm not tryin' to start nothin'. I have no interest in your girl. Chill."

I run my hands over my face and look around. "Is it just you here?"

"A new guy is over there, but he has no idea what you look like. You know I won't say nothin' but watch your back," he warns.

"Wait, where's Jake?" I shout. He's gone before he even hears me. "Thanks, Ben," I say as I watch him slip back into the crowd.

Knowing I should hurry, I look around for the first volunteer I can find. I recognize a guy who's been here for years and walk up to him. Recognition flashes in his eyes instantly then a look of anger takes over.

"You've got a lot of nerve to show up here," he says placing his hands on his hips.

I'm taken aback, having no idea what I could've done hundreds of miles away to piss him off so badly.

"What the hell? Me?"

"Don't play stupid with me, punk!" He steps toward me, and I take a step back. I'm too confused to even get pissed at his aggressiveness. I don't know him well, not even his name, but I've never seen him act like this.

"You guys showed up here every week and every week I told her 'you don't really know them, they could be dangerous' but no, she just wanted to help you." I look at him in shock and let him go off some more, because I'm just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. "She insisted you two were young and sweet. She brought you food from her own goddamn house for Christ sake! Look where it got her!"

"Who? What the fuck are you talking about?" Now, I was getting pissed. I let him go off long enough and I want some answers.

"Play stupid all you want. I have to feed you either way, but I'm warning you, stay out of my path." He walks away in a huff leaving me bewildered and pissed.

"Edward," I turn to see a woman who has also volunteered here as long as I could remember. She points to a room off the dining area indicating I should follow. With one more confused look over my shoulder I walk behind her into the room.

The beds are being sprayed and cleaned from the night before. Other than the two workers in the room, it's just the lady and me.

"I haven't seen you around here in a few weeks."

"Months." I'm not sure why I feel the need to correct her.

"Where have you been?"

"You know I'm not gonna answer you, so do you want to tell me why you pulled me aside or should I just leave?" I'm so confused and not in the mood to play games.

"Don't let Ryan get to you. We know you didn't have anything to do with it... it's just, well you know, we all care for her, and we're all still pretty shaken up about everything."

I look at her trying to translate what she's saying - trying to make some sense out of what's going on around me.

"You really don't know, do you?"

An odd noise of frustration sounding like a growl escapes my throat. "Know about what?"

"Oh, my. We just all... you guys seemed really close. We just assumed..."

"What? You assumed what?" My voice is as calm as I can possibly make it.

"Well, um... let's sit over here, okay?"

We sit on a bench by the door, so that everyone in the room over can have a clear view if they'd like. I assume she's nervous of my reaction.

"When's the last time you saw your friend Jacob?"

"Not since I left. Months, I haven't seen him in a couple months. I'm back here to try and find him - to help him."

"Oh, my. Well, he needs help; _that's_ for sure."

"I'm sorry..." I take a deep breath not wanting to snap. "Not to be rude but can you just cut the bullshit and tell me what happened?" I look at the clock over her head and notice my hour is up. I don't have time to call Bella though and hope she stays put in the hotel.

"Well, Jake's been coming in a lot; more than usual. He hasn't been... himself -"

"You mean 'Sam' is the one who's been coming here."

She smiles softly, "Yes, him and many other's he's made up.'"

"He's _sick_. It isn't like this is a game to him. He can't control it." Fuck, she's acting like he has imaginary friends or something.

"Yes... well, he was getting violent, pushing people, throwing chairs. We had to tell him he couldn't come back. It broke her heart to do it, but Mrs. Elizabeth felt she should do it. She didn't want him to be hurt, and she wanted to try and get him some help if she could. Two weeks after - this would be last week - he came back. We were busy, and no one saw him slip in."

I feel my face pale. There's no way this story can end well. I lean forward with my elbows on my knees, running my hands through my hair.

"There was shouting. Obviously, he wasn't... _himself_ that day, and he was angry - so angry. By the time the staff got back there Mrs. Elizabeth... she was..." Tears spring to her eyes and she quickly wipes them away. "I'm sorry... I found her it's just... she was on the ground in a pool of blood. He was standing over her with a hunting knife."

"Oh shit," I whisper. "Shit, shit." My chest gets tight, and I can hardly pull a breath in. I feel the woman's hand tentatively rub my back. I stiffen at her touch but don't pull away.

"I know. It's such a terrible situation."

"Shit." Apparently my vocabulary left when my shock set in. I roughly run my hands over my face, hating myself. If I hadn't run off this wouldn't have happened. I fucking abandoned my best friend.

Once I compose myself I sit up and face her. I notice now the sadness in her eyes and feel bad for losing my patience before.

"What... where... fuck, I mean where is he? Did he... kill her?"

"No, thank the gracious Lord, he didn't. He stabbed her in her side and somehow, he missed all the major organs."

I let out a huge breath. Mrs. E was the only positive in my life out here, and I don't know how I would have taken the news that she had been killed, killed by my best friend.

"Jacob, well I imagine he's in jail. I really don't know."

I nod my head. I feel her finger a hole in my shirt.

"Let me go get you a new shirt and some food."

"No, no, don't," I say stopping her. "I don't need anything."

"Sure you do."

"No, I really don't... I'm just gonna... I mean, do you think you could tell me what hospital Mrs. E is in?"

"Oh, I don't know..." she says nervously, looking behind her shoulder and around the room.

"Please," I whisper, closing my eyes tightly.

"Fine, but you better not bug her. I know she'd like to see you, but if she asks you to leave, you leave. Got it?"

I nod my head and assure her I won't make her situation any worse.

"She's in OHSU, up on the hill. She was in room 422, but I'm not sure if they've moved her."

"Thank you. Thank you so much," I say, and I mean it.

When I turn to leave she stops me one more time.

"Edward, I've seen you come in here since you were twelve. I know you don't want to tell me where you've been... but are you okay?"

I smile at her. I had no idea that these people actually cared about me, and I feel guilty that I can't even put a name to this kind woman's face.

"I'm doing great, honest. Thanks for everything..."

"Maggie, and it's okay. I didn't expect you to remember."

"Thanks, Maggie. Really." With that I was jogging out of the shelter and back to the hotel.

The guilt I feel is almost crippling. I need to go to the hotel, get Bella and take her to the hospital. After running into Ben, I know walking around the city isn't an option. I need to check my money and make sure I have enough to take a cab. I need to find the numbers of the police stations and find out where they have Jake.

My eyes dart around the street, every muscle in my body is waiting to get jumped. One week. One goddamned week. If I just had come back sooner then I might have been able to stop this. Mrs. E is in the hospital, and Jake is in fucking lock up.

I bypass the elevator and jog up the stairs when I get back to the hotel. When I get in the room, Bella's head turns to face me. She's on the phone, smiling and laughing until she takes a good look at me and my expression.

"Alice... hey, Alice. I know, I know - he's probably amazing, but I need to call you back. Yeah, ok... give Seth a hug for me. Ok, bye."

"What? What's happened?"

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**Thanks for reading guys! **

**If you want updates on twitter, or just chat, you can find me under kdc2239 :) **

**The next chapter should be up soon! **


	28. Chapter 28 The Best of You

**Hey! Remember me? lol **

**School, work, bad luck, car accident, full chapter written then lost, tears... yeah, that's why this is so freaking late. I'm sorry.  
I just started a new job and I won't be going to school this summer so updates should be much more regular! Thanks for all of your patience, I really appreciate it. This is a long chapter, so I hope that helps. I also really appreciate all of your kind words and feedback. **

**Kimmcarr, whatobsession and Jessypt are my amazing team for this story. I appreciate you guys more than you know!**

**I did make some changes to this chapter after it was sent back to me so all my mistakes are my own.**

**Even thought two months have passed, I still don't own these characters. I have a feeling time won't change this. **

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So, we left off with Edward hearing that Jake stabbed the old woman, Mrs. E, that has helped them both so much.

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_**Has someone taken your faith?**_

_**It's real, the pain you feel**_

_**The life, the love**_

_**You'd die to heal**_

_**The hope that starts**_

_**The broken hearts**_

_**You trust, you must confess**_

_**Is someone getting the best**_

_**The best, the best, the best of you?**_

_**Were you born to resist, or be abused?**_

_**I swear I'll never give in, I refuse.**_

_**-Foo Fighters**_

"Edward, tell me what happened. You look like you're going to be sick."

"I _feel_ like I'm going to be sick," I say as I collapse into a chair.

Bella runs to the sink and fills the little cup left by the maids with water. I drink it down, and for the millionth time in the past hour run my hands over my face.

"What's wrong?" Bella asks, softly running her hands through my hair. I lean into her touch and take comfort from it for a second. She seems to sense I need a minute and continues to rub through my hair and the muscles in my neck.

"Are you ok? No one hurt you, did they?" She can't hide the tremor in her voice.

"No. No one hurt me," I say, wrapping my arms around her waist holding her against me.

"It's Jake; he... he fucking _stabbed_ Mrs. E."

"What?" Bella asks in shock, trying to pull away from me. I don't want her to and bury my face into her stomach.

"Wait... what do you mean, Edward? He just went and stabbed her? Why would he do that?"

"Well shit, Bella." I say exasperated. I can tell that I'm at the end of my rope and I don't want to snap at her. "It wasn't him... I mean it was but-"

"_Sam_," she breathes, shock in her voice.

"Yeah, _Sam_." I scowl. "_Motherfucker," _I add in anger under my breath.

"Is she ok? Where's Jake now?"

"She's in the hospital. Jake's rotting in a cell somewhere, I'm sure."

"Oh, jeez. Edward, I'm so sorry. That's... it's just awful."

I nod not wanting to speak at the moment.

"Did you have any other... you know... trouble?"

"Nah, just this shit news." She doesn't need to know people are out looking for us. No reason to scare her.

"Go to the hospital with me?" I ask looking up from her waist to her eyes.

"Of course... do you think she'll mind the visit?"

I shrug. "There's only one way to find out. Besides, I want to make sure she's okay and apologize."

"Apologize? What for?" When I don't answer she steps back and continues. "You have nothing to apologize for, Edward." She looks straight into my eyes, her hands on either side of my face. "So you left; you started your own life... there's no crime in that," she says with conviction.

Her words bite me, and my temper that's been on the verge of blowing does. I stand and step towards her.

"Not my fault? Right! It was okay for me to just skip out of town leaving my sick best friend here alone," I shout, throwing my hands in the air.

Her voice rises to reach my tone, and she takes a step towards me. "I understand you feel bad, but no, it's not your fault."

"Fuck, you just don't get it! This happened... all of this is because I was off playing fucking _house_ with you!" I roar, taking another step in her direction.

She backs down immediately. Taking a large step, her back hits the wall. Her eyes widen in shock, and the look that crosses her face is one of pure fear. I know immediately I've pushed her too far. I take a second to breathe, and when I take a step towards her, she recoils from me, and the tears that automatically leak from her eyes are almost enough to bring me to my knees. I stare at her, disgusted with my behavior but have no idea how to fix it. As quickly as I can, I go into the bathroom and slam the door.

Like a coward, I hide. Before I even got the entire sentence out I knew the pain it would cause, the guilt, the anger - I said it anyway. This whole situation is so frustrating and I placed the blame on her when she didn't do anything to deserve it.

"Agh!" I scream as I pull painfully on my hair. I should've known things would turn out this way. I came back to the room angry, hurt and frustrated, and I took it out on her. I didn't mean to. I knew it was shitty; It happened so fast and I didn't know how to stop myself from doing it.

Feeling a little calmer, I splash some water on my face before I go back into our room. Bella's sitting by the window staring out of it. I know she's staring at the bench - our bench - and I wonder what she's thinking. When her shoulders stiffen, I know she feels me behind her. She doesn't turn around or acknowledge me in any way, and it hurts. I was the one who caused this reaction in her. I don't know how to make this right.

"I didn't mean what I said, and I'm sorry, Bella."

Her head shakes but she doesn't turn to me. She sits in silence for a moment and neither of us moves. She doesn't turn to face me when she finally speaks. Her voice sounds as cold as frozen steel.

"I know this is hard for you. I get it; I do... but you_ can't_ do that." She turns to face me, and her face is blotchy with the evidence of tears. Even though her pain is obvious, I also see resolve in her eyes. She's had enough, and she's not backing down.

"When you scream at me... it takes me to a really bad place, Edward." Her voice is calm but shaky, evidence of what she's saying. "You don't need to do that to get your point across."

My feet move as fast as they can to make it to her side. I drop to my knees by her chair, and I pull her into a hug, my arms secure around her waist. I can't speak. I knew I had lost my temper, and figured she'd be pissed at me, but I never thought she'd compare me to _him - _ever. My arms wrap around her, but she doesn't respond at all. Her arms sit limp at her side. Her heart beat gives her away. It's beating so rapidly against my cheek. I know how hard it is for her to confront me. I stay quiet; I deserve whatever she's going to say.

"How... I mean, how could you _say_ that? Is that what this has been to you - what I am to you?" she demands. "_Playing house_?" she whispers with disbelief in her voice.

God, I can't believe I said that shit. I'm terrified I won't be able to make this right. I can't look at her in the eye. If the pain in her voice is any indication of what I would see in her eyes right now, I wouldn't be able to take it.

"I didn't mean it, baby," I whisper kissing her cheek, then her neck. "I'm an asshole for saying that. I was angry, frustrated, and fuck, I don't know why I said it. I didn't mean it," I say forcefully.

I finally pull back to look into her eyes. _"I didn't mean it_," I whisper again, praying she will believe me.

When she says nothing I sit up on my knees and place my hands on either side of her face. "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I was angry and took it out on you. I wouldn't trade this time with you for anything."

She stares into my eyes, and I can't read her. I can't tell what she's thinking. We sit in silence staring at each other until a single tear escapes her eye and slowly rolls down her cheek. I wipe the tear gently off her face, and she stays stoic but doesn't push me away.

"I was _so_ out of line, and I'm so sorry. Please tell me you believe me," I plead.

"I believe you," she replies softly. So quietly I can barely hear her.

"You know I would _never_ hurt you."

"I... know," she says tentatively. "Still though, my mind... it doesn't always match what I know and I get scared."

I'm glad she can be honest with me, but it kills me that she still feels this way.

"I promise it won't ever happen again," I declare, holding her tighter.

A teary laugh. "You can't promise that, Edward. I don't expect you to. Just try, that's all I ask."

"I promise I'll try." She's right; I can't promise I'll never yell at her again - overreact, but I can promise to try.

"Would you still go to the hospital with me?" I ask nervously. I know I have no right to expect her to do anything for me. I'm lucky she's still in the same room as I am.

"Yeah," she sighs. "I'd really like to see Mrs. E, too. Just let me wash my face," she says as she stands.

She leans down and kisses my forehead before leaving me to stare at her empty chair. Her kiss tells me she forgives, me but I can tell she's not over it. With a sigh I drop my head down on the cushion. I need to get my shit together, or this trip is going to turn into a disaster. Before Bella comes back from the bathroom I grab my phone and call a cab. It's going to take a chunk of our money, but I won't risk walking knowing there are people looking for us. I'm just hanging the phone up as Bella walks back into the room.

"Who was that?" she asks, slipping her shoes on.

"Oh... just a cab," I say, slipping the phone back into my pocket. I know she will find it odd since I've never done it before, but I grab her hand leading her out of the room before she asks me any more questions.

When we get downstairs the car's already waiting for us. The driver barely acknowledges us with a nod of his head when I tell him where to take us. The cab carries a heavy silence until Bella speaks up.

"Is the hospital too far to walk?" I can tell she's trying to not pry, to trust my judgment, but she's curious.

"Yeah, it's pretty far." I leave it there, and she doesn't ask any more questions.

I'm not trying to hide what Ben said from her, but I see no reason to worry her. The hospital is too far to walk, but we could have taken the buses. I just won't risk it. Take a cab to Mrs. E, and then find Jake. After that I plan to have us stay in the hotel tonight until we leave for Bend tomorrow morning.

The ride up the steep hill that leads to the Oregon Health and Science University Hospital is winding, causing Bella to slide back and forth on the slippery seat in the back of the cab. I sling my arm around her pulling her close to me; so happy when she doesn't pull away.

"Thanks," she says shyly, and for the first time since we left the hotel I take a full breath. I was worried she retreated back into her old shell completely.

I see the big OHSU sign come into view and pull out the bills I'll need to pay the driver. We come to a stop in front of the main entrance, where we wordlessly climb out of the cab. It pulls away before I have the door all the way shut.

"Ready?" I ask, staring up at the giant building that houses so many. It's strange to look at a building where you know that life is beginning and ending at the same time.

"Now or never," she smiles at me taking my hand.

I've never spent much time in hospital but still get _that _feeling walking through the doors. Anyone who has ever stepped foot inside a hospital understands the feeling of unease and quiet that settles over you. At the same time people run around, and the sterile, white hallways that seem to swallow them up. We pass the gift shop and make our way to a customer service desk to find directions to Mrs. E.

After getting directions and a map to navigate through the giant hospital, we make our way to her room.

"Are you nervous?" Bella asks.

I shrug. "Not really nervous, I just don't want to make the situation worse if she doesn't want to see us."

"I'm sure she'll be happy to see you, Edward."

"When did you become so optimistic?" I ask with a smile, bumping her shoulder.

"It's hard not to be when everything seems to be working out for us."

She makes a good point. I can't help but slip my hand into hers, tangling our fingers together. She helps improve my mood that declined so rapidly once I found out what happened with Jake this morning.

I still feel like shit for how I treated her in the room. I keep telling myself that I can control my temper and my reactions, but I can't let that happen again. I decide when we get back to Forks I might ask Dr. Carmen's advice - maybe. Bella's worth my discomfort and that would show her I'm serious about my promise.

"This is her room," I say as we approach the closed door. "Should we knock?"

"Probably," Bella says but makes no move to do the actual knocking. I stare at the door for a second before tentatively knocking on it.

There's no answer on the other side. Bella and I look at each other for a second, then she slowly raises her hand to tap three times on the wood. Nothing.

"Maybe they told us the wrong room?" Bella suggests, looking around the hall.

I don't see a nurse or a station close by, so I tap on the door, firmly two more times before opening it and peeking my head in. I laugh when I see Mrs. E sitting in bed with large headphones on her ears, playing finger drums on her legs, and rocking out to some kind of music.

"Here, look," I whisper to Bella, moving aside so she can see before Mrs. E catches us watching her.

Bella slaps her hand over her mouth to keep her laugh contained but Mrs. E's head whips in our direction.

"Edward! Bella!" she screams way too loudly, probably because of the music she has playing in her ears.

We both smile and wave a little, waiting to be invited into the room. She pulls the headphones off and we can hear the music across the room.

"What are you two doing hanging in the hallway? Get your booties in here!" She smiles broadly as she waves us into the room, messing with the headphones trying to get the music to stop.

"These stupid machines you can't ever get them to obey you," she says handing me a slim, remote looking object.

It has a screen and a circular button in the center but no power button that I can see. After I mess with it and have no success I just pull the cord that attaches the headphones, and the music in the room stops.

"_Mom, it's an iPod. You need one of these.._." Mrs. E mimics in a man's voice. We laugh but she doesn't seem to notice, continuing her rant. "I keep telling that son of mine, Aaron's his name - I've told you about him, yes?" She doesn't give me the chance to respond before she continues. "Anyway, I keep telling him that my tape player was just perfect, but one day it's gone, and this little contraption is sitting in its place." She rolls her eyes and tosses it in the drawer next to her bed.

"But ol' Tom..." she says wistfully. "I'll listen to him any way I can get him."

"Tom?" I ask.

"You know Tom, Tom Jones... _What's up pussycat? Woah wooooaaah._.." she sings loudly and we laugh. "Oh never mind!" she laughs, waving her hands around.

"Sit, sit! How _are_ you two? My goodness, Bella, look at you. You are beaming and gorgeous! Do a spin, let me see you," Mrs. E insists much to Bella's embarrassment.

With her cheeks bright red she turns in a little circle before trying to disappear into the chair.

"Just beautiful!" she says, reaching her hand out grabbing Bella's. "Love suits you two." She winks in my direction.

"So don't tell me you came into this hospital just to see me for my silly little scratch," she says with a big sigh.

"Scratch, huh?" I say, rubbing my hand over my chin. "The way it was told to me it sounded more like... a stabbing."

She makes a big show of rolling her eyes.

"Everyone is making such a big fuss, but I'm fine. Jacob is the one who needs help. Who's fussing over that poor boy, huh? Tell me that. It's just a shame, a _shame_ that no one will help that sweet boy."

"I don't know what to say, Mrs. E. He tried to get help... it's just not available to people like us." She already knows this.

"People like you... no! No, no, no... _you _are too good for those people, Edward - don't you forget it." She shakes her finger at me.

She's given me this speech many times. Even though she believes what she says, society sure doesn't and that's who makes the decisions. I hear her talking to Bella about what happened that day, and I find myself getting more and more interested in my shoes. I don't want to hear the details of what happened. Soon enough the subject changes to us. Bella goes on and on about our new life. Happiness radiates from her.

All I can think about is how my best friend is screwed.

"Edward." My head snaps up hearing Bella call my name. She points to Mrs. E, when I look over she has a sad expression on her face.

"Why are you here?" she asks sadly and reaches out to hold my hand.

"To make sure you're ok," I say dumbly.

She shakes her head.

"What?" I ask. I have no idea what she means.

"It's not your fault, Edward." My eyes snap to meet hers. "It's not. I know you, Edward. You're blaming yourself. You have an exterior like steel," she says, grasping my hands tightly to prove her point. "You are strong. Nothing can break your barrier ,but it's just the exterior - it's not you."

I shake my head.

"No, you knock that off and let me in, if only for one second," she demands.

I look back up at her and see Bella move out of the corner of my eye.

"You look great, Mrs. E. Thanks for letting us visit. I'm just going to let you and Edward talk, and I'll wait in the hall."

"You don't have -" I try to stop her from leaving the room.

"It's fine. You two catch up," she says giving me a kiss on my forehead.

"As soon as you get this dream apartment you're talking about I better get a phone call, young lady," she says to Bella as she gives her a big hug.

"You're staying close?" I ask when Bella gets to the door. Panic rushes over me at the thought of her waiting outside the room by herself.

"Yeah, I'll just be on the bench in the hall," she says with a soft smile as she disappears out the door. Once Bella's gone, neither Mrs. E nor I speak for a minute. I can feel her staring at me but I keep my eyes on the floor.

"Edward." I look at her, and she smiles softly, reaching over to run her hand over my cheek. "You've seen too much, sweet boy. Been through much too much. You are far too old for your young years."

I don't know what too much is. My life is all I know.

"You be there for your friend the best you can be, but it's ok, Edward. It's ok to live your life. There's a girl sitting right outside that door that loves you more than anything; it's a great thing, something not everyone in this world experiences. Don't let it go because you're letting guilt eat at you."

I nod my head appreciating her words. It's almost like she knew what happened this morning. Like she knows I'm not handling everything well. I know Mrs. E would never bullshit me. Her words take the boulder off my shoulder and shatter it on the ground.

"Now," she says pulling the headphones and music player out of the drawer. "Get the heck out of here, so I can get back to my Tommy."

I laugh and lean over the bed to hug her.

"Bella has my phone number. I'm not joking; I better be getting that phone call," she says with a wink.

"You'll be the first," I promise.

Before I make it out of the room I can hear the music blaring behind me. I can hear Mrs. E's voice shouting lyrics out even from the hall, and when I leave her room I feel a hundred pounds lighter.

I walk down the hall looking for Bella and find her in a little waiting room not too far away. She's on the phone, so I sit next to her, curious as to whom she's talking; it doesn't sound like Alice.

"Really, thank you. You don't know what this means to -" she stops abruptly and nods her head. "No, I understand. Just... whatever you can do would be... amazing. Okay, great." I lean in trying to hear who's on the other end and she shoos me away. "Okay, yeah, okay bye." She closes the phone but says nothing.

"Well?" I ask. I don't want to seem nosey but it's not like we call people often.

"Uh... don't get mad."

"Why would I get mad?" I ask and feel shitty at the same time, because she feels like she has to ask me to not get mad.

"Well... It just seemed like maybe we could use some help. After talking to Mrs. E, I really feel for Jake, and I just think he deserves some help."

"_So_..." I say trying to get her to continue.

"So..." she looks at the ground and fidgets with her hands. "I called Charlie to see what he could do."

"Bella," I say frustrated. The last thing I want is for Charlie to know more about my past and personal life. I want that dick as far away from me as possible.

"I know. I know. Just listen," she says running her hand through my hair. "He feels bad, really bad about how things started. He's been trying - coming to dinner and stuff, but I know he wants to do something to show us that he really wants everything to be ok. He wants us - both of us - to give him a chance. This is a way for him to do that."

I take a deep breath. I know it wasn't easy for her to call him.

"So... what did he say?"

"He's going to make some calls and figure out where Jake is. When he was... well, looking for me, he became pretty good friends with the police chief in Seattle. He's made some phone calls and is hoping to pull some strings here."

"How's that going to help us here?"

"I don't know. He didn't say; he just said he was going to try."

"Really?"

"Really. I know; I was surprised too. I wasn't sure if calling him was the right thing to do. I didn't know if he'd help us or just judge more."

I nod, not sure what to say.

"Thank you for calling him. I know that wasn't easy for you," I say, kissing her on the head.

"I feel like I can never help and wanted to do something," she smiles at me.

"So, what now?" I ask. I was planning on searching for Jake myself. Now that Charlie's doing the work we have an open afternoon.

"Lunch?"

"What sounds good?" I ask.

"I saw a Burgerville on the way here..." she hints, smiling. It's a local burger chain, and it's only here in the Northwest; she's only had it once and is hooked.

"Sounds good."

We leave the hospital and grab another cab, taking the short drive to Burgerville. Bella is silent in the cab, obviously uncomfortable around the driver. The ride here wasn't nearly as expensive as the first. The sun is high in the sky, and the temperature is comfortable, so we sit outside as we eat our burgers. Before long I feel the phone vibrating in my pocket. Surprised, I answer it. I just assumed Charlie would call Bella.

"Hello," I say trying to not let my nervousness leak through the phone. While I'm not scared of Charlie, I really don't want any more trouble with him.

"Edward?" Who else would be answering my phone?

"Yeah," I say, wiping my mouth with my napkin and push my tray to the side.

"It's uh... it's Charlie... Bella's dad." I don't mean to, but I laugh. It's obvious neither one of us have much experience talking on the phone and aren't comfortable.

"Yeah... I uh, figured," I say. An awkward silence follows, and I really wish he would've just called Bella's phone.

"Yeah, well I talked to the chief down there. Sounds like your friend has found himself in quite a load of trouble."

"Mhmm," I say, annoyed all ready. I'm trying to control my attitude. I know he doesn't have to help us but I don't want to get into another interrogation with him.

"I wouldn't normally help someone who's committed the crimes he has, but it sounds like it's a little... out of his control."

"He's not a bad guy. He's sick - he needs help."

"The chief says the woman he stabbed is refusing to press charges and will barely speak to them."

I laugh into the speaker. That sounds like Mrs. E.

"That doesn't really surprise me. So, does that mean he's off the hook?" I ask, hopeful.

"No, not by a long shot. She doesn't have too. The state will still go after him."

My shoulders sag a little hearing this information.

"So, there's nothing that can be done?"

"We're pushing for the non-traditional route. The chief there, Johanson, Peter Johanson is his name. He's looked into Jake's records. The kid's been in and out for these... episodes, or whatever you want to call them, more times then we care to count. Someone should've stepped in to get him some help - he fell through the cracks."

I listen, nodding my head even though he can't see me. Bells is watching and listening intently across the table.

"We're going to use that and try to take the medical route rather than jail time."

"So you want to lock him in an insane asylum?" The thought of Jake alone, in a padded room makes me sick.

"It's not like the movies, Edward," Charlie's voice comes out exasperated. "He will need to be hospitalized for a time, but I'm hoping he can get into some job training or something once he's stable."

"Wow... I don't know what... I mean... thanks, Charlie. Really." I'm at a loss of words. It's a better outcome than I could have hoped for.

Bella mouths a silent 'what' to me, anxious to hear the news.

"Don't thank me yet. Nothing is settled, but he's got the right people on his side now. That old woman not pursuing him doesn't hurt his case either."

Another long awkward silence passes without either of us knowing what to say.

"Uh, so your friend's at the Multnomah County Jail. He's not supposed to have visitors, but we got your name cleared so you could see him. Do me a favor, Edward?"

"Yeah, anything," I say, feeling so grateful for all of his help.

"Don't take Isab-Bella," he says catching himself - he's trying. "I just... I don't like the idea of her being in a place like that... I know you think I have no right -"

"No," I say cutting him off. "I agree. I wouldn't take her there."

Bella's eyebrow shoots up, and she gives me a questioning look. I know she won't like another decision being made for her, but I know she wouldn't be comfortable there. Not with a bunch of men who are criminals around her.

"Okay, good then. Well... I think that's it. I'll call one of you once I know more," he says, sounding more uncomfortable than he did at the beginning of the phone call.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks again, Charlie."

I hear a muffled goodbye before the line disconnects.

"Well?" Bella asks expectantly as soon as I'm off the phone. While I finish my lunch I tell her about the conversation with her father.

"Wow. He really did all that?"

I nod, taking a sip of my drink before I speak. "I know. I'm kind of shocked."

"What were you talking about when you said 'I wouldn't want her there'?"

"I don't talk like that," I say, mocking outrage at how she imitated my voice.

"C'mon, just tell me."

"The Jail. Your dad didn't want you to go. I don't either. Trust me, Bella, it's not a place you want to be."

She looks at me then down at her food. She doesn't seem to be pissed, yet.

"Bella?" I ask, after the silence seems to stretch on forever.

"You're probably right," she sighs.

"Whoa... hold the press, what?" I say jokingly.

"Oh shut it," she huffs, picking up her tray throwing it into the garbage. It feels good to be able to go back to being us - joking and playing - after the tense morning we had.

I walk up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "Thank you for understanding," I whisper into her ear, and then kiss the spot right below it making her shiver.

"No problem," she says leaning back into me. "I'll have a blast at the bars while you're gone."

"Oh, you are just too funny," I say tickling her sides, making her scream out.

The restaurant is close to the hotel, so we're able to walk back without incident. When the sun starts to set, I can't put it off anymore and need to go see Jake.

"You sure you're going to be okay here?" I ask one more time, scanning the room for... I don't even know what. I'm feeling paranoid.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have a phone date with Alice and soak in the tub."

"Oh... well, I didn't know there would be a tub session, maybe I should stay," I say wiggling my eyebrows at her playfully.

Her cheeks blush. "Maybe next time," she says smiling but looking at the ground.

"I love you. I'll be back as soon as I can," I say kissing her cheek.

"Love you too. Be safe, tell Jake hi and hurry back," she says, a little anxiety creeping into her voice. She's come so far but I know it's still hard for her to be left alone.

"I will. You have the number I left?"

I left her the jail's number, just in case, because I know they'll take all of my personal items away when I get there.

She points to the table. "It hasn't moved from the other three times you asked," she says sweetly, giving me a kiss on the lips. I start to deepen it, but she pulls back laughing.

"Go, or you'll be gone all night."

"OK, stay in the room." She doesn't need me to tell her that but, I feel better knowing I said it. I don't know why.

It's a ten-mile cab ride - an expensive one, but I have no other choice. I need to get there and get back.

I've been in juvi a few times but other than one night stays at the police station, I've never had to stay in the jail. Standing outside the concrete building I'm thankful for that.

I leave all my personal belongings at the desk and wait in a room for Jake. When the door opens my body tenses and a guard, bigger than Mike Tyson, escorts him in. Jake looks like shit. His hair is grown out and shaggy. There are dark circles under both eyes and his eyes themselves look dull and lifeless.

"Jake, man," I say standing.

"Hold it," the guard says, forcefully, his voice deeper than anyone I've ever heard. "You have to stay in that chair. I know you have special arrangements but you still have to go by the rules," he says pointing to all the cameras around the room. I nod, a little intimidated by it all. The guard lets go of Jake and stands by the door watching us.

Jakes hands are cuffed in front of him, and the grey standard jumpsuit he wears looks baggy on his huge form. He falls into the chair across from me, his hands lying in his lap and his head hung down.

"What the fuck are you doin' here, man?" he asks not looking up.

"What do you mean, what am I doing here? You're fucking locked up, Jake."

He looks up and a sad smile creeps across his face.

"Gee, thanks for the insight."

I roll my eyes.

"How you holdin' up?" I ask.

He shrugs his shoulders but doesn't respond. Silence stretches out, and I'm not about to make small talk.

"I... uh, I saw Mrs. E today," I say, unsure if I am making a mistake by bringing her up. I have no idea how he'll react.

He doesn't respond, just stares at his hands. His shoulders start to shake, and it takes me a minute to realize he's crying. I'm fucking mortified and don't know what to do. Jake and I have been through some serious shit, and neither of us has ever shed a tear.

"I don't even fucking remember, Edward. Nothing." His cuffed hands come up to wipe his nose. "Everything..." he pauses to compose himself. When he speaks emotion is still thick in his voice. "I don't remember anything from that day. When I came to, I was sitting in a fucking jail cell. Everything is so fucked." His voice rises a little at the end, and he rocks a little in the small metal chair.

I don't know how to respond. I know Jake isn't looking for comfort. He's broken. Seriously fucking broken.

"I could've killed her," he says horrified. For the first time looking me in the eyes, and I don't recognize him. He's haunted by what's happened. What he's done.

"You didn't though, Jake. You couldn't help it - it... it wasn't you." He scoffs at me and another tear rolls down his face before he forcefully wipes it away, leaving an angry red mark behind.

"It wasn't, man. You're sick..." I let my words trade off, because I'm not the best at comforting someone. I always say the wrong shit, and it's the last thing he needs right now.

"Did you call your family?"

He laughs darkly, "Yeah."

He doesn't need to say anymore. I know how they treat him. I don't want him to hurt more by having to repeat the way they blew him off.

"You shouldn't have come back," he says once he has himself composed.

"Whatever. Why wouldn't I come back?"

"First off, Roy's fuckers trying to hunt your ass down. They've been looking for you, you know?"

I nod. "I don't give a fuck," I say rudely. I'm so tired of the bullshit I left behind here.

"Why did you leave then?" he fires back at me.

"Ugh... well, I took Bella back to her hometown to see her mom's grave, and she ran into some people she knows..." I shrug not able to tell him we found a family, that we're happy, that I have a stable job, and support; something neither of us has experienced for longer than we can remember.

"You're still with Bella?"

I nod. "She said to tell you hi."

"Hi," he laughs. I smirk and the thick tension that's been in the room has finally broken.

"You're happy then?"

It doesn't feel right to tell just how happy I am, so I just shrug.

"You're happy, Masen. It's ok, I'm happy for you."

"Thanks, Jake."

We talk a little longer, and I catch him up on where I've been - a shortened version of the past months.

"Bella's dad sounds like a fucker," he says after I explain our first meeting.

"He's not so bad," I say, feeling like an ass, bitching about him after what he did today.

"_He's not so bad?_ What the fuck have these people done to you, Masen?" he laughs. "You would still be steaming over that shit before."

I shrug and laugh, because he's right. Before I would still be holding a severe grudge against anyone who tried to mess with me but not anymore. I'm trying to get past that.

"Well, he's kind of redeemed himself," I say.

"How so?"

"He's trying to get you out of here."

"No shit," Jake says with disbelief in his voice.

"Shit," I say laughing. "He's been working on it all day. He's trying to get you help."

"_No shit_," he says again but it comes out in a whisper. "Why? Why help me?" he asks.

"I dunno. These people have this weird idea that you actually help your family." I laugh then stop when I realized what I just did. It doesn't go unnoticed by Jake either. I lumped myself in with them. Made myself a part of their family. Accepted what they've been trying to do all along.

"Five minutes, guys," the guard says.

"Ah, it's cool." Jake says, forgoing his last five minutes. "Get back to Bella and tell her hi for me," Jake says pushing off the table, standing up.

"You gonna be ok?" I ask, keeping my ass in the chair, so I don't get tackled by Mr. T over by the door.

"Time will tell," he says, smiling. He turns when he gets to the door "Edward, no one's ever... I mean -"

"It's cool," I say shaking my head. Sappy has never been our thing; there's no need to start now.

"I'll see you around," I say as he's lead out of the room.

Even though Jake is pretty torn up, I think he'll be ok. If he can get the help he'll be ok. I hope.

I call Bella the second I get my phone back. She says she's fine, but I can hear the slight tremor in her voice. I suggest she call Esme to see what she's up to, hoping if she has a distraction, she won't be so scared alone.

Once I sit in the cab, I can't get away from the jail fast enough. That's not a place I want to go back to again. I hope Charlie really can help get Jake out.

When I get back in the room I find Bella curled up in bed watching something on T.V. I catch her up on Jake, telling her a little of how he was.

"I feel so bad for him," she says after I told her most of what happened.

"I do too. This could be the best thing if he can get help though,'' I say.

Bella chatters on about how Alice is head over heels for someone she had a coffee date with.

"Wait, didn't you say she was into Jasper?" I have a hard time keeping up with Alice and Bella's conversations.

"She was - is still - but he's worried about being professional, so he hasn't made any effort to be with her. I know she'd rather be with him. My case should be done soon, hopefully and then maybe they can see each other."

She catches me up on what Esme and Carlisle are up to. It's still kind of early but before long exhaustion takes over.

"What time do we leave tomorrow?" she asks curling into my side.

"We need to check out of here early and go straight to the train station," I say. One more stop then we're done with this. We can close this chapter and start our new lives. I just hope I can face my old hometown.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks quietly into the darkness, drawing circles on my bare chest with her fingers.

"I just feel like shit for what I did this morning. I'm sorry," I whisper, feeling her cuddle tighter into my side.

"We're both learning, Edward. It's over, okay?" She places a soft kiss under my jaw.

I lean down and kiss her forehead. We sit in silence before she asks again.

"What are you thinking about now?" I can feel her smile against my chest.

"Bend," I say.

"Are you nervous to go back?"

"Yeah," I say, surprising myself.

Normally I would shrug or brush the question off, but in the darkness of the room honesty slips from my lips.

"Does it help that I understand?" she whispers leaving a trail of goose bumps on my skin after brushing her lips against me.

"Yeah." This time it comes out in a sigh. I'll be facing things I've avoided for years tomorrow - my past, my mom and putting it all behind me.

There are no more words to exchange. If nothing else, in two days we'll be back home and able to start our new lives. In the comfort of the silence and each other, we both fall into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

**The next chapter is in the works! **

**Oh, and Burgerville... yeah, if you haven't had it, find one and eat there. Best place ever! Just sayin'. **

**See you all in a week or two! Find me on twitter for updates kdc2239**


	29. Chapter 29 Rusted From the Rain

**Hey! Less than two weeks! Not bad, huh? **

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**See you at the bottom!**

* * *

_** Rusted From the Rain**_

_**I stumble through the wreckage**_

_**Rusted from the rain**_

_**There's nothing left to salvage**_

_**No one left to blame**_

_**Among the broken mirrors**_

_**I don't look the same**_

_**I'm rusted from the rain**_

_**-Billy Talent**_

My leg bounces as the train goes through Oregon on its way to our destination. Home - or where home used to be anyway. I haven't been back in almost ten years, and I don't know what to expect. I look out the window looking at the sunrise. Everything seems so quiet, peaceful, at this time of the day. I take a deep breath and try to let the calm from outside settle me.

We left the hotel early, while it was still dark and cold outside. Even though facing my hometown won't be easy, I was happy to leave Portland, to leave the danger behind. Bend will be safe for Bella. Nobody is looking for me and there's no reason for Alec to look for her there. I look over to see Bella sleeping peacefully. I breath deep, trying to settle my sick stomach, close my eyes and lean back in my seat.

**~*E&B*~**

I wake, hearing the speakers overhead announce we've arrived at our destination.

"Bella," I say close to her ear, moving her hair off her face.

"Hmm?"

"We're here."

She sits up, yawning, and stretches her arms above her.

"Do you know where our hotel is?" she asks as we step off the train with our bag.

"Yeah, it's only about a half mile from here," I say as we head to the main road from the station.

"Oh, so we're walking this time?" she asks in a way that tells me she knows I was up to something in Portland.

"Umhm," I mumble not fully acknowledging her.

"Why not another cab?" she asks with false inquisitiveness.

"Too lazy to walk, huh?" I ask, smirking, trying to deflect the subject.

"Cut it out. Why were we taking cabs everywhere in Portland?"

"Ugh," I moan, hanging my head dramatically.

"C'mon." She bumps her body into my arm.

"Alright, I guess it doesn't matter since we won't be going back. I ran into some of the guys from Roy's gang, and they were looking for me."

"I knew it!"

I turn back and look at her, raising an eyebrow at the victory plastered on her face.

"What? I knew something wasn't right the whole time we were there, and I was just wondering when you were going to trust me enough to tell me."

"It wasn't about trust. I had the situation under control and didn't want to scare you."

"You're not worried now?"

"Nope. None of them know where I'm from, and they would have no reason to look for me here."

I hear her blow out a breath of relief. "You sure?"

I nod.

"Promise?"

I laugh. "Promise."

"Good. Fill me in next time, okay?" She grabs my hand tightly.

"I'm hoping there won't be a next time, but sure, I'll fill you in," I wink at her and throw my arm around her shoulder.

We laugh and joke while we walk down the street. It feels good to not be looking over my shoulder or wondering if someone is waiting to jump me around the next corner. Sure enough though, a different feeling of unease starts to rush through my veins. One I've never felt before. I feel my shoulders tensing with every step. Even though the area has grown, the buildings around us are becoming more familiar. I start to recognize most everything around me and with that memories invade.

Until the final night when my mom was killed, most of my memories here are good ones; it doesn't make them any easier though. My chest feels tight, and I don't feel like I take a full breath until our hotel comes into view. It's not as fancy as the one in Portland, but it's still nice. After we check in and find our room we're both starving, since we haven't eaten since the night before.

"What sounds good?" she asks.

"Anything. I'm just hungry." I don't know if it's my surroundings or the lack of food making me feel on edge.

"Well, what time do you meet the people again?"

"Noon."

I called the social worker's office who handled my case before we left Forks and made an appointment to pick up all my papers today.

"Should we just walk that direction and grab a sandwich or something?"

"Sounds good," I say. I know my voice sounds tense and irritated but I'm trying hard to control it.

We leave our stuff in the room and make our way back out into the sunny afternoon. It's warmer here than it was in Portland, and my long sleeved shirt is making me sweat. I try pulling up the sleeves, but it's really no help.

"You need some new clothes," Bella says sadly, sticking her finger through the hole on the side of my shirt.

"Nah, this shirt isn't that old." In fact, it's in better shape than most of what I've owned.

"Still, you only have like two shirts. If you're gonna be working for Emmett and stuff we should get you some new clothes."

"Let's talk about it once we have some money," I say stiffly. I don't like when she brings things up that I can't afford to change.

"Okay," she says softly, grabbing on to my pinky.

Walking toward the social security office that's a couple miles away, we pass familiar places from my child hood.

I clear my throat. "Uh, my friend Jordan used to live there," I say, pointing to the yellow house as we pass it. I'm not sure why I decide to point things out to her; I just want her to know who I used to be. That I wasn't always fucked up.

"Really? That's a nice house," she says, craning her neck to see it. "You think he still lives there?"

I shrug. "I don't know."

"We used to all meet at his house and play basketball there," I tell her smiling at the memories.

"I didn't know you played basketball," she says, sounding astonished and impressed.

I laugh. "It's not that big of a deal. I played on the team in Jr. High, and we'd screw around there because Jordan was the only one with the hoop."

"Were you good? I bet you were good," she says with a smile.

"I was okay," I say smiling. "We'd spend hours playing. It was something I could go do while my mom was working."

"She worked a lot, huh?"

I nod. "Yeah, she tried so hard to be home for dinner and stuff, but it was hard when she had so many jobs."

I see a familiar building down the street.

"That's my old Jr. High," I say, pointing to the school building down the road.

"Do you want to go see it?" She asks.

"Nah, I was always trying to figure out a way to get out of school. Why would I go back willingly?" I ask, making her laugh.

"I loved school," she says, poking my side.

"You would," I joke.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demands laughing.

I shrug and laugh but don't answer because, frankly, I don't know. It just sounded like a good comeback. It feels good to have fun with her, but it doesn't last long.

We're walking the same path I walked almost every day coming home from Jordan's. My body still knows where to go, and before I know it, we're standing in front of my old apartment building. The old bricks look even older than I remember, and the overgrown weeds in the yard seem as though they're trying to take the building over. Loud, ugly air-conditioners hang from windows, and bikes litter the walkway. I think about how many times I ran up and down the steps leading to the front door.

"Edward. Edward?" My head snaps up to see Bella a few feet ahead of me. I didn't realize I had stopped walking.

"Are you ok?" she asks, walking back rubbing my arms.

"Yeah," I say quietly, still frozen. "That's... ugh, that's my old house. Well, apartment... whatever," I say stumbling over my words.

"Oh, Edward," she says wrapping her arms around my waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"Shh, it's okay. We just... stumbled on it. I was on autopilot. It just kind of snuck up on me is all."

"Do you want to -"

"Can we just... stand here for a second?" I interrupt her softly still staring at the broken brick structure in front of me.

"Of course," she says, turning her head to look at the apartment.

Her arms still tight around my waist, I stare at the building and run one hand over her hair and down her back.

I stare and a million thoughts fly through my head. A few are pleasant - Christmas mornings with my mom around our paper tree taped to the wall. The singe piece of cake I'd wake up to and get to eat for breakfast on my birthday - then all the rest of the memories seep in. Memories of my waking up in the night and seeing my mom crying at the table with stacks of bills around her. Her falling asleep at the few dinners she could come home in time for because she was so tired. Then of course the night she was killed... I can't even bring myself to think about that night.

There's nothing of my mom left here. I was hoping when I came back home I'd feel her presence - that some kind of peace I'd been looking for would wash over me. That by seeing the steps I sat on waiting for her to walk up after work, I'd feel her here in this place. That by looking up at our second story window - the one to the bedroom she insisted I sleep in - I'd feel her love. I feel nothing. Leaving town so soon after the attack, being so young and living in such an extreme way has made wonder sometimes if she was really gone. I knew she was gone but there was no funeral. I never said goodbye. I don't even know where they put her body. I've felt so disconnected to this segment of my life; I thought coming back would change that. I just wanted _something_ to anchor me back to it.

"Are you okay?" Bella's voice breaks me from my thoughts.

I clear my throat. "Yeah... I don't know. I wasn't sure what coming back here would feel like?"

"What does it feel like?"

I don't answer right away. I don't know what to say. I feel stupid assuming being back here would change something for me. There's only one word that can sum up how I feel in this moment - this moment of awareness, of acceptance that what I once had I will never have again.

She's really gone.

_What does it feel like?_

"Empty."

She nods into my chest - she understands. Nothing else needs to be said.

A little boy comes flying out the main door. He's missing his shirt and shoes but jumps over the steps, gripping a doll in his hand. Seconds later high-pitched screams shatter our peace.

"Give it back!" The owner of the shrillness, a little girl, tears down the steps in hot pursuit of the boy.

I stare a second longer at the ugly building. There's nothing here for me. I take Bella's hand, and we quietly walk down the street. I never turn back and look behind me.

**~*E&B*~**

"You're not going to eat?"

"I am," I say, smiling at her across the table.

The air around us has been somewhat tense since we left my old place. I don't want her to worry about me.

"When?"

"When what?" I ask somewhat distracted.

"When are you going to eat?"

I look at her plate, and it's empty. Probably the first time she's ever finished before me. My food hasn't been touched, but I don't have an appetite anymore.

I shrug. "I guess I'm not hungry."

"You can talk to me, Edward. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to be back there," she says softly, reaching across the table to grab my hand.

"I'm really ok; I promise." I lean over and kiss her cheek as I stand to go pay the bill. I don't mean to shut her out. It hurts to know she probably feels that way, but if I have any chance of getting through this day I need to shut down; it's the only way.

Bella meets up with me by the front door, giving me a sweet smile when I open it for her. I'm glad she's not taking my attitude personally.

"What's the address again?" I ask.

Bella pulls the slip of paper we scratched the address on out of her pocket. I look over it and then take in my surroundings.

"Okay, it should be a few blocks that I way," I say pointing down the street to our left.

"Wow, you seem to know your way around no matter where we're at."

I laugh. "I did live here for twelve years," I say, putting my arm around her.

She shrugs. "Still, I don't know my way around... anywhere," she laughs.

I explain to her the little tricks I know - how streets and avenues run opposite directions and how house numbers are odds or evens depending on which side of the street they're on. In turn she translates all the street names into Italian. She doesn't ask me again about lunch or why I'm acting so off.

"Thanks for not pushing me," I whisper, so quietly I'm sure she barely heard, kissing the top of her head.

She pulls on my hand that's around her shoulder kissing it, letting me know she understands.

Before we know it, we're stand at an old nondescript building.

"1422. This is it," she says looking at the slip of paper again. "Ready?"

"Sure," I say, leading her into the building with my hand on the small of her back.

A woman sits at the front desk shuffling through piles of files.

"How can I help you two?" she asks, smiling over the files.

"Yeah... Uh, I had an appointment at noon. We're a little early," I add looking at the clock above her head.

"No problem. Let me just shoot a phone call to her desk."

"Thanks," I say. We sit in a row of chairs that line one wall to wait.

Bella and I look through an old magazine, and she helps me translate the pages into Italian. I'm shocked at how much of it's sticking with me. She's correcting my pronunciation, making me laugh, when a woman interrupts us.

"Edward?"

I'm still laughing when I look up, and I stop immediately - the laugh getting caught in my throat. I'm in shock. It's the same woman who took me from my apartment the night of the attack. The same woman who would come pick me up from jail when the cops picked me up for running away. The same woman who would look at me through the rearview window of her car with sad eyes filled with pity, as she drove me to the next foster home. Her sweet smile when she dropped me off at a new home, begging me to 'give it a chance'. The same woman who I never planned on seeing again when I ran away to Portland. She's aged and gained weight but there's no doubt it's the same lady. Seeing her brings back so many unpleasant memories it's hard to even find words to speak.

"Um, yes," I say clearing my throat, standing to shake her hand.

"You're all grown up," she says sounding surprised.

"Twelve years will do that," I say awkwardly, taking my hand from hers that she's still holding.

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry. I'm just so surprised is all." An awkward silence follows when I feel Bella slip her hand into mine.

"Oh, sorry. This is Bella, my girlfriend."

"So nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Shelley Cope," the woman says shaking her hand.

"You too, Mrs. Cope," Bella says.

"Shelley's just fine. Well, why don't you two follow me back to my office, and we'll get started."

We both nod and follow her through the crowded cubicles that fill the back. Every desk seems like a file cabinet exploded on it, and there are even stacks of files on the floor.

"Sorry about the mess," she says, looking behind her smiling. "Things tend to get a little... hectic around here."

"Oh, it's ok," Bella says stepping over another pile.

"Here we are," Shelly says, gesturing for us to step into the little cubical before her.

We walk in and take the two empty chairs across from hers. Her space is a little cleaner than the others but not by much.

"I'm so glad you called. I was able to go into the back and dig up all of your information."

Even if that's the case, she's still pushing papers all over her desk obviously trying to find the file.

"Ah! Here it is," she says pushing papers out of the way, placing it on the bare part of the desk.

"Edward Masen..." she says to herself, opening the large file. "It's customary to check up on you. Since you're over eighteen you don't have to but..."

"What do you need to know?" I ask, unsure if I feel like sharing anything.

"We... well, I would just like to make sure you're doing okay now. I know you've had a rough go, Edward. I was worried when you never retrieved your things after you turned eighteen."

"I'm good," I say.

She just stares, waiting for more information.

"Uh, I'm starting a new job and need to get my license. So... yeah, I need my papers."

That's all she's getting from me.

"So you're doing well!" She states with a large smile.

"Yeah," I say awkwardly and much less enthusiastically.

"Ok... good then. Lets see what we have here for you..." She says pouring some of the contents onto the desk. It's not lost on me that all my personal belongings from a life that was so important fit into one large envelope.

"Your mom... she didn't have much. They took -"

"It's ok," I say cutting her off. I don't want to hear about any of it. I know we didn't have anything.

She gives me a small look of pity. The phones around us are all ringing off the hook and people are running around. I find myself distracted by everything, but Shelley just keeps going, obviously used to the chaos.

"Ok, here we have your birth certificate." She hands it over to me. I set it on the desk and look it over. "Then your social security card." She sets it on top of the birth certificate. "Now I'm sure you already know, but keep that somewhere safe. Don't keep it in your wallet or where anyone else can get it." I look at her dumbly. "Okay?" she asks to make sure I'm listening.

"Okay," I say.

"That's you, Edward," she says, pointing to the card. "If someone gets a hold of this number they can steal your identity... you know, your credit all that." I nod, pretending like I understand her. I don't even have a damn bank account.

"Oh..." she says surprised pulling out a stack of papers. "Looks like your mom saved all these with your other papers."

I look at the stack she's handing me and realize it's all my awards from school and sports, old drawings and random school art - small achievements I made throughout my short education. I flip through the tests marked with an 'A' and letters from my teachers praising my efforts. I see Bella wipe a tear sitting next to me.

"You okay?" I ask having no idea what could possibly be upsetting to her.

"Oh yeah... it's just really sweet. You know, that she kept all those." I just nod my head and set them on the growing pile.

"Would you mind... could I?" Bella asks pointing towards my childhood sitting in a neat pile.

"Sure." I shrug. I'm not sure why she'd want to see them, but if it makes her feel like I'm not shutting her out it's worth it.

While Bella goes through the papers Shelly continues bringing stuff out. Health records, legal documents and just random shit. Then a smaller envelope falls out and she hands it to me.

"Your mom was wearing this... when she was found."

I turn the envelope upside down and a gold chain with two rings falls into my palm. I recognize it immediately. She wore this every day. A gold chain she got when she graduated high school; then when grandma and grandpa died she wore their rings on it.

"Wow, that's beautiful," Bella says gently running her finger over the ring my grandmother wore on her finger for over fifty years.

It's delicate looking. There's a diamond in the center, larger than I remember, with diamonds weaving an intricate web around it. My grandfather's band is wide but simple gold.

"How?" I ask. I assumed everything of value would have been taken to pay for whatever costs there were.

Shelley has a glint in her eye. "Someone must have realized how important they were and put them aside before anyone noticed."

"Thank you," I say sincerely; my voice comes out horse.

I make eye contact with her and can't break away. I stare into her eyes, wondering why she would do something for a kid she didn't even know. Unshed tears come to her eyes and she just nods. Feeling the weight in my hands I look back down at the most valuable things I will ever own - and it has nothing to do with the sale values of the rings.

"You're mom would have wanted these to stay in the family," she says softly. I look up at her, wondering why she would say that. "I uh... I went to high school with your mom. Small town." She shrugs. She doesn't elaborate, and I don't ask any questions.

"Okay, this last bit of information isn't fun, but I'm sure you want to know..." she trails off. Bells scoots her chair closer to mine and places her hand in mine. I squeeze back, knowing what's going to come out next.

"Your mom, she's buried at the Pilot Butte Cemetery," she says handing me a printout with the same information on it.

It's all so formal and sterile. I feel my throat closing. Bella's hand runs up and down my back as I stare at the offending paper.

"How... who." My voice is coming out full of emotion, so I clear my throat. "How was it paid for... did anyone, I mean - was she alone, did anyone go?"

A mask of sadness washes over Shelley. "The state has a program to help pay for a very simple burial when there is no family. The ladies your mom worked with did whatever they could to pitch in to cover the rest. A nice little marker purchased because of their donations and from members of the community. Everyone in town was devastated over what happened. The pastor of the local church came out and spoke a few words. Your mother's friends from work were there, and a few of us girls who were friends with her in school... I'm sorry you couldn't be there, Edward."

I'm looking down into my lap and just nod my head. We both know I wasn't there because I ran away right before Shelly came to pick me up at the foster home. She was going to take me, but I couldn't face it. My mind couldn't wrap around goodbye at that age.

Regret like I've never felt fills me up. At twelve I didn't understand the weight of my choice - now I do. I not only sat there passed out when she was killed, but I also let her get lowered into the cold earth without me there. I feel nauseous and stand up, walking out of the little cubical.

"Bathroom?" I ask a random person walking by. He points in the direction, and I lock myself behind the door. Leaning against the cold metal door, with my hands on my knees, I breathe deep trying to make the nausea pass.

Someone knocks on the door, and I can feel the vibrations against my back.

"Edward?" It's Bella. "Can I come in?"

I pull my body off the door but don't open it.

"Please, Edward."

Turning the lock I let her in. Immediately, her arms are wrapped around me.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this, Edward," she whispers in my ear. Her hand wraps around my neck, holding my tight to her. I squeeze her back and finally feel like I can breathe again. I don't speak; I just hold her tight.

"So sorry," she whispers over and over. She kisses my neck and massages the back of it with her hand.

"Why don't you go outside, get some fresh air, and I'll finish up with Shelley," she offers, pulling back to look at me.

"No, you don't have to do that. I just needed a minute... it was a lot of information coming at once."

"I know... I know how overwhelming it all is. Look at me," she demands softly. "I know it hurts, Edward. It's ok." I just nod, lick my lips and lean in to kiss her.

I kiss her once, twice and three times against the door. I pull back and run my hands through my hair. Even in the midst of this shit she's able to ground me and keep me stable. Before I would have walked out of this office and never turned back. I'm tired of running.

"Ready?" I ask, unlocking the door.

"You're almost done," she replies with an encouraging smile.

"Sorry," I say embarrassed, as we sit back in the chairs.

"Don't be sorry. I can't even imagine how hard this is to take in." Shelley smiles sweetly.

"This is everything," she says, handing me the paperwork all tucked back into the envelope.

"Do you have any questions for me?"

I do have one, but I'm scared and embarrassed to ask. I don't know what her opinion is on the night, and I'm not sure what she'll think about me asking.

"Uh... I have one, but I don't know..." I trail off. I see Bella look over at me waiting.

"Go ahead," Shelley encourages.

"Remember... you probably don't, but do you remember the night you picked me up at the jail? The last time I saw you?"

A look of shock crosses her features, and she nods.

"I knew you had nothing to do with that, Edward, if that's what you're wondering. You were troubled, understandably, but I knew you never hurt that little girl."

I'm not sure why, but it feels good to hear her say that. I wasn't looking for acceptance or reassurance, but hearing it feels good nonetheless.

"Thank you," I say barely audible. "I was just wondering... you know, something like that stays with you. I think about her... you know, it just happens - do you know - I mean, is there anyway -" I stop, staring down into my lap, frustrated that I can't get the fucking words out. Nothing I'm saying is making any sense.

"You want to know if Lucy is okay?" Shelley asks.

"Yeah," I breathe.

She pauses staring at us for a while. Bella's hand grips my own.

"_Please_, it would mean a lot to know," Bella whispers.

"We're not supposed to give out any information on another person, and she's still a minor..." she says, although I can tell she's about to break. She looks around her cubical then leans forward on her desk a little.

"Okay, just the basics. Keep it in this office," she says sternly.

My head snaps up, and I agree quickly.

"Lucy was adopted two years after that night to a wonderful young couple Her parents send updates often, and she stops by to see us now and then. She's twelve now; tall, beautiful and not only speaks but sings. She has a beautiful voice and loves singing in her church choir. She's happy, healthy, loved and, Edward... she's asked about you more than once. She remembers that night and everything you did for her."

I have no words. That's more than I was ever expecting to know. I just wanted to know if she ever got out of the Foster Care system.

"Wow. That's amazing." I hear Bella say, thanking Shelley for telling us.

"Can I tell her you're okay, too? Tell her about Bella maybe?" Shelley asks with a sweet smile.

I just nod and stand up. I feel a smile spread across my face. Hearing that makes coming here worth it.

"Thanks for everything. I really appreciate it," I say shaking her hand.

"Good luck, you two," Shelley says sincerely as we leave her office.

As soon as we get in the hall Bella grabs onto my hand tightly. I accepted loneliness a long time ago - embraced it even. I had no idea the damage it was doing. We walk back outside hand in hand. Her hand in mine is more than I ever expected in life. It feels amazing to not go through every motion alone.

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**See everyone in a week or two!**


	30. Chapter 30 Dancing

**Hey everyone! **

**Huge thanks to usual to Whatobsession17 and Jesspyt. Love you ladies! **

**The reviews from the last chapter blew me away. Thank you all so much. **

**Okay... put your big girl (or boy) panties on. This chapter earns the M rating ;)**

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**In case you care...**

**I listened to this song over and over while writing this chapter. It has been my favorite song for years. It's called Dancing and it's by an Italian woman named Elisa. If you want to listen to it while you read (trust, you do) you can find it here http:/ www (dot) youtube (dot) com/ watch?v= qi6_41G63ck**

**Make sure to take the spaced and what not out! *grumbles* stupid site. **

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**_So I put my arms around you. Around you_**

**_And I hope that I will do no wrong_**

**_My eyes are on you they're on you. They're on you_**

**_and I know that you won't hurt me_**

**_-Elisa_**

"I'll just give you some privacy," Bella says softly, standing on her toes kissing my cheek.

She leaves a letter she wrote to my mom and touches the headstone reverently before walking away.

We had been standing in silence ever since we found my mom's grave. She only spoke when she asked if it was okay for her to leave the letter. I didn't know she'd written it, and I have no clue what it says. I just nodded my head encouraging her to leave it.

I turn and watch her walk away, giving me my space. I've been alone for a long time, but this moment is the first time I _feel_ alone. I almost ask her to stay, but at the same time, I don't want her to. I feel so awkward standing here, staring at a piece of cement that has my mom's name on it. It just doesn't look right - this whole situation doesn't feel right. A million emotions flow through me, and I can't name one of them. It seems like I'm feeling them the first time.

I squat down next to her headstone and lay the daisies we brought across her grave.

"Mom," I whisper so quietly the breeze overpowers the sound. Running my hand over the top of the stone I say nothing else, because nothing else seems right.

After she first died I would lie at night and talk to her. In my head or out loud, depending on where I was. It was one night that caused my dialogue with her to stop. After the incident with Lucy, I ran, and I ran far. I remember my first night on the street, wishing what my life had turned into was just a nightmare, not my reality. That was the last night I talked to my mom. It was the night I learned begging did no good.

_The sky is angry and black. I'm still running even though I'm sure no one noticed me leaving. This is it - I won't get caught again - I'm determined not to. I've decided that anything is better than being at another home. I look around me and wonder how at I'll make it. I wonder if I can get a job being only thirteen, if I can find roommates maybe. _

_I'm somewhere out of town, but I'm not sure where. It's dark now, and I don't hear any sounds around me. Every shadow makes me jump, and when thunder crashes above, I scream out in fear. I always thought I was tough. I was one of the bigger guys in my class, I beat the shit out of the foster dad that was hurting Lucy, I stood up for myself, and I tried to take care of my mom. I thought I was grown up - a man. In this second, as my tears start to mix with the rain, I realize how weak I am and how much I just want my mom. _

_I'm so scared that at any second someone is going to jump out of the darkness. I have no idea what time it is; everything around me is closed. I realize I have nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep, no one to call. I stop walking, and I look up to the sky letting the rain pelt down on my face. My tears turn into sobs, and I cry. I cry harder than I can ever remember. I cry to no one, begging my mom to come back. _

After that night I did grow up, became a man, and the child that I was - that I never had a chance to be - died. I've never cried again. I've protected myself from those emotions. I haven't thought about that night in so long. It was the last time I truly felt her around me. When I lay down behind a dumpster and cried myself to sleep I swear I felt her. I don't know if she left me for good or if I shut down, but I lost her after that night in more than one way.

Walking here, I planned all the things I _should _say. What would be appropriate, what others say; I thought about how Bella handled her mom's gravesite. Standing here at her grave all of that leaves me. No plan could prepare me for this.

I breathe deep and try to compose myself before I continue. I stand up wrapping one arm around my waist, the other I rest on top of it and place my hand under my chin.

"I miss you so much... life... life has been _so_ hard." My breathe gets caught in my throat, and I sputter for air for a second.

My chest feels tight, painfully tight, like the emotions are about to claw out from the inside. I turn my back and face my head to the sky willing the emotion away. I've never admitted those words out loud. I've always accepted my lot in life and stayed tough. I try to be strong for Bella - hell for myself, that's what you have to do to get by.

But this is my mom; I don't have to hide. I can tell her the truth - life has been hard.

Once I feel like I have control over myself again, I turn back around and stare at the ground. I don't want to sit here and re-live all the shit I've gone through. The most important thing to me is here, taking a walk waiting for me. That's what I want to tell her about.

"Mom, I'm so happy now. Things have changed - life is good now." I let my arms fall to my sides. "I just thought you should know that," I whisper. I feel my eyes start to water but refuse to let the tears fall.

Bowing my head I look at the cold dead earth and know there isn't anything here for me anymore.

"I just... I'm sorry it's taken me so long, and I don't think I'll come back here, mom." I look away from the cold grave and out toward the horizon. "You're not here... I love you, but you're not here."

I touch the headstone one last time before placing my hands in my pockets. Turning and walking away I hold her necklace tightly in my hand.

**~*E&B*~**

When I find Bella, walking around the cemetery, I take her hand and we walk silently. We eat and wander downtown a bit, and the as the day wears on the worse I feel. I feel devastated on the way back to the hotel. The sun has set, and we walk quietly through the dark. Bella can tell I don't want to talk, and I'm grateful she understands me so well.

We get back to the room, and I can't deal. I don't want to lash out at her, but I can't pretend everything is okay. I lean forward, pressing my lips to her forehead, trying to express to her that this isn't her fault and then walk into the bathroom and shut the door. I don't mean to push her away so severely, but I can't handle anything else today. I can't even look her in the eye.

I feel so overwhelmed, and I don't have the capacity to handle it. Ten years of keeping things buried are all crashing down on me. I've never learned how to stay put and deal with shit, to not run. Dealing with everything today made me feel like my mom died all over again. When she died I was so young and didn't face any of it. Now, at twenty-one I have to face it head on.

I sit on the edge of the tub and lay my head in my hands. My head is pounding, and I feel so tired. I hear Bella shuffling outside the door, and I feel like crap. I know she's probably worried, and I need to let her know everything will be okay. I'm hiding in the bathroom, because I'm trying to get over everything, so I can go out and act normal with her.

I'm not sure how much time passes, but I hear a timid knock on the door and lift my head to see Bella peak in.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Hey."

"Is it okay if I come in?"

As soon as the words leave her mouth, I realize I want nothing more. I've been pushing her away, and I realize all I really wanted was her with me.

"Please," I say.

She walks in the bathroom and shuts the door behind her. Even though we're the only two in the room it's nice have the door shut. It feels like a separation between us and the rest of the world.

She sits on the edge of the tub with me, and we both stare straight ahead.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"No... I understand," she says, slipping her hand into mine.

I squeeze it then bring it to my lips and kiss it.

"Are you ok?"

I just shrug.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not really."

We go back to sitting in silence but just having her with me makes me feel better. I can't talk to her about it, because I can't even describe what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. There is one thing I'm curious about though.

"That letter..." I start. She looks at me and bites her lip. "What did you say?" I ask.

"Uh..."

"You don't have to tell me," I say. "I understand if it's personal."

"No... I just... I don't want you to think I'm stupid."

"I would never think that," I say with a soft breath, shaking my head.

She takes a deep breath and blows it out.

"I don't know... I just felt like... I just wanted to introduce myself. I didn't know how else to tell her... she's your mom, and I wanted her to know me. I love you so much, and I just wanted the woman who raised you to know," she says softly looking in her lap.

I'm blown away by the words that come out of her mouth and an entirely different emotion overwhelms me. I turn my body to face her, and she slowly looks up at me. Leaning in so slowly, I let our lips connect.

The connection is amazing, and I realize it's exactly what I was longing for. I turn my body and place my hands on her face, holding her. I deepen the kiss, and she eagerly reciprocates.

I feel desperate and needy when I pull her on my lap. Her legs wrap around my hips to straddle me.

I hold her close; her body molds to mine, but it's not close enough. I need her to anchor me back to the earth, and she seems to sense it. I wrap one arm tightly around her lower back and the other around the back of her head. When I squeeze her tightly she whimpers into my mouth. I pull back quickly to look at her to make sure I didn't push her too far.

She looks at me with passion in her eyes... and no fear. One hand caresses above my eyebrow and down the side of my face. I close my eyes and lean into her hand accepting the comfort she's offering. With my eyes still closed I can feel her chest pressed against mine, and her lips crash back into me.

I moan when she starts to move in my lap. Holding her even tighter I lift her up and open the door while she kisses my neck. Quickly, I carry her to the bed and lay her on her back. I lay on top of her, careful to not let my weight overwhelm her. My lips go back to hers as her legs wrap around my waist.

Every move she makes is slow and soft. She reaches up, undoing the buttons on my shirt and pushes it to the ground. She sits up a little and places slow kisses to my chest - loving me, taking care of me, and it feels so good to let go. I press her back into the mattress with my chest kissing her neck.

Slowly, I remove her shirt and bra. She reaches her arms above her head and moans when my mouth connects with her chest. Her hands come back down and caress my face as I continue to kiss her upper body.

I let my overwhelming feelings from the day overtake my motions and kiss her like I never have before. I hold nothing back as I wrap one hand around her waist and the other behind her neck. I hear her moan as she grips my back with both hands.

Time and pain seem to disappear the longer I hold her.

Her hands slip down my chest and to my pants. I lift my hips so she can undo my belt. My zipper slides down and, between the two of us, my pants are discarded to the floor. Soon hers follow and before I know it we're both naked. The feeling of her soft, warm body pressed against mine is indescribable. I look down at her in awe before I reach out to her.

My hands touch her chest and I'm encouraged by her soft moans and sighs. I can't help but rub against her leg looking for some kind of relief. Her hands roam my back as she kisses my neck slowly.

"I love you," she whispers in my ear before kissing it softly.

"Love you too," I say leaning down placing kisses on her chest.

My hand slips down between her legs. Her head sinks further into the pillow, and her chest rises higher. Every reaction from her is so raw and natural. To see her let go like this is more than I could ever ask for.

I gasp when her soft hand makes contact with my hardness. My arms almost give out when she starts to caress and stroke me.

"Fuck, Bella," I whisper hoarsely into her neck.

There's no rush - no franticness or hurried movements. As stupid as it sounds I've never felt as loved as I do in this moment. It's something only we can share and it makes me feel not so alone.

I sit up, causing her to lose her grasp on me. She looks at me with confused eyes and starts to speak.

"Shhh," I say.

I move down the bed and start at her leg and kiss my way up. I take my time giving attention to every place on her body - every mark, every scar. When I reach back up to her neck she reaches down to stroke me again.

"I'm ready, Edward," she says so softly I almost don't hear her.

I pull back to look at her, and I've never seen her look so at peace. She's fully relaxed against the pillow, her dark hair splayed out against the stark white of the pillowcase with such fierce contrast. Her eyes don't hold the look of fear and worry I can never seem to fully erase. Her chest is flushed, and her legs stroke mine at the opposite end of the bed.

"Are you sure?" I ask, looking directly in to her eyes.

The last thing I want is for her to feel pressured, but I'm praying she's sure - that she didn't just get lost in the moment.

She nods her head but bites her lip. She is nervous, but she wants this. I just hope she can fight her demons and not let them get the best of her.

Even thought she wants this I want to ease her into it. Every cell in my body is telling me to dive in, but I force myself to show restraint and go slowly with her.

I lie down on top of her and kiss her slowly. The more she kisses me, the more I can see this isn't one side - she wants this. Her hands hold me tightly to her, every kiss is telling me we'll be okay - I'll be okay.

I came back here looking for something to anchor me back to this world, when my anchor was with me all along. I've known I loved her for a long time, but in this moment the weight of how much crashes down onto me.

My arms wrap protectively around her. I kiss her forehead as I push inside of her and pause. I'm not sure if it's for her or me. The reality of what we're doing is hitting me, and the connection I feel to her is overwhelming. She's stiff below me, and I'm terrified she's panicking.

"Are you okay?" I whisper, because no matter how badly I want this - how good it feels to be inside her, how good I feel - nothing is more important than her.

"Yes." Her reply is soft but sure.

"Do you want to be on top?" I ask, thinking she might not feel as held down.

She shakes her head. "No. I feel... this makes me feel safe." Her arms are in between our chests and she curls up into my body as much as she can.

With her honest reply I let more of my weight rest on her and start to move.

I move with her and each time my body presses hers down into the mattress another broken part of me breaks away. She slips her arms out and clings to me as if she's scared she'll fall away if she lets go. I can feel a small amount of fear, but I feel her love more strongly.

She whispers she loves me over and over, and each time I say it back she seems to calm a little. Each time the words are murmured her face relaxes. It's a reminder to her that this is different. She's with me and I won't let anything happen to her. He body becomes less stiff and her hips start to move - she starts to become a participant in this moment. I rest my forehead against hers, staring into her eyes. Every now and then I kiss her forehead. I'm so close; I try to hold out for her but even though she seems to be enjoying this - seems to be controlling her fear instead of it controlling her - she's not going to be able to let go completely.

"Fuck, Bella... I'm so close," I say squeezing my eyes shut tightly.

Her hips lift up to match mine, and her lips start to suck on my neck. With her physical encouragement I can't hold back and fall on top of her as she pushes me over the edge.

We both lay still, breathing heavily. When I slip out of her, I scoot down and lay my head on her chest, my body still between her legs. My arms are wrapped tightly around her, and I'm not sure how I'll bring myself to let go. I kiss her chest as I watch it rise and fall with her breaths. Her body eventually comes to a completely relaxed state, and she runs her hands through my hair. Neither of us speak, just relish the moment.

Goosebumps start to cover her flesh, so I roll off of her and pull her to my chest while bringing the blankets up to cover us. She wraps her arm around me and continues to cling to me.

"Are you okay?" I ask, kissing her lips tenderly.

She looks into my eyes - tears sparkling in hers - but with a soft smile she nods.

"That was... amazing..." I say kissing her again. I can't keep my lips off of hers.

"Was it okay for you?" I ask quietly, her silence making me worry.

"It was... unbelievable," she says, emotion thick in her voice. She lays her head on my chest kissing me. "I never... I had no idea it could be so... good," she says, looking up at me. "I want new memories... you make all the bad go away."

I blow out a breath of relief so glad she enjoyed it, so glad she didn't panic, so glad I didn't scar her more.

I roll over to face her. She curls her hands up against my chest, laying her head on my arm. I wrap one around her neck and with the other I reach across her waist and cup her backside.

"I love you, Edward."

My arms tighten around her.

"I love you, too."

"Everything will be okay," she whispers. Her words floating off into the dark.

For the first time in my life I feel whole... at peace, and I know she's right.

Everything will be okay.

**~*E&B*~**

I wake sometime in the middle of the night. I lay on my side facing Bella, softly running my fingers through her hair. I stare at her and wonder how I got so fucking lucky. Of course this is something I've always wanted with her - and I knew one day we'd get here, but I didn't expect it now. I didn't expect it in a time when she would be comforting _me_. I also didn't expect to feel this way... to _feel _anything past the physical pleasure.

She sighs and wiggles towards me, making the sheet slip revealing her breasts. I lean forward, kissing her bare shoulder. She sighs again, rolling onto her stomach. I sit up and pepper her back with kisses. I feel myself harden. I know I shouldn't wake her, but have no self control.

Reaching below the blanket I run my hand down her back then her ass and spread her legs before cupping her. When I start to rub her she stirs a little and opens her eyes looking right into mine.

"Hey," I say, smiling like the horny twelve-year-old boy I'm acting like.

"Hey," she laughs softly, her voice thick with sleep.

I'm about to ask if what I'm doing is okay when she pushes against me and starts to move her hips. Her eyes close again, but she continues her slight movements. I slip a finger into her and watch her face morph as she gasps.

Kissing her neck and her back I crawl on top of her, and she opens her legs for me. I whisper I love her into the darkness as I slip into her. She's so tight in this position, and I know I won't last long.

I lay my chest on her back and move slowly, loving the soft whimpers that fall from her lips. When she starts to push back against me, I put my weight on my arms and thrust faster. Her hand shoots out and grasps mine as she moans and writhes beneath me.

I slip my hand between the mattress and her chest, squeezing her. She moans and kisses my arm which is by her face. With my other hand I reach up to grasp the headboard, angling myself so I hit the spot within her that I know will push her over the edge.

My hand moves from her chest down her stomach to rest between her legs. Her quiet moans increase before I feel her tighten around me. Every muscle in my body goes still as I follow right behind her.

"Fuck," I pant, laying beside her.

"Wow," she says breathlessly.

She curls back into my side, and when her breathing evens out I know she's asleep again. I drift now and then but never reach a deep sleep. I'm wide awake when I see the sun drifting through the curtains. I quietly slip out of bed, replacing my body with a pillow that she tightens her hold on eagerly. I laugh as I lean down, kiss her head and pull the covers around her shoulders. I go into the bathroom and take a quick shower.

Slipping out of the hotel room I let her sleep and grab some muffins and coffee for when she wakes up. When I come back into the room Bella wakes to the sound of the door opening. She stretches her arms up and smiles shyly at me. She sits up but keeps the sheet over her chest. I'm surprised at how she blushes and seems uncomfortable. Apprehension rolls through me, and I wonder if I miss read her signals the night before.

"Morning," I say, setting the food on the table.

"Morning," she says back, still holding the sheet in a death grip.

"Is everything... I mean... you don't regret -"

"No," she cuts me off quickly. Shyly, she looks up and her eyes find mine. "Last night... I never imagined..."

"I know," I say, keeping her from struggling for the words, looking at the ground, feeling shy myself all of a sudden.

I sit on the edge of the bed, and she kisses my cheek. I realize she isn't upset; she's just not used to this - having a pleasant morning after, not feeling used and in pain. I push those thoughts out of my head not wanting them to poison our special moment. We've woken up to each other many times, but what happened last night took our relationship to whole new level. I realize then that I've never woken up next to the person I went to bed with, and even more, I've never felt like this before. Like I've said - sleeping together brought a lot of firsts for the both of us.

In this moment I realize I don't want to be here anymore. Not just this hotel or the town but my past... I want to put all of this behind us. I want to move forward.

"Bella," I say, making her look up at me. "Lets go home."

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**BELLA WILL NOT GET PREGNANT! Please do not yell at me :)**

**Our duo is headed home next. I'm thinking there are five-ish chapters left. **

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**The next chapter will be up in a week or two!**


	31. Chapter 31 Breaking the Girl

**Hey guys!**

**Thanks to the usual awesome ladies Whatobsession17 & Jessypt! **

**Thanks for all the sweet reviews. You guys are great. **

* * *

_**She was the girl**_

_**Left alone**_

_**Feeling the need**_

_**To make me her home**_

_**I don't know what when or why**_

_**The twilight of love had arrived**_

_**-Red Hot Chili Peppers**_

I hesitate when I step off the ferry with Bella's hand tightly in mine. The final moments of our time together, our quiet when it's just us, is almost over. The train ride was long and by the time we reached the ferry we both were fighting to keep our eyes open. Even though the trip to Portland and back home to Bend was stressful, I enjoyed it being just us. Even though I've grown to be more comfortable with the Cullens, I still enjoy it being just us. Before our bubble bursts, Bella gives me one more kiss on my lips, and the look in her eyes tells me she feels the same way.

We walk to the curb and look for Alice's car but don't see her yet.

"She's kind of known for being late," Bella says with a laugh.

"That's okay," I say, and it is.

Every town I'm in forces me to behave like a different person. Forks is the place where I can let my guard down and see what it might like to be part of a family. At the same time, it's the place where I have to learn to be okay with Bella having more than just me - to not having her need me as much.

Sitting on the curb Bella turns and grabs my hand. "So... how do you feel about being back?"

I shrug. "It's fine."

"I'm happy to be back, but I really like it when it's just me and you."

"Yeah. I really like that too," I say, placing a kiss on her forehead. "I guess that means we just need to get our own place and fast."

"Yes." A large smile grows across her face. "I can't wait for that."

Bella gets excited and tells me how she'd like to decorate our place. I smile and nod, pretending to understand what she's saying. I don't care about the decorations. She can decorate it however she wants if it keeps her this happy.

Before we get any further into our conversation, Alice's car comes pulling into the lot.

She and Bella hug as if it's been a year and not a week since they've seen each other. Seth is strapped into his seat in the back of the car, screaming because he wants out to see us.

"Alright, alright. I know it's been a long drive," Alice says as she undoes the buckles, freeing him.

Seth springs from the car like a kitten high on catnip. He has his cars in his hands, and he zooms them around until he reaches where we're standing.

"You're back!" he shouts, before attaching himself to my leg.

"Ah, yeah..." I say, moving my leg a little trying to shake him off.

"Yes!" he shouts with a fist pump. "Mom says we can play cars on the way back." Still attached firmly to my leg he looks up at me with a big smile.

"Wow, thanks, mom," I say to Alice with mock enthusiasm.

"Seth, let go. Not everyone wants to be treated as your personal jungle gym like Uncle Emmett. I said you could play cars _if_ Edward wants to. He might be tired from his trip."

I exaggerate a huge yawn. "Yep, pretty tired, little man."

"Aw man," he drones and climbs back into his seat.

I throw our bag into Alice's trunk and slip into the back seat next to Seth's chair. Alice and Bella chat up front, and I feel myself fading in the backseat, fatigue taking over. At some point as the car rolls down the winding roads my heavy eyes close.

"Vroom... _vrooooommm_,"

I feel a tickle on my arm and force one eye open to see Seth's guilty ones staring at me. He smiles when he realizes I've caught him using my arm as a racetrack for his car.

"Sorry," he whispers.

"It's okay."

"Vroom... Vroom."

Apparently not sorry enough to leave me alone.

"Do you want the red one?" he asks with a hopeful smile.

"Why not," I say, finding it hard to be the one to dash his smile.

"You're not bugging Edward, are you?" Alice asks, looking at Seth through the rear-view mirror.

"No, he _wants_ the red car," Seth insists.

I look over and can see Seth's pleading eyes and the building panic of losing his chance to play with someone etched into his features. "Yep, the red one," I say, so Alice knows Seth isn't bothering me.

He brings the car over to me and smiles widely. "The red car and the blue car don't like each other so they fight," he explains as he brings another car down and smashes it on top of the one in my hand.

The next thirty or so minutes of the drive go like this, and in no time, I learn of all the dysfunctional relationships Seth's cars have. His movements are starting to go into slow motion. Within a few minutes he's out cold in his chair with his cars sitting in his lap.

"Thanks, Edward. He's hard to keep entertained on these long rides."

"No problem. Thanks for coming all this way to pick us up."

And it was okay. Even though I have no experience with kids, Seth isn't so bad. Alice does a good job of keeping his exuberance controlled while still allowing him to be himself.

Now that Seth is sleeping quietly next to me, _I'm_ wide awake. I lean my head against the window and watch the scenery pass by.

"Anyway... Seth doesn't know about Aaron and after Ryan, I'm not letting him meet anyone else unless I know it's really serious."

"What about Jasper?" Bella asks.

"What about him?" Alice shrugs.

"I thought you really liked him?"

"I do really like him. _Really_ like him... a lot, but he's not interested."

"That's _not_ what he said, Alice." I see Bella's eyes roll from my seat in the back.

"Well... whatever, he doesn't think it's right to get involved with me while he's still working the case with the family. Why would he want to be with me anyway? I didn't lose weight last week either... I gained three pounds, Bella. It's a convenient excuse."

I hear Alice's voice break and assume I've missed something because Bella seems to understand and run her hand over Alice's shoulder.

"You're doing great and you look amazing, no matter what you think."

Silence falls between the two and right when I think their done talking for a while Bella speaks up.

"Well... When will you see Aaron again?" she asks, obviously trying to distract her friend.

I see Alice's eyes in the mirror checking to make sure Seth is still asleep.

"I don't know. He doesn't live here so... I'm not sure how long he'll be here. I know it won't turn into anything - I don't want it to - but it's just nice to have someone like me."

"Of course. You should have fun. You deserve it," Bella insists.

I must have tuned out their chatter and fallen asleep, because the next time I open my eyes it's dark and we're pulling into the Cullen's driveway.

Alice, Esme and Bella get excited and start talking right when we get into the house. I walk up the stairs and throw our bag on the floor before I fall back onto the bed. My mind is still processing everything that happened while we were gone.

I wonder what Jake is doing and assume he's sitting alone in a cell. Mrs. E should be out of the hospital by now, she promised to call once she was settled back into her house. She planned to stay with her son until she was back to normal. I think about my mom and search my pocket for her chain. Pulling it out of my pocket I run my finger across the two rings attached. I'm lost in my thoughts when I hear a knock on the door.

"Yeah," I say.

Carlisle sticks his head in. "I was hoping I could talk to you for a second?" he asks with a smile.

"Sure, come in."

He sits in the chair in the corner of the room. Sitting on the edge of the bed to face him is a little awkward but the tension dissipates once he starts talking.

"Sounds like your trip went smooth enough?"

"Yeah... it was good." I'm not sure how much Bella has told them already, but I'd like what happened regarding my mom to stay between us.

"Charlie called just a few minutes before you guys got home. He wants to come talk to you tomorrow about your friend." He watches me, gauging my reaction.

"Great," I say to Carlisle's shock.

"Really?"

"Yeah, we're... starting over, I guess."

"That's great. I'm sure that will help Bella feel better about having relationship with her father." I never even thought about that, but if Charlie and I were keeping her from connecting with him I'd try harder.

"You start at Emmett's shop next week?"

I nod my head. Even though I'm nervous to start in a new trade I have no experience in, I'm excited to earn money so Bella and I can start our new lives.

"Do you feel like you're ready to take the driver's test?"

"I think so." He'd given me a book a couple weeks before we left to study over, and I know I'll pass the driving part.

"Great, I have time Monday if you want me to take you. You're welcome to use my car to test in."

"Thanks," I say.

"Okay, you've had a long trip. If you want to talk, you know where to find me." Carlisle stands offering me a kind smile. Usually I would roll my eyes at someone with fake sincerity but Carlisle is too genuine. I almost take him up on it and ask him some advice on where a safe place would be for the rings, but I don't speak up before he shuts the door.

I lie back on the bed with a heavy sigh. Before I can fully relax again the door opens and Bella walks in.

"Hey," she says softly. "Did I wake you?"

"Nope, just relaxing."

"Alice just left; she said to tell you goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Bella laughs and playfully slaps my arm as she lies down on the bed next to me. I open my arm and she quickly scoots into my side.

"This is perfection," she says with a big sigh.

I tighten my grip on her. "It is."

**~*E&B*~**

Charlie and I are sitting at the kitchen table going over Jake's information. Bella and I just got back from her appointment with Dr. Carmen. Knowing they talked about what had transpired between Bella and me this weekend was beyond embarrassing, but I can see it helps Bella to have Carmen help her work things through.

"It's been a mess. The boy has no identification, and when we called his family they were no help at all."

"So there's nothing you can do?"

"I didn't say that. We're just waiting on all of his paper work to come through before he can be transferred."

"Transferred?"

"Yes, transferred. I was able to get his psych evaluation sped up, and he obviously failed that." Charlie's eyes roll, and he snorts in annoyance before taking a drink of his water.

I force myself to not respond to the way he speaks about Jake, like he's less than a person just because he's ill. Jake needs Charlie's help right now, and I don't want to open my mouth and ruin that for him.

"Where will he be transferred?"

"That's the tough part. Carlisle is talking to some people - doctor friends - up here in Seattle, and I'm working with the Sheriff's office. We'd like to get him transferred up here, where he could get treated and have a chance at a new start, but the crime was committed in Oregon, so that makes it tough."

I nod my head in understanding. I had no idea how complicated the situation was.

"He just has to sit in a jail cell until everything is figured out?"

"No, son, he's already been placed in a hospital in Oregon for treatment."

I despise how he refers to me as 'son' but couldn't be pissed once I heard that news.

"He's getting help? Already?"

Charlie's mustache twitches at my excitement. "Yep. He'll have to serve a sentence, I'm sure, but at least he can get well while he does it."

"Thank you," I say, holding out my hand - it's the only peace offering I can give.

Charlie takes it and grips it hard. "You're welcome, Edward. Thank you."

I don't know if anything will ever be good between the two of us, but old shit's been buried and a bridge has been built.

I go into the living room and find Bella reading a magazine, curled up on the couch.

After I explain to her what Charlie just told me, she says, "Wow, Edward, that's amazing."

"I know. I'm not sure he would have ever been able to get help without Charlie jumping in."

"Do you think he'll be well now?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I guess time will tell."

We hear a throat clear and both turn to face the kitchen area.

"I guess... I'll just go now," Charlie says standing in the threshold of the living room.

Bella looks between him and me and speaks barely above a whisper, her hands nervously tearing at the magazine in her lap. "I was just about to make dinner. Would you like to stay?" She looks at me, even though she's addressing him. It's the first time she's made any initiative to speak to Charlie on her own. Even though she still seeks comfort in me, I can see Charlie beaming from the doorway.

"Oh... if it's no trouble for one more, I'd like that."

"No it's no trouble. I'm going to go get started."

When Bella walks into the kitchen she makes sure to leave plenty of space between herself and Charlie. She's made so much progress, but it pains me when I see old tendencies sneak through.

Charlie comes and sits on the chair across from me. "Is she always like that?" His voice sounds pained. "When she lived with me before she was quiet... kind of shy but not like this. She wasn't scared or timid."

My head snaps up, because I'm more than surprised by his question. Since I've met him, he's made it clear that he's the father and I'm the scumbag. Even though Carlisle has told him many times how close Bella and I are he always insists he knows better.

"Uh, no, not always." I look at Charlie, and I can tell he's waiting for more information. "At first, when she showed up on the street, she couldn't walk two feet without cowering, crying or jumping ten feet in the air out of fear." My tone is much different from the first conversation we had months ago. The harshness is not there; the accusations are gone.

Charlie's eyes drift to the carpet. I can tell even though the details are hard for him he still wants to hear them. I don't know why people like to torture themselves this way, but I remember the night Bella finally opened up to me - how every detail made me sick but not knowing almost made it worse.

"I'm not sure why it was me she started following around -"

"Because you kept her safe," he interjects.

"Even so, she was terrified of me, too. She was terrified of everything."

I tell him a little more without giving him many details. When it comes down to it, this is Bella's story, her history, and if she decides she wants Charlie to know more, she can share it herself.

"She's a totally different person now. She rarely cowers anymore, she's connecting with her friends again... she doesn't hesitate at all to let me know when she's pissed at me," I say, and we both laugh.

"She's strong," he says, finally making eye contact with me, looking proud.

I nod. "Stronger than you know."

We both fall quiet after our first civilized conversation ever, but the air doesn't have a chance to get awkward because Esme opens the door and comes rushing in.

"Hi," she says to both of us, her arms filled with grocery bags.

I jump up from the couch and take the bulk of them out of her arms.

"Oh, thank you," she says with a dramatic sigh.

"Charlie, what a surprise. Are you staying for dinner?"

The two start talking while I take the bags into the kitchen. Bella's busy pouring ingredients into a bowl, and I take the chance to sneak up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist.

She gasps but relaxes when she realizes it's me. "Smells good in here," I say, moving her hair out of the way and kissing her neck.

"Mmmm, that feels good," she sighs, laying her head back on my shoulder and her hips press into me a little.

"Come upstairs, and I'll make you feel _really_ good," I whisper in her ear, slipping my hands up her body and over her chest. I feel her body stiffen and wonder if what I said was too much too soon. I shouldn't expect her to be cured of her fears just because we've had sex.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." I take a step back and remove my hands from her body. She takes a deep breath, and I'm about to worry she's having a panic attack when she finally speaks.

"No, don't say sorry. The sneaking in the kitchen... then what you said..." she says, turning to face me. She places a sweet kiss on my lips. "You did _nothing_ wrong. I'm learning, and if I'm honest I liked it. I just..." she struggles for the words. "Memories, you know?" She looks guilty, and it makes me feel worse.

"I wasn't thinking. I shouldn't have -"

"Don't censor yourself for me." She looks at my eyes and places her hands on either side of my head. "Please don't. What we did this weekend... I loved it. You made me feel so good... in so many ways. You're putting me back together - It will just take time."

"Something smells amazing!"

We break apart when Esme enters the kitchen, totally oblivious to her interruption.

"Thanks. I'm just about to put the lasagna in the oven."

"Oh good. Sorry I'm late, but I have the salad and bread here."

Grabbing a beer for Charlie and me, I kiss Bella and leave the kitchen letting them get back to whatever they're doing.

"Thanks," he says, as he passes a bottle opener on his key chain. "Who's coming over?"

"I think Emmett, Rose and Alice are coming for dinner."

We sit in comfortable silence drinking our beer until Carlisle gets home from work. He and Charlie start to talk about fishing out back in the lake. I feel like a third-wheel on their conversation and take my beer to the back deck to enjoy the sun before it disappears for the night.

Before long everyone joins me. Emmett, his wife, Alice and Seth all show up, and we crowd around the table outside and eat. Bella's hand is squeezing my knee under the table, but she does her best to have a conversation with Charlie. She asks him about fishing and his job. She is far from comfortable, but she is trying hard. I watch the two interact, and I appreciate how patient he is with her. For the first time I feel like they might have a chance at a relationship in the future.

I lean back in my chair and watch the activity around me. Emmett's pulling Seth from his chair tickling him, while Rose leans over them both, trying to get them to stop but failing because she's laughing so hard herself. Charlie and Carlisle are in an animated conversation, talking loudly and waving their hands in the air. Bella, Alice and Esme lean close into each other before they all burst out laughing. When Bella slips her hand into mine, I look over at her to see a big smile on her face before she joins back into her conversation. The next thing I notice is something wet, cold and slimy against my face. I turn shocked, and see Emmett, with Seth on his lap, both wide eyed. I reach up and wipe the chunk of tomato off my face.

"He did it!" Seth and Emmett yell at the same time pointing to each other.

Everyone, including myself, can't stop laughing, but soon enough Esme gets back into mom mode, scolding both of them. Sitting at this table, with Bella who belongs to this family and is genuinely happy, makes me realize there's no place I'd rather be.

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**The next chapter is done, and I just need to edit it. It will be up within a week!**

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**Thanks for reading 3 **


	32. Chapter 32 We Build Then We Break

**Hey Everyone! **

**Huge thanks to Jessypt and Whatobsession17. These ladies are amazing!**

**The reviews blow me away each chapter. Thank you all so much.**

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WARNING!  
This story contains subject matter which may be offensive to some readers. I will try to post a warning before each chapter if I feel there is a need, but the story in general deals with mature themes.

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_**I don't know you **_

_**but I know what you did to her **_

_**She told me and I happen to believe her too **_

_**They will be three steps behind **_

_**You will not know what's got you **_

_**Oh, so you're sorry now **_

_**All is not well, it's not ended **_

_**-The Fray **_

Charlie left, deciding to stay at a hotel for the night, instead of making the long drive to Seattle. Carlisle and Esme have gone to bed. Seth is passed out in his room here, leaving the five of us are sitting around the fire pit outside, not quite ready to go to bed. The fire crackles loudly, the only noise besides our voices filling the night. Bella has a blanket wrapped around us and is curled into my side. My arm is tight around her, and I can feel her body shake as she laughs at Rose's story about her class.

"Then, after all that," Rose says, shaking her head. She starts laughing, trying to speak, "then... the little shit - he asks me out!"

"No!" Bella gasps.

"What did you do?" Alice chimes in.

"What could I do?" she laughs.

"Kick him in the balls," Emmett grumbles. He's had a little too much to drink, but it's made him ten times more entertaining.

"He's fifteen." Rose rolls her eyes.

"I don't care; he's still a hormonal little fuck," Emmett laughs.

"He's only fifteen," Bella insists in defense of this boy. I notice she has shied away from Emmett and has glued herself to my side since we've been around the fire.

"Only fifteen!" He springs up from his chair and stumbles. Bella jumps a little, and her grip around my waist tightens. "Edward, what were you like at fifteen?" Emmett asks.

"A hormonal little fuck," I reply laughing.

Alice and Rose throw their arms up in the air, giving up, and laugh. I run my hand through Bella's hair and feel her relax into my side again.

"See. Point made." He claps his hands together and places a sloppy kiss on the side of his wife's face.

"_Anyway." _Rose grabs the arm of Emmett's shirt and wipes her face."He thought asking me out would get him out of detention. It only got him a week more."

The stories continue into the night. It's after two a.m. when Emmett and Rose decide to leave.

"Wait, are you busy tomorrow, Rose?"

"I'm going to my mom's, for my cousins baby shower."

"Darn. I think it's Aaron's last weekend in town. I wanted everyone to meet up for coffee or something."

"I'll be around. Edward will be, too," Bella speaks up.

I look down at her. "Do you really need me to go?" I ask, not having any desire to meet Alice's new boy crush.

"No, it's cool. I have papers you need to sign before you start work next week, so I'll tag along. Then you won't be the only guy there."

"He won't be alone; Aaron will be there," Alice speaks up, looking offended at the thought of Emmett already forgetting about her new crush.

Emmett drunkenly rolls his eyes. "Yes, but you tend to date douches. I'll have to be there with all my awesomeness to balance out the douchey-ness. Simple math, Alice."

"I'm _not_ dating him, and you are so fucking annoying when you're drunk."

"I'm not drunk," he insists, with a very drunk giggle. "See you tomorrow?" he asks me.

"Sounds good," I reply.

He walks over to me, and I reach my hand out ready to shake his, assuming that's what he wants. I'm appalled when he lightly pushes Bella out of the way and wraps his arms around me hugging me tight. "Love you, man," he says loud and drunkenly.

"Ugh, Emmett, get the fuck off me," I laugh, shoving him.

"Let's go, Lover-boy," Rose says, pulling his hand toward the door.

"Keys," she demands lightly with her hand out.

"Sure thing, mom." He rolls his eyes and drops the keys into her hand.

"Text me when you get home," Alice says as they disappear into the dark. "I don't know how she deals with him when he's like that," she laughs, shaking her head.

I look over at Bella and see a look of worry on her face. She's chewing on her nail and looks a mile away. When she notices me staring she smiles and places her hand at her side.

We clean up the mess we made and put the fire out. Alice decides to crash here instead of waking her son up and goes up to Seth's room.

When we get into our room, I pull Bella down to the bed.

"That was a fun night. Did you have a good time?"

She nods her head. "Did you?"

I nod. "I did. I think I like drunk Emmett." I laugh.

"He's funny," she agrees. "I'm glad you don't drink too much though," she says quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm glad you don't get drunk."

I've never heard her talk about this before. I roll over and face her. "Do you not like it when I have a beer?"

"No, I don't mind when you have a beer."

"Why are you worried I'll get drunk?"

She shrugs and scoots into my chest.

"Bella, why are you worried about me getting drunk?" I ask softly.

She pauses a while before she speaks. I've learned to wait quietly while she works through whatever she needs to.

"It was always worse... when _he_ drank. Or when... others were visiting. They always drank."

That explains it. It explains why she went from laughing and being fairly independent tonight, talking to Charlie, making dinner then got so clingy to me after Emmett had a few too many. It explains why she always asks me how many I've had when I'm drinking beer. Every day is so hard for her; there are so many challenges she has to face because of what was done to her.

"It wouldn't matter how drunk I got. I would _never_ do anything to hurt you."

She doesn't respond.

"Bella," I say, placing my hand under her chin, making her look at me. "It doesn't matter if I'm sober, drunk, high, tired, angry... you name it, I would _never_ hurt you. Don't you know that?"

She nods. "I just don't like drunk men." The look on her face almost breaks me. Her eyes are watering, and her bottom lip trembles.

I pull her tightly to my chest. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't know it upset you. I won't drink anymore. I had no idea." I had never been anywhere close to drunk around her, but if it upsets her I won't drink at all. It's not important to me.

"That's why I didn't want to say anything. I don't mind if you have a beer, Edward. I trust you not to have too much. Just like in the kitchen earlier... don't censor yourself. Dr. Carmen says I need to adjust to the world around me. I can't do that if you conform to me. You already do everything you can to make me comfortable - to make me feel safe - and I love you for it. But I have to learn to... _adjust_." Her eyes close and she sounds like she's in pain when she says it. She's already made so many adjustments, and they were all painful for her.

I nod, I get it. "I love you," I say. "I don't think Emmett would do anything, even when drunk, but I wouldn't have let him. You were safe tonight."

"I know," she sighs. "I know. When you're there that's something I never worry about." She places a kiss on my chest.

We barely get out of our clothes we're so tired. We fall asleep as soon as the light is off.

**~*E&B*~ **

Emmett left me books to read about brewing. At first I laughed at him but as I read on, I realize how over my head I am. I had no idea how much science and math went into brewing. I'm grateful for the job, but I'm starting to doubt if I'm capable of doing it. He said he would start me off delivering kegs and cleaning; that makes me feel better.

"Ready?" Bella asks as she and Alice come down the stairs.

"Do you really need me to go?" I ask again. I still have no desire to meet this guy, and I feel like I need all the time studying I can get.

"I guess if you don't want to go, you don't have to..." Bella trails off in a way that tells me she feels the exact opposite of what she says.

"Oh, c'mon, it won't be that bad," Alice insists. "Mom's going to watch Seth for a couple hours, and besides, Emmett's coming. Someone needs to make sure he behaves." She laughs, picking up her car keys.

"I'm not sure when I became the official Emmett baby sitter and meet and greet specialist," I grumble, following the girls outside.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't go, if it weren't so important to Alice," Bella says, wrapping her arm around my waist. "I'm just not comfortable meeting new people alone yet." It's a whisper, and I can tell she feels guilty for asking me to come.

"No, it's okay. I'm sure we'll have a good time," I assure her, kissing the top of her head. I open the passenger door for her and close it when she slips in.

"Thanks for coming, guys," Alice says as we pull out of the driveway.

"We're happy to," Bella insists.

"I just don't want him to think it's a date, you know? He's... kinda _intense_, and I just thought it would be better as a group thing."

"Of course," Bella agrees.

Listening to Alice talk about this guy makes me glad I came. As we drive further down the road my unease grows. Something doesn't feel right, but I can't explain it. When we pull into the parking lot the hairs on the back of my neck raise. I survey the parking lot and the people standing around the coffee shop. I feel myself slip back in the suspicious, cautious person I was while living on the streets. The girls are laughing and talking, completely at ease.

"I don't see Emmett's car yet, but he's always late. We can just wait inside for him."

"Okay," Bella says, opening her car door.

I jump out and wrap my arm around Bella's shoulder.

"You okay?" she asks quietly, aware of my change in behavior.

"Yeah," I smile, not wanting her to worry.

"You sure?" She's obviously suspicious.

"Yep."

I open the door letting the girls walk in.

"Hmm, I don't see Aaron yet. Want to go ahead and order drinks?"

"Sounds good," Bella says.

I give her a five-dollar bill and ask her to just get me a black coffee. Sitting at a table large enough for all of us, I wait while they order their drinks. My stomach is tight - something's not right. I look closely at every person in the shop. It's mostly women talking to each other and a few people typing away on laptops or reading.

The door opens, making me jump a little. A couple walks in and goes right to the counter to order. I shake my head and try to get rid of this weird feeling. The trip back home must have gotten to me more than I realized.

Alice is waiting at the bar for their drinks when Bella walks over to me.

"Here's your coffee," she says with a smile, setting it down.

"Thank you."

"Alice is waiting for my drink; I'm going to run to the bathroom."

"Okay," I say, watching her walk away.

The door opens again, and I turn to see a guy my age, maybe a little older, walk in. He's wearing what I would think someone would wear to go golfing. His hair looks greasy with gel and the slimy smile he has on his face immediately makes me despise him.

"Alice," he says softly to get her attention. _Of course, this would be the guy Alice is meeting_. Emmett's right - she's a douche magnet.

I stand, wanting to be up there before Bella gets back. I can already tell this guy's presence will make her uncomfortable.

"Aaron, hi," Alice says brightly. They hug, and I can see Alice pull back, seemingly uncomfortable at how tightly this man tries to wrap his arms around her. When the guy pulls back his shirtsleeve moves up, and I can see old and fresh track marks running up his arm.

He steps back and looks at me. I square my shoulders and give him a no bullshit look. This guy is a junkie and a loser. I've been seen many of them. The Cullens have been good to Bella and me, and I'm not going to let some dip-shit take advantage of Alice because she's a little naive. Alice immediately notices a change in my demeanor.

"Uh... Edward, this is Aaron," she says looking at me oddly. "Edward's a... family friend," Alice explains.

"Hey, man." He reaches his hand out to shake mine, but I just take a step back, with my hands in my pockets until he puts his hand back down.

"_Okay_..." he says with an awkward laugh, throwing me a dirty look.

"Edward," Alice hisses.

"Two caramel mochas!" the barista unnecessarily shouts.

"Thank you," Alice says, taking the drinks.

"Well... should we sit?" Aaron asks Alice as he steps in front of me. He obviously thinks I have something for Alice and am acting jealous. It will be entertaining to see what happens when Emmett gets here.

"Sure," Alice says, obviously uncomfortable with the sudden tension in the room. Aaron walks with his hand on her back, and she turns and mouths "knock it off" to me.

We sit and conversation is stilted. Aaron is fidgety, and his eyes move around the room - he's paranoid and obviously on something. I hope Emmett gets here soon, because I don't want to be the one to give Alice a reality check.

"I wonder where Emmett is?" Alice says filling the silence.

I see Bella come out of the bathroom and head our way. When she sees the back of Alice's head, and that she is now sitting next to a man, her movement slows. She looks at me, and I give her a soft smile. I want to take her hand and walk out of this shop. I know this slimy fucker is going to make her uncomfortable. Even though she's been out in public more, she's never forced to interact with strangers. This is a big step for her.

She takes a deep breath then continues to walk our way. Alice spins around to look at her.

"Oh, there's Bella," she says, standing up.

Aaron does the same, and I stand, ready to keep him away from her, but before any of that can happen, Bella gasps loudly, stops walking and takes a large step back.

"Bella?" Alice asks confused.

I look over at Aaron, and his mouth is hanging open in shock. He quickly moves around his chair and walks toward Bella whose mouth is trembling. She lifts her arms out straight in front of her in an effort to keep space between them, and she backs herself up. Her eyes are glued on Aaron, and she looks like a frozen, terrified statue.

Alice looks between the two confused. I stand, not taking my eyes off the two of them and walk past Aaron trying to get to Bella.

Aaron snaps out of his shock and speaks, "Marie? Oh, Marie, we've been looking everywhere for you!"

I freeze my movements and look back at Aaron, who's giving Bella a deadly warning look. His lips are in a thin line, and his eyes are staring her down. Bella is looking at him and shrinking down more every second, as if his eyes have the power to turn her into dust.

"Excuse me?" I ask, stepping up to him. He turns his attention on me, and his eyes go from threatening to wild and panicked.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asks, stepping up behind me.

"Uh..." he stumbles. "Marie, my sister." His hands move through his hair, and he starts to stammer. "I've been looking for - the one I've told you about, Alice. Remember?"

"I know... that's why you said you were in town... Her name isn't Marie, though," Alice says, looking confused.

"Marie, come here," he demands, snapping his fingers, taking a step towards her.

"You better back the fuck up," I demand, pushing him back. I have a good six inches on him, and he's stupid if he thinks he can get through me.

He shoves me back and a look of rage glosses over his features. His face turns red, and he starts to shake. I shove him again - hard and he falls to the floor and screams.

"Bella!" he screams, malice and hate in is tone.

I take that second to look at Bella. She's trembling and cowering.

Alice is trying to help Aaron to his feet, asking him what's going on. I'm confused and wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy.

"Edward... Edward..." Bella's panicking and can't get the words out. She clings to me - I've never felt someone shake so hard. "No... no, no, no."

"Shh," I say, running my hand through her hair.

I'm pissed that this delusional, high fucker has triggered a panic attack for her. I look around, and we have the attention of every person in the shop. _Great._ I'm about to take her out of the store when she pushes my hand off her. Her eyes are wild, and she's trying to force words that won't come out. I look over my shoulder and see Aaron stand up and come toward us.

"It's him," Bella chokes out, grabbing my arm.

My eyes meet hers, and she nods frantically.

"It's Alec."

I let go of Bella and pull Alice's arm yanking her next to me, and she tumbles from the force.

"Edward! What the fuck!" Alice shouts.

I have no time to react because my fist connects with Alec's face. He stumbles backward blood leaking from his nose. Rage flows freely through my system. This is _him_. All the memories of Bella's pain, her cowering, the stories, the tears, therapy, doctors appointments... everything that's happened - all because of this piece of shit in front of me. I've dreamed about what I would do to him if I ever had the chance. Now that the chance has come I smile when I lunge after him again.

He swings to punch my face. I duck out of his way landing another punch to his stomach, causing him to fold in pain. We stumble to the ground, punches blindly being thrown. His fist connects with my right eye twice, and I can feel it swell. I get the upper hand and end up on top of him. With more force than I've ever used I punch his face, watching the blood pour out. I hear screaming all around me and then feel arms around my body pulling me off.

"Get the fuck off me!" I scream struggling to get away.

"Sarah, call the cops!" The guy holding me screams to the girl behind the counter.

People, having no clue what's going on, rush to Alec's side trying to help him. I look over and see Alice comforting Bella, both of them crying.

Alec is doing his best to assure people he's okay and trying to leave. Two men are now holding me back. I use all my strength to break free from them. I can't let him get away.

This needs to end now.

Alec is assuring the people fawning over him he's fine and scrambles out of the coffee shop. He runs right into Emmett's chest as he's coming into the shop.

"What the fuck?" Emmett asks, as Alec stumbles to the ground before taking off in a full run down the street. Emmett looks out the door and then surveys what's happening in the shop. I can tell he's about to attack the guys holding me down when one speaks up.

"He's gone, calm down," the guy says to me, tightening his hold on my arm that's twisted behind my back.

"Let me go!" I scream, struggling any way I can, trying to get away. "Emmett, stop him! He was just fucking here!"

One guy behind me jerks my arm up painfully causing me to scream out. "Calm down, the cops are on their way." The two slam my face hard into a table in front of me.

"Emmett, that guy - it's Alec!" I scream, struggling against hands holding my neck down.

"Alec?" He asks, his face full of alarm.

"Go!"

Emmett runs from the shop, and I see him go the direction Alec fled.

I take a couple deep breaths knowing I have to get out of this, or Alec will disappear.

I look over at Bella who's shaking on the ground. Alice's arms are wrapped around her and they are both in hysterics - Bella out of fear and Alice out of shock.

"Let me help her," I plead. My chest is rising and falling against the table heavily with breaths. I can feel blood pooling on the table and can't see out of the eye that was punched.

"No way, buddy. The cops are coming; we saw you start this."

"Please, he can help her," Alice begs, tears streaming down her face.

One man lets go of me, and the two look at each other. They look down at Bella and tell her paramedics are on the way. Alice begs them again saying I can help her.

"Please. I'm calm," I insist.

"You promise not to cause any trouble and wait for the cops?"

"Promise. _Please_ just let me help her."

He pauses, but I feel him release my arms. I take one step away from them before I jump over the table and run out the door. I hear people screaming at me to stop and sirens down the street. They only make me run faster. I know if I don't get to him now and finish this, I won't have another chance.

* * *

**Dun, dun dun... Will Edward catch him?**

**There's going to be 35 chapters _probably,_ and I'm doing my best to have one each week for you until the end. The next chapter will be out within a week! When this is done I'll have a new story up, and I hope you guys will like it!**

**kdc2239 on twitter**

**Thanks for reading! **


	33. Chapter 33 Worker Bees

**Big thank you to the ladies who help make this story! Whatobsession and Jessypt. **

**Thanks for all the reviews. You guys make it fun to post this stuff!**

One quick note if you're trying to follow me on twitter. I had to lock it. Because of the nature of my work, I can't let people from RL into all of this. If you request to follow and your account is locked as well and there is nothing that shows you're in the fandom, I probably won't accept the request. I hate having it locked and wish I didn't have to have to. If you are one of these people, please just shoot me a PM so I know you aren't my boss LOL

* * *

_**March on, worker bees!**_

_**Know your enemy!**_

_**We take our orders given by the queen**_

_**We're not the killers, we're the worker bees**_

_**If you resist us you will feel our sting**_

_**Surrender now before the swarm sets in**_

_**Protect the hive from enemies!**_

_**-Billy Talent**_

I run as fast as I can, anger and hate propelling me forward. The few people I pass on the street stop and stare at me, shocked by my appearance, I'm sure. I'm running down the main street of the town, looking down the alleys as I go. I hear Emmett shout and skid to a stop, tripping over my feet. I fall to the ground but quickly jump up and run down the direction I heard his voice.

When I get to the end of the block I see Emmett hunched with his hands on his knees, breathing hard.

"I had the fucker! I fucking had him!" he shouts, kicking an abandoned can on the ground.

"Where did he go?" I ask, looking around frantically. Dust hangs heavily in the air, and I can smell the distinct scent of burning rubber.

"He had a fucking car," he says breathlessly.

I look down at his hand to see blood dripping from his knuckles. "Tell the cops to look for a broken windshield."

"Goddamn it!" I shout, throwing a hissy fit in the alley. "God fucking damn it!"

I can't believe he got away. We were so close to him, and he just slipped away. My knuckles sting as they brush against my clothing. I have no idea how bad my face looks, but my hands are torn up from beating Alec's face.

"Jesus," Emmett sighs, staring at the dust that's settling from Alec's getaway car. "You fucked up his face bad. I'm not sure how he can even see to drive. I got the plates." He sounds defeated, but I'm still fired up. This isn't over.

"What are they?" I demand.

As soon as he's fed me the make, model and the plate number, I turn and start to jog out the alley. My head feels woozy, and I don't feel totally stable on my feet.

"Where are you going?"

"To finish this shit." While I hid my cash when we first came to the Cullens, I found a gun Carlisle kept in the house. I'd need that first then I'd track Alec down. He wouldn't get away again.

"Don't be stupid, Edward," Emmett shouts behind me. I hear his footsteps then I feel his hand on my arm. I spin and push him back against the building. "We need to get the cops," he insists.

"Fuck the cops! He's been here... _fuck_," I pull at my hair. "I don't even know for how long! He was dating your sister, Emmett! Your _sister!_" I sneer. Emmett's eyes go wide, and the lightness he always has about him dies and is replaced with something dark and full of anger. "Your sister - the guy she's been talking about, the fucker - Aaron - who was 'looking for his sister' all this fucking time. It was Alec, looking for Bella. The cops - they we're probably buying him drinks for fuck's sake!"

Emmett hasn't recovered from his shock when I turn to leave again.

"Edward!" he shouts, but I don't turn around. "Bella needs you. You saw her; she's a fucking mess. Let the cops handle this and take care of her first." When I don't stop he screams down the alley. "Put her first, damn it!"

That's what he doesn't understand; I _am_ putting her first. _I_ wasn't the one who was held hostage for years and raped daily every way imaginable. _I_ wasn't the one treated like a slave, beat and deprived of food. The best thing I can do for Bella is to put that fucker in the ground. He's been under the cops' noses for God knows how long. They couldn't handle it, so that only leaves me.

When I get to the main road I start to run, trying to get to the house as soon as possible, praying a car and keys will be there for me to take. The world around me is eerily quiet until sirens pierce the silence. I hear a car skid to a stop and turn to see two officers I don't recognize running full speed at me. I turn to flee - a knee jerk reaction - when a body slams into me from behind throwing me painfully to the concrete. My head slams against the sidewalk, and my vision goes dark for a second. Black and white dots dance behind my eyelids before I'm able to focus on my surroundings at all. I can feel the wetness of blood coming from my head.

My face is being shoved harshly into the concrete, and I can feel a knee pushing between my shoulder blades, stealing my breath from me.

"Stop resisting!"

"I'm not fucking resisting!" I wheeze out. I can't move my head, let alone resist.

Cuffs get slapped on my wrists. He tightens them, and I can feel the metal digging into my skin. I'm forcefully pulled up from the ground to my feet. I sag against the officer, finding it hard to hold myself up. I spit out blood right next to the cops shiny shoe. My pants and shirt are torn and ripped from the confrontation.

"You don't know what you're doing! Her kidnapper, he was just here!" I shout. The whole force - all five of them - in Forks has been alerted to the situation but I don't know who these cops are. Everyone in town has an idea of what happened to Bella, but the details have been kept quiet. They didn't want her in the media and have a target on her back.

"All we have is a report of _you_ starting a brawl in the coffee shop." I get a look at the cop's face as he drags me toward his car. "Information is still coming in on the other man."

"It was with him! It was Alec - you've got to listen to me. You're fucking with me while he's getting away. Please _listen_ to me," I plead as a hand pushes on my head, forcing my body down in the back seat of the car.

I lean back in the seat and scream at the top of my lungs, kicking the safety plate that blocks access to the two officers up front.

One slams something against the plastic barrier. "Knock it the fuck off!"

I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes. He's probably half way down the 101 by now. I can't go after him, and I can't help Bella. The car starts to pull away from the curb, and the farther down the road we get the more my head pounds.

I can feel blood seeping down the side of my face; I can't open my eye and know my lip is torn open. Every move I make causes my ribs to scream in protest. My bloody knuckles rub uncomfortably against the back of the seat - but nothing hurts worse than knowing I've failed once again. Alec's out free to roam and Bella will forever live in danger and fear, because I couldn't stop him when I had the chance.

When we pull up to the station I see Charlie and Carlisle waiting by the door. The cop that threw me in the back seat opens the door and grabs my arm, jerking me out of the car.

"You need to un-cuff him and let him go," Charlie demands walking up to us, hands on his hips - all business.

"Sorry, but you're not in charge here." He pulls me into the building.

People are rushing around and phones are ringing off the hook. I hear a radio go off describing the car Alec was driving. Someone has informed the cops. My ears strain to hear any details, but a tall man comes walking up.

"You need to let him go." He points a finger in our direction.

"Chief?"

"I said let him go!" he yells, then turns to his radio and shouts an order into it.

The cuffs get removed from my hands, and I pull my wrists forward to rub them.

"Jesus, Edward, are you okay?" I can see Carlisle through my one good eye, trying to assess the damages done to my face. Charlie is in complete cop mode and is ordering the team around. His focus is in finding Alec, and I couldn't be more grateful.

"Where's Bella?"

"You're head is bleeding pretty bad. We should get you to the hospital and -"

"Where the fuck is Bella?" Everyone in the small station pauses at my outburst before resuming what they were doing.

"She's safe. She's at home with Esme." His voice is soft and quiet compared to the chaos around.

"She's not at the hospital?" I assumed she'd be sedated from her panic attack like before.

"No. Alice called us, and when I got there she was doing her breathing exercises like Dr. Carmen had taught her. She was able to calm herself down." I can hear the pride in his voice. She'd come so far, now this.

I think about her not having to go to the hospital and my chest tightens. "She's not safe; Esme can't protect her!" Panic sets in at the realization, and I turn to leave the station.

"Edward," Carlisle stops my exit. "You need to take a deep breath."

I try to struggle out of his grasp, but his hold doesn't loosen - I don't have the strength to fight him off. "Edward, you're not breathing right, and you're bleeding badly. Look at me."

I look him in the eye the best I can. I sway from foot to foot. Carlisle's hands tightly grip my shoulders. "Look at my eyes, Edward." I feel dizzy and am having trouble standing.

"Take a deep breath." He breathes in deep, and I follow his motion feeling a burn in my chest. "You need to calm down... breath again." Again, I follow his lead, dragging air into my lungs.

"Edward... Edward!"

Carlisle's voice sounds like he's shouting at me from under water. I feel a hand slap lightly on my cheek; I want to push it away but my arms are too heavy to lift. My head starts to pound, my brain thumping against my skull. My breathing is labored, and I can't get the air in my lungs. Spots dance around the room, before I slump over, falling onto Carlisle.

**~*E&B*~ **

I struggle to move but my body is too heavy, and I don't have the strength to move an inch. It feels like there's cotton in my ears and mouth. I lick my lips and the sting shocks me. I want to open my eyes, but it's impossible. If I could open them I imagine I'd see heavy weights lying on my chest. I struggle once more and then give up, welcoming the darkness.

**~*E&B*~**

I lie still, because every movement hurts. I can't get my eyes to open. They feel stuck together and crusty. I feel like I've been asleep for weeks but can't remember why. I lie there, trying to think about what happened to cause me to feel so tired, but I keep getting distracted by sharp pains throughout my body.

My mouth feels like it's full of cotton, and I open and close it trying to wet it. I reach my arm to my side trying to sit up and feel a sharp pull from my arm.

"Hey, hey... don't do that, sweetheart."

I use all my concentration to open my eyes. I'm able to get one open and see Bella leaning over me.

"Hi," I say, my voice coming out broken and hoarse.

Tears are falling on her cheeks, but a beautiful smile spreads across her face. "Hi."

She brings a soft cloth up to one eye and gently wipes it. The other is still refusing to open but the one she's cleaned opens freely now.

I reach up to wipe her tears away but feel the same sting on my arm.

"No, Edward," she says softly, pushing my arm back down. "You need to stay still."

I don't understand why or what's going on but don't have the energy to find out. Bella's here, and I trust she understand what's happening around me. I open and close my mouth again, desperate for some relief.

"Are you thirsty?"

I nod my head.

I feel ice chips against my lips and moan out in delight. Bella laughs. "Taste good?"

"Uh huh," I mumble taking another chip from her hand.

Bella's hand runs through my hair. I feel her lips brush against my forehead as my eyes close against their will again.

**~*E&B*~**

I hear voices in the room - soft and calm. At first I feel like I'm still sleeping, but have more strength in my body. My limbs don't feel as heavy as they did before. I open my eyes - eye, one still stays closed in protest - and see familiar figures in the room.

Bella is sitting in a chair next to the bed I'm laying in. Her hand is gripping mine, and she's asleep on my arm. I try to sit up, but pain in my ribs keeps that from happening. I see a man in a white coat going over a chart with Carlisle by the door. I feel so confused. Before I'm noticed I take a look around the room. I feel harsh paper against my skin and realize I have no pants on.

I'm in a fucking hospital.

_What the hell happened?_

"What's going on?" My throat hurts and my voice is harsh and rough; it doesn't sound like my own.

"Edward, you're awake," Carlisle says, softly as to not wake Bella.

I nod my head but my throat is a desert, and it hurts too badly to speak.

"Here, drink some of this." He lifts a straw to my lips, and I drink the water greedily.

"Whoa, slow down, you're going to make yourself sick."

I try to slow down, but the cool water feels so good going down my sore throat. Once I drain the cup I take a deep breath.

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital."

"Why?"

"You really don't remember?" A look of worry flashes across his features.

I shake my head. I look down at Bella and smile at how peaceful she looks sleeping. The arm she's laying on has fallen asleep, so I move it while trying to not wake her but am unsuccessful.

"Edward," she gasps. She lunges forward to kiss me, but my ribs feel like they're sticking out of my chest, causing me to scream out in pain.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." Her hands flutter around me, and her face is panicked.

"It's okay," I rasp out. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Just a couple of days."

_A couple of days! _"What?"

"Between your fight with Alec and those asshole cops getting too rough -"

"Alec," I breathe out.

I look at Bella who's starting to cry. Everything comes back to me in a flash: the coffee shop, Alec trying to get Bella, Emmett and I chasing him, the cops tackling me. I grab Bella's arm and bring her down to me, ignoring the blazing fire in my chest. I hold her tightly to me, thanking God she's all right. She looks unharmed; I don't see any marks on her. He was here - coming after her, and I've been asleep for _two_ days.

I feel her tears on my shoulder, and my grip tightens. My hand weaves through her hair as I hold the back of her head; my other arm tightens around her waist. "Are you okay?" I ask, pulling back so I can see her eyes.

They're red and puffy, evidence of days spent crying. She nods and wipes her eyes. "I am now that you're awake."

"I'm sorry." I place my hands on either side of her head.

"No. Why are you sorry?" The tone of her voice already tells me she knows why I'm sorry. "It's not your fault. You should have never tried to stop him, Edward. He has guns, and God knows what else; you couldn't have stopped him."

Machines behind me start to beep the more agitated I get.

"Bella," Carlisle says softly, motioning his head toward her chair. She reluctantly sits back down but keeps a tight grasp on my hand.

"Edward, take deep breaths."

I do what he says and soon the room goes quiet again. "How long do I have to stay here?"

"They've had you drugged but just because you were fighting everyone so much."

"Fighting everyone?"

"You wanted out of here. You wanted to find Bella... to hunt down Alec, but you were hurt badly. They had to sedate you so they could treat your injuries, Edward."

_Sedate me?_

"I don't remember." The shock is clear in my voice. If I were hurt, I would have let someone help me.

Carlisle sits down and takes a minute. I can tell he's trying to choose his words carefully. "You... shut down, Edward. You've been through so much through the years, and everyone, even you, has his breaking point. Confronting Alec was yours." He makes eye contact with me on the last sentence. I want to argue with him, but I can't remember anything after the police station. If he says I lost it with the hospital staff then I believe him.

"So what does that mean? Are they going to fucking lock me up?" Fear wells up inside of me. Am I going to jail? To the nuthouse? Bella starts to cry at my outburst, and the machines start to beep again. She stands up and runs her hand through my hair.

"Calm down," Carlisle says sternly. Once the machines quiet and my breathing goes back to normal he continues. "No. No one is trying to 'lock you up'. Bella told me some of what you went through as a child, Edward -"

I shoot her a look. How _could_ she? I've never told a soul the things I've told her.

Her face crumples at my hard stare. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, her eyes plead for understanding.

"No, don't you blame her." Carlisle's voice is harsher than I've ever heard, making me turn my attention back to him. "Your medical records are incomplete, and we needed to know what we were dealing with. She didn't give any details... just enough to give us an idea of what kind of stress you've been under for the past ten years." His voice softens as he finishes speaking.

Immediately, I feel guilty for assuming she'd tell the secrets of my past. I take her hand and rub my thumb over her knuckles.

"Most people would've broken a long time ago, Edward. You're strong, but no human could withstand what you've gone through and come out without a scratch."

"So what now?"

"Now, for the first time in your life probably, you _rest_. You don't worry about anything." I give him a 'yeah right' look. "I mean it," he says. "You don't worry about anything. Not money, not work, nothing, and you let other people take care of you." I open my mouth to protest, but he puts up his hand to stop me. "_Without_ arguments. I've already told Esme you need to be taken care of, and if you think you can stop her, good luck." He laughs as he stands up. "I'm going to go let everyone know you're awake and okay."

"Everyone?" I ask Bella once he leaves the room.

"Yeah, they're all in the waiting room."

"Who?"

She looks at me funny. "Emmett, Rose, Alice, Charlie, Esme, Jasper..."

"They're all here? Why?"

"Because they're worried about you, Edward. Everyone has been worried sick."

I'm shocked. Never in my life would I have imagined I would have a waiting room full of people who were worried about me. If Bella was in this bed, I'd understand their presence but not for me - it doesn't make sense.

"Edward," I look over at her and frown when I see the sad expression she wears. "They love you. Everyone is here because they love you." I let her words bounce around my system but don't respond. A foreign emotion wells up in me, but I move to the next topic to avoid feeling it.

"How hurt am I?" I can feel all my limbs; that's a good sign.

"You had to get seven stitches in your head from when those fucking cops tackled you to the ground." My eye widens. I've never heard her sound so hateful. "Your right eye is partially stitched shut from your fight with... Alec," she forces his name out as if it's causing her pain. "You have two broken ribs, but we don't know if it's from the coffee shop or the police. Other than that, you're bruised up badly."

I lie back and take in all the information, nothing too serious. Nothing worse than I've had before. I'm embarrassed about the 'breakdown' Carlisle described. Even more embarrassed at how I reacted toward Bella.

"I'm sorry. I should've known you would never repeat things I've told you."

She looks down to our intertwined hands. "I would never do that to you. I only told them what I had to."

"I know," I say, bringing her hands to my lips. "I'm sorry."

"Where is he?" I ask quietly, scared to broach the subject with her.

She shrugs, than sniffles. "No one knows."

I lay my head against the pillow and stare at the tiles above my head. "Are they looking for him?" I ask looking back at her.

"Yes. They've alerted Canadian and Mexican Border Patrol. All state patrols have his car's information. He's wanted for much more than what he did for me."

"But no news yet?"

She shakes her head, and I can see the fear overtaking her system.

"He won't get to you," I vow. She looks up at me. "He won't."

She nods her head and leans forward onto my shoulder. I take my hand and run it over the back of her head.

"I was so worried about you."

"Shh," I say, rubbing her back.

"After you ran out of the coffee shop, I couldn't care less about Alec. I was so worried and then when I found out you were in the hospital I... I..." Her voice breaks down into sobs. I hold her tight. I can only imagine how scared she must have been. She leans back to look at me.

"I haven't left, not for one second. Carlisle and I got into it bad yesterday. He wanted me to leave, but I couldn't leave you."

"You should've," I say, pushing her hair behind her ears. I can tell by the dark circles under her eyes she needs sleep.

"There's no way; I just couldn't"

Our bubble is broken when the same man in the white coat comes in. "You have quite the fan club waiting to see you out there," he laughs, opening the chart in his hands.

"Dr. Banner." He reaches out his hand. I reach mine out and shake his lightly, trying not to jostle my ribs.

"How do you feel?"

"Where's Carlisle?"

"He's not treating you," the doctor says softly.

I nod my head. "I feel tired, and my ribs and face hurt."

He writes the information down. "Understandable. They just took the IV out this morning, so you should feel less drowsy as the day goes on. Lucky for you, you have no damage to your eye that we can tell. The stitches will come out in a few days, and we'll know then if everything goes back to normal. Your ribs are wrapped, but there isn't much we can do other than that. You need to lay low and not do any heavy lifting."

"No... I start my job in a few days."

"Sorry, but unless you're working at a computer... you aren't."

I lay my head back in defeat.

"It's okay; we'll figure something out," Bella insists, rubbing my arm.

"Talk to your employer and see what light duty you can do. In four to six weeks you should be back to normal."

_Right, because delivering and cleaning kegs is really light duty. _

I nod my head, because there's nothing else I can do.

"Any questions for me?"

"Pain meds?" I ask, my ribs protesting more by the minute.

"You are due for another dose in..." He looks at his watch. "An hour. Can you hang in there?"

"Yeah."

"There's one more thing... do you think we could have a minute?" the doctor asks Bella.

She looks at me and stands up to leave.

"No, she stays."

"If you insist. I just wanted to give you privacy."

"It's fine; she can stay," I repeat.

"Have you thought about talking to someone, Edward?"

"What do you mean?"

"Someone who can help you? You body is reacting to a great amount of stress and trauma. Most people need help to work through all you've dealt with."

I nod my head. "I'll think about it."

"You will?" Bella asks, sounding happy.

_No. I just want this doctor off my ass._

"Yeah, sure." I smile at her.

"Okay, well, unless you have any more questions for me, we'll keep an eye on you for a few more hours; then, you'll be free to go home."

"Great, thanks."

When the doctor leaves Bella asks me if I want to sleep. I feel rested and don't want to sleep right now, knowing once they give me more drugs I'll be out.

"No, I don't want to sleep. How's Alice?" I imagine the whole situation of personally delivering Bella to her tormenter has upset her.

"She's... devastated. Emmett feels terrible too. He was hung over; that's why he was late." She rolls her eyes. "He's sworn off beer, but we've all taken bets on how long that will last. I give it twelve days." We both laugh.

"Alice was more upset than I was, if you can imagine. I couldn't even get her to talk to me. She feels so guilty and embarrassed."

"It's not her fault."

"Oh man, you have to tell her that. She thinks you're going to kill her." She laughs.

I shake my head. "Alice is _very_ naive. I imagine this taught her a lot, but I don't blame her. Do you?"

"No! Of course not. I keep telling her it's not her fault." She looks down at her lap and speaks softly. "I know better than anyone else how good a liar he is. I'm just glad she didn't fall too deeply into his trap. I think she's terrified at how easy it was for him to fool her. She feels so bad about herself and her weight that when someone gave her attention, she let it blind her. I think she's learned a lot though, and Jasper has been great."

"Jasper?"

"Yeah, he was the first to get to the coffee shop. He went so pale when he heard what happened. He blames himself because he pushed Alice away in order to be professional."

"Sounds like a giant pity party out there," I say laughing.

"No. Everyone is in shock I think. _He_ was in our backyard, and we didn't even know it." She shows little emotion as she speaks, and I can tell she's trying to separate herself from the situation.

"How are you?"

She pauses then gives me a watery smile. "Better than you'd think. I'm not giving him power over me anymore."

"Whoa, look at you." I smile at her.

She smiles shyly back. "Dr. Carmen came right away. She kept me from breaking down completely. She's right, he has no power over me anymore."

"How long was he here?"

"No one knows. Alice met him two days before we left for Portland, so at least nine days."

"Wow."

"I know."

She starts to laugh lightly.

"What?"

She shakes her head. "The first thing Alice said, in hysterics, was 'thank God I never kissed him!' She doesn't remember saying it, but she was really freaking out."

"I'm sure you both were. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." I hold her hand to me.

"Stop apologizing. Just don't put yourself in danger again, okay?"

I nod my head but make no promises.

There's a knock at the door, making us both turn.

"You up for visitors?" Carlisle asks.

"Sure."

The whole lot of them come filing into the room. Emmett is the first one to the bed with a bouquet of flowers in his wrapped hand.

"Oh, Judas, I was so worried," he howls.

I laugh, glad to see some things don't change. "What the fuck?" I ask, holding the bright flowers in my hand and protect my ribs with the other.

"Is that how you say thank you?" he demands.

I laugh as I hand them to Bella.

"Really, man, I'm glad you're okay.

"Thanks, Emmett." He gives me a pat on the shoulder, and then Esme comes rushing up next.

"Oh, Edward, are you hurting? We were so worried!" She scoots around the bed and tucks the blankets more securely around me.

"I'm okay," I say. I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the attention.

"It's good to see you awake, Edward," Rose says, staying back from the bed.

"You got your braces off," I say.

She smiles widely. "Yeah, I can't believe you noticed! Emmett didn't." She shoots him a playful dirty look.

"_And..._ Judas strikes again. Thanks, man." Everyone in the room laughs, but I have to stop because my ribs can't take it. I look next to me to see Bella smiling. I'm so glad this hasn't made her shut down completely.

Charlie walks up and places a hand on my shoulder.

"Here to arrest me, officer?"

He laughs. "I would love to if I had someone to press charges against you, but he seems to have run off."

"Too bad." We both laugh, and he thanks me for trying to stop Alec.

"That was excessive force, in my opinion. If you want to go after those officers, I'll help you."

"Ugh, Charlie, I can't even think that far ahead right now."

"No problem, son, we can deal with it later."

_Son_. I despise that but thank him anyway.

Jasper comes up and shakes my hand and updates me on the little information he has. Everyone chats for a while until the nurse comes in to give me more medicine.

"We should all go and let Edward get some rest before he comes home," Carlisle says as he starts shuffling people out.

Esme walks up, setting a pile of clothes on my bed. "These are for you to change into when you leave. They are so soft you won't want to change out of them."

"Thanks, Esme," I say, not even bothering to argue with her. Carlisle is right; there's no point.

Everyone is leaving the room when I realize Alice never spoke a single word. She's the last in the line following everyone out.

"Alice," I say making her turn around. Her face is full of emotion, and I can tell she's having a hard time keeping it together.

"I'll give you two a minute." Bella stands and hugs her friend tightly before following the group out of the door.

Alice comes to the foot of the bed, running her hand along the rail. "I'm so sorry, Edward." Her voice breaks. She's looking at the ground, and I can see the tears dripping from her chin.

"Oh, Alice." I try to say it soothingly, but it comes out annoyed. "Come here?"

Slowly, she walks to the chair next to my bed and sits down.

"I didn't know... I was _so_ stupid. I don't know how I couldn't see -"

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Her head pops up, and she looks me in the eye. I feel guilty when I see the blotchy-ness of her skin and her swollen eyes. "There's no way you could have known, okay?" She doesn't say anything.

"Alice, Bella needs you right now. She doesn't blame you and neither do I."

"Really?" A hint of a smile.

"Really. Not at all. Emmett's right though. You are a douche magnet."

A real smile breaks across her face, and she reaches forward and hugs me.

"I'm glad you're okay. We've all be worried, especially Seth. He won't let anyone play with his red car. He insists it's only for you."

I laugh despite the pain.

"I'm going to let you rest, but I'll be there when you get home. What do you want to eat? Whatever you want it's yours."

"You don't owe me, or anyone else, anything, Alice." She looks at me, and her smile starts to fade. She won't feel better unless she feels useful - she feels like she has something to atone for. "But... if you _insist," _I say playfully. "Homemade pizza would be nice."

"You got it!" She gives me one more awkward hug before leaving the room.

My eyes get heavy from the medicine, but I feel Bella's hand slip into mine before I fall asleep.

* * *

**Two more chapters left! The next will be up by next week. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	34. Chapter 34 Karma Police

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* * *

_**Karma police**_

_**I've given all I can**_

_**It's not enough**_

_**I've given all I can**_

_**But we're still on the payroll**_

_**This is what you get**_

_**This is what you get**_

_**This is what you get when you mess with us**_

_**-Radiohead**_

"Break!"

I slam on the breaks, causing every one in the car to slam forward. I grunt in pain when the belt slams against my ribs.

"Just kidding."

"God damn it, Emmett," Carlisle turns to his child-son in the backseat.

"I was just seeing if he was paying attention."

"We don't need your help. Grow up!"

"Why are you here?" I ask, looking through the rear view mirror.

"To bestow my powers upon you, young Jedi."

"Okay, go up a few miles and take a left on Fourth street," Carlisle says, ignoring Emmett.

When we pull into the DMV I'm not even nervous. The four weeks healing on the couch left plenty of time to study. True to their word, I was forced to stay on the couch and let others do everything for me. When I insisted I be given something to do I was introduced to folding laundry. After the first basket I lied and said my ribs hurt. From then on I tried to let go and relax.

Having the blackout after dealing with Alec freaked me out. I took the doctors advice... and got tired of the nagging from Bella,and agreed to see someone. I gave it my best but really didn't feel like it was for me. Bella was insistent I do something, and we agreed to continue regular appointments with Dr. Carmen, in addition to Bella's individual sessions.

Bella has been hesitant to go into public since the incident, but Charlie is taking her out to lunch. Carlisle, knowing I was anxious about Bella going out with Alec on the loose, thought it would be a good time for me to take my test.

"We'll just wait in the waiting room for you. Good luck." Carlisle pats me on the back as I walk up to the line for testing.

**~*E&B*~**

I pass both the written and driving test with no problems. The amount of pride I have obtaining my license is embarrassing. It feels good to succeed and to do something normal in society's eyes.

"Lets see it!" Bella jumps me as soon as we walk in the door. I pull the card out of my wallet, and she screams, grabbing it from me.

"No goofy smile or anything!"

I laugh, placing the card back in my wallet. I walk into the kitchen and am shocked to see everyone there.

"Congratulations!" they all scream, and then I notice a cake saying the same thing on the table.

"Wow," I laugh, feeling my eyes go wide.

"We're so proud of you!" Esme exclaims as she pulls me into a big hug.

"Can we cut it now?" Seth is jumping up and down around the table. "Mom... mom... mom... mo-"

"What, sweetheart?"

"Can we cut it now?" He gives her his best puppy eyes, and his hands twist in his shirt.

Alice sighs. "Yes, we can cut it now." She looks up at me. "He's been asking that for the past two hours. We thought you guys would never get back."

I laugh and ruffle Seth's hair.

We spend the evening together until late into the night. Eventually, Charlie decides to head home, and as soon as the others leave Bella and I go to our room.

"Are you excited to start at Emmett's?"

I nod. "Yeah, I think so." My face is back to normal, however, I'll always have a scar by my right eye. My ribs are almost healed; I'll just have to be careful the next couple weeks not to reinjure them.

"How did you do today?" Going out with her dad today was one of the first times she's been willing to leave the security of the Cullen's home since Alec's grand show a month ago - especially without me.

"It was scary... but I'm glad I did it."

Bella took some huge steps back after the confrontation with Alec. We were all worried it would take her back to square one. She started seeing Dr. Carmen a few times a week, and Bella took hold of the situation and pulled through. She was scared and quiet, then she got angry – angry he had so much control long after she'd escaped him. After that she slipped back into the same person she was before he showed up - if not even better.

Leaving the house is the one thing she still struggles with. We have gone out a few times to see her mom's grave or to visit Alice at work, but Bella prefers to be at home. With Alec still free, I can't say it bothers me either. Going out with Charlie today was huge.

"What did you guys do?"

"He took me to lunch, this really good Mexican restaurant. It was fun." She doesn't say it with much enthusiasm, but I can tell she enjoyed her day. "He told me about his childhood and the crazy trouble he and his friends got into," she laughs. "I think he wanted to hear more about how it was for me growing up... but I just couldn't."

"I don't think he's trying to rush you. Do you?"

"No, I don't think he's trying to rush me, but I think he's really curious what my life was lke growing up."

"What are you worried about?"

She takes a minute to really think about it. "I don't know exactly - well I do I guess, but it's silly."

"What?"

"I don't want him to judge her." Her voice is small, and she looks down at her lap.

"Why do you think he'd judge her?" I know why she thinks this though. The way he reacted with us in the beginning was horrible. I really didn't think I'd ever be able to move forward and be even civil with him. I'm shocked we can actually enjoy each other's company now.

"I'd like to think he wouldn't... but she's also the woman who kept his child from him. She's like two different people. The woman who raised me and who I love, but she's also the woman who did something terrible to him."

"When you're ready, _if_ you ever are, you share what you're comfortable with. His opinion doesn't matter. It was you and your mom. You love her, and that's all it comes down to."

She smiles softly at me. "Thank you."

I lean forward to kiss her. Things get heated, so I jump up and make sure the door is locked. It's been over a month since I've been with her. My ribs still protest, but I don't think there's anything that could hold me back. Once we're both undressed and under the covers Bella gets second thoughts.

"I don't know if I can do it in this house," she giggles.

As I slowly push into her I kiss her neck and whisper in her ear, "you just have to be very quiet."

I pull back to see her grinning, nodding her head, and it's perfect.

**~*E&B*~**

"Okay, these three kegs need to go to Port Angeles tonight, they have to be there by seven."

I nod my head and follow Emmett around the brewery. I'm in the Cullen's Brew uniform and feeling like after a month on the job I'm finally getting the hang of things. It's winter now, and there's a light snow on the ground. Soon, it will be the one-year anniversary of Bella showing up in Portland. So much has changed.

"Before you go though, I need you to clean out the Mash Tun. Also, all the kegs that were returned from last weekend need to be cleaned and sanitized. Remember they can't be contaminated at all."

Emmett is a different man at work than he is around his family. While he can still be fun, he's more serious and knows how to get a job done. Another guy quit unexpectedly, and I've been able to work all the hours I want. I've been putting in twelve-hour days, six days a week.

"If you have time it would be great if you could sanitize the fermenter too, but getting those three kegs to Port Angeles is the priority."

"You know I'll get it done," I laugh, wiping the sweat off my brow. We always have this conversation and never once have I not gotten everything done - even if it means me coming back after hours to finish.

"Awesome. Okay, man, I have a meeting and should be gone for a couple hours. Bryan's in the back, if you have any questions."

"Great, thanks, Emmett."

"Oh, I almost forgot." He comes back in the room with a smile on his face. "It's payday. You're doing a great job here, Edward, and I'm not fucking with you. You're picking this up faster than anyone else I've ever hired. Keep it up, and we'll get you brewing."

I can feel my chest puff up with just the thought of a paycheck. It's been so long since I've earned anything. I feel like I've been out of commission and useless.

I open the envelope and Emmett stands by me with a huge smile on his face.

"Holy shit," I say, laughing. It's the biggest paycheck I've ever earned.

"Overtime is one sweet mistress, wouldn't you say?"

Emmett offered me more money when I first started, but I insisted he not pay me anymore than what he was paying the guys who had this job before me; I didn't even have experience. He pays double time to all of his employees for overtime, and the results are awesome.

"Seriously, Edward - no favors - you're the hardest working guy I've ever had working for me. As soon as you learn the equipment, I'm bumping you up to assistant brewer pay."

"Great," I say, a permanent smile is attached to my lips.

"Okay, just holler at the guys if you need help."

There's a total of five of us that work for Emmett. One guy, Eric, runs the taproom out front that's only open on the weekends. Byran is the head brewer, next to Emmett, and Tyler is his assistant. Nick is a college student who helps sometimes out front with Eric when Emmett releases a new beer. There's a little old lady, Maggie, and she comes in weekly to do Emmett's books. Everyone gets along, and the guys have been great to me. For the first time I feel like I fit in. These guys are quickly becoming my friends; the Cullens are already family. Bella has been working for Alice, watching Seth, and with paychecks like this, we'll be on our own in no time.

I finish all of my jobs just in time to head to Port Angeles. Emmett's place is in between Forks and the brewery, so it should only take thirty minutes to get to the bar for the delivery. I split the insurance with Emmett, and he lets me keep the van to get to and from work until I can find a car of my own. Finally, my life is turning out the way I'd always hoped. For most people having a license and the freedom of a car is basic, but for me, it's more than just transportation. It's everything I've worked towards - freedom.

The guy tips me ten bucks at the bar, and I decide to stop and buy flowers for Bella on the way home, since I've never been able to do that for her. Before I can get to the store though, my phone rings, and Charlie's name flashes across the screen. My heart clinches, because something has to be wrong. Charlie never calls me.

"Hello?"

"Edward, are you home?"

"No, I'm on my way. I just got off work. What's going on?"

"Everything's fine but get home. I'm on my way there; I have news."

The line goes dead, and my foot drops on the gas pedal. Charlie's car is out front when I get home, and he's waiting by it.

"Bella doesn't know I'm here yet," he says, looking at the house.

"What's going on?"

"They found his car." His voice is a rushed whisper, and we walk to the back of his truck.

"What?"

"Alec's car. They found it in Arizona... with him in it."

"So they've got him!" My stomach is in my throat.

"He's dead, Edward."

The news hits me like a pillowcase filled with bricks.

_Dead_.

At first I'm pissed. What an easy way out. I wanted to see that fucker fry. I wanted to see him again; the first time was too brief. He needed to sit in jail the rest of his life for what he did.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I thought you'd be happy."

"He's dead? Just like that." I snap my fingers. "He doesn't have to pay for anything he's done?" I pace around, and my hands find their way to my hair.

Charlie laughs darkly and kicks the snow below him. "That's why I wanted to talk to you first. I'm not sure how much I should tell Bella. He didn't just die, Edward. He was killed... and it wasn't pretty." My ears perk up at this information.

"I want all the details." I look him straight in the eye.

Apparently, Bella was right; she was more perceptive than the cops gave her credit for. No, Alec wasn't in the mob, but he wanted to play with the big boys. He pushed too many times and messed with the wrong people.

"Gun shot wound to the head but definite signs of prolonged torture before the final shot. They lit the car on fire with the body in it, in front of the house where his buddies were - a clear warning to them."

I lean against Charlie's car trying to process everything he's just told me.

"The specialized task force for organized crime recognizes the handy work, but there's no proving anything for sure at this point. They have informants that confirm some but not all of the details. The group he was working with was under the impression Bella was dead." His voice is hard and low. "When they saw her story on T.V. Alec had to flee, or they would have killed him there and then. She knew too much, had more power than she realized. When he showed up here, he didn't want her - he just wanted to silence her." My head swarms with this new information.

"He needed a reason to stay in town - something that didn't look suspicious; that's where Alice played in. We won't ever know for sure, but the investigators don't think he had any idea of her relationship with Bella. If so, he wouldn't have waited so long; he would've done something to get to her faster."

I have no words. It's hard to accept we live in a world with people like that. I can see in Charlie's stare he's not fully satisfied either. "His death was a slow, painful one."

He looks far off into the dark. "I've asked for the crime scene pictures." He's a cop and won't be satisfied until he sees the proof.

Charlie claps his hand on my shoulder. "We all wanted to confront him, son, but if he was caught, anyone of us could have gone to jail for killing him ourselves." I nod, because it's true. "Or, Bella would have dealt with a long trial - you wouldn't want her to have to face that."

He's right. I never thought about a trial, and if it had happened that way, Alec would just sit in jail. A painful, slow death is more what he deserved.

We stay outside for a while, and I know both of us are thinking the same thing. How will Bella take this news? Will it give her closure, or will it bring everything up?

"How much do you think she wants to hear?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I say start with the basics and answer the questions she has. She deserves to know whatever she wants."

"Jasper is the liaison for the family; we should wait until he gets here."

Jasper pulls up a few short minutes later and shakes our hands. He's been amazing during this case, and I'm sure he'll handle things with Bella well tonight. What happened with Alec really made Jasper realize how much he cared for Alice. The entire situation really put a scare into her. She had a hard time going back to work, wondering if Alec would show up. Jasper personally started checking on her apartment and looking out for her more. Alice decided however, she needed to be alone. She realized what she was doing and has taken the time to grow up a little and get herself together. She's letting Jasper in but only bit by bit.

Once Jasper has the papers he wants out of his car, we walk on eggshells into the house; no one wants to upset the strength she's found.

Esme shouts 'hi' from the kitchen. I walk in to see her doing dishes.

"We saved dinner for you; it's in the fridge."

"Thanks... do you think you could ask Bella and Carlisle to come down?"

She looks up from her task. "Sure, is everything okay?"

"Charlie and Jasper are here... there's some news on Alec."

Her face blanches. She tugs her yellow gloves off and disappears up the stairs.

Carlisle and Bella both come down in pajamas, looking confused.

We all sit around the coffee table, and I let Jasper and Charlie tell Bella the news. I hold her and wait for her reaction.

"Bella," Charlie starts and takes a pause. The suspense is making everything worse than it needs to be, but I don't blame him. No one knows how she will react.

"I got a phone call from the investigators in Arizona today." Bella's breath catches; her grip on my hand tightens, but her stare doesn't leave Charlie's.

"Alec is dead."

Carlisle and Esme gasp. Esme has tears that come immediately to her eyes.

Bella sits stone cold. "He's dead," she repeats back.

Jasper and Charlie nod their heads. We all sit and stare at her, waiting for her next move.

"How?" Her voice breaks the silence.

"Are you sure you want to -"

"Tell me how." She demands.

"Like you said, he was trying to get involved in larger... crime rings. Some of the men seem to have turned on him."

"Tell me _how_." Her eyes narrow - she can tell we're keeping things from her.

Charlie and Jasper look between each other then Charlie continues. "Their still collecting evidence, but it appears he was... tortured, quite thoroughly, before being shot in the head."

The air stands heavy and thick around us. No one speaks or moves. We all wait, on edge, for Bella's reaction.

I see her eyes start to water, but she sits perfectly still except for a nod of her head. "Thank you," she says hoarsely. She stands, letting go of my hand, never looking at any of us, and walks up the stairs. We all sit shocked, having no idea what to do.

"Should I call Carmen?" Esme asks.

"Lets give her a few minutes, and then we'll see," Carlisle says, and we all agree.

I can't take it anymore and quietly follow her up the stairs. Our room is empty, but I hear noises coming from our bathroom. I want to storm in there and help her, but from her reaction, I know she wants to be alone.

I slide down the wall and listen to her sob relentlessly. The sobs go from soft to hysterical. At times it sounds as if she can't breath. Esme and Charlie both come peek their heads in, but I shake mine. As hard as it is for me, I know she just needs time. I'm not sure how much time passes, but the noises soften and the bathroom door opens. I jump to my feet and wrap my arms around her.

"It's over. He's gone," I say into her hair.

She cries softly into my shirt and nods her head. She washes her face and comes back out of the bathroom.

"This is the last time I will cry about him, worry about him, let him control me or ever think of him again. His memory has no place in my future." Her voice is strong, and there's a strength in her eyes I've never seen before.

I can only nod my head. She nods back, straightens her clothing, and walks back down the stairs, leaving me stunned.

I follower her back down, and she sits back in her seat. Everyone asks if she's okay, and she just shakes her head asking them to stop.

"Did they find someone named Riley?"

Her question shocks us all, and I'm not sure how I feel about her asking this. On one hand he did help her escape, but on the other, he's just as guilty for her being there.

Jasper opens the folder he has in his lap and looks it over. "Everyone was arrested in the house connected to him... there's no Riley on the list I have."

She nods her head, and a tear slips down her cheek.

"How about Vanessa? I, uh... I don't know her last name. She was Riley's girlfriend and would have a baby now."

Jasper runs through his papers again. "I'm sorry, no."

"Well, they must have gotten away." The look in Bella's eyes tells me she doesn't believe that, but she's doing what she needs to get through this.

"Maybe," Jasper agrees. "There's still a lot the investigators are trying to find out. The house is a different one from where you... were kept. The people seem to be fairly new to the scene, as well. I can't promise, but I see no reason why you would be bothered for any part of the investigation."

"Are they going to look for the other girls?" she asks Jasper.

"Like I said, this is all incoming news. He had his hand in many things, and they'll be following many leads."

Bella nods her head. Everyone can see she's overwhelmed and stand to leave. Bella goes upstairs after offering a small smile to everyone in the room. Esme offers the guest room to Charlie, which he's happy to accept. Jasper is going to head to Alice's to let her in on the news. It's another twenty minutes before I can get upstairs.

"Wake us up if you need anything tonight," Carlisle says to me as he and Esme go upstairs.

I follow them up, unsure as to what I'll find in our room. When I open the door, I see that Bella is curled up in the blankets fast asleep. I lie down, wrapping my arms around her and stay awake all night. This was the final thing - the last loose piece. Bella is free from her past, and we can start our lives together now.

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**I can't even believe it, but the last chapter is done and with the betas. It will be up by Thursday at the latest. **

**Love you guys! Thanks for reading. **


	35. Chapter 35 Dosed

**I can't believe this is it, guys! The last chapter. **

**Kimmcarr - Thank you so much for all the work you put into this story! You have no idea how much I appreciate everything and damn real life for dragging you away from me! lol **

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**To everyone who has read, reviewed, pimped this story. You guys are so awesome! I remember telling WO that I would be so thrilled if anyone read this and liked it, and now, we're over 4k reviews! I can't even believe it! It's been a year and half journey almost and some of you have been there with me from the beginning. **

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* * *

_**This is the way I wanted it to be with you **_

_**This is the way that I knew that it would be with you**_

_**-Red Hot Chili Peppers **_

"God, that fucking smile you won't wipe off your face is getting old. Get the hell out of here." His voice is angry, but there's a grin on his face.

"You sure?"

Emmett looks at me and rolls his eyes. "Go. We'll see you tonight."

"Uh... can you not?"

He laughs loudly. "Got big plans for the pimp pad, huh?"

"Pimp pad? Really, Emmett?"

I haven't had a day off in three weeks, so I take his invitation to 'get the hell out' and leave. Bella and I are going to unpack at our new place. We were able to place a deposit down three days ago on a little house we found. Today, we finally get to move in. I don't know who plans on coming over, but I'd really like it to just be me and Bella our first night in our first house.

A couple months ago, I was able to buy an old truck from someone Carlisle knew. It's rusty, makes noises, and doesn't smell all that great, but it was sold to me for a good deal and it's mine - I never thought I'd own my own car, let alone be getting ready to move into a house. Bella and I were taking it for a drive - a way to get some time to ourselves - when we stumbled on a little house in La Push. Just like the truck, the house is older and doesn't smell that great, but it's two blocks from the ocean and it's ours. It has two tiny rooms, a kitchen and a living room. The backyard is fenced in, and Bella is already planning all the barbecues she wants to host this summer. We've already paid the deposit, and we get the keys today. We're finally starting our lives.

Alec was found dead almost five months ago. They've tried and convicted everyone they found associated with him, but no one really knows the full extent of his criminal activity. Bella had to go in to identify a few men, but other than that she's been left out of the investigation. Riley, his girlfriend, and the baby haven't been found, and I know that's something that wears on Bella. Like the police department, we assume they didn't survive if his betrayal was figured out.

It's been hard for Bella to adjust to a life where she no longer has to live in fear. Fear is all she's ever known. She's had to grow up while already being an adult. She never had the chance to grow, make mistakes and learn as a child. I imagine most people would let their past rule their future but not Bella. She wasn't lying the night we learned of Alec's death, when she said she wouldn't cry another tear because of him. She continued going to therapy and has even picked up a job at a grocery store running the cash register a few days a week. She's taking it slow, but she's starting to study and looking in to what it would take for her to get her GED. The girl I'm with today is nothing like the girl who stumbled into my life almost a year and half ago.

She loves making her own money, and for the first time in her life, having independence. She still gets overwhelmed and ghosts insist on trying to crush her some days, but each day she gets stronger.

My old truck screeches loudly as I turn sharply into a parking spot. Bella's shift ends in about ten minutes. She usually walks the fifteen minutes home, but I want to surprise her since I'm off early. Walking home for the first time alone wasn't only huge for Bella but for me too. I've learned Bella wasn't the only one living in fear of Alec's return.

While I still get too protective at times, I've learned to back off and let her live. The last thing I would want is for her to feel she's in a controlling situation. That doesn't mean Emmett and I didn't follow her the first few times, without her knowing, to make sure she got home safely. What she didn't know wouldn't hurt her - or so I thought. When she figured out what we were doing we had our worst fight to date.

She made sure I was thoroughly embarrassed when she told Dr. Carmen, and we all had a talk about my 'stalking' behavior. Needless to say, I got the point. She calls or texts someone when she leaves the store and texts me to let me know she got home safely. It may be overkill for some, but for us it's our happy medium. We've both accepted the fact we'll never fit into society's norms, but we prefer it that way.

Bella comes out looking for something in her purse and doesn't see me. Even in her Ron's Food Mart uniform, she still looks beautiful. I sit and watch her wave to her co-workers as she leaves. She carries herself differently now. She's at a healthy weight, and she just looks... happy. I laugh as she pulls her phone out and starts texting. The next thing I know, I feel a vibration in my pocket.

_On my way home. Love you! Can't wait to move into our house tonight *happy dance*_

Just a few months ago, I had never touched a cell phone. Now, I quickly type back before she walks out of the parking lot.

_I really didn't see much of a happy dance..._

Her head pops up after reading the screen, and she smiles as she jogs over to the truck.

"What are you doing here?"

"Should I go?" I tease her with a smile.

"How'd you get off early?"

"Em just let me go. He knew I was anxious to get going on our move."

"I'm so excited." She bounces in her seat and leans over to give me a kiss, before she wraps the seat belt around her.

"Ready?" I ask.

"Absolutely!"

We roll our windows down, letting the spring breeze fill the cab, as we make our way to the house. The landlord is supposed to meet us in an hour, so we decide to take a walk on the beach while we wait for time to pass.

My arm is wrapped tightly around her shoulder as she curls herself into my side, trying to get away from the wind that whips her hair around.

"Have you told Jake?"

I smile and nod.

"Yeah. He said to tell you hi."

"Tell him hi next time you talk to him."

Jake, too, is a different person. He followed the treatment program he was sentenced to and has recently been let out on his own. He's living in Seattle in a halfway house, still in strict therapy, but he's doing well. Since he's started the appropriate medication and therapy he hasn't had an episode. He was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder as well as being bi-polar. While locked up, it came out that he also had high levels of drugs in his system. He was trying to self-medicate anyway he could, but he only made his conditions worse.

He's been clean, holds down a job, and has even started to date a bit.

"Is he still going to come up?"

"He's planning on it."

After getting clean and healthy, he tried one more time to get in touch and re-connect with his family. I was shocked he was going to try again after how they treated him, and I felt for him when they pushed him away again. As far as I know he's planning on starting a new life and leaving them behind.

"What about Mrs. E? Did you talk to her again?"

"Yeah, her son is still going to bring her up." Bella smiles widely and starts asking me what kind of food we should have for everyone.

Alice and Esme insisted we needed to have a housewarming party. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but when I looked over and saw Bella's wide smile, I shut my mouth. Esme later explained that girls look forward to these things. So, in two weeks, every person we know will be shoved into our tiny house.

"Do you still have tomorrow off?"

I nod. "I have the next two days off."

"Awesome! We should be able to paint the whole house!"

I groan and let my shoulders drop dramatically.

"What?"

"I was hoping we could spend the two days in bed." I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

"I'm sure you'll get your way," she laughs then runs away from me down the beach.

I take a second to watch her before chasing after her. When I catch her, I grab her from behind around the waist, spinning her in circles off the ground. She screams my name, laughing as we both fall into a heap on the sand.

**~*E&B*~**

Two weeks. Bella and I have been living alone for two weeks, and they've been amazing. I'm living the life I used to watch others live. I drive up to my house after work and smile when I see the windows open letting the breeze blow in.

Bella and I did spend the first two days in bed, which meant I've been painting every night after work, but it's beyond worth it. Since then, it's been a flurry of activity to prepare for our guests. The landlord is the son of the man who used to live in the house. No one has lived in it since his father died. He's given us total freedom to do what we want with it, and Bella has taken advantage of it. She, Alice, Rose, and Esme spent hours in our yard transforming it from a weed-infested pit to a beautiful yard with flowers growing all along the perimeter. When the landlord saw all the effort we were putting into his father's home, he jumped in and replaced the carpets. We've worked out a deal with him to rent-to-own the home. Since we can't afford a down payment and have no credit history, he's working with us, so we can buy the house eventually.

The front door is new, along with all the paint inside. For Christmas a few months back, the family surprised us with a gift card to IKEA for five hundred dollars. Proudly, I was able to match that and Bella and Rose dragged Emmett and me through that store, if you can even call it a store, for hours. The result though is a matching, furnished living room that Bella was able to decorate exactly how she had always dreamed. Esme and Carlisle also showed up one day with all the furniture from our room at their home, insisting it had always been Bella's.

We've received more help adjusting to living on our own than most would dream. While I still have a hard time letting people in, it's gotten better, and I've learned to bite my tongue, as well. I'm learning more and more it's a give and take - _family_ - not charity. Something I've never experienced before.

Walking up to the front door I smile at the sign Bella has sticking up in a flowerpot by the front door. "Shoes off, please."

She takes care of this house as if it were the Vatican. I slip my shoes off, opening the door to my home. There's soft music playing and candles lit, but no other noise.

"Bella?" I ask, taking my wallet out and leaving it with my keys in the basket on the table.

I walk through the house, finding every room immaculately clean. My chest tightens, and I start to worry when I can't find her. I'm about to go back to the living room, but something in the window catches my eye. All I can see is a tree that's moving across the yard on its own.

When I get to the back deck I see Bella fighting the small tree.

"I don't think you're winning," I say, catching her attention.

"No, I'm not." She lets go of it and wipes sweat from her brow.

"Want some help?"

"Please." She smiles sweetly and reaches up to kiss me.

"How was your day?"

"Good."

I never thought I'd care where I worked, as long as I had a job, but working at Emmett's brewery has been great. I'm assisting the lead brewer now and finally have the passion for beer that Emmett approves of.

"How was your day?" I ask with a grunt, as I drag the tree toward the hole in the middle of the yard.

"Good. I was hoping to have this done before you got home though."

I notice there's a second hole next to the one I drop the tree into.

"What are these for?"

Bella looks at her shoes and mumbles something I can't understand.

"Huh?"

"I said... I wanted to surprise you. They're for our mom's. I just thought it would be nice for them to have representation here... in our home."

I wasn't expecting that answer and am a little shocked.

"You don't like the idea?"

"No... it's a great idea."

"They're willow trees," she says quietly, sounding almost embarrassed. "The way they branch out always looked so... protective to me. I thought they would be good symbols for our moms." I smile at her. I shouldn't be surprised by the amount of thought she's put into this.

While Bella is fairly comfortable speaking of her mother now, but the words still don't flow as easily for me.

I place my arm around her and kiss the top of her head.

"Let's get them planted."

She smiles up at my approving words. She' gives me time but slowly asks more and more questions about my mom and about my life as a child. We end up spending the rest of the afternoon getting them planted while sharing embarrassing, funny, and sad stories about our mothers.

**~*E&B*~**

"You're going to ruin his clothes!"

"He's a kid. The only thing he's supposed to do is ruin his clothes."

"Yeah, well you're not the one who has to wash them."

Alice gives up, walking back into the house. As soon as she's out of sight Seth and Emmett continue wrestling for the ball on the ground. Carlisle is at the barbecue he brought over and is getting it started while the rest of the guys throw a football in the yard.

"C'mon, old man, get down here!" Emmett shouts to his dad, who, surprising us all, playfully flips the bird in our direction.

"Daddy?" Emmett gasps, sounding as if he'll cry.

Seth loves the drama Emmett has oozing out of his pores and laughs hysterically, even though it's obvious he really doesn't understand what's going on.

"Don't push him, Emmett. If he decides to pay you back for all your smart ass comments -"

"We don't say ass!"

We all laugh as Seth corrects Jasper.

"You're right, Seth. Thank you," Jasper manages to say while laughing. "If he decides to pay you back for all your smart... butt comments, I'm off duty and will sit back and watch the show," Jasper laughs, jogging to the deck to take a sip of his beer.

Jasper and Alice have gotten serious in the past few months. Even though Jasper already knew Seth from working the case, Alice is just letting Jasper around him as her boyfriend. Seth acted a little unsure at first but has warmed up. He started the nickname, Jazz, much to Jasper's displeasure, that we all call him now.

Like Emmett reminded him though, it could be worse. He did nickname her first boyfriend, "Goob."

Carlisle sets the food down and jogs down to us.

"Now we're talkin'!" Emmett shouts.

"Alright, let's mix these teams up," Charlie says, throwing the ball to me.

"Seth, you're pick, little man," I say, tossing the ball in his direction. He catches the football with his entire upper body.

"Hmmm." He places one hand on his chin and looks at each of us closely. "I'll take Jazz."

Even with the nickname, a smile grows on Jasper's face. It's important to him and Alice both that Seth feels comfortable with their relationship. They have brought him with them on a few dates recently, and it seems the three are meshing well.

"You're turn, Ed!" Yeah, Jasper isn't the only one he decided to give a nickname to.

I catch the ball and call out my pick. "Emmett." He's a loud mouth but the best player.

"What the hell? A guy's twenty minutes late, and you start without him?"

I turn to see Jake's huge form in the doorway; Bella smiles broadly behind him.

"You're an _hour_ late, asshole," I say with a smile, tossing the ball to Emmett, heading Jake's way.

He gives me a hug. "I got to say, Masen, you've got yourself set up pretty nice here."

"Thanks, man." If I saw Jake on the street, I wouldn't even recognize him. He's bulked up, his hair is cut short, and his eyes have a brightness to them I've never seen before.

"How are ya?"

"I'm good... awesome," I say. "Want a beer?" The words slip out of my mouth without thinking. "Sorry, Jake." He made it clear a while ago that with his treatment and meds, he couldn't have alcohol.

"Nah, it's cool. You got a Coke or something?"

"I'll get you one." Bella slips into the house and comes back with a glass.

"Thanks," Jake says.

Bella has been nothing but smiles since everyone arrived today. She's wearing the new apron Rose made for her and kisses my cheek before slipping back into the kitchen.

We catch up on the porch for a couple minutes before Emmett breaks in, as usual.

"You gonna introduce your date or keep him all to yourself?"

I roll my eyes but go back to the group, Jake behind me.

"Guys this is Jake. Charlie, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and that little runt is Seth."

Seth looks truly offended. "I'm not a runt."

"Nice to meet you in person, finally. Thanks for all your help." Jake walks up and shakes Charlie's hand.

"No problem, son."

He shakes Carlisle's and Jasper's hands next.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Edward's boss." If it weren't for the goofy grin on his face, Jake might actually take him seriously.

"Ignore him. He gets off saying that. Mad with power, it makes him hard," I say and then duck my head before the football Emmett throws hits me.

"What gets hard, Uncle Emmett?"

Jake spits out a mouthful of pop.

"Never mind Seth," Carlisle says shooting us both a look.

"I'm Edward's best friend, Seth," he announces proudly lifting his arm above his head to shake Jake's hand.

"Ah, I see. So you're the one who replaced me."

Seth looks confused but nods anyway.

"All right! Let's get this game going. Jake, you in?" Jasper asks.

"Why not."

"Seth, why don't you be the ref this time," Carlisle says, recognizing a disaster waiting to happen. "I think a couple of them are going to try and cheat," he whispers dramatically.

Seth jumps at the chance to be in charge and starts making the teams.

"Okay, Jazz, Ed and Jake on this side." He points to his right and pushes us that way. "Grandpa, Charlie and Uncle Emmett over here."

We line up with the football on our side.

"You can hit each other but _don't_ cheat. GO!" he screams as if it were a race.

We play for about thirty minutes before the girls come out and sit on the patio furniture on the deck. There are a couple new people with them, and I have to do a double take before I realize who it is.

I run up and hug the old woman, who was one of the only reasons I made it all those years.

"Beautiful house, Edward. Just beautiful." She has tears in her eyes and grabs my shoulders, pulling me in for another hug.

"Thanks, Mrs. E."

"Look at you..." She steps back and makes me do a turn. I laugh when I face her again. "I'm so proud of you."

She introduces us all to her son. I look over my shoulder to see Jake tossing the ball to Carlisle.

"Have you seen Jake since..."

"No, I haven't." Her eyes travel the crowd until she spots him. She grabs my arm. "Look at that boy, Edward." A tear escapes her eye. Jake is in the yard, looking like he'd like it to swallow him whole. "He looks like a different man. How's he doing?" She looks like she's dying to speak to him - but it looks to be the last thing he wants. I know Jake still hasn't forgiven himself for what he did. Mrs. E can tell and she's giving him his space.

"He's good. He just got a job and seems like he's doing great." We stand for a minute, and she keeps her eyes on Jake who kicks his shoe in the dirt, looks to the sky, the house next door... everywhere but in our direction.

"Oh, this is silly. I'm going to talk to that boy." She marches to the stairs, and I run behind her to help her down them. "Thank you. This old woman just keeps getting older." She smiles and pats my cheek before marching off.

I stand back and watch as she hits Jake in the back of the head and chews him out for not coming to say hi, before she wraps her arms around him and brings him to her level. After a minute his arms go around her waist as he hugs her back. I can tell it's emotional for them, so I give them their privacy and go back to the table as the food is being passed around.

"God, this looks awesome," Emmett says, kissing Rose on the cheek.

"I'm glad," she replies. A sly grin sneaks across her face. "You'll have no problem thanking us by doing the dishes then."

Emmett groans loudly as we all squeeze together on our little deck and eat the food the girls spent all afternoon cooking.

Bella sits next to me and leans into my side with her hand on my leg. Soon Mrs. E and Jake join us, seemingly reconciled. Everyone around us is talking animatedly, and Jake argues with Emmett about the recent sports drafts - he fits in as if he's been here all along.

I notice Bella isn't eating as I start to scoop up seconds for myself. "Not hungry?"

"Oh, I've been sneaking little bits in the kitchen all day." She waves me off. "Isn't this amazing?" She looks to every face at the table, and I know she isn't talking about the food. She's glowing. Watching her light up, watching her family and friends is something amazing to see.

"We should do this all the time."

"Whatever you want," I say, kissing the side of her head. I mean it too. If I can see her this happy all the time, I'll give her whatever she wants.

"Love you." Before I can respond her lips are pressed to mine.

"Ewww, Aunt Bella. Stop."

I pick up a piece of bread off my plate and launch it in Seth's direction, causing him to squeal and laugh, but keep my lips firmly pressed to Bella's.

**~*E&B*~**

"Tonight was perfect."

"It was."

"Is Jake going to come back soon?" she rolls onto her side to face me. We're lying in bed, with the windows open, enjoying the breeze and the silence.

"He's going to try. He wants us to visit him once he has his own place. Would you be comfortable with that?" Not once tonight did he act off, but I know he really scared Bella before - scared me, too.

"I think so. He looked so much better, didn't he?"

I run a hand through her hair. "Already checking other guys out, huh?

"Oh hush," she laughs, punching me lightly in the stomach.

"No, he really did. It was really nice to see him."

"So great he and Mrs. E could talk, too. I just love her."

"Yeah, she's great."

I feel myself start to fidget. My nerves getting the best of me.

"I'll be right back. Stay here, okay?"

She nods but looks at me quizzically.

I go to the backyard and light all the candles and torches. I flip a switch that lights the two little trees in white lights. Between the trees I lay a blanket down with pillows on top. I've been thinking about this all day - looking forward to it. Now that the moment has come, my stomach is in knots. Carlisle and Charlie know this is happening tonight, but no one else. I couldn't trust the rest to stay quiet.

I picked up my grandmother's ring from the jewelers two days ago. He restored it, repairing everything and fixed it up. It looks like a brand new ring; it looks amazing. I just hope she likes it. I considered buying her one of her own, but it just feels right that she wear this one - something to keep my family with us.

I reach into my pocket rubbing my fingers across the stones before going back inside.

"You okay?" Bella's sitting up in the bed now, a worried look on her face.

"Uh... yeah, I'm good."

"You don't look good. Why don't you come lie down?"

"Let's sit in the backyard." I reach my hand forward, and she hesitantly takes it.

"The backyard?"

"I feel like some fresh air." I kiss the side of her head, feeling like I'm going to lose my dinner. _What if she says no?_ The thought never crossed my mind until now.

"Oh, okay." She slips a sweatshirt over her head. I made sure all the lights in the house were off, so the backyard would look brighter. She questions the lights but lets me lead her down the hall.

Once we get to the backyard she gasps.

"Oh my God. Did you do this?"

I nod, looking at the ground.

"Edward... it's beautiful."

"Really?"

"Really. It's just amazing." She wanders around a little and walks to the trees, touching the small lights. "What is all this for?"

I stare into her eyes for a moment. My hand is in my pocket holding the ring tightly but shaking nonetheless. Slowly, I make my way to her, never breaking eye contact. When I finally reach her, I slowly bring my hand behind her neck and kiss her slow and soft.

I lean my forehead against hers, needing the comfort only she can give in order to get these words out. "Bella, you know me better than anyone in this world does." Fears of what I'll do if she says no almost keep me from continuing. I grasp both her hands in mine and continue on. "This past year and a half has been the best of my life. You've opened yourself and your family up to me." I had a whole speech planned, but it isn't us. I decide to just say what is running through my mind. "I love you more than anything and would do _anything_ for you." I pull back and look at her.

Her eyes are wide and wet. Silent tears escape, and her chin trembles when I get down on one knee. There's one last thing I did to prepare for tonight, and I hope I don't screw it up.

"Bella..." I take her hand and look up at her from my spot on the ground. The breeze blows her hair, and her fingers rub the back of my hand - all my fears and reservations disappear.

I pull the ring out of my pocket and slip it on her finger. "Mi vuoi sposare?"

"Oh my God, Edward." Tears flow out of her eyes, and she falls to her knees next to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Yes, yes, yes I'll marry you. I love you so much." She kisses me with such force it takes us all the way to the ground.

I lay her down on the blanket between the two trees and underneath the dark sky, lit up by the stars, and love her like I plan to for the rest of my life.

_And they lived happily ever after..._

* * *

**I don't have an epi planned at the moment. If there's something you're dying to see, feel free to mention it to me. I'm sure I'll write and epi at some point in the future, but Bella and Edward's story is told. There will be no sequel.**

**I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow (insert fist pump) But I will post my new story, Exposed, when I get back! Make sure to put me on alert so you will see that and the epi if/when it's posted. **

**THANK YOU! **


	36. Chapter 36 Hard to Concentrate Epilogue

**For those who wanted an epilogue, here it is. If you aren't a fan of them you can skip it and it won't mess with the original story.  
****Jessypt spent her evening (and the last year of her life) editing this story. Thank you so much, bb. XoXoXo**

* * *

_**All I want is for you to be happy and **_

_**Take this woman and make you my family and **_

_**Finally you have found someone perfect and**_

_**Finally you have found yourself**_

_**-Red Hot Chili Peppers**_

**EPOV**

"Really? What did I do to you?" I ask after I get my daughter, who's sporting a pink tutu, crown, and sticky mess all over her face, into her booster seat. She has a donut firmly in her grasp, and I can tell it's going to be a long night.

"She wanted it." Em shrugs, laughing at me.

I roll my eyes. "She also wants to take over the world and force everyone to wear pink. Want to give her a hand with that, too?"

"If she gave me her pouty look when she asked, you know I would." I shake my head with a smile.

"The meeting go well?"

I smirked at him. "Of course." There hadn't been a client I've lost yet. We found over the years that I have a knack for handling difficult clients. It amazes me everyday how my survival skills from the streets have transferred so well in the business world. Last year, Emmett and I became partners in the brewery. It allowed him to focus more on his passion - the brewing - while I took over most of the business side. Never did I think I'd find myself in suits and khakis, but I've naturally fallen into the position.

After getting Maddie cleaned up and loaded in the car, I reach up and loosen my tie, unbuttoning the top two buttons of my shirt. I turn the car on and wave to Emmett as we pull out of his driveway.

"Wave goodbye to Uncle Emmett," I say, looking in the review mirror back at my daughter.

An arm covered in pink flies up as she frantically pounds at the glass, screaming goodbye. Em stands on his porch waving back. Rose and Em were never able to have kids. They tried for years but it never happened for them. Rose threw herself into her teaching, and her students became her children. There's probably no students on earth that feel more loved and cared for than Rose's do. Also, they've made the best God-Parents to our child. I find myself still untrusting at times, especially when it comes to Bella and Maddie, but I have found a friend in Emmett whom I can trust with anything. It gives me peace to know if something were to happen to me, he'd be there to take care of my family, even if he acts like an eighth grader most of the time.

I hear Maddie mumbling, going back from Italian to English. It's important to Bella that she carries the same tradition on with Maddie that her mother did with her. She mostly teaches her songs and riddles, but Maddie loves it. To this day when Bella is feeling overwhelmed we sit, and she points things out in Italian like we used to until she calms down.

"Did you have fun with Uncle Emmett?" I watch the road, but it's distracting when I can see my daughter's excited eyes in the rearview mirror.

"So much fun." The donut is gone and her wild legs, which are covered in tights with bunnies and yellow rain boots, are kicking the seat. I let her dress herself today, and I'm glad her mother's not here to see. I'm pretty sure part of her outfit is something she wore for Halloween. "We played dress up and I let Uncle Em wear my crown but then I took it back because he was not being a nice princess."

"No?"

"He just says, 'Off with their heads! Off with their heads!' What does that mean, daddy?"

I smile at her lisp but squeeze my eyes shut and curse Emmett.

"I dunno, princess," I say, avoiding answering her question all together. Emmett had a habit of teaching the kids things far above their age level.

"What else did you guys do?"

Distracted by the wand in her hand, it takes her a second to focus on the question. "We made cookies and took Max for a walk to the donut store. Max ate one of my donuts, daddy."

_One of her donuts? _"How many donuts did Uncle Em give you?"

"Lots, Daddy."This was going to be a long night.

"Did you have lunch?"

"Yes, cookies," she says with a big smile, the evidence of chocolate still around the corners of her mouth. The downfall of her sugar highs are usually grumpy tantrums. I could tell we were headed that direction when the corners of her mouth turned down.

"Daddy? When is mommy coming home?"

Bella, Rose and Alice are out of town for a girls' weekend. It's the first time Bella has ever left Maddie overnight, since she was born four years ago, and she almost cancelled the trip three times. Rose and Alice had to forcibly drag her out of the house.

"Two days, sweat pea."

I hear the sniffles before I see the quivering lip.

"But... who's gonna tuck me in?"

"I will."

"Who's gonna make dinner?"

"Me." I reach my hand behind me and wiggle her booted foot.

"But who's gonna read my bunny book?"

"I will, honey."

"But... but..." I see the tears starting to slide down her cheek. I want to pull over and wipe them away but know the sooner we get home the better.

"But... I want mommy!"

_Me too. _

Not only is it the first time Bella has left Maddie, it's also the first time she's left me. I can't believe it's been ten years since she showed up on the streets of Portland. So much has change and that time in our lives feels like a distant memory - almost like it's someone else's story. I'm broke out of my thoughts by a sniffle. I turn my head and see her chewing on her lip. I can't stand to see her cry.

And the dam breaks, the tantrum taking over. She rubs her eyes with her fists, and I can see the signs of an overly tired little girl who skipped her nap.

By the time I pull up to the house she is fussy, whiney and begging for Bella. When I lift her out of her booster seat she wraps her legs around me and buries her head into my neck.

"I miss mommy." My heart breaks for her, and I squeeze her tighter.

"But you have daddy," I whisper and tickle her side after we get through the front door. Her arms squeeze tighter around my neck. Now, I see why Em gave her all the sweets. I would give her anything to make her happy right now. "Shhh," I say, kissing the top of her head as I bounce her, making my way back to her bedroom. By the time I peel off the layers of glitter and tulle she's practically asleep in my arms. Laying her on her bed, I softly wipe the remaining tears off her little face, still baby soft and round. Her brown hair lays wildly on her pillow, her long lashes rest on her cheeks as she falls asleep.

I run my hand through her hair before quietly stepping out the room. Leaning against the wall I close my eyes. I always thought I was one of those guys that helped their wives a ton, but now that she's gone I realize just how much she does. Since neither Bella nor I had our moms home with us when we were younger, we decided it was important to us for Bella to stay home once we had kids. She's a natural with Maddie, and I love nothing more than to watch them interact together. Maddie is a girly girl who loves to dress up, paint nails and pretend to put makeup on. Bella and I can't figure out where she got it from, but I've been the victim of "Hair Shop" and "Nail Salon" more times than I can count.

When I open my eyes I see our wedding picture hanging on the opposite wall. I'm taken back to that day, and I can almost smell the ocean breeze and see Bella walking toward me in her white dress on Charlie's arm. He and Bella became very close, salvaging their relationship and really turning it into something special. Even he and I developed a friendship, and the three of us had a few fishing weekends together. He married a few years back and lives in Seattle, but we make it a point to see him at least once a month.

We were married one year to the day after I proposed on the beach at La Push, not far from our house. Our wedding was a small affair with only the Cullens, Jake, Mrs. E and us - it was perfect. Bella wore a simple white dress. We stood with Jake and Alice as our bridal party and let Emmett have his way and marry us, after he took some test online. It was perfect. We didn't take a fancy honeymoon and chose put the money back into our house, where we still live. We've remodeled, added on, and I can't imagine living anywhere else. We never wanted to go back to Portland. While I owed a lot to that city for bringing Bella to me, it was still a place I didn't feel safe, and it held too many violent, depressing memories. When Mrs. E passed away five years ago, Jake, Bella and I made the trip together to attend her funeral and face our pasts. It was a wonderful thing to see all the people whose lives she touched. The church was overflowing, and there were more people outside.

Bella and I visited the waterfront. We sat on our bench in silence like we did so many years ago. When I looked over at her, I could still see the scars I had traced the first time we sat there together. Reaching over, I had repeated my motions, slowly tracing them on her body. She closed her eyes, and tears streamed down her face. But unlike the last time when she cowered away from me in fear, this time she stood brave and tall, grabbing my hand and saying goodbye to Portland for the last time. After that trip, we both noticeably changed. That chapter of our lives was finally closed, and it was time to start a new one. That's when we decided we wanted to be parents.

We both had a lot to work through and it took time. Bella and I both worked towards our GEDs and Bella went on to get her associates degree. We were all so proud of her that the entire family showed up after her first class with flowers and gifts, embarrassing the shit out of her. I smile at the memory just as the phone rings. I run to the living room, not wanting it to wake up Maddie.

"Hello," I whisper.

"Edward? What's wrong?" The panic in Bella's voice makes me think she's turning the car around and heading back.

"Nothing's wrong. I just put Maddie down and didn't want to wake her up," I laugh. "How are you? Did you make it to Leavenworth safely?"

"Yeah, we just got here, but do you need me? I can come back."

As much as I'd like to say yes, the truth is I'm a thirty-two year old man, with a child of my own, and I can make it through a weekend without my wife. "No, baby. I miss you, but I want you to have a good time." I can hear her breathing increase on the other line. Bella has made huge strides and is almost unrecognizable from the abused girl from the street, but panic and worry are two things she still struggles with. "Bella," I say softly. "Take a deep breath and calm down. Maddie is safe, happy and stuffed with sugar thanks to your brother." She laughs, and I can tell she's calming herself down. "Go out to dinner, have fun with the girls, and we'll be waiting for you when you come back."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I love you. And you'll call me if you need anything?"

"Of course. Love you. Have a great trip."

We say our goodbyes, but I'm sure I'll hear from her again before the weekend's over.

**~*E&B*~**

"Thanks, man, I was going crazy."

"No problem," I laugh, throwing more food on the barbecue. Jasper and his boys decided to come over. He needed to get the boys out of the house. The girls' weekend has turned into a 'guys and kids' weekend for us.

"Jake coming over?"

"Yeah, he'll be here any minute. He's closing the brewery tonight." Jake's been clean and stable for almost eight years now. His health is still a struggle for him, but he's determined to beat his illness. He moved here from Seattle a couple years back and has fit right into the brewery.

"Jared, don't push Maddie."

"But dad, she keeps trying to put her crown on me."

"Maddie, baby," I say. "Leave Jared alone, and keep your crown on your head."

The moms never parent from the deck, but it seems to be working for us so far... until we hear Maddie's shrill scream.

"Jared give the ball back to Maddie," Jasper demands, marching off the porch into the grass. Poor guy doesn't get a break from policing people. He's the chief of police now, and he and Alice have been married for seven years, Jared came a couple years later, and their newborn Bonnie is on the trip with the girls.

"Need any help, Edward?" Seth asks, a beer in his hand.

"Yeah, you can give me that," I laugh, taking the beer away.

"Ah, c'mon, Uncle Edward. Mom's gone, and I'm not going anywhere."

I look over to Jasper and then back to Seth. "A sip, but it stays here." I hand the sixteen year old kid, who's now taller than me, the beer and after a sip I take it away. I'm still the cool uncle, and I'm not corrupting him too badly.

"Are you and your dad still picking up your car tomorrow?"

His entire face lights up. "Yeah, you've gotta see it." He spends the next fifteen minutes describing the car to me for the third time. I still remember when he spent hours showing me his toy cars, now he's getting a real one. He's a great kid, and I feel lucky to have seen him grow up. The same day Alice and Jasper got married, he legally adopted Seth, and they've been inseparable since. Alice never did hear from his biological father again.

Jake joins soon after, and he and Seth get into an intense debate on foreign versus American cars.

Jasper is entertaining the two younger kids when I hear the front door open. Emmett and Carlisle walk in, their arms filled with food for our impromptu barbecue.

"Something smells amazing." I feel Carlisle's hand on my shoulder and turn to give him a one armed hug, noticing the coloring in his face is brighter than I've seen it in a long time.

"Steak or a burger, Carlisle?"

"Tough choice, but how about the steak?"

"Sounds good."

"Now, where are my grand babies?" he says, which garners squeals and screams from Jared and Maddie who run toward him shouting 'grandpa!'.

Minutes later, Emmett's by me, shoving chips in his mouth and his _son_, Max the Great Dane, is pissing all over my fence. "How was your first night without mommy?" he teases.

"Fine, except my daughter was cracked out on sugar. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Ah, anytime."

We both laugh and fall into conversation. Soon I see Carlisle sitting on a chair in the shade, watching the children play. There's a soft smile on his lips, but he seems to wear sadness like a second skin.

"How is he?"

Emmett shrugs, and I can see the hurt in his eyes. "He seemed a little better today. The dishes were done at the house, and he went golfing with some buddies yesterday."

I nod my head. "That's good. I was going to invite him to stay here tonight, if he wanted. Maddie would love it."

"I don't know if he will, but I know the offer would mean a lot to him."

Since Esme died of cancer six months ago, Carlisle has been lost. For the first few months none of us recognized the shell of a man he had become. We all took turns either staying with him or having him stay with us. The house went to ruins, dishes piling up, not showering... it was painful to watch. The past couple months and the birth of his new grandchild had helped bring him back to us, but there's still a fragility about him.

Esme's passing was hard on everyone, and it was another good reason for the girls to get away; Esme would have loved that. I don't think we'd be where we are today without Esme's love and support. She stepped into the role of mother without either of us having to ask. She was in the room when Maddie was born and at our house for middle of the night feedings and new parent panic the first week. My throat still tightens when I realize yet again she won't be walking through our front door ever again. Watching the woman who helped save us from our past die wasn't an easy thing for either of us, but watching Carlisle slowly deteriorate after was almost worse.

I look around the yard and smile. These people are my family, and I would do anything for them.

**~E&B*~**

**BPOV**

When I pull up to the driveway and say goodbye to the girls I can't get to the front door fast enough. Before I even reach the porch steps the door flies open and a ball of pink comes flying into my arms.

"Mommy!"

"Oh, Maddie," I say, falling to my knees and wrapping my arms around her, inhaling her sweet scent. "I missed you so much."

"We missed you, too."

I look up, and my breath still catches after all these years. He stands, leaning on the door jam, hands in his pockets and green eyes ablaze. They're the same green eyes he passed down to the perfect little girl in my arms. Standing, I pick her up and meet him half way, kissing him passionately, wrapping my free arm around him. My house feels like my safe haven, and it feels so good to be home.

To the people on the outside you'd think I was gone for months, but even though it was only days, this was a huge step for me. Even after all these years, with my tormenter long gone and no trouble since, I still don't like to be away from Edward. And now that we have Maddie the feelings are even stronger. I did have an amazing time with the girls though, and it's something we've vowed to do regularly from now on. It feels good to gain another piece - maybe even the final piece - of my independence.

"Let's get inside. We have dinner ready for you."

"You do?" I ask, eyebrow raised. Edward isn't known for his cooking skills.

"I helped!" shouts Maddie.

"Well awesome. I'm starving."

I sit at the table and smile. There's a candle burning in the middle and a million of Maddie's drawings scattered all around. She sits on my lap while she points out every detail of each one. I was touched at how clean the house was and what a fantastic job Edward had done while I was gone.

They both excitedly tell me about their weekend and ask about mine. We share, eat boxed macaroni and cheese, and life is perfect.

**~*E&B*~**

"You can't leave me again," Edward says playfully as his lips wrap around my nipple.

"I know. I missed you, too."

"It's been too long," he says pulling my panties off, kissing me between my legs.

"It's only been three days," I giggle. The man is insatiable.

"Exactly."

Edward and I had waited a long time to have kids. We wanted to make sure we'd both worked through our issues and had come out on the other side. While our pasts had made us who we are, we don't let them define or control us anymore. We have Maddie Renee, after my mom, and we've talked about having another. We have a large family whom we love and who love us, and on my trip I discovered it would be growing larger still.

Once we're both undressed, I take a minute to just look him over as he hovers above me, placing kisses down my chest and waist. We were troubled runaways and fugitives, but we made it to the other side and are living in a dream. We've changed and grown but always together - stronger. He's seen the best and the worst of me as I've seen him. We've created love and life, and I'm so excited to share the news with him.

"Edward," I whisper. His eyes meet mine and the scruff on his chin tickles my belly.

I run my hand down the side of his face softly, feeling overwhelmed by him as tears gather in my eyes.

"I'm pregnant."

His lips meet my own as we come together. It's been the most amazing ten years of my life, and I can't wait to see what the next ten hold.

_** ~*~*~ And They Lived Happily Ever After ~*~*~**_


End file.
